Finals had just finished up at the School of Friendship, which meant that the weekend was wide-open for the relieved students on campus. However, since the recent actions of Cozy Glow still lingered guilt across the student body, a group of students decided to take take advantage of their newfound freedom with a gracious visit. They were hoping to find the Student Six in their dorm rooms so they could present a thoughtful gift, and some much-needed apologies for their involvement with the sadistic filly. Unfortunately, the group were only met with Smolder when they tried to state their case.
And to make matters worse, the dragon did not seem too keen on accepting their forgiveness right off the bat.
Can Turquoise and her friends manage to break through Smolder's gruff exterior and prove their atonement? Or is there a deeper reason for the dragoness' resistance to their claims?
[NOTE: This story contains some coarse language, including a few slurs here and there, so reader discretion is advised. I meant to publish this story for Pride Month, but I'm really happy to have written this and break out of my writing slog.]
Oh wow, I didn't saw that twist at the end coming, well played!
Really wanted to hug sweet dragon girl after that!
EDIT : Congrats on getting this story featured, totally deserves it!
see now this is how you do an accusation fic, none of that edgy "I AM THE VANGUARD OF YOUR DESTRUCTION"/"OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER" trite, just pure, unabashed karma with a great twist - callout fic writers take note
10/10 m8, beautifully crafted
I mean, at least their OCs(at least I think they are, I really don’t pay attention to the side characters already), so it’s not exactly unwarranted character bashing with heavy karma.
Either way, I love this. Turquoise and her posse got what they deserved.
Two different plot twists. I love it! I really hope this story goes viral and isn’t overlooked on this site.
As my mother once said, "Sorry means 'I know what I did wrong and I promise not to do it again.'"
Sorry means saying that you know how your hurt someone and you'll make the effort into healing that. Putting a metaphorical bandaid will not stop a gushing wound. A cake and some honey words cannot heal being treated like dirt.
I honestly felt like this was something that should’ve been brought to light, because this was something I’ve wondered a lot. How many times have we heard a villain apology and not mean it? Not just in mlp but in general. Discord, Sunset, Starlight, Tempest, etc. I know it sounds like I’m thinking too deep about this, but it’s just a thought.
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Two?
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Wow, that’s deep.
Hell to the yeah.
DAMN!!! Nice one Ocellus! Was not expecting that plot twist at the end. I always love reading stories where privileged or snobby people/ponies do terrible things, then act they did nothing wrong, but then get b****-slapped with the truth, and are forced to deal with it themselves. Honestly, I kinda wanted to see reactions from the rest of the Young Six, see how they were hurt cause of this. Also, since Changelings feed off of emotions, does that mean Ocellus always knew how horrible they were? Like were their emotions like poison to her, the opposite of how love is like a delicious meal? ALSO imagine what would happen if the leaders of the other nations found out about this. I'm expecting a 6 Vs 4 battle against those four A*******.
THanks to media in general, I ended up believing that "Forgiveness = Reconciliation". It takes more than a simple sorry to do that.
Also, people thinks forgiven means you are free of consequences and take advantage of someone's leniency whether they know or not.
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Yeah I always believe you have to do what you can to make it right.
good shit
well done color text, which, like, is not a common thing haha
nice pride fic happy pride nb ocellus stays winning
You go smolder
Ocellus Will NOT tolerate or forgive anyone who makes their partner cry. I love relationships like that.
Wow, I can't say nothing but.... amazing story. It is a story with morals that many can relate and few have the abilities to accomplish in life.
There's the true color of her personality
A voice recording device nice it's always good to have
This was very well-done. Plenty of buildup to the first big twist of the story, and then that second one swoops in... but it works so well too.
Way to go, Ocellus. They did right, standing up for poor Smolder like that...
Sorry for Party Rocking.
Ocellus needs to get a degree in acting. I did not see that coming.
This was a pretty damn cathartically satisfying read.
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That the apology was insincere and that Smolder wasn't actually Smolder
I adored the subversion of the apology trope, a trope that FiM -- and especially Equestria Girls -- are guilty of.
In retrospect, this line should have cued me in to where you heading. When I read this, I noticed it reeked of "nice guy/gal syndrome". Quote Twilight Sparkle all you'd like, but "sincere" apologies are freely given by the guilty party with no strings attached, not even the string that the offended party will accept the apology. As bystanders we might hope the injured party accepts a sincere apology ... but how can we expect it of them, on the perpetrator's terms? Maybe there is virtue in adopting Twilight's words ourselves, choosing to accept apologies by those who hurt us. But what right do we have to push that virtue (if there is any) on others? At that point, do we need an apology at all?
Is there virtue in choosing to forgive even those who hurt us and do not apologize (sincerely or otherwise)? Maybe there is, maybe not. But again, it's easy to preach that standard when we are not wronged, and problematic at the least to demand that the wronged uphold that standard to which we might hold ourselves (and depending on the context: misogynist, anti-LGBT, colonial, etc).
This story raises some interesting questions, and both Smolder and Ocellus are fascinating characters here. Thank you for this.
