There's an old adage passed around that you don't come between a mother and her children. Nowhere in Equestria is this more applicable than where a Changeling Queen is concerned. The ferocity with which they will defend their children is unparalleled. There are no regrets. There are no restraints. But then...
What would you do if you had hundreds of children?
And what would you do if suddenly, there was another Queen between you and your children?
*This story was largely inspired by the changeling headcanons and artwork of Carnifex who was also gracious enough to permit me the usage of said materials for this story.
~Behind the Scenes~
Main Author: Eeveexpert
Character Pre-reader/Secondary Author: Carnifex
Main Pre-reader/Editor: Spiritofthwwolf
Chapters (15)
Being a fan of this artist when he first started to develop and expand on the concept of many different hives and their variants, and just loving his art in general beforehand, I can't seem to resist the urge to read this despite the morning's light. Be it as it may be, I'll be sure to read this now as I just *love* the way each Queen hunts and captures their prey. Miasma being his first is my favorite, she's rather cruel but smart in how she gets ponies to work for her hive and turn them into husks once all possible hope and love has been drained from their bodies.
I am pretty excited for this, though I should know restraint. I love his world of changelings, and I will go now and feast upon what this chapter holds!
EDIT: wow... I actually got a slight burst of feels during that reprimand. This is REALLY well written so far. Nice and addicting read so far, kudos on getting a feel out of me so soon. Goes well with how I've thought of Chrysalis with that one verse in her song on how she has no room to love the groom, which we find out later is because all her love is to the swarm and ensuring their survival in the most love filled place in all of Equestria.
EDIT2: That fury... That was pretty grim end to that pack. Chryssy shows no mercy for any life big or small that causes harm to her children.
This felt all too short. I'm a bit saddened by this, but it was a nice introductory chapter!
Looking forward to the next installment with much excitement!
I look forward to more of this story.
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Good to hear you enjoyed Chapter 1 so much! I was a little tentative at posting this at first; it's a far cry from what I'm used to writing, and I wasn't sure if I could convincingly pull it off.
And feels already? Color me flattered! It's...different to take a character introduced and characterized only as a villain and give them a softer side then take it away with a slap in the face and remind everyone why we see them as a villain. It's a new approach and so far, it's fun as hell. I do apologize for the shorter length here, but a large part of that is to keep me from burning out with too much going on everywhere all at the same time.
If you're a fan of Miasma, you'll really like Chapter 2 then. Each one of the first four chapters will be dedicated to a specific queen, so I can adequately explore their dispositions and hive mechanics, which was such a huge inspiration for me anyway. Chrysalis has had her chapter and Miasma's is up next, followed after that by Myxine's and then Ambrosia to round out the pack and let us start into the real meat of the story. (Miasma is my favorite OC queen too... Jus' saiyan.)
Glad to hear that you're liking it so far! Hopefully I can do justice to MIasma's character. We'll see!
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I guess, I never felt that slap honestly. You see while for non-changelings she's seen as a cold-hearted villain, and there is no arguing that, it doesn't mean she's not loving and caring to her people. There is a certain quality Chrysalis has, her ruthlessness to us just shows how much she was willing to risk to ensure her hive would prosper. Knowing she'd be going up against the very Princess of the Sun herself, another Queen by any other name, Chrysalis showed just how far she was willing to go to ensure her children's survival.
Not much is known of Chrysalis and her hive, all that is speculated is that she came from the Waste Lands, that Chrysalis may have been to Equestria before when she was younger and felt/fed/saw the copious amounts of love that region had. Perhaps she even once saw Celestia who knows. Chrysalis could of been plotting that attack for years, hundreds maybe. There is no telling. But her willingness to go so far as to risk her and her people's lives on a gamble, one she felt she saw an opportune moment to seize upon, to risk invading Canterlot and overtaking the Sun Goddess herself.
Chrysalis is anything but a dreamer, she really planned it all. Just, shame she let her euphoric levels of accomplishment brush off the ONE THING that gave her the strength to overthrow Celestia... I mean COME ON she harped on how much Love SA had and how empowering it was. Yet, she turned a blind eye to Cadance ever breaking her mind control spell who is a demi-god of love herself? Chrysalis never took into account what her own pride would end up costing her it seems.
Yes, you wrote a very motherly Chrysalis. And sure, she roasted a pack of Timber Wolves and possibly a bunch of females and their pups. It's ok for a villain to be a villain, having disdain for all life outside those of her own hive. No rule saying she can't be a revolutionist among changelings that treat her children with love and bolster their morale for being so cleaver and loving, as successful a Queen. I'm sure they all knew the risk, especially her.
