Love is shared, Thorax and the changelings are freed, Chrysalis is defeated, and alls well that ends well. But Twilight isn't Celestia. An escaping villain should be chased down. In pursuit of chrysalis however, Twilight is surprised to uncover the truth of who the queen really is, and learns a little of the truth of politics in the process.
A personal twist on the season 6 finale, inspired by watching said finale, listening to my brother complain about it, and pondering how I would have structured the story differently. Less a "Fix" and more a "what would I do if I ran the zoo?"
Chapters (1)
What do you mean by that?
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There's a Dr. Seuss book called "If I ran the zoo". Also one called "If I ran the circus". I tend to use 'if I ran the zoo' as shorthand to mean "If I were in charge of something", in this case, if I were responsible for rewriting the plot beats of the season 6 finale, this is what I would produce.
A bit goofy and slightly ooc, but I appreciate it none-the-less. I do feel that we never get a full insight into Chrysalis and I feel she absolutely could have been reformed without going pastel. Heck, after slapping Starlight's hoof and running away, she basically went insane. And what did they do to her? Put her in stone. Awful resolution. Even the comics didn't help much. I can't help but feel for her. Driven to the brink by trying everything she knew how to keep the hive going and it never works. Then Thorax comes and just flips everything she knows on it's head and her entire hive 'betrays' her. I don't feel this is the best outcome, but it's better than what official media gave her.
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The resolution really is disappointing. It feels like a serious betrayal of the shows intended themes for it to consign even one villain to "they are awful seal them in rock forever lol" let alone three. And that vibe you describe is a big part of why I wrote this. The idea of exploring why these things happened, and how they would have played out with a deeper world around them. In regards to OOC, I agree and it was definitely intentional, cause I thought it would be interesting if the answer for a lot of the weird writing around her was due to her being out of her depth and desperate, which led to some silly stuff like the idea of all the queens being identical so that I could write her as Thorax's peer rather than mom.
Chrysalis does not understand that her title sounds more solid and cooler than "princess"?
an oddly good blend of crack and serious
is nice
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Well you gotta understand that in Equestria, Princess has been the single coolest title around for over a thousand years of cultural development! Like, if we had an undying ruler who called himself 'Mayor' and shaped our lives for generations, Mayor would probably be a pretty damn cool title to us~.
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I always endeavor to include comedy with my heavy emotionality. I find the right blend makes both all the tastier. Thank you for reading!
Finally, a pony who thinks that letting Chrysalis escape was a stupid move. Littleshy did it much better in Everything is Wrong With To Where and Back Again Part 2 than the show did.
Good story
I (mostly) adore this. Plenty of cartoon villains are actually losers trying their best, and I think Chrysalis can fit into that role well.
Criticisms:
Give your text another pass. I noticed several proper nouns lacking capitalization, and at least one instance of improper quotes on multi-paragraph dialogue.
Celestia's comment about the chip in Twilight's head violently tore me from the narrative, along with the seeming truth that she's spying on Twilight. Seriously, get rid of that and I'd call this perfect aside from the few grammatical mistakes.
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Whoops. Proper capitalization is one of my bugbears. I'll give it a careful comb.
Also yeah, the chip joke is definitely the silliest thing in there that isn't directly labeled "property of I. Zim", and is directly the result of me wanting Celestia to deliver the "Sometimes being a ruler means screwing up" speech, but having zero idea on how to get her into the scene and up-to-speed in any reasonable way. When I encounter a problem like that, my first answer tends to be to crank the silly dial until the problem resolves itself, but the mixture of comedy to drama is very volatile and I agree it's a little off for the scene to have both 'graceful wisdom on the chains of power' Celestia and 'Twilight, are you using both of your kidney's at the moment?' Celestia within a few lines of each other.
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In this instance, I would have Celestia be present in the room but "off screen," and add a short paragraph saying "Chrysalis timidly repeated her thought process to everyone," but, you know, not in such a simple and blunt manner. Then Celestia walks up and does her thing.
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Yeah, that has the right shape to it.
Writing comedy and serious story together in the same bucket is one of my larger ambitions, so I really appreciate the feedback on the matter.
Excellent story. Short, funny, and with heart. Well done!
Honestly. I like this. The little jokes like the pheromone district and changeling colosseum were great and Rarity hating the new look of the changelings while liking the old motif were great. "I knew it" I can practically hear it! While I did think Chrysalis calling herself stupid a lot was a little much it did fit with the story. I also love the Invader Zim reference, and Thorax and Chrysalis arguing over who is tallest.
Sweet, concise, and very funny. I liked it.
Yes. You have achieved every little Chrysalisisesses' dream. Growing up to be a pretty pretty princess bug. Congratulations.
Also, I love the sort of background insinuation that Chrysalis' super sinister, multi-toned voice is actually the Royal Changeling Voice, and not everyday Chrysalis. Luna would approve, I think!
