My name is Donny's Boy. I ship ponies.
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Pinkie Pie might not be the knight in shining armor that Rarity always wanted … but Pinkie might just be the knight that Rarity needs. Just a fluffy little RariPie one-shot. Because RariPie.
Written for the deviantArt RariPie group's Hearth's Warming Eve art contest. Cover image is a sketch drawn by the talented Deihiru, who graciously granted me permission to use.
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Commence read.
Pinkie and Rarity!
Quite a nice and beautiful story.
I'll read this later.
It'll tide me over until you write that AppleDash I'm waiting for
Exactly as described and as desired! Of course Celestia knew, because she always knows, and these knowing winks and nods and subtle nudges are half the fun of immortality.
Jesus... I think I have diabetes now.
Ah Raripie, truly an underlooked ship.
is there anything that you can't ship Donny?
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This is just too cute and one of my fave ships, well done!
All the love, asdfghjkl SQUEEEEEEEP
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I wuv. Wuv sososososososo much. Why can't there be more Raripie in the world?
hnnngg
so much fluff
I'm drowning in plushy fluffy marshmallow fuzzies
halp
you don't need to hurry though, it's surprisingly comfortable
(Rarity's reaction to Blueblood's jibe seems off. She doesn't at least have a snappy comeback? She cares about status, yeah, but, she doesn't fear the crowd that much. [And then Pinkie commits pastry assault and her fear makes sense now.])
Touching.
Well, that might be the cutest game of dress up I've ever seen. I imagine that Rarity's stay's in character for quite a while after the play is done. It's too bad this is so short, the kiss came almost from nowhere, and you could've done a lot more with the Princess-Knight dynamic. Oh well, it's great as is.
(Joke) Alt. Joke: It's Very Absurd
This is the best thing.
The best thing.
It's just pure unstoppable adorable shenanigans and I love it through and through. It's easily one of my favourite stories that I've read.
Brilliant work, DB.
I loved it!
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Could have used a bit more build up between
and 
but otherwise its a quite good lil short story. Oh, you also might want to take out the "church bell" line just make it a clock tower or something, seems rather silly for Celestia to have a church dedicated to herself in her own castle.
RariPie RariPie RariPie!
Awww...
The Knights Errant thing is adorably Pinkie (though since Fluttershy's helmet fits fine on Fluttershy, (or atleast Pansy's fits fine on Pansy), why is it too big for Pinkie?). Her swapping her chancellorship for a lowly military role in order to protect (someone she wants to be) her very special somepony, and enable this somepony to keep doing what she wants to do at the same time, even though it could be viewed by others as a bit odd? So very thoughtlessly Pinkie (in the Best Possible Way).
Shipping doesn't get much cuter than this.
Well I've got diabetes. Worth it, awesome RariPie.
Short, sweet, and cute. Not the absolute finest I've seen from you, but still quite worthwhile. The idea that Rarity would stay in character long after the play was over really rings very true to her character, in my opinion. I agree with nemryn that her reaction to Blueblood felt a bit off, which kinda stole a bit of the momentum from the story. But the premise is lovely, and for the most part it is executed very well. Applause and praise to you, sir.
Just when I finally got caught up with your other story, you post a new one.
Dammit (kinda).
Will get to this one when it isn't 5am in the morning.
Helloooooo, everyone, and thank you for reading!
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Heh, thanks.
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Hee! I'm pleased someone caught that about Celestia's role in all this.
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Non-native plants, because of federal law. Seriously, though, thanks--I do feel that there are some ships I'm much more capable with than others, and I'd like to try to branch out more and try to improve at writing the ships that come to me less naturally.
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Hmm, I think you're right about that. In the back of my head, I had the idea that Rarity might already be a touch self-conscious about still wearing her costume--some part of her knows it's a bit silly--but either way, there should have been more push-back. Thanks for mentioning it.
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I tried to foreshadow the kiss and provide a bit of build-up but, yeah, I can see why it still seemed to come out of nowhere. Especially because the story was built on the (meant to be implied) basis that both Pinkie and Rarity had some preexisting feelings for one another. Sorry 'bout that.
Re: the church bells, the church isn't in the palace itself but simply in Canterlot.
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Heh, it's not the best thing, but I'm glad you liked it regardless. I've had this idea of Pinkie Pie hamming it up as a courtier knight or such, while Rarity is both incredibly embarrassed and incredibly pleased, for a while now. The contest was a good chance to finally write it out.
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I think of all the various Mane Six pairings, RariPie is probably the pairing most inclined toward embracing and reveling in the absurd. And really, I think this did very well for a shippy little 3,000 word one-shot--plus, I've gotten some really solid feedback and critique, and you can't ask for better than that!
Glad you liked it so much, especially as I know how keen you are on the pair.
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I'm 99% sure I agree with nemryn, too. I might go back and fiddle with that part a bit. Only on the Fimfiction version, o' course, as it wouldn't be fair to do so with the dA version I submitted for the contest, and I am a man of honor--honor and shipping. Anyway! It sounds like you liked it overall, though, which I'm glad to hear.