Well, continue having fun exploring their characters and the intricacies of each hives specialties. I hear you on the burning out thing. I personally prefer 3k as my average for my reads. And yes, Miasma is quite the contrast to Chrysalis. I think that is sort of the point he was aiming for. Because those Honeycomb Hive changeling's opposites are the Water based changelings. It'll be quite fun to see all those personalities explored and how they interact eventually with one another.
That was rather lengthy. I simply enjoy stories that have such fun character and world building in them. Take your time with this, let it continue to stay fun is all I can say. I'm rather patient since I normally have so much catching ups to do anyways on other fics ^^; lol
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No need to apologize for lengthy comments, mate! I've typed more than my fair share of those.
Hmmm... Now that I look back on it, I probably could have come up with a better word than "slap" if I hadn't been so wrapped up in the heat of the comment, as it were. Ah well, it is what it is. No harm, no foul.
Yeeeaahhh... I wasn't really a fan of the so-called "idiot ball" they shoved upon Chrysalis to facilitate her defeat, but they gotta keep things within the attention span of the target audience, yeah? It's more than safe to say, I'll be doing none of that here.
See, it's not just Chrysalis that I envision as truly loving her changelings. I view every Changeling Queen, even Miasma, loving each one of their changelings in their own different way; as, during times of famine, it's the queen that sustains the hive through this love, but, even then, it is only capable of sustaining a finite number of changelings and prevents the hive from growing. Outside love is necessary to produce any new changeling population.
I see Chrysalis as being more aggressive in this affection, though I have no trouble seeing any of the other queens nuking something that has taken the life of one of their children, at least within my own headcanon. And when one queen offs another queen's changelings? Well, that's where the sh*t hits the proverbial fan. Which you'll get to see that much sooner, considering I'm about half done with Chapter 2 as we speak.
I think you'll enjoy what's coming down the tubes.
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As I would imagine. I was only able to truly comment on Chrysalis however since she is all I have seen and known so far. I just didn't feel right commenting on any other Queens, nor would I ever assume Chrysalis is the only one capable of it. She just happens to be more aggressive as you said in her pursuit for love.
Not to say Chrysalis however is truly the most ruthless either, by way of hunting I think Honeycomb would likely be the cruelest and lustful of the set. But, I'll keep more of my opinion on how I view the 4 known Queens to myself so not to let myself go in expecting a certain personality type or such from what is established already vs my own headcanon and what you'd have plan for the others. I intend to go in blind and expecting only that you have a set mind on how you want them. So, yes, that is why I mostly locked myself to mentioning and discussing Chrysalis' story and what is known and speculated.
So apologies there if I insinuated that she was the only one capable of loving her children, that could of been worded better. I do think however she's the most charismatic; different from how I'd see Honeycomb Queen who is more seductive and clear in her wants. And there I go, I ended up sizing up the two Queens. Oh well, it's only a small comparison of how I see some of the Queens when compared to Chrys anyways.
I personally enjoy the Aquatic Changelings, those are very facinating in how they can adapt despite how limited their prey is. That would insinuate that they take better care not to drain them too much I think, establishing a connecting rather than replacing a loved one could be a nice interesting tactic with how they do their quick and easy love gathering. Though, that in itself also brings in complications... How much love can one hive feed off one host? There is the love burst of gratitude for being saved, a chance for making a lover or a close friend from their quarry's near death experience in the waters... but how much of that will be sustainable for the hive members and their Queen? They do have bouts of laziness when they merely attack their prey, potentially taking them back and trying to funnel as much forced or perceived love out of them. They sure seem to have it rough, but at the same time a small and cozy lifestyle.
My, these changeling discussions are quite fun. But, please don't let my own thoughts come off as how I like to see them, but more as my broad opinion on the subject. I very much look forward to seeing *your* story and would not like to seem as I have any fixed notion of how they should be, it's an open world after all with many perspectives!
Best of luck on the Miasma chapter, not sure how many editors you have or if you're just that good at writing, but it flowed and passed on with no determinable hiccups in that last chapter. I think if the next chapter comes out as good and easily immersible as this one, I think perhaps someone should *cough*EQD*cough* look into submitting this story else where for more exposure, I'd hate to see such good writing potentially swept uder-hoof, shall we say, because of a gore tag. Not to jinx anything of course. No pressure! Take your time of course <3
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Oh lawdy, let's not get me started on Myxine and her aquatic changelings. Not at this time of night. Not once in five years of fanfictioning have I ever written anything involving a largely water-based environment. For now, let's just say I'm REALLY looking forward to it and that chapter should write itself. Hell, it wasn't until I picked up ponies that I started writing characters that could fly.
