Cheerilee has seen many generations of little ponies come and go, all taught the importance of friendship and knowledge of history and day-to-day lessons. But now, as she approaches old age, she sees the passing of an old friend she doesn't wish to happen: her schoolhouse. New Ponyville has grown to become a city of considerable size, and the Ponyville Academy now handles all education. So the old shall give way to the new; reluctantly.
Be warned, Known to cause minor cases of The Feels.
Cheerilee sadfic oneshot inspired by my artwork "School's Been Out For-Ever"
A sketch I made of Mayor Coltson(for visuals): here
Chapters (1)
So many feels
Don't worry Cheerilee, the building was never as important as the work that was done there.
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Glad you liked it!
It was really interesting thinking of the story on the spot, after having read a fic with Cheerilee, and looking at my drawing. Spread the word, Celestia knows I need more viewers.
And that's very true, but it doesnt make it hurt any less within..
Sadfics/sad poems are my preferred medium. seems like it worked!
All the feels!!!
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Thank!
2259119
mind reading my just now completed story about derpy and dinky?
;_; I has a sad now.
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Awh. I'm glad this story had the desired effect! Im sorry that you're sad though. have a
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Yeah, I just felt the urge to write sad, and this is what came up! It's gotten alot of good attention so far, and honestly I'm surprised. I thought everypony would just pass it by. so thanks!
oh man...
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Hey, now, I warned you of the onset of The Feels! I told you all!
Glad you liked it!
So very sad, but very well written. Bravo!
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Why thank you! Ive gotta say I'm surprised with all the positivity it's gotten so far! Thanks for reading, and any suggestions you may have are greatly appreciated!
Sad music is playing in my head now
Good job!
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I was actually listening to November Rain during writing. Perhaps that is what you hear?
And thanks! I'm really glad so many people love this one!
Still got more attention than my Antimark story. maybe its cause its a one-shot? heh.
Well...you're always gonna have one stickler in the crowd and I am probably gonna be that one.
Call me an emotionless jerk, but I didn't get it.
It was just so short that as you took us through the story--I couldn't really relate to it at all. We are given very quick and somewhat shallow definitions of what's going on from Cheerliee's perspective. Her life is changing completely--her whole purpose now no longer needed. It felt to me more like a dry and somewhat flat description of events and not much else.
I would have loved to have seen some quick flashbacks of the good times: where she was teaching a class and just allowed herself to get lost in memories of the times where she made those impacts and helped to shape the lives of the students that were in her care and tutilage. I know that you meant to impact my feelings, but...
I'm sorry--this just did not hit me as strong as you had intended it to.
Good points:
• Short and direct read
• Good paragraph and sentence structure
• Events were covered in a linear and understandable order
Points that could be better:
• Connecting with the reader on a more personal level
• More descriptive than merely Cheerilee crying
• More than just NPC Characters to help illustrate the events
I can't handle Feels today, so out of necessity I'll be skipping this.
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Thanks for taking the time to tell me what you thought! Honestly, I didnt really mean anything from it, I was just wanting to write something based from my cover art. I didnt really plan it out, kinda wrote as I went, and published first draft material. I'm sorry, but what's NPC stand for?
Also, I know I couldnt convey emotional attachment as well as I could have, but I've never really had to experience this sort of thing myself. It was really hard, actually, to try to make it as sad as I did. I mean, the characters seem pretty able to adjust to change, thats why my mind kept telling me Cheerilee would just move on as long as her students were happy. But that wouldnt make a very sad fic, now, would it?
To be more honest, It's my second only attempt at story writing. So I havent got the skills needed to write anything particularly epic. I would have loved to write flashbacks in there, but I wasnt too inspired as it was. I mean, you try taking Ponyville's future from that artwork!
But I'm glad you liked it anyways, and thanks for the tips! its better than "sad fic!" or "I like it". I feel writers need courteous feedback to improve, and that is just what you've given me!
ahem. /long-flank comment
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I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you recover from your Feels-itis, and can come back another day!
2260294 Will do. Already have this on my "Read Later" list.
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Awesome! Thanks alot!
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NPC stands for Non-Playing Character. It's usually a designation for a background pony or an Original Character, which is the term I should have used in that situation.
Above all, don't stop writing. You will get better with practice, learn how to stick in little details that will make me stop and ask if I've ever had something like that happen to me in my life. What can I take away from the story, what am I going to remember from it? That doesn't need to be the generalized focus of what you write, but it's a wonderful by-product thereof.
2259542 Thank you kindly!
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Ooooooohhhhhhhhhh I get it now!
Yeah, I usually strive for emotional connection, but thats because I write poetry mainly. Im just new to story writing, and skills therein involved. Usually i write a lesson in my works, but again, not alot of areas to take inspiration from.
Thanks for the suggestions and help! Maybe you could take a look at my other story The Antimark, and let me know what you think. That was my first true fic writing attempt.
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Hope it helped!
2259994 I'm afraid I don't really have any suggestions as I'm honestly not that great when it comes to actually breaking down and critiquing a piece of work, but I can give a little more detail now that I'm not trying to type out on my phone.
I felt like you really got the emotion pretty well down. People -- or ponies in this case -- get attached to things emotionally after a certain time and I can understand where Cheerilee is coming from; when I was in high school, I went to watch when they tore down the building I went to grade school in and a lot of memories both good and bad where there while I watched. For Cheerilee, it felt like it was as much about taking those memories with her as it was getting a chance to say goodbye to something important. That's what really got the emotion for me and what nailed it for me story wise. I liked the characterization and I think you did good on the tone
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Wow. Having not actually been through an experience like that, and having someone who has say it fits means so much to me!
Thanks again, You make me wanna write more chapters now!
2262750 You're quite welcome and if you do write more chapters I'll certainly read them too
Reading through the comments, I noticed you mentioned this is your first attempt at writing a story. By that scale, it's pretty good. I think this could be stronger if you expanded it some. Let us see the changes happening to Ponyville via flashbacks to how it was, then contrast them to how it is.
Mayor Coltson is a good character for how little we see him. I like how you didn't make him a heartless jerk despite filling the role of antagonist.
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Hehe actually, this is my first one-shot. my other story The Antimark is my first fic ever. Go check that one out (its still in progress) and lemme know what you think.
I'm not really keen on the whole OC business, but Mayor Mare just wasn't getting any younger. So we had to replace her! But yeah, I don't have an easy time creating my own characters (it's the same issue on the Antimark.) so i'm glad to know I did halfway decently.
I would love to expand, but I feel it would take away from the overall feels produced.
This story is, from my point of view, a pretty good story for a student, no matter the level, to read. A student has experienced teachers in their lives, ones that last long and those that don't. It just makes it all the more sadder when you hear the last two words of the story... it's just that, the happiest phrase in a school day... can also be the saddest sentence a being can ever hear.
I really liked this, gave me feels, a splash of sympathy, and yet I still didn't cry.
As one leaves from their own joyful past,
An experience one can and cannot choose.
A feeling of happiness will now ever last,
On face of small ones with not much to lose.
A journey one can say will be their hardest,
A goodbye one will not ever want.
But for now dear friend, go to bed and rest,
For tomorrow another day will come.
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Thanks! I haven't actually had views on this one in a while, but i feel it made the point across. Hey, for a first one-shot, I'd say it went swimmingly!
that poem's really nice also.
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Coincidentally, I'm reading poetic insights next.
Hello! Have a review. I adore the setup for this story, and the melancholy feel to it is satisfying. Unfortunately the fact that this is your first (completed) fic here does show -- for one thing, a thousand words really isn't enough to explore a setup like this.