And it's definitely not my best ever, no question. But I think if I based whether I posted things on "Is this the best thing I've ever written?" instead of "Do I think this is a good story?" then I probably wouldn't post anything ever. I dunno.
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Gooooo to sleeeeeeep!
That is very true, and I am glad that you posted this.
I've been looking for a good bit of fluff, and then I see this. Loved it. It is adorable, and I find everyone in pretty good character.
Well, it's 3:30am, but whatever, I read your story, and nothing can stop me from doing what I want! Now... my short review! EDIT: okay... it isn't so short. sue me.
Erm... hmm... erg... well... I'll start with this. As per normal, I find a good story that I have come to expect from you. Of course, that said, I'm not going to lie that as much as I don't wanna say it, I would say that this is one of your—erg... I don't wanna say worst—lesser quality stories I've seen you write.
Why? Two reasons.
First, the flow felt all sorts or wrong for me. The beginning (up until Rarity's first line) felt like it dragged on and on, and had a lot of information and such that really wasn't needed. It felt like a good quarter of it (Maybe less though. Hard to say) was there just to get the word count up. On the other hand, after Rarity's first line, right up until Rarity and Pinkie go to the observatory, I felt that the story flew by at a mile a minute. The interactions with Blueblood and Rarity felt mechanical, Pinkie's entrance felt was out of nowhere (and not the good out of nowhere that Pinkie does well), and Celestia felt close to a deus ex machina by the way that she swooped in, got rid of Blueblood, and got the shipping pair alone. The flow continued to feel too quick (though not as bad as before) up until the moment that Rarity started talking to Pinkie up in the observatory, but it was alright, and I can't actually fault you too much on this, because it was still alright. Finally, the very end felt... rushed. Really rushed. Like you forgot every other sentence rushed.
Second, and this is absolutely painful for me to write, I felt that Rarity was borderline OOC in this story. First, she acts so embarrassed by the whole Blueblood scene (before Pinkie shows up), and not really "refined" and "quick on her feet". Now, I would suspect that if Blueblood did what he did with her, she would probably at least TRY to hold her own. When pointed out that she's wearing a stupid crown, Rarity probably would "beg his pardon", and retort that it is obviously her costume from the play. When he says she should take it off... she just lets him roll over her. Not really what I think Rarity would do.
Skipping ahead a little, we get to the observatory scene. I feel the romance part was... alright done. Pinkie's part was fine, and I think her side worked out well, but once again, Rarity was borderline OOC. She was a little too "swooned" by Pinkie's silliness, and she offered Pinkie a kiss almost out of nowhere. I am completely aware that I am getting into my headcanon when I say this next line, but I feel that Rarity would have the hardest time willing herself into a same sex relationship and/or a relationship with one of her close friends—though Applejack admittedly might be harder with the first part. Me stating that, I feel she jumped into the "let's kiss!" thing too easily. Even taking away my headcanon, she still was a little quick from going from "Oh God, Pinkie's being weird" to "PINKIE!! KISS MY FACE!!" (exaggeration slightly).
A long while back, I ranked your stories from worst to best. Just adding this one on your list (and none else). I would actually... hmm... I'd probably put it just above "The Color of Dreams", but BARELY.
PS: I just realized I never read "Shadows and Sunlight" and "Like an Unexpected Song". I gotta get to those two. Once I do that, I'll try to rerank all your stories.
EDIT: I forgot to add in the argument "well, they already had something going with each other". I thought about it, and looked at the story, and unless I am dense (Trust me. That is very likely), there was no clues of this. This is especially true when Rarity doesn't hang out with Pinkie out of the party, and you make a point to say:
I can't see there being any preexisting "fling" between them with this line.
Oh, and now for my little joke:
Pinkie Pie is an earth pony, which I personally see as the largest of the pony races (whether in muscle, fat, or just size. Doesn't matter). That said, Pinkie eats EVERYTHING, so either she is a fatty fat pony, or has a lot of muscles to show for all of her exercise.
And even then, she's swimming in Fluttershy's costume.
Fluttershy must have some junk in dat trunk!
And don't you dare say "oh, she has wings to widen her". Fluttershy's costume had holes for the wings.
How can you write so goddamn well?
HOW?!
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Heh, thank you.
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Oh, I'm glad that didn't come across as ... I dunno, snarky or weird. I just thought it would sound odd to simply say, "Oh, yeah, I know it's not my best" without adding anything further--kinda like implying I don't care about the quality of my writing, when I very much do.
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Ha, it's totally not short, but that's cool--actually, that's great. I've made no secret of my love for long reviews--it's why I try to leave fairly lengthy reviews of my own, when I have the time to do so.
A lot of what you raise was mentioned by others (Esle Ynopemos, especially), and I agree with most of it. I might go back to rework the bit with Rarity and Blueblood, in particular, as I think that could benefit most from a rewrite. (But I might not--I tend to apply the things I've learned to future stories rather than revising old stories, mostly just to avoid the temptation to keep revising and revising and revising one single story versus writing anything new.) I also wonder if the opening might not feel so drawn-out if the middle and end were expanded a bit. Hmm.