Frankly, Ambrosia (Honeycomb Hive) is who I'm probably going to have the hardest time writing, because as of right now, there's not much headcanon for me to run with for her. I'll have to drop Carnifex an ask to see if there's anything I've missed on her thus far.
As for editors, there's actually no one that permanently holds that title. I usually do most of my own editing; I hand-write every chapter into a notebook first and once that's done, I'll type it into Notepad, which lets me fix any spelling errors, awkward patches, add to particular scenes, and generally just polish things up. Multiple read-throughs give it that last spit-shine. Chapter 1 got an outside editor mainly because the fellow whom I asked had recently started writing himself. I'll probably do the same with Miasma's chapter to keep things up to par, though. And yes, I do plan to submit this to EqD, though I'll probably have to do it two chapters at a time. I barely eked out 3k words with this chapter.
(If you reply to this, and I'm quiet for a while, I've gone to bed. 3 am here and I've got a meetup to go to in the mornin'. Confound these changelings; they drive me to insomnia.
)
CHRYSALIS! Wait a minute.... wasn't teh Miasma the thing that infected Luna and turned her into Nightmare Moon?
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The answer to that largely depends on the headcanon of the person you're talking to. Personally, I say no, but that is a conversation on a different story. I do believe that there is a NMM origin comic out there that does indeed fit with what you're saying.
Terribly sorry, but I'm afraid that's not the case here. This Miasma is an OC changeling queen.
I'll have to give this a second read later on. Not quite as captivating as the first chapter. Did a nice job with the presentation for Miasma's hive and its inner workings. I really don't know what else to say... it certainly wasn't a bad chapter by no means... I just felt no attachment to the character on any emotional levels.
The whole thing I suppose felt slow? Soft? Not as dark or grim as one would expect with a fic baring a teen and gore. I felt more chills by comparison on that sort of bar you set in the first chapter. This here, despite a certain queen being so close to another queen's hive, felt like I was reading a completely different story.
Yes, the goal is to tell the story and workings of each hive, a setting and the freedom to choose the when and where is all good and expected. The only thing is that I just didn't get a sense of danger. Or peril. Some things may have been glossed over as if expecting others to know the history and backstory to Miasma. Perhaps you had a bit too much fun with the drunken pony or too much time spent explaining/talking Chrysalis' invasion force. Though, I can see you're building something around that which seems to link each hive apparently as Miasma seems willing to take Chrissy's hive.
I feel like I'm prattling on about nothing here. I guess the main issue as I see it is this chapter's changeling world building aspects and their queen, Miasma, was rather tame? Shallow? Restrained? None of those feel *right* at all... it is missing that personal something though. Between telling a story and building a plot around certain events while pushing us to new hives is great, I think perhaps this story's plot might suffer from moving too fast between hives.
You know what. I think it best I shut up and wait for more chapters, this story is too big to fit into its current 3k word limit. Still, as one who really enjoyed the execution, telling, overall dark presentation of chapter one, I feel it best to be honest about my views on the subject. I will give this a second viewing later in the day in hopes that my lack of wakefulness is somehow effecting my ability to absorb the story properly.
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No worries. Those are totally valid concerns; Miasma did feel a little flat whilst writing and after some deliberation, I do know why. I didn't give this chapter from the queen's POV as I did with Chrysalis in chapter 1.
I'm actually contemplating cutting out about 1000 or so words and using their space to do more with Miasma's character. I do feel that I can do much better with her.
Criticism is always welcomed and I thank you for yours.
on a ps3 as events over my control over police cofiscating my nongaming machines will not stop me from continuing my love of fiction and art. I'll supposedly get my stuff full of games and ponies by "Christmas".
This 3rd time was quite the charm! I much enjoyed the new reimagined manehattan descriptions. The way the drunken stereotypical pony meeting his grim fate was one that I didn't feel was un-needed, but really played well by becoming the focus of a happenstance of a passing changeling as opposed to being a long drawnout focus as was before. It was far more interesting seeing things play out this time around.
The introduction to the hive and queen were pretty good. It kept moving the story while simultaneously showing us the everyday commonplace routines. It was just another day at the hive. Miasma's opening introductions were great, loved the narratived there.
I'd say more is I wasn't doing all this typing with a controller lol
Safe to say I really want see what Myxine will play out, best of luck! The smart ones are the cutest <3
I have nothing produtive to say about this chapter.