I'm sorry I have to say this but Chrysalis is the strongest change lanes not only did he beat Celestia She was pretty much going to win against starlight if the calorie did not come no one has beaded her in the 101 fight and Twilight is not the best fighter. Twilight is not giving when the one combat
This whole passage just sounds like a D&D campaign.
I can honestly say I’ve not come across a story that painted Chrysalis like this so it was quite refreshing. Comedy was also spot on for a lot of it.
Fun fact. The person who invented gothic architecture had their own word to describe it. Gloomth.
Alliance, actually.
In any case, wonderfully novel take on Chryssy. I've suspected similar elements—ruling only for a short time, not nearly as bright as she appears, magnocracy in more species than just changelings—but seeing a Chrysalis scrambling to fake it until she makes it is a fascinating angle I hadn't considered. Thank you for it, for Twilight doing what she does best, and for thumbing your nose at the myriad contrivances of the Season 6 finale.
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Eee! It means a lot to hear praise on those elements! the finale is definitely a story where like... I don't dislike it, but it feels like it doesn't concern itself at all with things that don't appear directly on screen, whether it be world design, character writing, or even the events of how things happen. Very brute-force "we have a plot point and it doesn't matter how many weasels it takes to get there", which I can respect professionally, but obviously found myself examining on my own creative workbench.
Equestria is best when it's unique aesthetic grounding doesn't disallow it from being a thought-out fantasy world.
(Also since I'm a sucker for fics about politics, I ought to note that I greatly enjoyed Noblesse Applige.)
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"Oh, I'd be glad to help. Right now you're feeling... concerned, a bit betrayed, both emotions struggling against your deeply ingrained hero worship... oh, and I'm reading a sharply rising spike of alarm as well!"
it's one of the more logical rational type things ive seen come out lately, constantly witty too. Ive missed this style
Hmm, I don't think that's really fair, to be honest. For one thing, in both those cases, what happened to them was the result of the use of the Elements and we've been given no reason to assume that the wielder(s) have any control over what happens to the target. Next, in terms of long-term effectiveness - well, with Discord, there was no reason to assume he'd ever escape from stone and we don't even know what the exact cause of his escape was - whether the CMC alone did it or it had just weakened over time or what. There was no way to know if he was even conscious while imprisoned. And with Luna, she didn't want her to be permanently... disposed of.
As for the morality, leaving aside the always-contentious issue of redemption and how the show handled it... well, to be honest, that sounds more than a little 'Captain Hindsight'. It's fine to say he's capable of redemption after it happens, but when she first faced him, he was the ruler of the world and the tormentor of everyone in it and he was fully capable of turning her inside out the moment he thought she was a genuine threat. I... really don't think she can be blamed for trying to remove him as a threat. Plus, to be blunt, it wasn't like Twilight hesitated to re-petrifty him in their first encounter. And Luna, she actually wanted redeemed, she just wasn't capable of it, that much is pretty clear.
In fact, to be honest, those two examples discounted, I'm having a hard time thinking of another threat that Celestia "put off for later" in the way described. Most of the others either escaped her grasp to become later problems on their own (Sombra, Starlight, etc...) or she did deal with in a way that was, if not permanent, then at least had the potential to be with proper upkeep (Tirek). Now Star Swirl, you could definitely make that case with, since his thought process seemed to be "shove it through the portal, job's a good'un!", but I don't know if Celestia's too guilty of that.
Anyway, sorry for the long diatribe, but that bit kind of stuck out to me.
*Citation needed.
Overall, a fun little attempt to straighten out the mess that was the original story, but... well, I can't help but thinking that if someone in authority on the show knew how stupid their villain was and how contrived her victories had to be... well, it probably wouldn't have become a problem that needs fixing in the first place, as opposed to just making her actually a credible threat.
Personally, the theory I've been working with for a long time is that Changelings can naturally exude a field of mental magic that makes ponies and other creatures around them or who look at them less observant, dulling their part of their minds just a little - a useful adaptation for an infiltrator species - and that the field of a queen like Chrysalis is so powerful that it literally makes ponies stupid and may possibly affect herself and her other changelings as well. Admittedly, that's partially to make fun of them, but it's also frankly the only way I can square things.
I loved this alternate take on events and their consequences. Nicely done.
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Very fair thought! I think overall that's heavily colored by me taking meta pot-shots at the shows overall handling of redemption, but if I were to try to defend it harder, I would argue that in context, Twilight is very much looking at it from both a hindsight perspective and without Celestia's own perspective. Actually, it might be interesting to write something expanding on Celestia's view of those events. Something exploring how she feels about the larger shape of such things.
If I were pressed on it, I would argue that it should be Twilight's larger character arc over the entire show to grow to understand the nature of redemption, starting out ready to blast someone like Discord, and ending the show ready to try talking down someone who's completely off their gourd... but this is just starting to turn into me complaining about the lack of cohesive theme over a decade-long show, which is a drum I'll beat all day if I'm allowed.
