It's Ole Neccy!

by Cades

2spook (All Hallows' Eve Joke Chapter)

Nightmare Night chapter. Just to show I'm not abandoning this. This has nothing to do with the actual plot of the story, folks. I'll try and have the next actual chapter out between American Thanksgiving and American Christmas. Stay healthy, my fellow zombie robot ghosts.

It's been about a week since I've started living in this barn. It's been pretty swell. Sitting there, eyes unblinking, spooking those little four legged creatures that happened to enter this place. Except for a few. Like the little ones. They're young and carefree.

Earlier, the nine of them: the three little ones; Purple; Butter; Apple; Marshmallow; Pink; and the one that looks like a Rainbow Warrior, cool guys, despite being worse than the Sisters at life. Anyway, the nine of them came in to the barn, and after a fright, calmed down and started to talk. I didn't hear what they were saying, but I did pick up words like "Nightmare Night" and "Giant Metal Scarecrow" and Butter whimpered something that sounded like "Too spooky for me." I like Butter. Butter is my favorite.

When they finished talking, and taking a few glances at me, most of them came up to me and told me to stand up. I tilted my head in confusion, but obliged. Marshmallow pulled out a measuring device that was really primitive, and measured all around me. Its magicy stuff was working. I don't want to kill them.

****

It's been a couple of days when they finished taking my measurements. Marshmallow and the others returned. It unraveled a package, and used her magic to hold it up to me. It was what the mortals called clothes. It included a hat too. I like hats. Oh! This one time, I killed one of those team-killers the humans have, and took his hat. The others in my command got a kick out of that. I think I used to be a comedian turned soldier before I was turned into a killing death robot of doom.

But this hat looked as it was made of straw, or hay. But is was a hat none the less. I grabbed the hat, and placed it upon my head and sat down. They never told me to sit back down, did they? No they didn't, and yes I was standing for a few days. It's great.

****

A few more days passed, and the nine minus three came back around my domain again. This time they had a bunch of other things with them. Like paints. Are we doing arts and crafts? I hope so. Oh, they also had faux spiders, bats, and other creepy crawlies. They also brought along a few devices. One of them started to produce smoke. Purple commanded me to go and lie on the hay bed. I did so. They she started to paint my skull mask, with the others helping to paint the rest of my body. So they are doing the arts and crafts, but on me. Interesting. And fun.

They kept painting until Marshmallow said stop. They did. Then Purple preformed some spell on me. Oh wait, I should go into detail about what happened in the forest when they attacked me. Marshmallow and Purple couldn't use their fancy magics on me because I have the innate ability to cancel out minor magic discharges. Like telekinesis, or whatever they call it here. That's only because it is a really simple spell to cast. To be able to move me, one would need a large amount of magic powers and skill and experience and focus to be able to affect me with telekinesis. Amazing, is it not?

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Purple cast a spell on me that, if I am correct, made the paint dry faster. Nifty spell, is it not? They all stepped back to admire their work, passing smiles and giggles and praise and a couple scared whimpers at each other. Marshmallow produced the outfit that, if I am correct, Marshmallow made itself. They somehow managed to get it on me, I didn't pay attention.

By now, the sun was setting, and it was turning dark. They scurried around, and set up the smoke devices. And the fake critters. And everything else they had brought with them.

"Now, I want you," said Purple, talking to me, "To stand way back there, and just be frightening."

I obliged Purple's command, and go stand to where she had gestured with her hoof. And I then waited.

****

If my guess is correct, several hours had passed before the nine minus three returned. When they did, they were all dressed up in different costumes. They were giggling and stuff that fleshlings do. Their costumes were all, and I quote "Spooks and giggles." I honestly have no idea what they mean by that, but I simply do not have a single care.