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Oh ok
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Wow, I thought I was thinking deep, but you outclassed me.
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True.
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What do you mean by that?
Jeez. I never wanted to punt a pony like a football before now.
Not even Cozy or Flim and Flam.
hey Ocellus?
did your brain fall out of your ass today?
those four twat-hatches broke the rules, not once but several times
you either have an idiot ball glued to your horn, or you're being stupendously merciful to those bints by not sending a copy of that tape to Twilight promptly
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Assuming that isn’t what happened with one of the aforementioned copies already
It's a promising story other than the details. Keep at it!
The spoilers of this comment discuss uncensored slurs.
The story is compromised by the writing quality. In terms of formatting, it should use less boldface, little to no all-caps, and generally no enlarged or colored text; these fancies should be reserved for representing in-story written text such as signs or letters. Italics are okay in moderation. The actual grammar and syntax are serviceable, but there is a definite informality that damages the gravitas of the scenario.
The general trend of Ocellus using mimicry as a force of good is as welcome here as in most applicable stories, although there is little hint of said mimicry until the abrupt pronoun switch shortly before reverting, whereas the insincere apology is rather clear from the jump. There's no need to put too much effort into hiding both the mimicry AND the insincerity of the apology, and by doing so, these things compete with one another for attention as the story unfolds. That said, Ocellus did not have much time in the show to develop a detailed personality so placing these hints may be difficult to begin with.
The recordings of the bullies are campy and come across like a 90s anti-bullying PSA. This is partially because their existence is not sufficiently explained, and Ocellus is able to seek to the exact right spot a bit handily, so they seem like a convenient contrivance; but it is also partially because they are cartoonishly on the nose. The points upon which the characters are bullied are (mostly) new from the perspective of the original show, and there are too many characters speaking in the space allotted, so the pace of covering necessary information is quite hectic. There's no need for every single bully to chime in on each character; having one do the talking while the others go "yeaaah!" and say little more than slurs, alternating which of them is the prime talker for each target, would be more fluid and perhaps more believable as well.
I consider "no one sees Smolder cry" to be a vital part of Smolder's character and it is appreciable here. However, Ocellus is not angry enough, especially when blasting "that lizard dyke" on loop. Speaking of which, I would suggest a mild change in that only the word "dyke" should be looped as the entire phrase is silly in isolation and the insult that readers will empathize with is not "lizard".
The introduction of queer aspects to the characters (besides Smolder) threatens the immersion, as does entertaining Silverstream's naivete as a potential intellectual disability. This might not be the case were the other Students more present within the narrative as it works out just fine for Smolder. Since the recordings cannot feature them, my solution would be for Ocellus to take a paragraph or two to think to herself about each of the Students as their points of insult are brought up; e.g. she remembers Silverstream becoming very upset and calling herself an idiot when she had trouble understanding something. Since Ocellus and Smolder are the last two insulted, the finale can proceed as it is with no risk to the central deception.
Gallus's point of insult is racially profiling him as a thief and an asshole. The issue is that the show indicates that all griffons including Gallus really are thieves and/or assholes; this unfortunately damages any fics that attempt to address the matter. I would suggest instead that they know about his (canonical) claustrophobia and think he's a sissy / "faggot", joking about locking him in a closet. This will avoid that issue and should be readily accepted by any reader familiar with the Students in the show.
Anyway. I hope to see more stories of the Students being nice to each other. I have no idea why their stories are usually so much better than the typical FIMFiction but they're fascinating.
Especially all those horrible words that you said you cannot take those back
Whoa ok to be honest I did not see that coming but very good so apparently those four ponies went to talk with smolder and try to apologize for what happened during cozy glow take over and they even brought a present for her but smolder can see through their little BS apology but before they could explain that she grabbed one of the voice recording and let then listen of their conversation apparently smolder has been recording now just in case if they try to say something to them and wow that is horrible things to say about them and basically they were just trying to get brownie points just to hang out at the treehouse and try to take their stuff once again they tried to apologize for real but smolder tell them they're not sorry the only thing they only sorry for it is they got caught and she told him to stay away from her and her friends and once they left she return back to the room only hearing a cry and shocking enough it was smolder who was crying and the one who was talking to those ponies was actually Ocellus in disguise which wow Whoever thought that she could be very tough but she did told her that everything is done and they will never bother them ever again but still I wonder what the rest of her friends thinks about those ponies who talk behind but behind their backs either way this was a pretty nice story keep all the good work
Okay, that was such a satisfying no-punches pull read, and the twist at the end added to the flavour.
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Honestly After the twist, I thought the 'recordings' were a changeling voice mimicry trick of what Ocellus remembered hearing.
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Yeah, if the story made something like that more explicit it could work, but Ocellus would need to be a ventriloquist in addition to a mimic. It's feasible, though.
well, there's someone who wrote ugly school experiences from their soul ...
I didn't even say "Oh s*** i'm sorry." yet.
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Wait, what rules did they break?
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You’re not wrong.
It really hits the emotions.
Yay for a big comment of black box.
11289079 "although there is little hint of said mimicry..."
