The setting is 1,000 years before current day equestria, just before Luna was banished to the moon after being transformed in to nightmare moon. When she notices that no pony seems to like her night, she goes to her sister to ask why. a heated argument over wither or not Luna deserves more responsibility leaves Luna crying in her room, where a ghost like alicorn claiming to be the ambassador of the stars shoots down from the heavens and lands on her balcony. He calls himself Adstridum and claims he knows the reason that Celestia refuses to give her more power.
don't have time to make a cover art right now, so my profile pic will have to sufice
Chapters (1)
well, after a week and a half of writing, corresponding, and re-writing, I finally finished my first fanfic. I am really interested in seeing how this works out as I usually draw and I was just doing this to kill time while my student license came in for about $1,000 worth or programs. needless to say, I got really in to this, and turned out what is quite possibly the longest thing I have ever written. properly spaced and edited, it clocks in at exactly 10 pages in its original word document. It was proofread by MIKEANTHONY321. to all who read it, thanks for giving it your time, and please leave a comment telling me what you think.
I like it. Got to say, this is something that has been played out, that something possesses Luna. Good job though!
The only prolem I see is that it's a little...rushed. I don't know why, it just feels like things happen to quickly. Judging how you wrote it all night, then made more in spanish class, I would assume you were in a hurry. Other then that, it's a pretty decent read. I hope you will make
The ending is really cool.
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That was just the outline that I wrote in a night. I spent about 2 weeks on the rest of it. Thanks for the feed back bye the way.
Hey iv taken a copy of this for a review if you would like to see what I think here's a link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Slash-wing-my-little-pony-FIM/339895572794546?ref=hl
and in a few I may have a video review up on my channel so ill give you a link for that to
https://www.youtube.com/user/DangerClosePodcasts/featured?view_as=public
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I am glad to see you liked it. you seem to read a lot of fan fiction. If you had the time; would you mind helping me figure out how to improve? (we ca continue this with messages if you wouldn't mind) There has to be a reason people thumbed it down, and I would like to find out why.
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sure im about to do a video on it so we can talk after that
It was a nice idea to have a very devious pony to bring Luna down and control her. But I felt this story is bland. A child, filly or a colt, said that they didn't want to hear about Luna.
I'm sorry, it is so weak.
This guy named Adstrum, What does he look like? An Alicorn, that is the base but what about his coat color or a mane color? His body build, Thin, Tall?