The settlement of Appleloosa has exploded into a metropolis of industry and invention, ushering in a new era of science. This pioneering city has attracted flocks of migrants to reside within its walls and engage in its rich economy, all at the detriment to the other cities. Fluttershy, working as a Health and Safety Inspector for the City Council, has been charged with investigating the recent increase of mechanical mishaps and accidents. Of course, one pegasus can only do so much, so the City Council saw it fit to award her with an assistant. Fluttershy is courteous, fair and does everything by the book. She needed a wild card, somebody not afraid to take it to the next level. She also needed somebody who should knew and could trust. As luck would have it, such a candidate had just winged her way into the city!
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Let's get to the short description, and point out the first three flaws in this fiction...
Two mistakes here, actually. Which are you talking about, the city's inhabitants, or the dark wind's? And *It's* means *IT IS*.
Next, the main description...
I can not begin to tell you how much this pisses me off. Get this right, *it's* means *IT IS*.
Bye now.
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So the opening gambit wasn't strong, haha. Thanks for the cursory feedback!
interesting but... *shrugs*
Interesting, not much to say.
Fluttershy seems a lot more like canon Fluttershy in this chapter, which is nice.