Tragedy strikes down five of the six Elements of Harmony and Twilight Sparkle with some unexpected help, decides she is not going to let them go quite yet.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 18th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen April 17th
Zervziel
Moderator of Protect Celestia. Aside from that I'm a prereader/writer who farts about this site to an excessive degree. Currently have three stories going at the moment.
Zervziel
Joined 18th Dec, 2011 ·
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Come on, this is not enough!
160256 What do ya mean?
160271
I'm saying maybe continue. I love it and all, but I feel like this has a loose end.
160299 Oh I was planning on it. Kinda make the last part of the soul roundup useless otherwise. How was it over all? Story-wise I mean. I'm gonna go over it with a fine toothed comb when I upload ch 5 of DE tonight.
160437
Over all? It was pretty awesome. And that's why I feel the need for MOAR!
162403 Ah thanks. There were some parts of the story I had to tweak while writing as even I thought that was a bit dark.
162633
I Understand. So, anything new? Don't ask, I'm just making conversation.
162641 Not yet. Having to divert more attention to my Anthropology class as well as continue my job search. Just looking for something that will get me paid for awhile.
Oh and the pretty dark part I mentioned earlier was I originally had the CMC retrieving the bodies alone and when they went after RD, Scoots had to pick up her head which had fallen out of the bag onto the floor. I changed it since it really made Twilight seem like an immense asshole sending the children to retrieve the bodies while she worked.
160437 why does it say complete then?
378323 Because at the time when I went to change it my internet failed. When it came back up I'd forgotten to change it. Thanks for the reminder.
378356
yw
"Sweetie Bell pointed out that her and Applebloom's sister were dead and this was the only way they'd ever see them four had to retrieve Rainbow Dash's corpse"
"her and Applebloom's sister were dead and this was the only way they'd ever see them" This was the only way they'd ever see them? But aren't they about to be brought back to life??
also, "and this was the only way they'd ever see them four had to retrieve Rainbow Dash's corpse" I think there should be a period between them and four. and it should say all four of them, or four ponies, not just four. four what?
jsut nitpickin'. Like you do. great story. I liked the ?happy? ending
378402 Ah thanks. Missed that when I was editing it. How was it over all? Wrote this while in a rather odd mindset.
378429
Well, it seemed a little fast-paced, I think the deaths might be a bit unrealistic, even for a land of talking horses. I mean, Rarity's death? One in over a million? Just didn't seem like something that would ever actually happen. I also was wondering, did Rarity kill AJ? And the part with Fluttershy, I wasn't sure what happened. The show doesn't have any basilisks. I thought you meant to say cockatrice at first, but she's stared them down before, so I don't know. I'm not even sure what a basilisk is, really. so, yeah, interesting idea, some suspension of disbelief problems, and I think the fan part seems dangerous, and I wonder why they allowed such a weak flyer to even try that part, wouldn't they realize that it could be disastrous?
over all, good story, though. if we still had the star rating system, I'd probably give you 4 stars.
378519 Yeah, I knew it was paced a bit fast, but up until I decided to do an epilogue it was intended to be a one shot so it kinda got condensed. As for the deaths, as unlikely as it is, when you are that 1 in over a million ponies not enough "Whoa what were the chances of that happening" can save ya and yes Rarity did accidentally kill Applejack when she launched Tom into the stratosphere. As for the basilisk, in mythology it was a massive venomous snake. The King of Serpents actually. Like the cockatrice, looking into it's eyes causes bad things to happen. the cockatrice turns things to stone and the basilisk just causes the victim to drop dead. Why I included it was because MLP has shown a wide assortment of mythical monstrosities so I figured that some like a basilisk wouldn't be too out of place in a forest that has dragons, wolves made from wood, hydras, a manticore of all things, and a cockatrice or two.
The Wonderbolts test was intentionally dangerous because what they do is incredibly dangerous inherently i.e. stunt flying when you are the plane and there's no ejector seat. Also the questioning why they even let a weak fly even get to that point is not something I overlooked. They get called out on it as well as the test itself by a certain irate monarch.
378617
oh, okay. (why was Rarity messing with Tom anyway?)
379448 One of the side effects of the poisonous make up were irrational bursts of anger. Basically she got one of those bursts of emotion and took it out on the nearest object. So Tom got flying lessons.
380173
'kay
It does feel a bit rushed..a good idea, and I liked your descriptions of the dead ponies. But it feels it could be a little longer.
519254 As I mentioned above it was supposed to be a one shot. Fat luck with that as you can see. After I'm done with it, I'm gong to go back and lengthen the first chapter a bit to deal with that.