I am a simple writer who gets bouts of writer's block and procrastination. But, I do enjoy writing and wish to get cover images of my stories.
When one of the Elements vanished, the Changelings invaded, taking most of Equestria in a near flawless campaign.
Now after a year, Fluttershy has returned. Forever changed by her travels, she must save her friends, her country and three worlds from more than just Changelings.
*AN: This is a crossover between Devil May Cry 3 (mainly) and Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim*
The Shadow of a King is the sequel to this.
Cover image courtesy of myself.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story could be pretty good, but right now its not really anything to write home about. I'm not saying this because I want to knock you down, or anything like that. I just want to give you some honest feedback and hopefully make this story better. The reason I wanted to write this is because I can see your potential, and I can see that you have a good grasp of the English language, unlike some people on this site. So, here's a list of things you could work on.
1. Don't italicize speaking, unless you are doing it for some effect, and I really can't see the effect here. Quotes work fine.
2. Slow down, man! This has enough content to fill five chapters, if not more. I feel like you're rushing, and I don't know how you plan to fill more than three chapters with this. Try to expand it, add some description.
3. Show, don't tell. I know that sounds cliche, but it feels like you just tell us what happens in the beginning. Write a prologue first, maybe about Fluttershy disappearing, and then show us how Chrysalis takes power. After that, show us Fluttershy's appearance, and maybe give us a little time with her in Ponyville before she starts kicking changeling butt.
4. Maybe don't have two different crossovers. If you want to do it, that's fine, but I feel like it might be difficult to bring together these two different stories with the MLP world. I would suggest just using the Devil May Cry crossover, because I don't believe I've seen another one of those on this site, while there are numerous Skyrim crossovers.
Like I said, I'm not trying to tear you down, nor am I claiming to be an excellent writer. Despite that, I love to read, and I want to see this story come to full fruition. If you want help working with this story, feel free to message me; otherwise, you can just ignore everything I wrote here. Hope I helped at least a little bit, though.
1925723
I have a DMC/MLP one not like this one, but with Dante.
But yeah pretaining to the story, its good but you have to slow down reveal why she left, what happened to her in that years time.
Beyond that just keep a flow this has potential
1926122 Thanks for the input
The reasons to how and why she left will come but it will not be a prologue. It would be too long.
1925723 I italicised (i dobt that is a word but hey) it too make it easier to see where the conversations were. Sorry that it felt too fast, I can look back now and see you were right. The beginning was meant to 'set the stage' as it were. With the weapons and the powers I needed to include both DMC3 and TESV. Thanks for your oppinion, have a Smiling Pinkie
On a side note: I am trying to find my strengths and weaknesses with witing these fics so your comments help me out more than you may think.
FLUTTERSHY GONE NUTS
keep it up
1927456 To quote Fluttershy "YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE MEEEE!!!"
1927200
Np and I can see what ur saying:)
I read in the summary you know DMC 3 only, you may like DMC 1, especially one person in there
1927914 Who do you mean? I'll check the wiki for it. I liked DMC 3 with Lady's (Mary) Kalina Ann Rocket Launcher and conflicts between Dante and Vergil. The one sequence with Dante and Vergil fighting together was the best.
gansta fluttershy anint workin for me, soz!
1931783 Not gansta, Devil may Cry with some Dovahkiin in the mix.
1931826 same difference, she's mean and violoent and it just doesn't work for her, if it were rainbow dash, or applejack or even pinkie pie it would have worked, but not fluttershy
1931973 And that's why I chose her. It makes for the most unusual hero.
Never once played DMC3 but am huge skyrim fam\n
this fanfic has 100 poetntial
1932015 huh, i guess.. i never thought of it like that, you have my offical respect
1932134 Why thank you
1932103 DMC was pretty good for its story and the weaponry. The sibling rivalry between Dante and Vergil was epic. They hate each other yet they are more like each other than they would admit.
There is one they fear, in their tongue, he is called Dante-kiin
1938325
Can't stop laughing! You have made my day.
1942242 Well, that made my day. Consider it a thank you for making such an awesome story.
No, certainly not Fluttershy, for this Badass in Dante's clothes is FlutterGUY!
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcqj8sI0Dt1r9zx2to1_1280.png
I hope you know that now whenever FlutterShy does anything it will be this fluttershy with DMC4 Dante's voice...