I would keep talking, but I heard many many voices coming from outside. I wonder what the voices are saying. All of a sudden, the lights in the barn went out, except for a few lights. The door opened, and a group of four, maybe fi-

Ë̷̶̹̞͉́̀̿̐ͭ͌̑̈́ͮͤͣͦ̌̈ͦ̏̀͟r̮̞̮̞̦̖̞͈͕̠̹̞͕̪̞̬̠̅̓̿̉̊̌ͤ̿̑̏ͧ̀͘͢͡͝ͅŗ͒͛̋̈̉̿̌̑̅̒̅ͩ̓̃͆̑͘͏̷̪̫͖̲͇͕̩̼͓̩̞̱̝ȯ̡̰͓͔̫͔̘̬̫̝̬͓̭͔ͫ͂̉̉̇̃ͩ̂ͮ̋͞r̢̼͉̗̙͓̠̣̻̻͙͍͕̼̦̓͐̓ͨ̍ͩ͢.̡̍̃ͩͩ͆ͫ̈ͨ̄ͩ̏̾͌̑̊͢͠҉̧̙̪̤͇̤ ̵̛͕͎͓̖͓̟̻̣̹̯͎̗͎ͯ͌͊̔̉͐ͬͪ̂̊̇̿͢͠͝ͅͅẄͤͬ̑̎ͫ̍̆ͩ̏̔̿ͨ̒ͨ̃ͤ̊͏̷̸͙̞̖̰͈͖̣̰̳͙̫̙͖͡a͔̹̦͓̟̲͇͇̱̟̹̻̫̫͎̮̞̅ͪ̋̉ͤ̕͡ṛ̶̵̗͖̱̣̞̮̲̮̟̩͇͈͗̒̽͗̈́͢͟͝p̧͕͎̼̭̱̠̙͕̗̘̻̼͓̱̭̑̇̑̄̌̆ͦ̌ͧ̂̔ͥ̾̀͢ ̛͙͇̯̗͍͖̹̫̥͓̭̠̩͇̻͔͎̗̳̄͌͗͐ͤͭ̾̓ͫ͗ͯ͊͆̀̈́ͪ́̅̍́͜͠͞s̡͐ͬ̓̊͒ͣ̂̆ͬ̆̕͝҉̠͓̙͉̞͍̘̻̻̰̯̥i̧̮̣͔̯̬̥̘̥͈̣̯̜̬͈͈͔͓ͥͧ̍̅͋̈́̐͜g̴̷̢͙̤̻̤̯̍͛͗͋́̾ͩ̋͐̃̐͌̇̉ͬ̓ͯ͌̚͘͟n̡̔̌ͣ̊ͦ̆̋̽ͣ̈́ͭ͋͏͇͓̜͈̲̰̞̻̠̯͇͞ą͇̹̩͕͇̭͓̩͈̦̘͇̥̪ͣͩ̽ͮͭ̍͂̔͐̇ͥ͆́̚̚ṫ͕̦̱̝͓̭͎̠͓̹̅ͦ̋ͯ͌̒ͮ̉ͤ͆́͜͞ͅu̶͇͕̞̫͔̤̻̤̗̼͙̝̻̖̼̟̥̻͑́͐̔̋ͪ̌̈ͫ͆̓̍ͨ̿̀̏̀̄͂̀͟͜r̷̷̮̹͎͉̟̤̱͓̤͉̤͓̥̊ͨ̊̎ͦ͐͑̑̆͡e̵̷̢͎̙͇͈̫̩̞̠̩͍͕̹̐ͬ̌ͣͣ̀̏ͣ͡͡ ̶̩̦͕̻̱̊̍̎̚̚͡dͯ͌ͤ̍ͮ͑̎ͦͫͪ̆̽ͨͣ͋̐̚̚͏̷͙̱̲̮͉̞͍͎́͢͜eͤͭ̓̆̀̎̔̎̍ͯ̾̕͞͞҉͖̻͖̝̯̰̟̩̗͖͓̳̙̟̤͜ṫ̶̛̪̱̮̘̬̜̜̰ͮ͋͑͑ͯ̀̍ͫ̏ͣ͂̍̕͠e̸͚̩͚͔̜͍̯͇̠̙̯̲̭̯̟̫̩ͤͮ͒́̈́ͥ̾͌̂ͪͣ̃̍̅́́͡ç̖͈͚̺̘̪̖̭ͬͫ̀̽̽̃ͭ̈ͣ̿ͧ̽̏̑̃͊̆́̚̚͝͠ͅt̵̂̈́̓҉̸̖͈͉̫̺̜͈͚̰̲̖̹̩͍͓̭̰ę̵̮̤͓̬̟͔̣͍͕͉̻͕͎̺͎͚̗̞͗̿̄ͣ̂̎̊ͭ̒ͮͦ̌ͮ̐͆̿̉͘͟͝ͅḑ̳̳̲̱̜̟̟͆ͤ͋̍̃ͮ̃͠.