I liked this chapter. I personally pictured her more silent and direct, which arguably she was. Very secretive with her feelings but still unquestionably caring of her children. Actually, aside from a sort of origin story of how the first town built by the sea came to be that centered around how she created her hive, I think you pretty much did all that and more for her compared to my own headcanon*. She has that animalistic drive of getting things done quick and efficiently as possible without doing that whole torture thing. I personally think she'd be the most capable of calculating when mercy and using tricks in the early days to garner needed sustinance of emotions to feed off of.
I mean, being a smaller hive you can't just go about drowning and taking ponies every storm that comes. Eventually that would lead to ponies avoiding storms and sailing at night all together. Towns population would take a hit, would-be victims who have families would lose the ability to sustain them and the town. I loved that you brought up seaweed as it really is a delicacy and one minor (imo, as ponies have not yet in my headcanon had seaweed catch 'dilicacy status' quite yet), but also prospect of expanding and being able to create new ways of life.
In any case, I assume your story's seaside town is one of cali or sanfran size colonized overpopulated beaches? I still much like your modern 'does what she needs to and nothing more' survival tactics. Great job, chapter was really smooth, though, I hope people were able to keep track of all the backtrack story telling. I love the style where it starts at the end and plays up to the present, the whole theme with "this is that story." is quite fun.
In fear that I'd lose everything I just typed I'll cut abruptly here. Great chapter. Also yay keyboard.
(Siansaar is awesome, I still would like to sort of have my own interpretation alongside his own, so not trying to compare mines to yours when it's being character driven by its creator. I just mused as the differences between our own ways to handle Myxine. Yay edit buttons! SUCK IT PS3!*accidentally the backspace+shift and saves*)
Not a big fan of Honeycomb Hive, but seeing she's like a super powerful flighty blonde, I guess there is that. I had interpreted her as a sort of cold and overtly cruel prankster that just had that cat plays with its food before it accidentally its neck. I guess I wasn't too far off seeing how she still sort of does that, just not as premeditated as I originally took her as being. I had her pegged as overly pampered and when bored would do unusual things like go out setting traps of her own and checking them periodically through out the week to see what toys landed in her playful and incredibly potent nectar.
I can't believe I stayed up this late to read this, scour around the house for a spare keyboard, and type this up xD I guess I just have a soft spot for bluehaired/maned/finned characters :P it was like an hour and 16 minutes by the time I started reading this lol
You really did a great job on this one. Looking forward to Ambrosia chapter, and then the thing I think most are looking forward to for continuing! (Miasma won't know what hit her! lol)
That came out so wrong... in spite of possibly putting a second foot into mouth, I'll say that I meant "I am not trying to say I didn't enjoy Myxine because she didn't fit *my* version of her. You go to greater lengths to stay true to her character, whilst mines they may be a tad older mentally, with a sharp tongue on the rare occasions she bothers to insult anyone within earshot.
In short, I think it is super awesome that you are able to get more context from the source to help better write a more immersive immersive tale! Not at all that your story is being written for you! Clearly not! You write, he tells you how close you were or what didn't match. You are the author, and this is *your* story about *his* characters.
This may not have warrented a second post, as I could of simply edited out the offending bit, but I felt bad after re-reading what I put down that came out differently than it appeared in my head. Sorry if it caused any confusion.
Neeeat. I like her!
One of the nastier of the Changeling Queens, most certainly, and a Cupcakes-like chapter.
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The best part is she doesn't even mean to be mean!
Ah Queen Ambrosia. So adorable and terrifying at the same time.
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Adorrifying?
Yes, perfect.
._. I think that Ambrosia is probably the most disturbing character I have ever read.
I don't know why, but I seem to like Queen Ambrosia. She seems innocent, yet seems terrifying enough to tear a changeling's wings off.
All I could picture was that jovial expression of utter excitement as Ambrosia locked gaze with Chrysalis, with her stringy hair partially covering her face as she said those words with an open mouthed smile of adrenaline.
Great chapter. I was hooked all the way. <3
No complaints here. And boy that was a fantastic recovery on Ambrosia's part, she seems dangerously nimble and most of all FAST. If she had a mind like Miasma.... she'd be a frighteningly dangerous Queen amongst Queens. Time to test and see if Ambrosia can get angry too.
YAY now we get into into the action!
I can't wait for next update. Keep it up!
I must say this is a pretty good story so far. Seems like if Chrysalis wishes to save her hive she should just ask for help. Wouldn't be surprised if any of the ponies or even the mane 6 pitied her after all that happened. Especially if they hear the reason behind the invasion.
still very interesting. love how this is turning out!
I cant wait for the next update, although I feel something really bad is going to happen to sylph...
this is just awesome. I want to say it makes me think of the moment I made, but this doesn't even compare, it is much better!
