Pinkie Pie Grim and Gray

by twilightpinkysparklepie

Chapter 1: New Adventures

Pinky's narration: With new hopes for the future, I set off for the adventure of a lifetime! I packed my dazzling, bright pink bag and headed off for whatever awaited me. I didn't know where to go first, so I decided to just keep moving and let the road I was traveling on lead me. Not long after I started my new adventure did I meet my first encounter as Pinkamina Diane Pie.

"Hello fellow traveller! Where might you be headed?" Pinkamina asked. This pony was a senior with a bunned silver mane and a pie on her bum and a polka dotted orange scarf around her neck.

"Why hello there young pony! I am heading off to my home in Ponyville. It's not far off from where we are now," she said. "Now where are you headed little filly?"

"I'm not really sure. You see, I live near here around the rock mines."

"You mean over there?" the elder pony said, pointing to a house 5 feet behind Pinkamina.

Pinkamina turned around. "Why yes!" she giggled. "Now where are my manners?! Let me introduce myself, I am- am- am.....I am..." Pinkie tried to think up of a name she'd want to go by. "Pink-..."

"Indeed you are!" she chuckled. "I am Granny Smith of the Apple Family; you should come on by and meet the rest of the family. Why they'd love to meet you." she smiled.

"That sounds fun!" Pinkamina started to canter away; she was so excited to meet new ponies on this adventure! "Now where is Ponyville? Is it the town to my left? Is it the town to my right? Or is it that BIIIIG castle straight ahead?! I wonder what's in Ponyville. Are all the ponies there so friendly? Do they laugh a lot too? I love laughing now because it scares all the creepy spookies away and doesn't make me feel so alone and helps to make new friends and I wonder what the other ponies there enjoy doing! Are all the ponies there so colorful?? I wonder if I'll seem like the other ponies with all this pink! Or maybe I'm the only pink one there! I'm so excited!!!! Granny Smith, do you-" Pinkamina abruptly stopped her babbling and looked behind her. "Granny Smith?" Pinkamina trotted a little ways up the large hill she was on and spotted Granny Smith far away, still by Pinkamina's house.

"Why hello there little filly! I'll be right on over," Granny Smith hollered.

***

When Pinkamina and Granny Smith finally arrived in Ponyville, Pinkamina just about fainted from all of the exciting new sights!

"This is absolutely amazing!!!" she squealed.

In a lickity split Pinkamina had visited every store there, admiring all of the things they had to offer and leapt for joy when she was done.

"I cannot believe I'm in Ponyville! I never imagined such wonderful things here!" Pinkamina exclaimed.

"Now wait til you see our farm. You'll have such a good time there if you're looking for an adventure." Granny Smith said.

With a skip, hop, and a jump, they arrived at Granny Smith's farm, Apple Acres.

Pinkamina's eyes opened wide with delight. "Woooooooooah," she sighed.

Comments

[Thecrazyrabidfangirl]

O...K... then... The most immediate thing that's wrong with this story is the title. It's "Pinkie" Pie not "Pinky" Pie, and "Pinkamena" not "Pinkamina". Also, it just switches from 1st to 3rd person all of a sudden after the first paragraph... Kinda weird. I'd comment on how the plot itself makes absolutely zero sense, but since it's tagged 'Random' I guess you can get away with that. You also did a poor job with Granny Smith's dialogue.

At least the grammar, spelling, and formatting were okay.

2.5/5 Because at least it was decently written.

~Rabbidfangirl

[twilightpinkysparklepie]

195625
You're right! Sorry, I just realized that.
As for the switching between 1st person and 3rd person, I wrote "Narration" or "Prologue" for every time that Pinkie's speaking in first person. The rest of the story is in 3rd person so it's seen more like a show. "She did this" "She did that" kind of thing.
I tagged this as 'Random' because it is a random story!
Could you give suggestions then on how to improve her dialogue?
Thanks for your honest feedback!

[Thecrazyrabidfangirl]

196088
Well, just because you labeled it "narration" doesn't mean it's any less jarring or weird. About Granny Smith, she should have a hick accent, like Applejack, yet you wrote all her dialogue in regular English.

[twilightpinkysparklepie]

196339
I'm not saying that it's supposed to make it any less jarring or weird; I'm just trying to tell you why i made it that way. Of course it'll be weird either way!
I see what you mean. I will improve upon that.