I always thought that the redemption of the changelings itself was terrible writing. For however many millennia changelings existed, not one single changeling ever tried to share love even once until Thorax? Seems kind of sus when the answer to their food problem was not only easy, but an obvious potential solution to try.
And the changelings DO look terrible in their new colors, but the sheer fact that the show writers literally pulled a Mormonism and forced them to stop being black to be accepted kind of sucks regardless of the increased marketability of the new changeling designs.
The End.
The Bugpone has a point though...
What?
I was about to say the same thing.
Sounds like fun!
And I bet the changelings also had fun settings everything up.
Many fans had agreed with that. But I think most of them came around.
Close enough.
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
This explains so much!
Seriously, this is quite a fun story. So many fixfics take a mean-spirited approach, and it's refreshing to read a positive and funny one!
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Thank you very much! That's exactly the spirit I wanted to write it in, and I'm really glad it worked!
This story took a funny and interesting twist on the concept.
I prefer this to the actual ending of Chrysalis and all. Actually fantastic.
This was a wonderful read!
Chrissy, the bug princess!
This was so good, it would be cool if the show did something like this.
Thanks for the awesome fic!
You know, for a moment I felt that Chrysalis’s mother dying in a mere cave-in after being supposedly so badass was a bit of a letdown, but then I reconsidered. For one, it makes a certain dark sense that it would take a dumb accident to kill her because any actual enemy she could probably have handled...and for another point, being the daughter to such a royal prodigy yet not measuring up to the same lofty standards because genetics is a cruel mistress that way could easily give just about anyone complexes like this present-day Chrysalis is showing here. So on reflection that detail actually makes perfect sense.
This is great! Twilight has to convince Chrysalis that she's not incompetent and suddenly, she's queen again! So I guess (this version of) the changeling kingdom and Equestria are both diarchies, huh?
Oh you fool, you've created a wonderful concept and a good story, you better follow up with a sequel or everyone will be SORELY disappointed. And you wouldn't want THAT on your conscious now would you?
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Fufufu... I actually already have an idea for one. I should get cracking on it instead of staring at the several other half assembled stories in my docs. After all, why look at those when I can add a new one to their number?!
Bug Biceps?
Y'know..... it bugged me for a long time that the changelings could never master impersonating other creatures. Yes, they could mimic the look and sound, but they never got the personalities right. Almost as if they were told to impersonate someone without any previous knowledge on who they were. If the changelings actually did their research, no one would be the wiser!
But having the hive run by someone incompetent, who can't make plans to save her life, or even act? It all makes sense. They have no plan, more just hopes and dreams and the barest ideas on what to do; and all being led by someone who is probably also along for the ride. Genius.
Okay so I'm actually getting weirdly emotional after reading this. It's just... Chrysalis's insecurities are so believable here, and Twilight's such a caring pony that even after everything her first instinct is to comfort her, and the fact that changeling society is apparently like the Irkens from Invader Zim...
I've held this pet hypothesis that the pony race is quasi-eusocial, due to the fact the population is female with few males, & the leadership is matriarchal in nature, of superior in height & intelligence, & longer life span in comparison to the rest of the ponies. But not entirely eusocial because each individual ponies have their are independent & posses unique personality, & the individual females are fertile. Question is, due to the lopsided ration between female & males, several females either form a harem around a single male. Or they have a rutting period, mate the male & females go on as independently from one another. There's a mother, but a father is a concept that doesn't exist in pony culture.
But the Changelings are ponies that have taken a step much closer to an eurosocial structure in their society.
Huh. Insecure Chrysalis is oddly adorable.
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So for Princesses we've got Sunbutt, Moonbutt, Lovebutt, Starbutt, and now Bugbutt.
Ooh, I really like this version of Chrysalis. I did like how Chrysalis previously was more, but that's simply because I like sassy characters. What you did to Chrysalis feels like what canon MLP did to DT, imo. Regardless, this was really good writing, I loved the story, overall!
Also, what was that about Twilight having a chip in her head? Lmao
Sweet Celestia this was fucking beautiful^^
I do say THE LAST FEW LINES...BOI GG G3T R3KT TIA
This matches my head-cannon for Chrissy, that the wedding was a seat-of-the-pants, target of opportunity item (and yes, Chrissy isn't an infiltrator but at least a decent actress) as the time away from Canterlot could explain the high&mighty princess attitude. [Of course, the main thing for Twilight is color, Cadence's is cyan, while Chrissy's is green).]
As for 'smart', well for a slip-dash operation, it was working until the monologue, not paying attention parts of the endgame, so ...
From a writing standpoint, think you should have started with the changed beginning as Starlight would be closer to that frame of mind (seeing as she had done the revenge tour in the previous finale).