Stage fright

I stared myself in the mirror while fidgeting with my bow-tie. I shift it slightly, but then it's too low... It'll give the impression that I'm too lazy and laid-back. I shifted it back up, but now it's too high. They'll think I'm some sort of snob. One final pull and push and it's finally just right, perfectly in place, giving off a formal yet elegant aura with a simple yet effective look.

I'm almost up. My heart beats fast, sweat is running down my forehead and we haven't even started yet. Okay just a few deep breaths… Still, it was hard to focus despite everything that was happening. I pulled away from the mirror nodding to myself before stepping out of the bathroom.

There was a group of ponies, they too were getting prepared for the performance. Some of them practiced with their instruments, while others were simply chatting with each-other. The velvet curtain hid the backstage area from the audience, who no doubt were already set and ready for the spectacle.

I looked like a lost orphan cat, catching quick glances at everyone around without knowing a single person in there. I tried interacting with them before this to see if I could calm my own nerves, but they all seemed too posh, and too full of themselves. They barely batted an eye to 'The Cello player from Ponyville' but that's almost to be expected when you're in Canterlot. I was surprised that Tempo Serene invited me to play at the Royal Opera House and despite my anxiousness, I came anyway.

Ignoring all the other ponies, I made my way over to the wooden bench where my Cello lay, leaning against one of the walls. Ever since my filly years, I played this thing obsessively to no end, loving every single second of it. Sitting right beside it was a familiar face hidden behind a pair of stylish purple glasses. My eyes immediately lit up, a wide smirk growing on my face as I approached.

"You came! Y-You actually came to see it!" I almost looked like a schoolgirl, with how much I pranced around the spot.

"Why wouldn't I?" Vinyl got up from her seat and stepped closer with wide arms, which I threw my body into while wrapping my hooves around her back. I could feel her soft coat as I pressed my head against the side of her cheek.

"You said you were busy! W-With the record company! You said you'd be out of town for the weekend!" I let go of the hug and pulled back to see her eye to eye, lifting her glasses to stare into her rose-colored eyes.

"Yeah well, I canceled that." She pressed her forehead against mine with closed eyes, holding onto me tight. "I couldn't leave you hanging like this."

I stepped away from our hug, staring at her for a second or two in silence just taking it all in. I was nervous before but for a second there, it felt like all my worries had been washed off me bringing me a fleeting moment of beautiful joy. She even canceled her appointment with the studio just to be here too...

"H-How do I look? Do I look good? Is my mane alright?" I took a few final checks, to be sure that everything was as it should be.

"You're fine Via. You don't gotta worry so much." Vinyl used her hoof to clean some dirt off my shoulder.

"But everypony will be watching and judging me, I have to look perfect. This is Canterlot we're talking about for Celestia's sake! And Chord Checker will be in the audience tonight! I have to impress him and Tempo Serene if I want a chance to join the orchestra!" I walked on the spot, my mind was racing and I had a million worries that plagued me. It was difficult to concentrate with so much going on in my head. I sat down on the wooden bench, and Vinyl sat by my side.

"I know this is your first time, but I also know you're an amazing Cello player. They'll love you, I'm sure of it." Vinyl's sweet warm smile gave me a place to rest, a kind of comfort amidst all the confusion and chaos going on around me.

"I suppose... You're right. I just have to trust my skills and do exactly as I practiced. Everything will be okay." I took deep breaths, and with Vinyl's reassurance I felt more ready than ever to tackle this on. But that's when my conductor approached. Tempo Serene was this old yet refined unicorn with a brilliant mustache that was as white as his slicked back mane. He also wore a black tuxedo, ready for the occasion.

"Miss Melody?" He spoke with his strained voice. I quickly stood up.

"Yes, sir?"

"As you're aware, our dear friend Chord Checker will be in the audience tonight. I expect you to perform your very best, not only for your sake, but also for your fellow orchestra members. I will also be judging you closely. Remember, this is your chance to be part of our renowned Orchestra. I choose you because you have potential... Don't make me regret it." He took a second to check his pocket watch, using his magic to float it into view.

"Yes I'm aware. I promise I won't let either of you down." I spoke with certainty, but it was a fraud. Despite my courageous persona, my legs were still trembling and so were my hooves. But if I trust my skills, I'll be fine. Just as I practiced.

