“C’mon Scoots, almost there!” said Rainbow Dash to the orange pegasus as they trotted forward. They were almost to the top of a particularly large hill. It was one of the biggest near Ponyville. The sun was just beginning its daily climb for the day, overlooking all of Equestria. The moon was slowly relenting the suns takeover, and eventually subsided.
“Rainbow Dash, did you have to wake me up this early?” Scootaloo whined, obeying nonetheless. She had been woken up early by Rainbow Dash that day to practice more lessons in flight, and Scootaloo been looking forward to it all week. However her excitement was overshadowed by her sleepiness in the early morning fog. They sooned reached their destination. The top gave a beautiful view of the sunrise, and a small glimpse of Ponyville in the fog.
The rainbow maned pegasus looked to the surrounding area. The conditions weren’t too good for flying, but she didn’t expect much trouble with it. After all, what was a little fog to someone as trained as her? “Alright, have you been practicing moving your wings really strong? And really fast?” she asked, knowing the answer before it left her muzzle. She was very predictable.
“Yep. I even did some exercises without my scooter!” she said, slightly regaining her enthusiasm. Even if it was early, and really foggy, she trusted Rainbow Dash and listened to her every word. It’s what sisters did after all.
Dash nodded her approval at her. “Give it time, you’ll be cruising so fast ponies won’t see you coming!” she said, confidently. She had grown fond of the little filly, whom she had promised to look over like a sister. And she had faith in what she was teaching her; which was to be more like her.
The young filly looked up to Rainbow, finally out of the morning haze, and eager to follow her mentor. “You really think so Dash??” she asks, eyes shining despite the lack of sunlight. Any praise she could earn from her mentor was as good as gold to the filly.
Lightly punching her shoulder, Rainbow smirked. “You kidding? With enough practice you could be the next Rainbow Dash!” she said, striking a pose. She looked to Scoots and to the sky. “In fact...I think it might be time for your first practice run!” she added.
Looking up nervously, Scoots gulped. “I don’t know Rainbow...It seems pretty foggy...” she said quietly.
Chuckling, Dash rolled her eyes. “Of course it’s foggy. The weather ponies aren’t up yet to clear the fog. Besides, your with the one and only Rainbow Dash. What’s the worse that could happen?” she asked, rhetorically. She then picked up Scootaloo with a hoof raising her to the sky.
The filly was about to object, before she was hoisted into the air. She looked downward to see the ground quickly fall away. She gave a quick sigh. “Eyes on the prize Scoots. Forearms out, keep balanced, and flap those wings!” said Rainbow Dash confidently. Scootaloo obeyed, knowing the procedure.
Scoots closed her eyes as she did this, focusing on beating her wings. She had been told it didn’t matter if they were a bit small for her size, and that they’d still work.
Dash was busy compensating for the weight. However, soon she found she needed to compensate less and less. Eventually Scoots was supporting her own weight in flight. Rainbow slowly slipper her hoof from under Scoots. She was flying in the usual pattern they flew. She slipped behind Scoots, not too worried about her now. As far as Rainbow was concerned, it was smooth sailing for Scoots.
The orange pegasus followed the route through memory. However it didn’t take long for her to realize that Rainbows hoof was gone. “WOoAh!” she said veering to the right, searching for Dash while losing altitude. Her fear had come true. “Rainbow Dash?!”
Dash saw her begin to panic. “Scoots! Don’t freak! Right behind you!” she said, hoping to comfort her enough to at least keep a level altitude. The worst thing somepony could do was panic on their first flight.
She had gone down a considerable ways, from Rainbow Dash. However, after hearing Rainbows voice she tried to calm herself, and let her natural instincts take over. She took a few deep breaths and after a moment or two, she giggled. She was actually flying. She had never imagined that it would feel this good or amazing. She fully embraced her new ability. She looked back to Rainbow Dash, a smile plastered across her face. “Rainbow I’m doing it! I’m flyi-”
*THWACK*
Scootaloo disappeared from Rainbows vision. She stopped immediately and quickly rushed to the spot she had last seen Scoots. She heard several cracks as something plummeted through a multitude of branches, before landing with a *Thud* . The silence was unbearable for the few moments it lasted.
The Cyan pegasus rushed to the ground, without a moment to spare. She looked through the trees, but they all seemed the same. The fog obscured everything within a few feet below the treeline.She wondered why she didn’t hear Scoots crying after a fall like that. She began to panic and called out Scootaloo’s name. “Scoots?! Where’d ya go?” she yelled into the forest. She got no reply. She began to fear the worse, that fear flooding through her body. She quickly rounded a set of trees. “Scoots? Scoootallooo?!” she yelled, still receiving no reply. Only a quiet echo from her own voice.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a reprieve from the silence.“Rmbw Dsh...” she heard faintly, as if far away. It came, almost as a whisper. She looked around frantically. “Scoots?! Where are ya??” she asked desperately, still unable to find her. Again came the faint whispering , sounding softer than before. “Dsh....”
