Morning Dew on a Green Leaf

by Honey_Darling

Chapter 1

Morning Dew on a Green Leaf

The rain poured down on the far away pony. Pinkie had no idea who he was, but she was sure that he wasn’t from around here. He was far too grey. He was walking into town, towards Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie grabbed an umbrella, hat, and a coat. She put them on and placed another set on her back and walked out onto the street.

~~~~

The rain was cold, but he already couldn’t feel much, he saw some buildings to his left and some to his right. Some in front of him too. He knew in a sense that he was walking into a town called Ponyville. Or at least he thought he was.

He had been kicked out from his home town for getting sick. He lived in a small village, or had at least, where sickness was an evil thing. People lived so close and worked together so often that being sick meant it could spread through the community within one or two days. Usually the entire family of the sick pony would be exiled, but his family had kicked him out before the morning inspector had come around.

He snapped out of his memories as an unusually large drop of water landed on his nose. He noticed now he was nearing a pretty pink building. It reminded him of a gingerbread house. He saw a pink pony coming out into the rain. She had an odd contraption on her head and was wearing a coat that protected her from the rain. She was walking right towards him.

~~~~

“Hey, come here!” Pinkie yelled. “I have something for you!”

The other pony didn’t seem to really know what was happening. He didn’t perk up his ears or wave to her. Just kept walking. Walking slowly.

Pinkie trotted over to where he was. He looked very cold, so she decided to put the hat on his head and the coat over his back. He looked a little less phased now, so she said, “Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie.”

“My name is...” He paused as if he didn’t know what his name was, maybe he didn’t. “My name is Green Leaf,” he finished. “Is this, um, Pony - Ponyville?”

“No, this is Pinkie!” she responded in her usual bouncy fashion. She got an odd look from the stallion “But you are in Ponyville. Did you want to come inside?”

~~~~

The odd pink pony was talking to him again. He could hear her. He just couldn’t hear what she was saying. He nodded anyway, and she started pulling him towards the gingerbread house she had come from.

She was pointing towards a bed so he walked over and layed down. She covered him up and walked back out the door. The last thing he saw was her walking down the hall to the next room before falling asleep.

~~~~

When Pinkie woke up she could see Green Leaf lying on the bed, still asleep. He must have been very tired because he had not moved since she had covered him last night. She headed downstairs to start on breakfast. She made two plates of pancakes and poured two glasses of orange juice.

As she headed up the stairs to wake the still sleeping pony, she heard him cough, but thought nothing of it, seeing as he had been out in the rain for Celestia knows how long. She woke him and brought him downstairs to eat. Now thinking about his cough, she quickly stuck a hoof to his head. It was warmer than it should have been due to the chill left over from last night’s rain.

~~~~

It took two days of his regular coughing before Pinkie finally realized that Green Leaf was in fact sick. She had grown to like the young stallion and wasn’t too excited about her conclusion. She immediately put him into bed and made him stay there until he was better. Little did Pinkie know, this wasn’t helping in any way. He needed badly to exercise or he would get worse.

~~~~

He felt horrible. Plain out horrible. He knew he had a fever, that is why he had ended up here, but he hadn’t figured it would be anything worse than that. He was sick and throwing up every hour. He had gotten worse due to the rain and was ready to die.

If Pinkie hadn’t been there, trying so hard to help him, he would have probably laid down and ceased to exist. Right then and there. He was plenty ready.

Laying here in Pinkie’s bed was tiring, the only thing giving him strength was the fact that it was Pinkie’s bed. The mare was so sweet and caring. She barely knew him and was sacrificing all of her time to try and help him get better.

Green Leaf coughed again. And again. And again. After his fit was done he looked at his blanket and noticed speckles of blood. Not liking the thought of further scaring Pinkie, he got up and flipped the blanket over. He felt as if he had just pushed a boulder up a mountain when he was finished, yet somehow he felt better. He laid down just as Pinkie entered the room.

“You weren’t up and running around were you?” the pink mare asked. Her eyes were clouded with worry and a hint of sadness behind that. Her pink mane, usually bouncy and smooth, was now frizzy and starting to go limp.

“No,” Green Leaf responded simply. He didn’t want to worry Pinkie further. Pinkie walked out of the room, muttering something about being sure she heard foot steps.

~~~~

Pinkie was positive that she had heard footsteps in Green Leaf’s room. Not a lot of trampling, but a few small steps. Almost like...

It dawned on her then that something might be wrong. Next time Pinkie heard the bathroom door close she rushed upstairs to look around. She looked under the bed, and behind the dresser, even in the closet before she thought to look at the other side of the sheet.

What she saw didn’t make her happy. It scared her. She waited until Green Leaf came back in and sat down. Then she began talking.

~~~~

When he walked in the room Pinkie was standing there waiting. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

“Is everything alright, Pinkie?” he asked as he sat down. He didn’t notice that his bed had been searched.

“I don’t know,” Pinkie said, holding back tears, “why don’t you tell me? Where are you bleeding at? I’ll get you a bandage.”

