One day my heart felt heavy so I set it down. Then I lost it, someone stole it because it was made of gold. Yours looks heavy, can I borrow a piece? I'll return it when I find mine.
When Diamond Tiara wants something, she expects to have it before she’s finished saying she does. Don’t you know that’s how it always works? She’s never wrong and everything always goes her way or else.
Silver Spoon’s lateness for a teenage girl’s day out obliterates that reality turning it up… side… down.
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There is always someone who is better than you, and there is always someone who is worse than you in something.
© what kind of guy
This story is more subtle than it first appears, and I think the message I get from it isn't quite what the author intended.
I went into this expecting yet another, heavy-handed Very Special Episode but there's a bit of a Twilight Zone quality to what happens. While Diamond is ultimately the cause of her own anguish, she's not the only one who suffers. Yes, her actions resulted in the death of her admirer, but unusually for this sort of story...Silver Spoon, who did nothing wrong, suffers far more than "the bad guy" and dies for what Diamond did. In this story...the villain lives.
The title mentions karma, but this story delivers a more nuanced view of karma than simply "what you do to others will be done to you." If you throw a stone into a lake, the result of that isn't a stone being thrown back at you. The result is ripples in the lake. Suppose an abusive, alcoholic feather beats their child. Will that abusive, alcoholic father be beaten themselves? No...it's the other way around. Beating an innocent child tends to produce an adult who follows that lesson and beats their innocent child.
Karma isn't always the "direct justice" that we might prefer it to be. And this story seems to acknowlege that. The message isn't "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" so much as "if you're a jerk... everybody loses." It's a smarter lesson.
At the same time, there's a second message: "Appreciate what you value." The beginning makes it clear that Diamond doesn't treat Silver Spoon very well. But the ending makes it clear that she does value her, and feels loss from her death. The author tries to present this as "I now know what it's like to be bullied, maybe I won't be a bully anymore" but that's not really the message being delivered. Diamond Tiara is never bullied in this story. She isn't shown what it's like to be on the receiving end of what she dishes out. Rather, she mistreats someone who loves her...and she loses them.
The message delivered by the ending isn't "don't be a bully because it hurts people." The message is be nice to your friends or through your own actions, you may lose them.
...ahh. So rather than yet another one-dimensional "let's deliver the social justice message!" story, what's going on here is that the author is pouring their actual heart and soul into a story. Presumably that's why there's more nuance and subtlety here. The heart is a lot more complex than empty platitudes.
@Element of Malice: I don't know. I'm just going to try to tell you the truth. I'm going to guess that I'm a little older than you are. My generation has failed your generation, but not for any of the reasons your generation usually whines about. Reality isn't always kind, and unfortunately, to my eyes the current generation was raised in a padded room kept away from harsh realities in a possibly well-intentioned, but definitely misguided effort to "protect." Bullying isn't a new phenomenon, even if the internet gives bullies better tools to do it with while simultaneously enabling them to keep themselves safe from the reprisal of those they try to harm.
At itscore, "humans being mean to each other" is a phenomenon that happens at every level and scale. Look at the world stage. Murder and death and genocide...these things happen. They don't only happen because for complicated reasons of politics. At the core of every atrocity, there are individual people who give the orders and people who willingly carry them out. Behind every mass-murderer, behind every solider "just following orders" and every general who issued those orders, there was a child who grew up to become that adult. And that child probably interacted with other children on the playground. Maybe became a middle-manager who enjoys having power over the people they manage. Maybe beats their wife. Maybe kicks their dog and enjoys withholding food until it submits. Those who derive pleasure from harming or controlling others exist at every earthly level of experience.
They won't understand. And trying to teach them is unlikely to be productive. Some people are predators. Imagine a deer standing over the half-eaten body of another deer, asking what it will take for the wolves to "understand" the plight of the deer? It's not a productive question. Predators harm others because it sustains them. Behind a cyberbully there may be tragic backstory...there may be a why behind what they do, but at the end of the day, most of them do what they do because it benefits them in some way. Emotionally, psychologically, they feed off of it.
Do they think others exist only for their satisfaction? Well...you tell me, what does a wolf think the purpose of a deer is? Does the wolf perceive the deer as an equal other with thoughts and feelings? No, they think it's delicious food and want to eat it.
Now, I suppose I will caution you...dehumanizing them and thinking of them as animals fit only for destruction is the path that leads to becoming one of them. If you don't desire to become the oppressor, it may serve you to keep that in mind. But it's ok for a deer to smash the face of the wolf that's trying to eat it, and maybe the message you need to hear right now is that it's not helpful for the deer to be asking about the feelings of the wolf trying to eat it, or to try to emphasize with it's feelings. In a kinder world, yes if a pony hurts another pony and the injured pony says "hey, you hurt me. I don't want to be hurt, I want to hug and be friends" yes, in that kinder world that's a healthy reaction. But if you're a deer being hunted by a wolf...that strategy is not going to end well.
Yes.
This is correct.
Why would a wolf "care" about a deer? It's food. When you sit down to breakfast, do you contemplate the remote repercussions of eating? If you eat a slice of bacon, do you think about the pigs "somewhere far away" being led to a slaughterhouse? No, probably not. More likely you think, "this is delicious." And yes, that's what these people are thinking: "your tears are delicious" to them.
Is that nice? No. Is that how I would prefer it to be? Probably not. But that's how it is. Your situation is unlikely to improve until you understand it.
Well, that's up to you. Like you say, I don't know who you are. I can only deduce and infer from your story and your notes and your blogs and the number of stories you've written with suicide and tragedy tags.