̌̑ͨ̐ͣ̄͛̈́͋̐́̆͗ͤͣ͒͐͌́͏̵̢̰͇͓̪͚̞̜̟͓̭͎̞̟̻̭͉̟̟̬ ̸̵̧̝͉̣̹͂ͣ̃ͧͣ́͟T̸ͮ͋́ͤ̂ͨ̕͏͕̰̫͔̟͇ḩ̶̶̠̘͍͓̝͈̜͍̝̣̭̻̥̥̞̬̭̄̾̇ͪ̎͗͂ͥ͌̊̑̀̋͐͌̀̆̅̀ͅi̡̩̝̲͍̯̯̝̫͉͙̾̊̂͆̓̍ͧ͂͑ͪͬ͟ͅs̪͔͙̯̝̜̥͇̜̦͉̖̩̿͛ͤͭͯ̈́̏ͦ͌̽ͯ̋ͯ́̈́́̚͜͠ ̢̃͒̂ͩ̈́̊̊̌҉҉͉̱̮͚̬̲U̵̧̱̱͚̳͖̲ͣ̄̓̾̐̂ͦ͂̀n̐͛̔͜҉̻̱̻̹͕͔͈̠̮̦͈͟i̵̧͖̮̖̲̮̼̜̠̩̗̙̓̃͐͗ͧt̲͓̻̭̯̙̻̻̣͈ͦ͗͊̃̿ͩͦ͆ͤ͊͛͊ͬ̎̃̈͘ ͌͆̿̈̈́͏̢̺̙͉̙͍̮̮͡i̐̂ͮ̈́ͯ̋̋̂̉̓̌̓ͦ͋͒̚͝҉̬͔͍̜̤͚͔͚̣̞̖̹̰̯̤s͉͖̮̣̩̮͔͉͈͓̲ͤͮͦ̃ͪ̌̂͆ͭͧ̚͢͝ ̷̨̛̬̮̮̮̥͕̫̜̪̟̪̺̪̯ͨ̈̈́̇̓͋͐͌̋̉͗̓̓ͨ̈́ͯ͛́̚͡ͅnͣ͒͋ͫͮ͐̄̄͏̦̲̫̗̞͉o̬̲̰͎͕̭̫̩̖̹̺̳͚̝͍͚̯̺̦̎̈́͊ͩ͘w̷̛̫̭͕͙ͦ̎̄ͭ̀ͤ̓ͭ͜ ̢̧̜̱̰̹͈̙̹̽ͩ͋ͤ̽ͬ̚͟͡u̖̪̞̳̫͔͍͖̝̖̞̯ͯͬͩ̍ͧ̏̿̅͆ͥͪ͘͘n̶̷̬̞̱̥͚̩̫͙͍̰̰̹̻͖̫̰̏ͭ̌̿̆͋̍̈͆̍̾̚̕͟͡d̶͙̬͔̙̲̳̬́̇̏̑́ͤ͛́̃̍̕͜͡ę̫͙͙̭͙̹̟̼̜ͨ̽̓̎ͤ́͝͞r̶̺͇̪̳̲̮͕͎̬̣͔̰̝̣̝͇̥ͣͧͯ̋͛̾͒́͒̚͜ ͥ̔̍̓҉͕̜͇̻̥̹̰̣̗̤̤̯͔̤̬̲͓͞͡c̛̦̦̙͓̳̯ͣͮ͌ͭͫ̎̾̂̒̍ͅö̶͓̪͉̟̱̥̠͖́ͭ͐̄̊ͯ̾̍͌̂̈̂ͪͥ̋̓̚̚͟ͅn͙͚̪̘̹̳̼̹̄̈̔͐͑̃͑͒ͦ̏̋̾ͣ̀̎ͧ͞ͅt̷̢̢̺̫̱̰͉̺̳̳͚̻̹̒͐̾͆̉͑̀͗̓͐ͨ̽̿ͯ̊͐̋̚͞rͭ̈́̐̇̍̓ͯ̿́́҉̶̸̸̦̭̫̫͕͙͇͔͕͇̙̘̰̣o̴̢̞̹͓̞̦͓̻̙̦̘ͫ̈́ͣ̓ͧ̃͌̔̍̍͊̚͜͟ľ̸̝̪̺̩̱̱̗ͨ͂ͤ̏̍ͪͫ̈́̎̓̄̂̊̂ͣͮ̚͠ͅͅ ̶̡̢̪͔̥̰̤̞̟̭̪̯͍͛ͩ̈́͒͂̃͛̃̉͞ͅơ̡͍̪͙͖̖̘̞͎̹̙̳͌̓̀͑ͧͫ͟͝f̷̡̰̮̮̮͙̤͉͇̣͇̩̬̮̜͉̥ͯͣ̌̌̿̄ͭ̏̇ͬ̇̆̈ͮͬ̽̊ͨ́̚̕͞ ̸̿̓ͥ̂̓̈̅̚͏҉̙̫͓̙̤̦̻̙̗̬̭Õ̿̆͌ͮͬͣ̈́ͩ̊͘͏̸̯͇̬̖̕v̘̰͕̖̖̱̰͓̟͂̓͆͐̐̅͐̎ͮ͆̿̆̑̂̀͡͞ë̷́ͪ̓͒̄̓̏̎̒́͏̨̰̯̯͇͘r̷̵̞͎̗̥̫̖̖̙̝̝͉̪̈͑ͤ̉ͭ͛l̴̨̳̭̼͇̫͕̖͇̙̬͐̓̐̃ͪͩ̽̆̐͋ͨ̉̎ͩ͌͑o͔͉̮͔̞͉ͭ̈́͒̒̆͑ͫ͛͊͌͆ͥ͡͞r̢̛͍͙͎͈͕̤̙̫̩͇͙̦̠̗̲̃̌ͫ̇͛̄͊͝d̵̢̿̅ͣ̐͑̾̓ͯ̈́̈̊ͪ͌͢͞͏̟͔̤̩̯̗̗̘̝̻ ̷̶̪̻͖͖̩̿̾̾ͦ̄̓̌ͩͥͧ̕Z̵̪̖̬̙̤̥̥̲̞̹̠̫̳̘͖̱̗̰̊͊͐̓͊͑̎ͭ̃̽̾ͩ̑̚̕͝a͗͒̔̃ͭ̅ͥ̑͑҉̶̶̢̧͈̫̩̠̳̻̹͖̮̯̫̱̖̞̠͍͖̣̻e̲̗̰͉ͣ̄͊͋ͯ̇͗͒̃͂̈́̀͜r̿͑̎̍̍̈́́͋͛ͫͭͨ͗ͤ̿̂̚͏̛͓̺̝̜̗̠̙̲́ẏ̜͔͉̻͚̟͈͇͇̮̬̦̖̫ͮ̾̂͋ͮ́́͜ḱ͔̰͓̣̝̖̜͍̪̺͙ͨͦ͆ͮ̾̿͋ͤ̐̃ͦ͛̓̀͡