1957212
That picture made me laugh my head off! Dear Celestia my sides hurt!! It will stay in my head for the rest of the day and for that I thank you. 
Sadly I don't know DMC 4 I only know 3 which was why I chose it.
Omg
THIS IS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER BY THE SECOND.
Also, who is you favourite pony now??
~~Flutter-Shy~~
1958396
Really?! Thanks
What part/s did you like? How did the fight scenes work for you? Sorry, I'm trying to see my faults and improve wherever possible. My answer is in this order: Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Rainbow Dash.
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM
1958565
pardon?
1958578
its just a tf2 thing people say
nothing important
1958581ah, I see. Never played it.
1958599
well don't i played it for 1 year and loss 600 dollers,
anyways are you a 360 gamer? you seem like the type
1958611 PC is KING!! Hail to the King, Baby!!
1958630
PC gamer, don't know tf2\\
wat?
1958762Yeah cash is a tight subject.
And I have heard of it but just never played it.
1958402
Same order, but Flutter-Shy (Well derr), Luna, Rainbowdash, Celly.
The entire thing is well written, i haven't been able to spot any faults in the grammar or word choice, and i love how the flashbacks occcur.
This story is very immersive, unlike some other stories i have read.
~~Flutter-Shy~~
1963382
Thanks sooo much! You have no idea how happy this makes me!
Side note: Next chapter to make landfall in a day or so.
1959945Internet is still expensive in RSA.
1963523
YEEEAAAAAAAAA!!!!
(More things to procrastinate with) :)
Looking foward to it already.
~~Flutter-Shy~~
damn
1964504
What's wrong?
1965155never thought fluttershy the meekest little angel would attain this level off bad-assery
1965618
It makes it hilariously ironic.
Besides we all know she is capable of some out of character things when she is angry. Sorry to pester though, which part did you like?
And yet that was EXACTLY the reason I chose her.
1967668 personally i prefer the dual pistols and dual blades to the rocket launcher it seems kinda over powered and i can't wait for the DMC part i will probably prefer it over skyrim cause i am an action junkie.
One question though will it be original DMC or the reboot?
also cuteness coma below look at your own risk.
th05.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/124/8/a/i_boop_your_nose_by_beavernator-d4yh7do.png
1967966 That is why the launcher isn't used as much. When the DMC flashback come, it will be ALL... how can I put this nicely?
KILL IT WITH FIRE!!! AND SHOUTS!! It will be DMC 3 as mentioned before, during the events at the Temen-Ni-Gru or after, I'm actually not entirely sure but it will probably be that.
As always, I LOVE THIS CHAPTER, you are getting better and better at story writing, and the progression in this story is lovley.
For the flash backs, as soon as i started wondering what realtime Flutters was doing you cut across in a paragraphs time. Lovley timing for me, and probably most readers out there.
This is building up to be an amazing story, and i can't wait for MOAR!!
~~Flutter-Shy~~
1965618
Well, too bad. I have.
~~Flutter-Shy~~
1968748 Thanks your comments spur me on, busy with the next part which is basically the fight scene in the castle against Chrysalis. IT WILL BE EPIC!!
Or ELSE!!
HECK YEAH! There's no kill like overkill!
Holy mother of Celestia, Fluttershy apparently Took 1,000,000 Levels in Badass while she was gone!
As for how her friends and the Princesses will react, I'm sure they'll see that she's still the same pegasus they all know and love, she was just forced to perform such brutal acts in order to save them.
Now who's going to replace Chrysalis as the Bigger Bad to her Big Bad?
Also:
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-first.gif
1971014 Normally that "first" thing kinda annoys me. But I find that gif freaking hilarious.
1971583 Yeah, it's much funnier than the picture of Moses and the Ten Commandments, isn't it?
ok....suddenly I headfanfictioned(automatically) Fluttershy doing the Crazy Dance Macabre...with 2 Greatswords
1972599 Sadly I don't the Crazy Dance Macabre, so that was unexpected. But funny!
1971014 Well, seeing as I still have the backstory of Skryrim to wrap up and DMC still to go through, we'll see.
1970297BUCK Yeah!!
Espescially when it comes from the least likely source!
1971014 1973093
My personal thoughts on the future
that coward elite is gonna become a bloodthirsty king
This idea was brought to you by
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6974940928/h78216B98/
I KILLED HER.
Mixed emotions here, and i can't wait for more flashbacks.
LOVING IT
~~Flutter-Shy~~