Squashing Grapes

by Poisonberry

Grapes and Bits

There was the evidence of what I had done for a few bits, there was no way I wasn’t in trouble now. Hopefully I could still be friends…

It was a lovely day, boring, but every day was boring, and every day was lovely. Mom and dad were always busy trying to make enough money to support the family, but they wouldn’t let me help them. They said that I “shouldn’t spend my time working when I was still so young,” but I was determined to make a few bits. I could see the apple orchard in the distance, and soon I reached Sweet Apple Acres; I knocked on the door, a slight uneasiness in my stomach.

“Hi there!” The door swung open as a bright orange filly with a blond mane greeted me cheerfully. “I’m Applejack, what are ya here for?”

“I was, um, told that I could help with the fruit stomping for a few bits,” I quickly claimed, unsure of my sudden plan to accept the Apple family’s work offer. I might get in trouble for going behind my parents backs.

“Oh! You’re here for the grape crushing. Granny told me she asked a couple of ponies around town, but she couldn’t find anypony on such short notice,” Applejack said.

“I wasn’t able to come earlier, but I am able to be here now,” I said, it wasn’t technically a lie. Granny didn’t ask me to help, she was asking my parents, but they were busy of course. She didn’t ask me to help, but it wouldn’t hurt anypony if she did, right?

“Great, follow me!” Applejack replied enthusiastically, leading me to a meadow. Butterflies fluttered around us as we approached a massive tub. “The ground right here is too rocky to grow much, so we use it for our juice making,” Applejack mentioned.

“Uh-huh,” I muttered, not entirely listening. I was busy looking inside the tub, it was full of grapes, almost to the point where it was overflowing. I wasn’t sure if I could even smash all the grapes.

“All ya gotta do is smash them, and I’ll get them in the jars. You go wash real quick,” Applejack advised, she pointed her hoof towards a water pump before grabbing a crate full of glass bottles. I did as she said, getting unbelievably wet. I finished washing and then jumped straight into the tub.

I stomped my hooves, the purplish liquid slowly appearing. It seeped through my fur, which could draw some unwanted attention. Hopefully I could wash off the stains after I earned my bits. I continued squishing the grapes, now enjoying the job I was doing. I listened to the satisfying squelch of the last few grapes as I placed my hoof overtop of them. I imagined the berries trembling as I punched them with my hooves.

I put my hooves on the side of the tub to look over at Applejack. She carefully and quickly switched a full jar back to an empty one and sealed it. “I finished!” I cheerfully stated, eagerly awaiting my award.

Applejack looked up at me in surprise. “Really? Most ponies stop after a few minutes, even some of the full grown ponies!” Applejack exclaimed as I jumped out of the tub. She sealed the last bottle, “You go wash up, and I’ll go get the bits.” She trotted back to the barn, cartload of grape juice in tow.

I walked back over to the water pump and started washing all the grape juice off when another thought hit me. How would it taste? I always saw grown-up ponies drink the grape juice, so it had to be good, right? I tentatively raised my hoof up to my mouth, and licked.

It tasted like normal grape juice, which was really confusing. Why would adults pay even more for this grape juice when there was much cheaper grape juice sold everywhere.

I finished washing my coat, finally free of the sticky stains I glanced back at the barn, waiting. Soon Applejack appeared, running down the hill with two items in her muzzle. One looked like a small brown sack, while the other looked like a half full bottle of grape juice.

“Here’s your bits, and if you wanna come with me, I got something to show ya,” Applejack offered, giving me the bits. I followed her, unsure of why I did. It felt like I should, but it also felt like I should head back to my house, after all the sun was starting to set. My parents would realize soon that I wasn’t at Ponyville’s playground.

She led the way through the orchard of apple trees, seemingly confident in where she was going. All the trees looked similar, I was sure that we were completely lost. I ran right into Applejack, tripping and causing us both to stagger.

“Whoa,” she exclaimed.

“Sorry,” I stammered, looking away from her gaze.

“It’s fine, we’re already here!” Applejack proudly proclaimed. She waved her hoof at a treehouse. “Come on!” She shouted, swiftly climbing the stairs. I followed, feeling as if I was meant to be here. Applejack placed the bottle of grape juice on a small table, pulled two stools over to the table, and poured the juice into two cups. “Granny let me bring just a small bit of this because it’s a special occasion.”

“What occasion?” I immediately asked her.

“Well, you see, you’re the first pony that I showed my clubhouse to, and I was hoping that we could be friends,” Applejack asked.