"Yes. Now let's go. The show is about to begin." He excused himself and went on ahead.

I looked back at Vinyl, stepping closer and picking up my Cello.

"I'll be in the crowd, watching you. Okay?" She gave me one final tap on the shoulder. I nodded and followed the other musicians into the stage, climbing a small flight of stairs while holding my cello. The entrance was before me. I took one deep breath before finally stepping through.

I was immediately blinded by bright lights, it made me bring my hoof up to my face, covering my eyes and shielding them from luminosity. Once I looked around, I could finally see it. The large crowd. Rows upon rows of ponies sat with fixed eyes, they watched silently as we climbed on stage and prepared to perform. Ponies of the most high standing in Canterlot society, all gathered to enjoy our performance. It was as if their heavy gaze judged my every move.

I stared at the crowd, my heart beat fast, my knees were weak. For a second, I just froze and stood still. Gulping down while my eyes scanned the crowd. Once I noticed the other musicians had already set up, I rushed over and did the same, taking my spot on stage, right alongside a few other Cello players. They gave me some awkward side-glances. It was a deafening silence as we waited on the conductor's cue. I filled my chest with air yet again, standing upright and trying to hold back my fears. If I do as Vinyl said, I'll be fine. I looked down at my music sheet, the same one which I studied for hours on end in the last few days.

The conductor looked at the crowd, bowing down as they stomped their hooves on the ground. Once the audience had settled, he spoke loud and clear.

“Good night, every pony in the audience. We are the Starlight Symphony Orchestra. Tonight, we’ll be performing for you all.” Tempo Serene cleaned his throat. “Our starting piece will be ‘A lullaby for a princess’ . We hope you will all enjoy it.” He bowed as the audience stomped their hooves once again. He then turned around to face us.

The conductor tapped his hoof on the wooden stage, sending a clack that echoed along the curved walls of the Opera House. Using his magic, he held the baton high and prepared us for the start of the piece. In the meantime, I was scanning the audience. My eyes moved left and right, I spotted Vinyl on her seat. Her cream colored coat and blue streaked mane made it easy to spot among the black and white monotone Tuxedos and dresses that most of the other ponies were wearing.

She wasn't alone. As promised, Chord Checker was also in the audience. He had a small notepad by his side and my mind already began to wonder what he was going to be judging us based on — Or if he was already judging us and I just didn't know. It's best I straighten up my posture just in case. With a flick of the baton, the conductor began.

The first movement was in full action. The violins began playing, their steady yet harmonious sound were gracefully guided by the conductor, who was a master in his craft. After the Conductor's command, the woodwinds began playing. Their sweet and delicate tones added a layer of intricacy and emotion to this piece, and finally, it was our turn to begin. I quickly glanced back at the other Cello players, their bows ready and their minds focused on the task before them. I looked at my sheet and took one deep breath, and after the command of the Conductor, I began playing.

Just follow the sheet and do exactly as I practiced. At first, it was going well. I could feel the weight of my bow pressing against the strings, sliding along them and sending vibrations in a harmonious symphony alongside the other Cello players. For a second, I felt good. The feeling of playing those sweet notes, it was almost like an extension of my own body. But then, I opened my eyes and looked back at the crowd. Chord Checker was staring me dead on, writing something on his notepad.

It sent a sudden chill up my spine. That moment of freedom I felt on stage just a few seconds ago, now collapsed before me. He wasn't writing anything bad, was he? Am I not on tempo? Maybe I'm being too loud? Have I missed a note or two? My heart began beating faster and once again, I froze. Unable to move my bow or press my hoof against the strings of my Cello, just standing there on stage. Worse yet, I could see the conductor giving me side glances as if to urge me to keep going. Once that happened, I quickly tried to regain my footing.

I went back to playing, trying to catch up with the other instruments but I was unable to. I could perfectly read the music sheet before, but now it looked like a garbled mess of symbols and lines. That shouldn’t be an issue though. I practiced this many times, I could certainly play it off of memory. With sharp shallow breaths, I began thinking back to this same piece but it was useless. I was out of tune, my tempo was all over the place and worst yet, I could hear chatter.

