Well, this was very difficult to read. There was absolutely no divide between fiction and reality, and in both cases you swap names around every other paragraph, so I spent the vast majority of the chapter with no idea what was supposed to be happening. And then, total clop out of nowhere. I know I should have seen it coming, but the rest of the story was so much more tasteful compared to this. And pudding? Really? I thought that was supposed to be an intentionally absurd joke, not the payoff of the entire story. A very disappointing finish.

It's OVER!? No no no! I wanted to see so much more of the 'Trials of Temptation' ! Oh well.

The pudding was hilarious, I loved it. In case you were wondering, Mr. Nonagon complainy-pants. *sticks tongue out childishly*

It was brilliant how Twilight thought that she had hidden her self-insert so well. It wasn't obvious at all.

P.S. IS it over? Please say no!

"mare, ee-su-ooh-rely"
I see what you did there.

224434
That was the point, it was bad fanfiction. And yep, pretty much, tasteless clop was about the name of the game. I guess if ya'll dislike it that much I could do an alternate ending, but I have no idea how I'd make that ending satisfying. "The Twilight and Dash kissed and made up and everything was okay" isn't the most dramatic plotline.

224951
'fraid so, though it does mean I can now go and write other things.

That was funny, sweet, and chocolatey.

Of course I would have loved more godawful Sparkle-Sue action -- especially Twi trying to write explicit sex -- but it was hilarious and worked well in context.

Yay!

There was not nearly as much Twi being a terrible writefag as I wanted

Welp, it's over. No no no no no when is your next thing going to be out I need a reason to wake up every day

225773
225753
Sorry, I'd have loved to do more, but it was a choice between doing that and finishing in two chapters, or not and doing it in one. This was I can continue on to other things I'm not quickly growing to hate :D

It'll also have Twilight in it

225717>>225801 Haha! Alas, I will take it in stride. If you weren't into this fic anymore there's nothing to do about that. Thanks for doing such a hilarious story while it lasted though TAW. I you~

Keep on rockin'!

266156
My, you'd almost think it was bad fanfiction with plot points that didn't quite make sense! ;)

266190
How can you stand to write a bad fanfic on purpose? Gah! I don't get it! Whatever floats your boat though

266219
Dash wasn't meant to be a particularly good author, that was the entire point. If the fishing rod was the only thing that came out as a little absurd then I failed.

266260
I had to skip the daring do parts lmao, they were too terrible :P

266410
Then you may as well not have read the story, really.

I commented in the first chapter that Dash seemed to have taken lessons from General Jenit Sulla (retired), but it seems Twilight is a much better match... (and her own Ciaphas Cain to boot!). Obscure references aside, much laughs were had reading this story. If I had one complaint, it would be that the story didn't really put me into the mood for clopping. And that my face hurts from cringing at their attempts at fanfiction. Wait, that's two complaints? Anyway, good work.

331833
Yeah, the story was really done more as a writing exercise than anything else - though you may enjoy the sequel which I'm taking a little more seriously!

Overall, I think it was quite good. Some odd parts, but the idea as a whole was interesting. Will be a bit more sloppy review then deserved but xP
Will first say I rather liked the concept, it was a visible, but still amusing idea, it had a quite good pace, some parts were a bit off, but good overall.
As for the last scene, it was quite good. Personally not a to big fan of "pink insides", but in the context of just "insides", I can see it more logically... although, not sure why she'd be looking inside her vagina when the rest of the vulva is there xP

The whole chocolate pudding felt quite amusing, since it was a bit of a running gag (imo) throughout the series. It was a "serious" erotic aspect, I just found it to be rather funny. Gotta say it was quite a tad bit too phallic focused for my liking, (the sex scene) then again, not really a fan of the "super overly sensual horn" jig so... but I guess I can see why some are appealed by it. The Rarity part was odd and kinda out of place, but had some humor to it. Can't say to much about it though since I tend to do rather similar things in my own ones xD

467043
Yeah, this piece has a lot of problems. An explanation (not an excuse) is that I wrote it primarily as a writing exercise, to see what I could do allocating exactly 45 minutes to each chapter, so... no time for editing, woo!