Interesting body. It seems that it does not feel like fighting these fleshy creatures. No matter. My mission must continue. I walked my host forwards, surprising everything in the room. I grabbed my host's weapon, a well crafted gauss blaster. I exited the building, scaring the mortals. Right as I exited the building, a warp portal opened up. Out came a Noise Marine squad, accompanied by several Daemonettes. I raised my weapon, and moved my stance to one more fit for defense. The leading Noise Marine noticed me.

"WHAT IS THIS? LIVING CREATURES IN SUCH CLOSE PROXIMITY OF A NECRON? HA. BROTHERS, LET US KILL THIS FIEND!" I hate Noise Marines. They are very loud.

The other Noise Marines shouted, and activated their Doom Sirens, bringing their Sonic Blasters to bear. Mostly on the crowd. The leader was wielding a strange weapon, what looked like a fusion of human and a different type of alien technology. They opened fire upon me. The sound that their weapons produced was almost deafening. If it affected me. I pulled the trigger on my weapons, striking one of the charging Daemonettes in the face, banishing it immediately. I kept the fire on them, the streams of sound turning into semi-solid beams.

These beams swept across the crowd, causing injury to all those it touched. I payed no mind, I kept firing until all of the Daemonettes were banished. Unfortunately, one of them managed to land a strike. I am still not used this weapon. Once all of the Daemonettes were banished, I focused on the Noise Marines. I shifted my attention to the squad of Noise Marines. I was surprised when the leader had gotten to such close proximity to me, and even more so when he activated his weapon.