Funny you should think that, as I suspected it was Ocellus as Smolder from very early into the story. Starting with the line "Because there are a lot of things..." the dialogue just didn't fit Smolder, but felt exactly like Ocellus to the point I was having difficulty not just envisioning Ocellus. The way they suspiciously kept the door closed had me searching for a deeper situation. The only time I questioned if it might actually be Smolder was when they said "Oh, I wasn't the one..." and then suggested it was Ocellus who did so.
Gotta say, I understand where the pain is coming from on Smolder's and Ocellus' part. I've had to help friends cope with bullying, alongside being targeted to the point of tears, including insincere, half-assed "I'm sorry" when it's forced out of their mouths to save face. I'm not asking if you, the author, experienced targeted bullying too. Just, wherever you drew it from, I understand.
Coming from someone who had anger issues and was bullied in middle and high school, I can relate to Smolder in this. I was too scared to act on it, but I was called every derogatory term for someone who was weird and random, had a learning disability, and acted slightly girly because I was raised in a house with three little sisters. I had some good friends, but It still hurt.
Some heated reactions in the comments. Understandable, with that kind of topic. But hey, at least it stays civil so far.
I'm going to play a little bit of 'devil's advocate' here. I'm not about to defend the four perpetrators. Screw them, honestly. But I'm worried about Smolder/Ocellus here. The reaction of lashing out is more than understandable. And for many, I assume it feels... satisfying. Yeah, you show those bullies! Whoop whoop. But they are trying a very dangerous balancing act here, and honestly, it might already have failed. When retorting to such behavior, it's easy to fall into the same trap and just... become that what you have suffered.
Take a step back and look at their approach here. Yes, they were smart enough to make that recording in public, where it's legal. What did they use it for, though? They did not turn to Starlight, Twilight, or any other authority. They held that information back. Why? What for? Because to me, it looks like blackmail. Held back for exactly that.
And at that point, there's two issues. First off, blackmailing others isn't exactly 'decent behavior' either, is it now? No matter how satisfying this turn of events might feel - it's still wrong. And secondly... it will help them. It will keep those four off their backs. Nice. Congrats. And years down the line, how likely do you think it is that these four learned anything by being caught once? By being shocked and their ploy discovered? Because it's just that. A single instance they can hush up.
The - in my opinion, obviously - 'correct' way to react would have been to immediately give these recordings to Starlight and Twilight. The former so she can actually start addressing the issue, and the latter to let her know what kind of ponies she harbors in her school and so that she can decide if she's willing to continue harboring them. (Honestly, knowing Twilight, she will never give up on a single pony, a young one especially. So long as it's not another Cozy Glow.)
Right now, they have blackmail and those four will keep away. But those four don't have any reason to change at heart. Starlight and Twilight have the means to, let's say, make them change.
Now, I'm not above what I said. I felt satisfied as well. It took me a couple of minutes thinking about the events to realize that, hey, wait, this is still wrong, isn't it?
And as a final note, I liked the romance a lot. It was just a side plot, but it was very endearing.
Thank you for writing!
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I can kind of see where you’re coming from, but I don’t know if I can 100% agree with that. I don’t think it for blackmail, it doesn’t seem in their character. Even if they were keeping it for blackmail purposes it doesn’t automatically make it bad.
As for giving the tapes to twilight and starlight, I would not recommend that. As a bullied victim I can 99% Guarantee they are gonna get a slap on the wrist.
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It's fine if you can't. That's what discussions are for.
So, let's talk.
First off, I agree that it doesn't seem in character for them to intentionally blackmail others. Totally agree there. Issue being: What else made them hold it back, then? I seriously have trouble imagining any other reason. And obviously, there had to be some kind of intention behind that decision, right?
And secondly, you got me curious. Under which circumstances is blackmail okay?
As an honest disclaimer here: I wasn't bullied. At least as far as I can remember/as far as I'm aware. I was an awkward loner and a little bit weird, maybe I was shunned, but I wasn't bullied. Every time someone tells horror stories from their time in school, I find yet another reason to be glad that my school was a really nice, really decent place. (Again: As far as I'm aware.)
But honestly, I'm not even sure if either of those factoids matter much. Because we're talking about Starlight and Twilight here. It's not our school system. These are not our teachers. And the dreaded 'mild slap on the wrist' is something I cannot imagine they would let them get away with. With all they have been through, all they have witnessed and learned, I cannot imagine either of them not taking this seriously.
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Well, they never said that they would keep the copies. They said that they have extra copies and that if they bothered their friends expulsion would be the least of their worries hinting that they would do something themselves. As blackmail being okay, I’ve read a lot of fanfics and some of them involve blackmailing someone to get them to stop doing a bad act. You can’t just focus on the act you also have to focus on the intentions. While blackmail itself is wrong from a legal standpoint thee are different variables you have to keep in mind like intentions and goals.
True, you do have a point about it not being our teachers and school system and they might take it serious, but we also have to keep in mind that at this point in time way worse has happened. Think about all the villains they’ve encountered. Most of them are either running around free or dead. Plus, it also depends on your definition of a slap on the wrist.