Personally, I like the horn thing, but I agree it was badly used here (and actually, retconning (sorta) it was the first thing I did in the far-more-serious sequel), and really it needs a lot more explanation (preferably of the sticky kind) to be worthwhile. Thanks for the words!

468322 Yeah, I think I recall seeing that in the description :P
I know how my stuff really needs editing to be presentable haha.

I don't mind it minorly, like with wings, ears or cutiemarks, but when it kinda over-shades the real deal it goes a bit "~eh..." imo. When it's used as an ergonemys zone (or w/e called), that's chill, but here it was used as a second sexual organ, seemingly better than the actual one. Something I can just randomly note I've noticed some artist do a bit "odd" imo (haven't noticed it to strongly from you though) is that when doing f/f, they seem much more inclined on having m/f sex. Ie: The characters instead of aiming to please the other with what they got, they instinctively aim towards getting a phallic object. I can state that yeah, some do this, but for most females, the most pleasurable zone overall is the clitoris, and the "least effective" (but by all means not "bad", just worst of the good) is vaginal penetration. In terms of getting pleasure and getting off that is, some prefer the feel of it.

Kinda messy reply, but in a hurry ^^'

469355
Yeah, it does feel odd when it takes centre stage. Something I've tried to do with it in the sequel is differentiate and expand on it a little more - it does feel good, but that's for a reason, and it's not actually a good idea to overdo it, especially in Twilight's case where unrestrained magic could be dangerous.

On a writing level, though, often m/f sex can just be easier to write for people, it's more relatable to non-lesbians. I don't so much have that issue, but I'm sure I still suffer slightly from basing so much of my own style off of the work of others.

469435 Yeah, as said, have given it a try now, not sure if I prefer this over it tbh xD This has a more relaxed, silly feeling to it, the other seems to be trying a tad bit hard. Not necessarily a bad thing for some people though.

But yeah, I also think that might be the case. I can quite relate to the "thing" allot as I can't relate at all with m/m, due to lacking anything to relate to haha. And man, I am to tired atm to write decently ^^'

471276
Yeah, the sequel is vastly more serious. The first chapter was more setting the scene than anything else, FWIW.

471958 Haven't had time to read more than the first chapter, but will give more reviews after it as said.
Will hopefully be better as said, it has an interesting premise as said.

559713

This. Got a big chuckle out of me. I kinda want to see Rarity's line of thought after that happened XD Side story! side chapter! SOMETHING!

SHIT I'M LATE! wish i was there at upload but still great

Beautiful. Just stumbled over this, and I must say, I really loved it.

Can't wait to read th sequel, but that will have to wait. Even I need some sleep... ;)

I'm glad I read this. In "The wind beneath her wings" I had no idea where the pudding came from. I also didn't know how Twi and Rainbow got together. Although I'm glad your taking it more serious than this story.

893845
Once TWBHW is finished I'll probably decanonise this and write something a bit more serious, honestly. For now this is basically just a stopgap so I didn't actually have to write them getting together, because that's boring and overdone.

...Why pudding? Seriously, what made you come up with that?

Lol, loved it.

1043695 and I'm correcting someBODY here, aren't I
I know that someONE is used in the show

Great story.
Thanks for nice Twidash TAW.

225717Not gonna be continued, huh? WRONG!
Now, on with my personal thoughts: it was good, tasteful pony pudding porn, and I loved it!

I know this is probably way, way too late but...

It sounds like Twilight was a little horny.

Sweet Celestia!! I CAME!

It ruined Raity's new dress?
This is THE WORST POSSIBLE THING!

I must say that this was quite the interesting story. Keep up the great writing! I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

I know I'm extremely late reading this and commenting but nice story, the pudding;
unlike Nonagon's (sorry dude/dudette) complains was a nice touch and a good fetish.
you even came close to breaking my high resistance to clopfics, close... but my willpower
still stands

A single beat of her wings later, Dash had propelled herself over to land on top of her still giggling partner - they were partners now! - to once again look A single beat of her wings later, Dash had propelled herself over to land on top of Twilight and look upon her no-longer-oblivious, still-gorgeous face.

You've doubled the sentence by accident