Episode 2 – Elements of Harmony
Nightmare Moon continued cackling insanely.
The mayor alerted, "Seize her! Only she knows where the princess is!" The royal guards charged at her.
"Stand back you fools!" Nightmare Moon warned as the hasty scene occurred. Her eyes glowed and she laughed once again while bolts of lightning attacked the royal guards.
Nightmare Moon then transformed into a mist of darkness and bolted out the door while every pony could only stare and gasp. The pony with the rainbow mane managed to free herself from the other pony's grasp and chase after Nightmare Moon, stopping outside. The purple pony then raced outside as well.
A few other ponies raced outside but I was unable to see who they were as the other ponies inside continued to panic. I managed to finally squeeze myself out of there. As I stared out at the night sky that was supposed to be now eternal, I thought to myself.
What can I do? What AM I supposed to do? Do… I just do nothing? I feel like there's something I can do but…what is it?
I sighed. I didn't know what to do. I walked gloomy through the town… hoping something might show me the path to my next objective. As I continued walking I heard some noise from a house in town. It was the same home that was playing the loud music…
"And just what ARE the elements of harmony?" I heard a loud voice. "And how did YOU know about Nightmare Moon, huh? Are you a SPY?"
I walked towards the house to try to find out what was going on. I slowly moved to a window to see a light lit inside the house with six ponies, which five of them were talking to the purple one. All the ponies that were in there were the same ones I had seen earlier today. Knowing it was wrong to eavesdrop, I pressed my ear against the window to try to gain any information that might be crucial to know, but unfortunately, it was a bit faint.
"I read all about the predication of Nightmare Moon. Some mysterious objects, called the Elements of Harmony, are the only things that can stop her, but I don't know what they are, where to find them, I don't even know what they do!"
They all looked towards the pink pony that was near a shelf. I could tell she was speaking but her voice was too faint to hear clearly. She jumped and cheered for some reason but the purple pony retrieved a book from a shelf and began talking again. I was able to make out her words.
"There are six Elements of Harmony, but only five are known. Kindness, laughter, generosity, honesty, and loyalty. The sixth is a complete mystery. It is said that the last known location of the five elements was in the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters. It is located in what is now…" She paused. "… the ever free forest..."
They all gasped.
"The ever free forest? That place is really scary! I don't want to go in there!" The pink pony said.
"We have to, if we are ever to achieve the Elements of Harmony and defeat Nightmare Moon." The purple pony replied clearly.
"But… But…" The pink pony stuttered.
"C'mon yall." The orange pony began. "I'm sure it's not that bad!"
The other ponies talked for a moment, but eventually they agreed and all headed out. Shoot! I have to hide or they'll see me! I hid behind a bush near the window and stared as they walked outside the home. However, the last pony to walk out was the sweet and tender one. She looked back at where I was for a moment, causing me to duck further below the bush, but fortunately she seemed to not notice me.
I sighed and thought once again. Should I follow them? I suppose it's better than doing nothing… maybe I can help for once…
I decided I would follow them, but I had to make sure they wouldn't see me… otherwise… I don't want to think about it…
I walked slyly behind them as they walked towards the forest.
After they finally arrived at the forest, they stopped and stared in horror towards the inside of the forest.
Finally, the pink pony exclaimed cheerfully, "WHEE! Let's go!"
However, the purple pony intervened and stopped her, "Not so fast. Look… I appreciate the offer, but I'd really rather do this on my own.
The orange pony interrupted, "No can do, sugar cube. We sure ain't letting any friend of ours going into that creepy place alone. We're sticking to you like caramel on a candy apple." They began walking towards the forest.
"Especially, if there's candy apples in there!" The pink pony spoke, "What? Those things are good!" The pink pony began walking with the other ponies while the purple pony could only sigh and begin walking too.
I waited for a moment until they were far enough to start following again, but I noticed they disappeared into a dark mist that formed in the forest. I began walking quickly before I could lose them.
However, it was to no avail. I had already lost them in the fog. I tried to cover the top of my eyes to see better, but it was no use.
"No, I lost them…" I spoke to myself. "Now, what am I going to do…?"
A dark blue mist suddenly formed in front of me.
"Huh…?"
Several ponies walked towards me from the mist. All I could do was just stare.
"Oh look!" One of them said. "It's what's-his-face!"
The other ponies laughed. I turned a bit gloomy, lowering my head a little.
"Aww. What's wrong? Sad I don't remember your name?"
I stood silent while my eyes looked away.
"You're just a loser." The pony smiled. "A usable loser."
The ponies continued laughing while I could only look away, but their mimicking… their taunting… it was getting to me… I… I couldn't take it anymore… I strained my eyes and tried to fight it… but… I don't think I can make it…
At that point, something inside of me sparked…inside of my heart… I grew the strength to overcome the bad and looked at them straight in the eye. I pounced at them with vigor in my heart. After I finished panting, I opened my eyes and noticed they were gone.
Was it all fake?
I continued looking around but there was only more fog surrounding me. I continued walking but I grew tireless soon enough. The road seemed endless. Finally, my legs gave up and I fell to the floor. My eyes began closing and eventually, I fell asleep.
"Wake up Alex… it's your time now…"
That voice… that voice sounded like Princess Celestia!
