Time...

When Rainbow Dash gets a letter that tells her about an accident, she suddenly finds herself flying home for the first time in many years, with her thoughts boggled and her heart racing, only hoping to discover the best, where as her mind can only consider the worst.

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Comments ( 5 )

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Diamond Sunstone

Diamond Sunstone #1 · Nov 10th, 2012 · · ·

Oh wow. That... That is a sad story.

BBkat

BBkat #2 · Nov 10th, 2012 · 1 · ·

It's a lovely story, but you need an editor because this has not been edited/proofread.
An example, you were inconsistent in your capitalization of 'Wonderbolts'(it should always be capitalized since it is a name), sometimes you remembered to capitalize it other times you didn't. Same with 'Sweet Apple Acres'. Names always get capitalized.

she felt a frail grip around her hoove

Should be hoof since it is singular.

I'm a little confused as to what is going on, here-

The poor stallion that had tried bringing out Applejack had ended up with a rather breath-taking kick to the stomach, and was aching all over as he came walking down the hall, munching a few painkillers as he reached his tongue at the cowboy-Pony.
She merely reached it back before going back to talking with her friends. They were all talking. All four of them.

Reaching tongues? Is he like, sticking his tongue out at her or something? And AJ reached it back? What?

And run on sentences. You seem to have a problem with those in spots.

The poor stallion that had tried bringing out Applejack had ended up with a rather breath-taking kick to the stomach, and was aching all over as he came walking down the hall, munching a few painkillers as he reached his tongue at the cowboy-Pony.

^This is an example of one.

The poor stallion that had tried bringing Applejack out had ended up with a rather breath-taking kick to the stomach, and was aching all over as he walked down the hall. He downed a few painkillers as he looked at the cow-pony.

^This is how is could be better written.

The Wizard of Words

The Wizard of Words #3 · Nov 10th, 2012 · · ·

A good read, a fine story. My only real gripe is that it moves really fast. Maybe a few paragraphs with some more description, a dialogue explaining how it happened instead of a narrative, things that make a good pace for a story.

Dashed_Brony

Dashed_Brony #4 · Nov 10th, 2012 · · ·

1591482 Yeah, you got it right about that. I don't really have anyone to proof-read it, so I can only do as best as I myself allow. Anyways, thanks for the heads-up. Always glad to get a few pointers on where to improve. I'll fix it, but still with that little nasty twist that he isn't all happy about her. Hopefully, this time it'll be more fluent though

PegaDashie