Hmmm... Centurion-naming... I have noticed the use of the four elements, as well as tinkering with the letters, but I'm not sure if I see much else. Sylph refers to the air, Arnyx to the earth, and Maryn to the water. Is the other the use of a y? To follow this trail would have me believe that Ambrosia's centurion will be named something such as Synge or Byrne.
Oh, and keep up the good writing.
This half-chapter was just... perfect. *Chuckle*
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The kind of chapter I've dreamed of since I was small.
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Every brony, strong and frail, will read this changeling tale. What they don't know is I get ev'ry lawl!
The funny thing is that I found Carnifex's work first with the new hives and then placed hope upon hope when I Googled for a fanfiction about them. I was even happier to find the writing done well and with the artist's approval. Finding you made my day.
I've always enjoyed his interesting headcanon. I can tell he put a lot of thought into it (LOLOLOL CHECK OUT MY PUNS) but seriously, I'm glad someone's using them. It wouldn't make sense that there's only one changeling hive.
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I'm right there with you. These changeling concepts were the coolest I'd seen (and still are, mind you).
It's odd, though. With as long as I had followed Carni's Tumblr, not once had I given thought to a story with these characters. Then, he goes and draws this and within a day it's got me writing chapter 1. I'm still not quite sure how a single image pulls something like that off.
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Ah, I love that picture. One by Carnifex that I really enjoy is Victory--I believe it is so titled--depicting the four queens on and around the Canterlot throne. It's hilarious because Chrysalis is playing with the crown, Myxine is working with a clipboard, Ambrosia is just...being Ambrosia, and Miasma is bored and eating. YAY, CO-OP MODE!
Another brilliant chapter, as expected, and I'm glad to hear that another is on the way. Do not answer if you have special plans, a surprise perhaps, but shall Calliphora make an appearance?
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Unfortunately, Queen Calliphora won't be making an appearance in Love Lost, for two reasons. When the story for Love Lost was created, there were only three queens. Given the length of each chapter and the overall length, the story is too tight to allow for the inclusion of any further queens. You're not the only one who wants to see Calliphora in writing though. I've already spoken with Carni with permissions for her use in mind. I'm able to, but only sparingly, given that Calliphora creeps the other queens out.
No, Calliphora will not be appearing in Love Lost. However, she could very well be appearing in the sequel, along with a queen of my own creation.
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I began reading that comment thinking, "Ah, well, the story is amazing as it is."
Then, I had to restrain shouts of glee. A SEQUEL! And it will be fun to see that original queen. High expectations.
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I'm just as excited to write the sequel as you are to read it, I can assure you that. I really want to write interactions between Chrysalis and Miasma where they don't want to murder each other. At least no more than usual, anyway.
In the meantime, my main pre-reader was gracious enough to actually give form to the ideas I have for my queen. If you're curious, I can PM you a link with her hive write-up and what she looks like.
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...How much do I have to plead?
Speaking of sequels, Are there any chance of Chrysalis, having lost so many of her children breaking down or someone and any of the Mane 6 or Princesses finding her and taking pity understanding the pain she's been through?
It would be quite interesting to see them let bygones be bygones and work for an alliance to a better future. Especially since it would mean easier love to feed on. Plus seeing them teaming up on Miasma would be funny to see.
Anyway this is an epic story so far. ^^ I'm really enjoying it.
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While that is an interesting idea to be sure, I'm afraid that there's no chance for Chrysalis turning to the Mane 6 or the Princesses for help. My changeling headcanons write Chrysalis as far too proud to resort to such a method. As for Miasma, that conflict will be resolved by the end of this story. She'll get what's coming to her, trust me.
At any rate, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying the story! I think you'll enjoy the next few upcoming chapters.
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I see. Well ok then.
Poor Chrys.
*Applause* Most fortunately what I expected. Great work.
The Canterlot Courier!
Everfree Lumber sawmill worker Mint Julip was found dead late last night as the victim of a timberwolf attack. It is believed that she was bound hoof-and-hoof before the occurrence. Her husband claims that aliens had captured him earlier that night, and he is currently a suspect held in custody.
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You sir, have just won the best comment award. You put both me and my pre-reader into fits of laughter.
Well played. Well played indeed.
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*Facehoof*
*Julep
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Aw, shucks. Now that really makes my day. I cannot wait for Chapter 10!
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Sorry to say, friend, but it's going to get worse before it gets better.
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Nor can I for you to read it. Carni has given me his approval of the Miasma-based feels contained within. I think you folks'll enjoy it.