“I don’t think I’ve really had a friend yet, all my classmates are always hanging out with Rainbow Dash, so none of them have talked to me,” I replied.

“Ah know, they all think she’s so cool,” Applejack huffed. “Oh, and we aren’t allowed to drink much of this, or we’ll walk all funny like,” Applejack warned, finally passing the small cup to me. “So, can you come over tomorrow?”

“You mean, come over and just hang out?” I asked.

“Yeah, if you wanna come over and be friends!” Applejack replied.

“I guess I’ll have to ask my parents,” I said.

“Well then let’s go ask them now!” She shouted.

“They’re probably busy,” I muttered, “I’ll ask them later, can we hang out right now?”

“Sure! So what do you think of that?” Applejack asked, pointing a hoof towards my untouched grape juice. I picked it up and took a sip.

I thought my tongue had exploded, the flavors were much more different than any grape juice I’d ever had before. It was no wonder that the adult ponies loved it, it had such a weird, almost bland, aftertaste, just like their coffee.

“That was so weird, I think that my tongue might’ve been punched!” I exclaimed as Applejack giggled.

“I know! We do it with a few types of fruits and berries and the adult ponies love it! The adults always love the strange drinks,” Applejack laughed. A sudden bright flash caused her to stop immediately. It was coming from my flank.

Comments

[Zalmax]

Ending on a cliffhanger, uh? Good slice of life though.

[Poisonberry]

11627732
Thank you!

[Reviewfilly]

Short, sweet, to the point. I'm not sure I quite knew the end from the beginning, but the character's identity is very much clear from just what happens.

[Poisonberry]

11629099
I'm happy to hear that you were able to figure it out!

[Mindscape]

lol, nothing like a little bit of underage drinking to get your cutiemark
This was a fun little slice of life, piecing together who the MC is as the story goes.

[Poisonberry]

11666767
Glad you enjoyed it!

[PseudoBob Delightus]

Here's your New Blood Contest feedback!

I think the prevailing judgement of this story would be 'endearing but unfinished'. There are some good moments in here that, nevertheless, failed to achieve their full effect simply because the rest didn't satisfy.

Some technical concerns include clumsy repetition, confusing turns of phrase, and a general lack of refinement. For a few examples:

“I wasn’t able to come earlier, but I am able to be here now,” I said, it wasn’t technically a lie. Granny didn’t ask me to help, she was asking my parents, but they were busy of course. She didn’t ask me to help, but it wouldn’t hurt anypony if she did, right? "

"[she] didn't ask me to help" is said twice. Repetition can be done intentionally for effect, but I get no such impression.

I was busy looking inside the tub, it was full of grapes, almost to the point where it was overflowing. I wasn’t sure if I could even smash all the grapes.

"I wasn't sure if I could even smash all the grapes" is weak, technically and emotionally. Better to stick with something fundamental - the great size of the tub, the imposing scale of the task, the character's lack of experience - and put this in plain terms.

One of the better parts of the story is also one of the worst or least satisfying: when the protagonist does what the title says and squashes grapes. This is a great opportunity to show the protagonist experiencing new and weird things, and accomplishing a task they were worried about - but instead it is practically skipped right past! She finishes the entire tub of grapes in one moderate-length paragraph! What???

On a similar note, the best part of the story remains what I observed when I first read & judged it: wine feeling like a punch in the tongue. And the focus on a foal getting their cutie mark is what earns that 'endearing' comment earlier.

However, it also has the same problem I observed when I first read & judged it: this great moment is given far too little time.

That's a short description of the whole story, really: It moves too fast, especially through some important moments, and ends too abruptly. And as for the contest bonuses, while they were technically fulfilled ("the best kind of fulfilled", you might say), they did not seem to impact the story much beyond contorting its structure.

Overall lots of unfinished thoughts that could have been expanded on, better integrated, or dropped - and that's a shame, because I can see the great story this could have been.

However, it would have been nothing at all if you hadn't spent the time to write it in the first place, and for that I thank you - and I hope to see more of your writing in the future!

[Poisonberry]

11747144
The first instance was done on purpose, yes. Also, about the title being written in a paragraph, it is a title that implies what the main character was going to do in the first place. Whilst also not showing the more important parts that are revealed about who the character may be, and how they earn this cutie mark.
Thank you for reviewing my story! It shows where I clearly need to improve my writing skills! I will work on trying to make my stories show more in their entirety, and have more emotion built into them. That is one of the major things I struggle with in general, writing and feeling certain emotions. Again, thank you for showing me what I need to work on to make better stories!