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While waiting for Apple Bloom to finish up some chores around the farm, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle decide to wait for her at the clubhouse. To help pass the time, the two decide to look at the clouds rolling past while they wait.
[Edit: A live reading of this story can be found here. Special thanks to The Living Library for the reading!]
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Dawwww!
DIABEETUS
Curse you, you've found my weakness. I love anything about clouds.
Not too bad at all! Just a sweet little tale, nothing extravagant, simply a pleasant read. I like that.
There was one thing that was off. The clouds in Equestria can't move on their own (you probably know this). But for the sake of this story, I don't really care about that.
Another thing, I don't think Scootaloo would say "disorientated". But that's just me being picky.
You got a like and a fave from me, so keep doing this. The fandom needs more stories like this.
- Church
It's a nice story. No romance no drama no sex no violence. It feels good just to sit and watch the world end isn't it
So simple, yet so fulfilling.
I love slice of life one-shots like this one.
A nice enough little story. A little boring, but that is OK.
I like it! Short, but really sweet.
1713649
After seeing the ending of the episode "One Bad Apple", it's not hard to imagine Scootaloo saying something like that.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/225/378/sweetie%20belle%20that%20is%20beautiful.jpg
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Thank you all for the support! I honestly didn't think this story would be that good, but you all have proven me wrong [again]. It didn't need anything extravagant to happen; just a simple, soft, cuddly story will suffice from time to time!
Thanks again!
You mean 'the clouds'?
Short and sweet. I liked it.
Wait...
ZOMFG A CLOUD SHAPED LIKE A TURTLE!!!
Sorry, I just LOVE turtles.
That fic could be in the show, it's so sweet.
Adorableness.
Aw man, you hit me where it hurts!
I mean that this was adorable!
Hnnnnnnnnnnggggggg
This was very nice. Thumbs-up. I particularly liked Apple Bloom's accent (which can be hard to get right, but which I think you've absolutely nailed here) and the concrete descriptions relative to the clouds, the "Right there is [X], over there is [Y], and then there is [Z]." It's pitch-perfect. Gives you just enough information to envision the characters in the scene without overloading the reader by providing too much detail. Good rhythm and sentence structure, though that pretty much goes without saying if you're getting certain descriptive passages pitch-perfect.
I do think this could benefit from another editing pass, though. There's a tense agreement problem in the last sentence of the first paragraph, and just below that there are two lines of dialogue which seem logically incompatible. I noticed a couple other places with word choice issues or confusing detail, the sorts of things that a thorough editing pass should be able to find and fix.
Thanks for the story!
2050943
Thanks for the feedback, mate. I really should get a pre-reader or two to help with the editing! Thanks for the tips!
Sweet. Cute. Simple. Love it
2185762
thanks, mate
That was adorable.
Have a like.
Very sweet.
4757314
Thanks, mate! I appreciate it!
Why isn't there an Apple Bloom tag?
9193447
She wasn't the central focus, so I didn't feel she should be added. If you feel she should, I'll be more than happy to add her
Hello! I'm a Chinese brony and I did a little translation of your cute story. Here's the link. Hope you like it.
This is what I call real slice of life.
11055031
I don't know what I feel more: honored that this story is worth translating it for Chinese bronies to read, or horrified that the Chinese are going to come after me now
LOL! J/K!
Thank you for taking the time to translate this story, as well as enjoyed it! It means a lot to me!