❇️ Howdy, to everyone coming here since 2024. We started to write this fic in 2013, inspired by the concepts of immortality and using that to explore societal structures.
One of the biggest things to Us was the fact that (FiM season 3+ spoiler) We imagined Twilight as an alicorn who takes over for Celestia. Not long after starting this project, that happened in the show, and it blew out Our will to continue this.
We might someday return to this, especially now that it's been over 11 years. Our creativity is coming back and We're emotionally in the right space to pick this up.
As of 2024-06-17, however, everything about this story and the description below is untouched from how it was back when We were first writing this.. Consider this an archive of how it was, until and unless We decide to start writing again.
Chapter 1 ("Alicorns") remains the only completed chapter. The entire rest of the story is unfinished, so only Chapter 1 is published here. You may act as a prereader for the rest of the story by viewing the Google Drive link below, but do know that only what's published here is considered "done".
[TO PREREADERS: The full story outline and meta information, as well as other notes, are available on Google Drive]
This is not a story for the weak-minded, nor the impatient, nor those whom expect a single theme or mood. This is not a story of right and wrong, nor of victory and tragedy, though it does have these. This is not a story of a single pony, nor is it a story of many.
This is a story passed down through only two generations, spanning uncountable lifetimes. This story is about a concept which is much too vast to ever comprehend, and is fully known in the hearts of every Equestrian.
This is the story of the love of an alicorn.
((Prepare. Long comment is semi-long))
Shouldn't this be a combined sentence?
Either the comma is in the wrong place, or not needed.
Comma not needed.
Story up till the "story in a story"
It's a good way to start the story as it caught my attention. Twilight with a daughter?
I know this is about Twilight and the other Alicorns, but it would be interesting to see a mother-daughter relationship with the two.
-I do like how you've set this up as a story in a story. Twilight would make a good narrater,
Not sure if serious, or if trying to avoid the birds and the bees.
Wait! I just figured out that... they're dead? :O Didn't see that one coming.
The story till she starts remembering in full is interesting, and keeps getting more interesting as it progresses.
-Side note. Constell is a jerk.
Okay. I think that's pretty much it. I'll come back and read over again later, see if there's anything else.
I read your long description. I take issue with your use of the relative pronoun "whom". I believe that the correct relative pronoun to use is "who". True, the noun-phrase, "those who / whom expect a single theme or mood" acts as an object in the overall sentence. One can therefore assume that the correct relative pronoun to use would reflect the fact that "those" is the object of the sentence. However, the element "those" functions as the subject in the adjective clause, "who / whom expect a single theme or mood". Therefore, the pronoun to use would be the one for subjects rather than objects, I think.
However, I will not profess to be an expert on the technicalities of English and such.
I will instead direct you to a rather weathered text that I have some faith in.
I wish to draw your attention to this example sentence.
The adjective clause is "whom Ruskin oftenest mentions". Here, the painter acts as the object of the adjective clause, while functioning as the subject of the entire sentence. "Turner", of course, functions as the predicate nominative, which serves to either define or describe the subject.
In any case, I will not urge you to make a correction when one is not warranted at all.
But do consider that "who" is perfectly acceptable as a relative pronoun for both objects and subjects of human intelligence.
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Thanks for reading this old story of Ours!
As said in the description's preamble, We haven't touched this in about 11 years. If We return to it, We'll bring it to specific people We choose for editing