The audience seemed to talk with each-other, whispering quietly among the insistent voice of my Cello, contrasted with the harmonious and soothing melody of the Flutes and clarinets, or the rich and vibrant hums of the violins. Even the brass section was doing a better job than I was. I could tell they were talking about me, I just wondered what exactly they were saying.

My eyes darted across the room, I could feel my heart beating on my throat as the realization began to set. At this point, I had completely ruined the opening movement, I barely had the strength to hold my Cello and press my hooves against the string, let alone focus on what I was actually playing. Every eye in the audience was locked on me, and even those on stage seemed to be annoyed.

A soft ringing in my ears began getting louder and louder, all the instruments and chatter mixing together... It was hard to handle everything. I could see the critic writing even more into his notepad, and that's when I snapped. I completely stopped playing once again but this time... I didn't have the strength to bring myself to play again. I stood on stage, trying to fight back the tears that were forming in my eyes as my mind raced with the million possibilities of how this night would end.

The orchestra had played through all of that, despite my antics, they had managed to stick through and play until the very end. Unlike me. I looked down at the wooden floor in shame, taking deep yet quick breaths. It was over. I was a disappointment.

The torture only ended once the conductor flicked his baton yet again, the movement coming to a close. But there were no hooves stomping on the ground. There was just silence. I was the first to run off stage, leaving my Cello behind as I rushed to the backstage bathroom, kicking the door close and locking it.

I stared at myself in the mirror, and by this point I couldn't hold it back. Rivers of tears began rolling down my cheeks. I tried to breathe, but even that was hard. I hid my face underneath my hooves, gasping and gagging on my own tears. It was difficult to hold back, despite my attempts. I'm glad I at least didn't break down in front of the whole audience, otherwise I would've been an even more pathetic failure.

I fell to the floor, my back pushed against the door, I just wanted to bury myself and hide until it all went away. For a few good minutes, all I thought about was just wanting everything around me to vanish. But I knew that wouldn't happen. Your problems can't just fade away like that no matter how much you wish for it. My dreams were ruined. I'd never get to play in a real orchestra, and even worse... I didn't embarrass just myself. I embarrassed every pony that played with me that night.

But in this darkness of confusion and sadness, one shining beacon of light came to me at a time of need. I could hear her muffled voice behind the door as she knocked intensely on it.

"Via! Are you in there!?" Vinyl kept on knocking. "Via!"

"Go away! I don't even want to show my face out there! That performance was dreadful!" I spoke between gasps for air and light sobbing.

"You can't stay in hiding forever. The next piece will be starting soon!" She reasoned, but I didn't agree.

"It's best if I don't play at all! That way I won't embarrass any of them, or myself! I'm ruined after this!" It felt like my whole world had fallen before me. After this, I'd never have a chance to play at any reputable orchestra ever again. I could hear Vinyl sighing from the other side of the door.

"Via... Do you remember my first show? You were there weren't you?" Vinyl's first show... I did remember it.

"Yeah... I remember how the crowd booed you, criticized you for your mixing and your song selection..." I lifted my head, taking one deep breath.

"Even with all that, what did I do?"

"You just kept going. And then... When you got into it, every pony started loving it." Lifting myself off the floor, I took another glance at my reflection in the mirror. A poor, confused mare stared back, tears running down her cheeks.

"And do you know why I managed to pull through?" Her tone shifted, she seemed more calm and gentle. I reached for the door and finally unlocked it, able to see Vinyl once again. Her glistening Rose eyes were flooded with tears, but she hadn't been crying like I had. It seemed like she was much better at holding them back than I was.

I held back for a second before asking her. "W-Why...?"

"In the sea of ponies in the crowd, I focused on a very specific pony..." Vinyl stepped closer, her hoof cleaning the tears off my cheeks. I avoided eye contact at first, but seeing her warm and comforting smile once again put me at peace. My heart wasn't suddenly racing, it was calm. My breathing wasn't shallow and sharp, it was relaxed and serene. "If... I thought of it as if I was playing just for you, everything was more fluid. I ignored all the ponies in the crowd, I just thought about you. And it got me through it."

Vinyl held the side of my cheek, staring me deep in the eyes. I stayed quiet, feeling her warm touch. "Listen Via... Nobody's good at anything on their first try. But the important thing about it is you'll get up and try again and again and again, until you get it right. It's going to be frustrating, and you may want to quit... But if you just keep trying, you'll get it right."