And...I've committed to telling you the truth...so, I will acknowledge that if you kill yourself, it won't particularly affect me, and people on this board are unlikely to ever even find out about it. Life will go on.
So, that being said...it's up to you. What do you want? Do you want to be dead? If you want to be dead, then all the people showering you with useless platitudes and "regurgitating the same message" and telling you "other people will be sad" ...all of those people are useless assholes trying to manipulate and guilt trip you into doing what they want. "You're a bad person if you don't think of those other people." Do you see the manipulation? Do you see the guilt they're trying to burden you with?
Some of them don't know any better and are simply repeating something they heard somewhere or another. And others are using your pain as a vehicle to make themslves feel good about themselves. "Oh, I told somebody not to kill themselves! What a good person I am, here pat me on the back!"
Ignore those people. Tell them to piss off. They're not helping you.
The question here is, what do you want?
If your heart's true desire is to leave...I genuinely believe that god, the universe...will not hold it against you if you choose to leave. I certainly won't hold it against you. I offer no forgiveness because there is nothing to forgive.
Humor me. Imagine for just a moment that you did kill yourself. And imagine that Princess Celestia were to receive you in the afterlife. Do you think she'd be angry at you? Do you think she'd admonish you or guilt-trip you for not thinking about others?
No.
She would hug you. She would comfort you and make the hurt go away. She would wrap you up in her wings and nuzzle you and apologize that the lessons of your life were so difficult.
Let that sink in for a moment.
You're free to choose. Your choices are your own. And the consequences of your actions are yours to bear. What do you want? If you want to be dead, then I release you from all guilt. It's ok if you do what's best for you.
But if what you really want is for things to be better...then being dead probably isn't going to make things better.
A deer faces a choice. If he gives in to the wolf, then he dies and the wolf becomes stronger. But that's not his only option. He can run. He can stand and fight. He can join a herd and if the herd is strong enough, the wolf may seek easier prey. He can give in to rage and become the oppressor.
A deer has many choices. I offer no judgement. You're the one who has to live your life and deal with the consequences, not me. This is up to you.
What do you want?
Whatever it is, I recommend you choose that.
The idea of others regurgitating the same speech of telling someone not to kill themself might be genuine for some people.
11197049
Putting it in the bluntest way possible “We all die.” It’s scary for most hear, but there’s no avoiding it.
11196903
Thank you for the deep insight. I’ll have to read it a few times over for me to get the full message.
I liked your analogy with the deer. If I might add, suppose the deer species managed to free themselves from the terror of the wolves. Great joy of their demise would follow but only for a short time. Within a few generations the deer population would have grown so much, without the wolves hunting them, that food now has become scarce. In the long run they would only have themselves to blame. I suppose that’s probably what happened when this generation was put in a “padded room.” If only those walls broke down to show everyone that what’s important to them, (instant gratification) isn’t as important as they want it to be. I see myself as one of the deer thinking, if only there were more wolves in this world, at least we could make the choice to run or fight or submit. while being told by the older generation, “At least you don’t have to run or hide from wolves.” That’s not the problem anymore and they should know that.
I’d also like to add my own analogy:
You’re in a room with 17 others (18 in total) half of you are poisoned the other half is not. The antidote will be administered to everyone present. If anybody leaves the room nobody gets it. For those who have not been poisoned the antidote will kill them.
In a situation like this, no matter what I say (I’m a real wallflower) there’s a strong chance that my choice will be determined by… between one or all seventeen other individuals. But personally I’d choose to stay in the room if I wasn’t poisoned and leave if I was. I’d rather die than live with the guilt of knowing I could have saved someone else.
Well… yes and no. Remember Diamond Tiara was about to stand and fight the against advisories that had taken Silver Spoon, confident in her abilities to succeed only to be greeted by a mirror. I was hoping for something like: “I’d have never said what I did had I known it was my friend.” Or something similar to that nature. If you say something to a complete stranger at least acknowledge to yourself first, before you view them as the worst, that that they are different and you know nothing about them. Who knows, they might be the best person you ever meet.
It’s hard to know how much I’m really hurting or what I’m feeling when I’m so numb inside that suicidal thoughts don’t bother me. Though, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was envious over the characters I killed (or attempted to kill) in my stories. I wish I found myself in a situation like theirs.
11197128
That is true; but there are some people that sincerely mean it. With all the technology humans have, sometimes messages may not come out as planned. For example if I attempted to message someone; it could be thought of as stalking even if I truly wanted to help
11197170
With every online post I make, that is my biggest worry. Words on a screen lack any body/vocal language and that’s half (or more) of what’s required in proper communication.
11196903
I know how selfish this will sound, but if it’s not too much trouble, it would nice to see what you had to say about my other completed short stories.
you saw things in this one worth talk about that even I didn’t see. I wonder what else I don’t know about myself that you could bring to light.
Again I know it’s selfish as I can offer nothing in return, so I’ll understand if you declined my request.
11197869
Sure, I can read a few others. Here's the deal though: I'll tell you what I really think, not what I think you want to hear.
Fair?
11197931
Wouldn’t have it any other way. I can take some friendly criticism.
Chills, man. Literal chills.
Tiara’s train of thought is... so infuriating and it makes me furious. Never have I wanted to punch a fictional character so much. So kudos on that.
Amazing work, Element. Into ‘Heartstrings’ this goes!
11236206
My goal for this story was: ‘what is the worst possible thing I could do to Diamond Tiara and have her learn something from it.’
11236217
And I believe you just achieved that goal. In the span of one conversation, Tiara went from ‘I’m mightier than a queen and everyone else is a filthy insect’ to ‘I just killed my best friend.’