Dash looked behind every tree, her hope waning that’d she’d ever find her adopted sister. Then, another sound. ”Dash...” it said more clearly, and much closer. Rainbow flew to the spot where she heard her name. Laying there, behind a tree, laid a figure. It didn’t look anything like the shape of a pony; it bent at far too many angles for a pony who was healthy. However, she was not healthy. And she was very much in pain.
The young filly, whose body was so mangled, managed to look up to Rainbow Dash. She couldn’t cry; she didn’t have the strength to. She was barely conscious. She said two words, before her body shut down. “I’m....Sorry...” she whispered, almost silent. Then her head fell flat, quickly losing any sensations to the world.
Rainbow couldn’t believe that this mangled pony was Scootaloo. And when she stared at her, and issued her apology, she began weeping. Deep wracking sobs filled her body as the realization of what had occurred dawned on her. She continued this for a few minutes until she realized she needed to do something to help Scoots. She looked to the sky and screamed like she had never before, calling out in desperation, for anypony who could help Scootaloo.
I want to think that this story could turn out to be something good, but there are some issues.
The plot is progressing way too fast. Everything is happening at once and i dont have the time to actually symphatise with the characters.
Do not use colored text. It looks horrible and i almost backed out because of that.
And the sentance structure is just weird.
I would love to elaborate some more, but i am writing this in between classes so i dont have the time. Also, if you need a prereader or editor, just contact me by fimfic message and i'll help you out.
i for one like the colored text makes it really easyt o distiguish whos talking a problem i have reading other fics hope to see more
So Scootaloo is dead?
2265064>>2265082>>2265338 HAPPY PI DAY!!!
2265064
This plot point is meant to progress fast. This is the Prologue, and this is just an event to continue the plot. Next chapter will be more elaborate, and slow down. Promise.
As for the color...I don't know. I really hate how theres like 8 colors. No options whatsoever. Clarification on why people hate colors?
I do have a FiMFic reader actually. Sadly the last part never got to him, so it's probably riddled with errors.
Thank you for your comment, constructive criticism is always welcome.
(Also, thanks for sticking with the story, even if it has it's flaws.)
2265082
I agree with this. Some fics its like "Ahh whos talking??" Then again choice is limited. I couldn't even do the mane 6 color schemes with it...Again maybe, maybe not.
2265338
We shall see. However this isn't a one off, and theres very few ways I could go with a Scoota-funeral. Plus I hate killing canon characters.
2265412
Happy Pi Day?
2265463 Finally, someone replies!
2265564
Sorry Im a bit late with the replies...Had to sleep and such.
2265584 Meant that I've been advertising Pi Day all day and you're the only one who has replied as of yet.
2265589
Well of course! Who doesnt love Pi?
2265605 mathematicianspictures.com/Images/250w_PIDAY_Use_02_Pi_Day_Po.jpg
Write next chapter please DX Also i love how you used the colored text, i couldnt help but read in their voices lol
2265669
Patience is a virtue! xD It'll be up in the next day or two.
2265697 Okay then Zecora =P *noticed your rhyme*
2265726
I didn't even notice my rhyme...
2265463 okay, i can see the point with the plot and i won't hold it against you.
but please remove the colored text. it is horrible to look at and it screams "amateur" more than anything else. it is so terrible to read that i'll just leave if it continues with it, simply because i can't read it.
edit: i'll hang on if you atleast make them darker, as it is, they are way too bright.
2265820
Okaaay. I think this may be a personal issue. They don't seem too bright on my screen. I guess this will be another thing to consider when Im putting up the next chapter.
2265840 it is basically unreadable for me on light and medium light, it is only readable on medium dark or dark, but then it's just plain ugly to look at. and where did you get the idea that coloring the text was a good idea?
2265865
The 2 comments stating that they liked the coloring?
And the fact that some fics are really difficult to pick out who's saying what sometimes. Color just kinda adds that extra bit so we can clarify who is who. But I digress, the color selection is extremely limited, so it's difficult to do anything extensive with it.
2265885 yes, some fics have that problem, but you don't have that problem, which makes the colored text annoying and obsolete.
2265905
Well at least Im doing something right then!
2265912 you're doing it very well, especially for a first fic, but the colors are horrible.
2265412
Yay pie day!
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4b/Apple_pie.jpg
2266030 "Hey, I baked you a pie!"
A good start, but I'd like to point out a mistake: It's spelled "prologue", not "prolouge". I'll be following this for a bit, curious to see where it goes.
so because it was so foggy scootaloo flew into a tree that really sucks
start writing again please
You better hurry up on updating this...
patience young Padawan