Many moons ago, Nightmare Moon was banished with her servants and soldiers. For centuries the colony forgot about their conquest of Equestria and just decided to survive a century before the Nightmares' freedom. They prepared for a war that would never come, yet even then, their grand general wouldn’t be easy.
The cover is a piece I made in school
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I hate being stuck on the eques. It's so annoying.
“You will go to the capital. I need to speak to my subjects. I will bring the rest of our forces once I have secured the destruction of the elements.” She turned to mist and went to Ponyville. You should've said Nightmare Moon's name instead of "she" because I thought it was one of the two mentioned from the start of the chapter.
The story has some potential, although you should work on telling which pony is talking more clear because I was real confused when Shining and Cadence were talking to Alecia and Shadow Swipe I didn't know who was talking to who and at the beginning of the story I thought the general was Nightmare moon's husband and not her daughter's husband. Then when you cut away to the Moon Capitol I had no idea it was on the moon.
Besides that I like the story idea and I'm curious to see where the story goes.
11634570
You don't have to be that mean.
11634573
Takes notes Welp time to write the next chapter!
The grammar and writing is getting better, I can now tell who is talking, good job.
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Is the story getting boring?
11645874
No, I like it, it’s just the grammar from the first chapters are what make it tricky to enjoy at first, but by improving your writing over the recent chapters it’s starting to be a better story to read.