Also, you're correct in that there wasn't never meant to be implied that they had a pre-existing romantic connection at story's beginning. All that was meant to be implied was that Pinkie was sweet on Rarity from the get-go and that Rarity, despite being a bit embarrassed by Pinkie's antics, was also charmed by them right from the get-go.
As always, thanks so much for reading and for leaving your thoughts. I really value your perspective and what you have to say about my writing.
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Oh, ha. Funny thing about that--I had actually envisioned that 'Shy's costume wasn't fastened all the way, because Pinkie in my mind is indeed much larger than Fluttershy, and that's the reason it's so ill-fitting on Pinkie. I didn't go into too much detail, because not plot-relevant, but I definitely could've written that more clearly, apparently.
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I made dark, dark promises to the forces of ultimate evil.
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You made promises to Bad Horse?
I think you left in a scene from the previous version it was during the dialouge between blueblood and rarity. Also I miss that kiss
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Argh, yeah, I did. Thanks for mentioning that. I think things are fixed now.
Sorry you miss the kiss. (It lives on in our hearts?)
It appears I am misremembering the stories again
It's strange how small revisions can lead to such drastic changes holistically. This almost feels like a different fic. It's an improvement, there's no doubt about that. The kiss was very sudden, and seemed out of place. But without it, you've opened up another problem. There doesn't appear to be any resolution. Now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure what the conflict was, or what you should be resolving in the first place. It would seem that kiss was holding this together. Without it, is this even a proper story?
Also, the romance tag is inappropriate now. Beyond that hug, I can't find any romance, just a (beautiful) moment of understanding shared between two close friends.
That sounded harsh. Let me put it this way: this makes for a splendid poem, but not much of a story.
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Nope! You remembered right. It's just that, after you mentioned it, I went and fixed it.
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The main conflict was always meant to be Rarity's internal conflict of wanting to do things such as wear the costume crown but also not wanting to appear silly, but the rewrite kinda made that pretty much the entire conflict while simultaneously de-emphasizing it. The story arc is Rarity is questioned as to the crown, Rarity doubts, and Rarity comes to terms with her silliness through Pinkie's help. Nothing huge or earth-shattering, of course. But I can see why it reads as light or nonexistent as to conflict.
Without the kiss, this is undeniably more proto-romance, as well. But I do think the story hints that the relationship between Rarity and Pinkie has taken a bit of a turn, especially this part, "'Therefore, Your Royal Highness, never shall you fear! Sir Puddinghead is--and shall remain--at your service!' ...'I do believe I should like that.'” At least, that's what I mean to do. Probably could have made that clearer, at the very least.
At any rate, I'm pretty much sick to death of this story by this point, so unfortunately any flaws that remain and/or were introduced after the rewrite will just have to stay there. Thanks muchly for coming back to leave feedback--not many people do that after a rewrite, and I really appreciate your doing so.
D'awww <3 Great little story. ^w^
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Thanks!
I must admit, I was skeptical before reading this, but rather pleased that I did. I had been pushed to read some of your work by several who were fans of Seeking Beauty. And when I finally took the time to read that piece, I was disappointed, so I came into this one worried about the same pitfalls.
But this was quite a good read. Descriptive. True to the characters. Original. It explores Rarity's commoner side underneath the fancy visage she normally portrays.
Even Blueblood is in top form here, coming off as the perfect jerk that he is, and getting a slight case of comeuppance.
Pinkie's role overall seems minimal, but that is most likely due to the third person limited perspective that is concerned with exploring Rarity over Pinkie. Pinkie has a part, she performs it, and for the most part, she just acts as a good friend should, in her own special way. And yet we are left wondering if she realizes just how much Rarity appreciates her friendship.
That in of itself is beautiful. It captures the essence of the show so well. Sometimes we don't realize how appreciated we are, or how much we can brighten up someone else's day with the simplest of actions.
Bravo.
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Heya! Thanks for the in-depth feedback and for taking a read even after you were disappointed by my other RariPie fic. (And I'm sorry it disappointed you, by the way.) I'm guessing you read only the revised version and not the original, so I'm glad to hear that you felt the revised version felt true to the characters as there were Rarity characterization issues mentioned regarding the original. Always nice when the revision fixes things versus making things worse.
..........
This kind of interaction is why RariPie is my favorite ship.
I thought I was going to end up not liking this up until I realized it was over, and realized that they hadnt kissed.
It was not a kiss but a *lack* of a kiss that made this work.
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I love how Rarity and Pinkie interact. Such a good ship.
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Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. There was a kiss in the original draft, and that was mentioned as being something that felt a little "whoa, that came outta nowhere!" so I'm glad at least that one problem was fixed.
I just want to read next days tabloids, the mane 6 must keep them busy. It was very cute and subtle, the interaction between the two, I especially liked how you wrote Pinkie