"FEEL THE POWER OF MY KAKOPHONI!" He screamed over the cacophony of his Kakophoni. The Necrodermis of my host's body was starting to show signs of burning. The inner workings of this body starting to fry. I managed to get in close, and struck him down with a diagonal strike. He let out a strangled cry, his neck squirting his corrupted blood over the place.

"My s... soul go... goes to... Slaane-" I cut him off, shooting his head at near point black range. I turned on the others, seeing as they faltered at the fall of their leader. I showed them no mercy, crippling them before approaching them. I placed my weapon on the ground before crushing their necks, slowly.

I stood back up, their blood still on my host's hands. I looked back towards the crowd, and assessed the damage. Many of them suffered heavy injury, physical and psychologically. I then left my host, allowing this one to collapse to the ground, inactive.

****

"Cryptek... I managed to stop the scouting party. But I fear more will come... Continue to monitor the progress of our... subject..."

"Yes, Overlord Zaeryk."

Author's Note:

Almost didn't get this out. Now, don't take this seriously. I'm getting my creative juices flowing.

Comments

[Cades]

Experimentation as well as joke chapter. Should I continue with the Overlord Zaeryk thing?

[TyTyTech]

3426963
Yes

[Reisentanith]

Good to see your still updating, even if half the time Im not bugging you enough about the story.
Love the team killer bit.

[Cades]

3427166
You know it. But yeah, it's probably a really small amount of Genestealers that have been slowly infecting the Everfree for a while. I just need to get to writing it out.

[Azkhare]

Oooh, do I see Khârn showing his pleasant personality around, or is it just my brain forming connections that are not there?

[Cades]

3427600
Or maybe I drew inspiration fron Khârn, the most swell guy ever. Or maybe Khârn is life. Khâtn is law. Khârn is lovr. Khârn is making Totans breakdance, but they cannot, for they have no soul.

[Azkhare]

3427728

Khârn is life. Khârn is slaughter. What Khârh gives, he takes. But he REALLY is a good sport. Man, I do remember that time with the Red Rivers.

So, we were in the middle of some siege for the Ruinous Gods, and we were in that phase of the attack called "throw the weak traitor guardsmen at them until they deplete their ammo". My battalion was next, so I was trembling in my boots.

Out of nowhere, Khârn goes for our sergeant and tells him something I couldn't understand. Our sergeant, disturbed, at first refuses, but Khârn, using one of his old charming tricks (namely, dismembering our sergeant and donning his hat), convinced the rest of us to follow him.

He made us climb into the Basilisk cannons we were using to pound the enemy formations, and told the gunners to fire.

Turns out a human body can survive being fired out of a heavy artillery cannon. Most of our battalion didn't survive, and the rest were months being nursed back to health. Good old Khârn didn't hold it against us, even if the first thing he did when he saw us splattered around the imperial hive was slaughter anyone who was still breathing.

Heh, Khârn, that guy. Hell of a lot of fun to be around.

(pardon me for my writefaggotry, but it just kept coming. I couldn't help it.)

[Dubious]

Good chapter.

[Cades]

3428094
And just fot that, you get a thumbs up.

[Smurf]

this is good please continue

[Cades]

3720467
In the FUTURE

[Emerald Harp]

Excellent story bud. Loved how you characterized Celestia as a big chicken in chapter two. Also, you make the fourth wall breakage work in this story, and that's pretty hard to do and make it look good.

As Smurf says, "please continue."

[3volve]

i like it

[IncinerateChicken]

If you have him fighting alongside Space Marines, I'll put you in the same shallow grave as Ward.

[ThePrinceOfTheNorth]

I have no idea....

[Necron Lord]

i feel like you have no knowledge of mlp or necrons (but you clearly do)
you take the piss out of the necron immortal but making him a pinkie pie level of crazy
it so random and is complete bullshit, BUT, down stop writing
heres a like

[Subject Delta]

5726994 I read and play Warhammer 40K regularly.

[ThePrinceOfTheNorth]

6741035
I don't even remember what I was referring to in that last comment.

[Subject Delta]

6746263 haha, Yeah probably not.

[ThePrinceOfTheNorth]

6746893
How long IS 40 weeks, anyway? Six months or something?

[Actually_Alpharius]

I can only think of this now https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HBMGX2G_xPc