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Rumble the young colt always had a secret crush on Silver Spoon, a crush that he always kept a secret, from every-pony even his brother. But when his secret crush finds out what will the gray earth filly do?
Thank you Storm Swirl for the picture.
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Why is this not cumplete?
2835408 Because I am working on the date part. Be patent.
2835415
Oh I didnt even read the story..I was just confused on why you wrote a date fic and didnt finish it
2835425 Wait did you like the story even though you didn't read it?
2835464
I saw you didn't have any like's, so I was the first. I may be a troll but i'm a very nice one
Why do I get the feeling his sisters are going to give him "The Talk"?
Awesome!
2835868
Well, you got it right. Well actually his brother.
Date: Sucess.
Apart from the grammar issues, this is pretty good so far (only read the first chapter). But I need to say this: how come when Rumble didn't want to talk about his dream, did Cheerilee accuse him of lying? That's not lying, that's avoiding the question.
I think the only thing to say about this chapter is that you confused the words "boutique" and "bouquet".
2840281 Oops.
This needs a lot of work on grammar, sentence structure, punctuation, story flow, and all sorts of elements of writing.
2861681 I was board when I wrote this.
Ummm.... Flitter and CC are not his sisters, they are his foal sitters, and it's Flitter with a I.
But yeah, quite interesting.
look it's my cover. now I can fav this.
Okay. This could be a good story, but I have to confess that it made no sense.
1st off, why would Cherilee push her way into getting an answer from Rumble about his dream? Or even ask? I don't get that.
2nd, why would Silver Spoon automatically say yes to going on a date with a guy she just up and leaves away from every time he comes by. She also insulted him right before he asked her out. It would be understandable if she was just saying that but had true feelings underneath but it has no story or plot showing that at all. Just a compliment or two at the end. Also it seemed that she didn't seem to like the date until the last second, based on how you wrote.
3rd
The suit was complete, next thing they had to do was get a boutique for Silver Spoon. Rumble walked into the flower bouquet. "Hello, we are here to get a rose boutique," ThunderLane told Roseluck.
I'm pretty sure they did not buy her a 'boutique'. Also you make everyone in this show very nosy, but your initial backdrop said only Silver Spoon knew. She didn't know until the town of Ponyville (figuratively speaking) knew first.
Lastly the grammar leaves a lot to be desired. Too many run on sentences, incorrect punctuation, and lazy spelling. Grammar in a story is way more important than people think. Most people stop reading when they see bad grammar frequently. I'm not saying it has to be perfect, everyone makes mistakes, but this seemed like it wasn't proof-read.
All in all the story needs a large touch-up. It has the premise to be a great story and I'm pretty sure you can make it one. Hope you take my words into account.
2862022
Board? You were a piece of wood when you wrote this story?
2984193
It would have made sense if he put they are like his sisters.