Vinyl's words of encouragement put me at ease, a peaceful and tranquil state of mind which I hadn't felt before in a while. For a second, it was as if I could take on the world. But she was right. Even though I'm an amazing Cello player, it didn't come without long restless nights of practice. Trial and error. Experience is a valuable teacher.

"You're right..." I sighed, speaking quietly, holding onto the hoof that held my cheek. "I'm sorry I even thought about quitting after I got so far..."

"It's okay. We all have moments like that. But you'll push through, if not for yourself then... For me. I want to see you playing for the Royal Sisters one day." Once again, Vinyl pressed her forehead against mine with a sigh. There was a second or two of silence between us, but it spoke more than a thousand words could ever speak. "Now go before you lose your opportunity." Vinyl let go, and I nodded with a confident smirk rushing to the stairs that lead to the stage.

Once again, I took another deep breath before entering. But my heart wasn't beating as fast as it was. My knees weren't shaky, and my mind was set on a single thing. Playing my music, and feeling the freedom. I stepped on stage to the surprise of both the crowd and the other musicians. They all seemed to chat with each-other, exchanging a few whispers.

"She has the courage to show her face on stage?" One of the flute players spoke.

"If I were here, I'd have left long ago..." Another violinist replied.

Tempo Serene was frowning at me with a creased forehead. If it weren't for the audience, he would've already rushed me off stage. Chord Checker also kept a close eye on me and a raised brow as if waiting to see what my next move would be. I took my spot on stage, holding my Cello. My eyes once again scanned the audience, seeing all the eyes that fell on me... But I focused on just one. Those rose colored eyes looked back at me too, and her smile reminded me of something sweet.

Despite everything that happened, the conductor was ready to play. He lifted his baton but I didn't wait on his signal. Instead, I just closed my eyes and did what I do best. My bow pressed against the strings of my Cello but instead of the insistent, and heavy sound... It produced a harmonious and gentle sound, I could feel the vibration of each note as I played.

I opened my eyes to see Tempo Serene staring at me, the other musicians were too. But I didn't care. I focused on a single pony on the audience and played to my heart's content. I couldn't imagine myself on a stage playing to hundreds of judging eyes. Instead, I saw myself in my living room with Vinyl sitting on the couch right in front of me. She didn't understand a single thing about classical music, but she understood how to make me feel cared for and loved.

The pure and dulcet piece I was playing wasn't anything I had memorized. It came from the heart. And It didn't feel like I was playing for the Critic's sake or the Conductor's sake, I was just playing for Vinyl. My bow pushed down against the strings, my hooves helping create the melodic tones and notes that my cello mellowed out as I kept going. Everything flowed perfectly, one note to another, I was completely lost in my own world of sound. Nothing from the outside would harm me there.

My body swayed with the rhythm of the music, with my eyes closed I just played what came to me, enveloped in my own craft. I poured my raw emotions into every movement. It's hard to define exactly what I played, but I can tell you what I wanted to portray. At first, the low and quiet tones represented my fears, building up in a loud and aggressive crescendo that portrayed my confusion and worries. Once it suddenly stopped, it dropped down to the quieter and deeper notes. All played softly to represent my sadness and sorrow.

That was until it steadily climbed back to the higher notes, slowly but surely meant to represent hope and happiness, finding calm despite everything that was happening around me, an escape from the worries of my life. Finally, as the last note rang out, I opened my eyes yet again, emerging from my bubble to see every pony staring at me in absolute silence. I was unfazed though. I wouldn't let their opinion be my reality.

I focused on a certain pony in the crowd. Vinyl stared at me with a huge ear-to-ear smile on her face. It took a second before she got up and began stomping her hooves on the ground, cheering me on. It didn't take long for other crowd members to join in slowly until at the very end, the entire audience was cheering. I think I even saw a few roses thrown on stage. I looked to my side. The other musicians were absolutely jaw dropped. The conductor didn't seem happy either. I excused myself and headed off stage, carrying my Cello with me. I could hear the cheers even as I sat down on the bench with a sigh, absolutely exhausted from everything that had just happened.

I looked to the side to see the conductor striding down the stage with fire in his eyes. His furrowed brows and stern look showcased just how much he wanted to kick me out of the place. And with good reason too. I come on stage, completely ruin the first movement, leave, then come back and perform a 4 minute long solo without his consent. He has every right to be angry at me.

