Jake the Clydesdale, a full grown horse that lives in the lap of luxury. Everyday he gets all the apples he could ever want and gets to run as far as his heart needs. All the humans ask is that he pulls a wagon in front of a camera during a sports game once a year. Deep down, he know's that this life isn't enough...he wants to work, to actually feel useful and even find the mare of his dreams.
Today he finally made a statement.
He let the humans know he was unhappy. Now he sits in his stall tied to the post and awaiting judgment...just before he drifts to sleep, he looks out at the night sky, finding the brightest star and praying to whatever deity could save him from the nightmare of his stale life.
He never guessed someone would hear him...
(Art by Marik Azemus)
theres always that one guy who gives it a thumbs down
3954587 Always....hope you enjoyed it though.
Well... fuz this is actually pretty good. I am impressed, have an up vote.
Good story, I like it and the character Jake is interesting. Thumbs up and waiting for more.
Work on your grammar, please. I see several errors in the description, and that tends to repel people, myself included. I'm willing to wait for corrections, though. It's an interesting idea, but I need to know you are taking this story seriously. I will refrain from voting until I see some editing or a response.
3976242 While I am a tad new this, I understand that mistakes were made. Telling me I made mistakes doesn't help me fix them, seeing as I re-read my work over and over to clean little things out constantly. I would like pointers...but refrain from insulting my commitment to writing.
Please continue, I like this
3976448 Sorry, it's just hard to know someone's mindset, schedule and such when you only see words on a screen. I didn't think this was a trollfic or anything like that, but I typically wait and see with chapter stories, as I'm always a bit wary of unexpected indefinite hiatus and things like that. Remember "Flesh and Blood," or "Her Own Pony?" Also, "Chains", though a decent concept, is barely even spell-checked. I can't see into your life or your head, so I tend to proceed with caution or skepticism.
Also, I would be a proofreader, but my mentality only half-lends itself to the task; I'm great at correcting, but horrible at keeping myself motivated or on schedule.
I meant no offense.
3977251 Its alright, just that my life is writing and hell on high waters most of the time. So naturally I get upset when someone is critical but offers no advice...
Being frank, I have limited access to a connection that I can edit with ease. My phone is my source of internet, though the site is too buggy with mobile editing and writing to reliable edit. So I do what I can and work on a ever changing schedule. I must ask though, that you wait until the next chapter to be that critical of my grammar, recently I had a MAJOR improvement in my style; so I'm hoping that it has a noticeable difference.
Other than that, all I can do is study writing and keep practicing. I hope you see the difference in the next chapter and that you do enjoy it in the future.
That moment when I realize I made the mistake between you're and your...I blame auto correct or a full moon on that one.
Forgot a space.
Well, there are three ponies who would be particularly happy to welcome a pony without a cutie mark...
"Rarity"
"intact"
"stallion's"
Nice to see him asking questions like this rather than leaving them unspoken. Directness is a fun personality trait.
This is a great story, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes from here.
4157187 Fixed, many thanks
It's beyotiful! I need more!
it'd turn him into a human.
Turn him into a mare and make all the stallions fall for him!
4251670
4261578 img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140220145112/cardfight/images/e/eb/2319855-why_not_both.jpg
Kidding.
I think I came up with a better idea...
Wait, what gave you the inspiration for this? Do ya work there?
4590373 Nope, though I think it would be a fun. The inspiration came from a lack of stories about real horses...it just struck me as odd and when I wanted to do something different, this big lug stuck out the most.
4590444 quite the inspiration story. Its a BEAUTIFUL story though. Methinks the story's universe can expand on.
4591056 Thats what I started with the most recent chapter I'm delving into the past so I can show how much it is an impossible decision he has to make. Thanks for compliment and the motivation
They won't answer his plea?!? What the f(yay)! They should send him back, let him be where he wants. It's like they're running a dictatorship here...
Celestia has been move down my favorite royal list, she #5 right below Sombra
Lad to see that this story is back. I found it funny that AJ is starting to crush on Jake and Big Mac is jealous of Jake. Keep up the good work.
Please let jake go into a budweiser spiel and post it during halftime this weekend.
Also, take a look at the paragraph starting with "Applebloom kicked a bucket over" and it's spelled Zecora.