Cleaning up is an essential part of every party, as essential as setting it up, sending out the invites, baking a cake and making sure the guests are having a super terrific time. Clean up is normal, clean up is natural.
Pinkie sometimes wishes cleaning up never had to happen.
(A small fic that I made after thinking more about Pinkie and her character potential)
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As a non popper looner, this hits really hard.
I love balloons and it really hurts my soul when they're popped.
It's awfully mean of Pinkie to not ask anypony if they want to take the decorations home, or keep them for herself.
11931822
I have zero clue what that means, but im glad you enjoyed the story nonetheless
what a sweet ending! really well done story and cover art!!
11931933
Thanks! I really appreciate it
I love these cutie mark extended metaphor things, absolutely amazing first story
For a first story, this was really good. Sad, deep and emotional.
That being said, there are a couple of bugs. There’s a slight problem of capitalization, for one. Things like Cake twins and Elements of Harmony are proper nouns; they should always start with an uppercase. On the flip side, “sugarcube”, in this context, is not a name and should not be capitalized. And the second, rather glaring, issue is your tense. You see, the story begins and ends in the present with Pinkie undoing a party in AJ’S barn. The middle section is in the past, and narrates how Pinkie came to be. Those two sections should be different tenses - either the present is in present tense (Pinkie stares as the balloon bursts..) and the past in past tense, or you have the present in the past tense and the past in past perfect tense (It had been from her first party, the party where she had found her cutie mark). If this is confusing, I’d be happy to shoot you a PM with more details.
There’s also a slight issue with your dialogue punctuation, but it really isn’t that obvious since there isn’t too much dialogue.
I’ve always been of the belief that there’s always room for growth, but forgive me if I came off as rude. Your story is beautiful, though, and has earned its place in my Best of Sad shelf.
11932243
Hey no worries! I really appreciate critique in all shapes and forms, cant get better without it after all. I don't think ya came off as rude at all.
Ill be honest, i did forget about the tense when writing, so thats something ill definitely go back to adjust later and keep track of in future stories. Could you elaborate more on the dialogue punctuation? Just so i know what to fix in that regard.
Thanks for letting me know about it all!
11932318
I don’t want to spoil your comment section with technical fixes, so I’ll PM as soon as I can.
11932331
okily dokily!