"Miss Melody!" He spoke loudly and with determination, taking one deep breath. "Do you realize what you've just done!?"

"Yes... Yes, I do realize it." I wasn't worried for myself. I just felt relieved. That horrible night had turned around for the best.

"You are absolutely outrageous! If I knew you'd do something like this, I wouldn't have ever considered allowing you to be on stage!" He sighed, pacing around in circles. "First you completely ruin the first movement, but then you have the audacity to come back and steal the spotlight like you’re some kind of selfish show off!? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't let you go right now!"

"There is no good reason." I leaned back against the wooden seat with a sigh. "Do as you please, sir."

"Octavia Melody, you're out of here! You'll never get a chance like this again, you hear me!? You don't make a fool out of me and my orchestra and come out unharmed!! You’ll never find someone willing to take you in! Never!" He was practically yelling at the top of his lungs as he made his way back on stage. I could hear him apologizing to the crowd before getting ready to continue.

The feeling of not having all the judgment tying me down anymore was freeing, just getting on stage and playing from my heart made me feel happier than ever. I got up and made my way to the exit, reaching the doorway that leads to the exit hallway through the back door. I managed to meet with Vinyl as I was walking down the hall with my Cello.

"That was amazing Via! You played really well and every pony loved it! You totally rocked!" There was a shine in her eyes, unlike what I had ever seen before. It was like she was happier for my success than she was with her own.

"I was thinking about playing just for a certain some pony in the crowd." I stopped right before pushing the doors to the exit. "But I also got expelled from the orchestra. I suppose that's bad news, but I don't really care anymore."

"Wait- You what?” Vinyl seemed confused. “But wasn't it your dream to join the orchestra?" Vinyl sat down, leaning her head to the side.

"Yes but I realize now that just playing in itself brings me joy unlike anything in life. Well actually... I could name one thing..." I stared deep into Vinyl's eyes with a soft smile and a giggle. She giggled back.

We walked through the exit, out onto Canterlot's streets where stars dotted the night sky, the moonlight alongside the street lamps helped provide some illumination to the city below. As I stepped out, I could also see the entrance where the audience had come through. There was already a line forming for the next performance. But one pony caught my eye.

Chord checker, who had been in the audience during my performance, seemed to be looking for something. As soon as he saw me, he immediately rushed over with a smile on his face.

"Hey! You!" He called out, and I turned my full attention to him, shifting my bowtie.

"Um, yes?" I replied, leaning my head to the side. What could he want from me?

"Yes, you may know me. I'm-" I stopped him.

"Chord Checker. The famous critic from the Canterlot Times. I'm Octavia Melody." I extended a hoof for a polite shake. He replied with a shake.

"Exactly. Your performance up there was amazing. At first, I didn't think much of you — Especially after you ran off-stage like that." I looked at Vinyl with a side glance, before looking back at him. "But your solo was incredible! The sheer emotion, the way you played was absolutely marvelous! Your courage to get back on stage after your first act failure is admirable too."

"You're... Being serious?" I was surprised at him, and even raised a brow.

"I am more than serious. In all honesty, you're something else. If you're looking for some contacts in the music industry, I could refer you to anyone of your liking." Out from the pocket of his coat, he pulled out a small card with an address and handed it to me. "It was a pleasant surprise seeing you perform tonight, I can only hope to see you more times."

"Thank you." I bowed down, before getting back up and taking a glance at Vinyl by my side. "But... I believe I have all the audience I'll ever need."

"If you change your mind, I'll be here." He nodded.

"Thank you once again. Now if you'll excuse us, we have somewhere to be." I nodded yet again, turning around and leaving him behind as I walked away carrying my Cello with Vinyl by my side. "Do you still want to go to that Donut place you enjoy?"

"Hay yeah I do!"

Vinyl smiled as we walked along the quiet streets of Canterlot.

Author's Note:

To the new readers who are reading my content for the first time, thank you. To the old readers who've been following me for a while, I know this is different from my "usual work" but like I've said before, I wanted to branch out.

Note: This is not the "Longer story" I mentioned working on in my blogs. I'm still writing that. Once I have at least a few chapters down (Enough to convey the concept of the story) I'll publish it. But it'll take a while.

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