“A bandage won’t work, Pinkie,” he sighed. He, too, was now holding back tears. She gave him a knowing look, told him to lay down, and left the room. Not until he heard her hooves on the stairs did he let his tears flow free. He laid there and cried until he was just whimpering, no longer any wetness in his eyes, and then he fell asleep.

~~~~

Pinkie walked downstairs, silent tears sliding down her cheeks. How could she let this happen? She was supposed to help him, not let him get worse. She sat at her table and cried until she was shaking. She then slept.

~~~~

Green Leaf woke up just as the sun brimmed over the horizon. He heard footsteps and saw Pinkie even more frazzled than before, her hair sticking up every which way and dark circles under her eyes. She entered his room and sat on the edge of his bed.

“So, you don’t think you are going to be getting better?” Pinkie asked with fear in her eyes, turning her tear stained face to him. Green Leaf shook his head slowly. Fresh tears started to flow from Pinkie’s eyes. “Why exactly are you here?”

Green Leaf was taken aback at the question, but sighed wearily. He knew this whole time that he would have to confess the truth to Pinkie at some point, he just didn’t wish for it to be now.

“I lived in a town called, well, I don’t think I have ever heard its name. Anyway, it is a very small town and people who get sick don't get to live there anymore. They think that getting sick is a curse. When my parents discovered I was sick, they made me leave. I walked for days before I found this place. I knew I was ill, but I thought it was just a simple cold. But...” his voice faltered, as he looked deeply into Pinkie’s eyes and clutched onto her hoof, “I-I think that I’m going to die.”

Pinkie bit her lower lip to try and keep it from trembling and to help keep her tears at bay, but as she threw her forelegs around his neck, she couldn’t help it anymore. Her tears broke free and she laid down and started sobbing deeply into his pillow. He laid down next to her and put one hoof on her foreleg and then motioned for her to leave. She got up and left the room, leaving Green Leaf to sleep.

~~~~

When Pinkie woke up the next morning and didn’t see Green Leaf in bed next to her. She became a bit worried. She was very much surprised to find him downstairs in the kitchen making french toast.

~~~~

Green Leaf didn’t notice Pinkie until she sat down at the table. He brought her a plate and they ate in silence. Pinkie spoke up first.

“What the heck happened to you so suddenly?”

“I don’t know,” Green Leaf said, looking actually surprised, “I woke up this morning and had the urge to run around. I settled for just making you breakfast.” He smiled. Pinkie smiled too.

“Well, I will just have to run downstairs to the Cakes’ and pick up something special.” Pinkie put her plate in the sink and went down to the first floor to pick up some cupcakes. She of course had to socialize, because she was Pinkie.
~~~~

Green Leaf groaned as he got a stronger feeling in his stomach than he ever had before. It felt like it was being twisted into the tightest knot he had ever felt. He collapsed onto the floor and started gasping for air as it felt like his lungs were being squeezed.

PInkie walked in as the world started slowly turning black. He could see her running, could hear her steps. But that was it.
~~~~

He was gone. Pinkie could tell. But that didn’t stop her from calling out his name. She collapsed on top of him and sobbed over the friend she had lost. She clutched hopelessly onto his cold hoof and pressed her head desperately against his chest to see if she could hear his heartbeat. Silence.

She looked down onto his face and wiped a few strands of hair out of the way. He was cold as stone. Completely gone.

Comments

[SwiperTheFox]

The writing isn't that bad, but from just the first paragraphs I see what the main problem is (which will put off a lot of people). There's a very dry, mechanical style to this fic. There are also some grammatical errors that stick out.

Like look at:
The rain was cold, but he already couldn’t feel much, he saw some buildings to his left and some to his right. Some in front of him too. He knew in a sense that he was walking into a town called Ponyville. Or at least he thought he was.

Read through this again. Doesn't it come across as very distant from the character? You use the passive voice a lot. "The rain was", "He was", and so on... that style creates a separation from the actual action. As well, "Some in front of him too" is a sentence fragment. Also, it looks better as: "Or, at least, he thought he was."

And, in terms of this "sickness", there's an immediately jarring experience as a reader. Ponies casting somepony out like that? Literally nopony helping out? That just sounds so wrong. Oh, sure, some Ponyville residents got worried about "cutie pox", and some got worried about Zecora. But total banishment? That doesn't seem to work.

Another thing... the constant flipping of perspectives doesn't help. It only serves to distract... I think. Other people will probably chime in with more commentary.

[MLP BRONY 27]

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[Dominus]

Will read later and post what I think. Hopefully, this turns out well.

[Honey_Darling]

Thank you guys for all of the feedback. I will look into it and make sure that not only is this chapter made better, but that my other stories are better as well.

[1000Fights]

1568525 THis is a really nice story. I could see this being redone into a more detailed tale. Good job, dude.

[TwilightSecretStash]

Nice story. As others are saying, there are some simple mistakes holding the story back from its full potentail. This could easily be made better by one or two more proofreaders.

[Divine Path]

Pretty good.
Quite sad....
And also pretty well-executed.
Good work.