"Princess? Is that you?" I answered.
She appeared in the darkness that covered me. I saw her angel skin color. I saw the hair and tail filled with aqua, light purple and light green. Her tiara reflected the long horn on her head while her necklace, filled with a violet gem, hung on her neck. On the back of her legs, there was a cutie mark of the sun.
"Yes, Alex… you have to wake up… you must help your friends…"
"Friends? What friends? I don't have any friends…"
"Trust me, Alex." She gave a warm smile.
"Princess…"
"Now go Alex… and prove your strength!"
I wanted to ask her many more questions after, but she slowly faded away and my eyes opened.
The fog in front of me cleared up, and I saw what looked to be a castle that was destroyed. However, beyond the destroyed building, I saw five of the ponies running up the steps to another one. Trusting my instincts, I ran over there as well. When I finally caught up, I saw all the six ponies together, standing against Nightmare Moon. I didn't reveal myself, but only hid in the top of the stairs.
"Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of… HONESTY!"
Several crystals surrounded the orange pony.
"Fluttershy, who tamed the manticor with her compassion, represents the spirit of… KINDNESS!"
Several crystals surrounded the sweet pony as well.
"Pinkie pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of… LAUGHTER!"
The same occurred with the pink pony.
"Rarity, who helped a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift, represents the spirit of…GENEORISTY!"
Crystals surrounded the pony from the beauty shop.
"And Rainbow Dash…, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire, represents the spirit of… LOYALTY!"
Finally, the crystals appeared with her.
"The spirits of these five ponies got us through every challenge you threw at us!"
"You still don't have the sixth element!" Nightmare Moon quickly announced. "The spark didn't work!"
"But it did…" The purple pony replied. " A different kind of spark…I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you… to see you…how much I cared about you… the spark ignited inside of me… when I realized you all… are MY friends!"
Suddenly, the sixth element came down upon her, showing brightly.
"You see Nightmare Moon… when those elements are ignited by the… the spark that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element. The element of… MAGIC!
All of the ponies' crystals formed together into necklaces and a tiara for the purple pony. Each of the ponies glowed and Nightmare Moon's face remained unchanged. That can't be good…
It turned out it wasn't… the ponies' entire glow dissolved and they fell to the floor.
"Wha… What happened? Why didn't it work?" The purple pony exclaimed.
Nightmare Moon laughed.
"Don't you see? There is ANOTHER element! Did you not know that?" Nightmare Moon answered their failure.
"What? Another element? My books only told me there were six!"
Nightmare Moon laughed evilly once again.
If the ponies don't have the seventh element… then how can they defeat Nightmare Moon?
Nightmare Moon then used her evil magic to grab the ponies and hold them up in the air. I could only hear their struggles.
"Well looks like I have the opportunity to rid of you ponies ONCE AND FOR ALL!"
At that point, I did the only thing that came to mind, the action that changed my whole life around…
I charged in there, unsuspectingly. I hit Nightmare Moon which interrupted her spell holding the ponies hostage. I could tell every pony was surprised of my appearance.
"Wha… What's this? Another pony?" Nightmare Moon replied to my presence.
"That's right…" I answered with my fierce look planted on my face. "I'm here… here to help my…" As much as I was scared to say it, I trusted Princess Celestia enough to actually say it… "I'm here to help my friends!"
Suddenly, something inside me glowed.
"Could it be…?" Nightmare Moon gasped. "The… The…"
"The seventh element!" The purple pony exclaimed.
I was surprised for a moment...but then it suddenly all made sense... I WAS the seventh element... the element of...
"That's right…" I answered. "The element of… A PURE HEART!"
The many ponies behind me began glowing once again, creating a rainbow while my night color combined with the rainbow and surrounded Nightmare Moon.
"NOOOOOOO!" Nightmare Moon cried as the elements of harmony attacked her.
Soon, the whole room was engulfed with light and then faded away…
I was lying on the ground when it finished.
"Ooh. My head…"
"Every pony okay…?"
"Oh! Thank goodness!"
"Why, Rarity. It's so lovely!"
"I know! I'll never part with it again!"
"No, your necklace. It looks just like your cutie mark!"
"Oh! So does yours!"
"Look at mine! Look at mine!"
"Aww! Yeah!"
I heard all these voices behind me. I slowly got up and looked around. The ponies were excited over their accessories. I guess my job here is done…
I was getting ready to walk out but the purple pony stopped me.
"Wait!" She ran up to me.
I turned around to see her looking at me.
"Who are you…?" She asked.
I moved my eyes around, uneasy. I didn't answer for a moment.
"… I'm Alex…" I answered.
"Alex, huh? Well you really saved our butts back there" She replied with a smile. "I'm Twilight Sparkle! This is Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity." She pointed to each of the ponies.
Every pony greeted and thanked me, except Fluttershy. She looked a little nervous and really shy.
"Fluttershy…" Twilight said.
"…Thank…you…" Fluttershy spoke very softly.
"Gee Twilight, I thought you were just spouting a lot of hooey… but I reckon… we really do represent the elements of friendship!" Applejack exclaimed.
Suddenly, a light appeared. "Indeed you do…"
Princess Celestia appeared in front of us from a ball of light! Every pony bowed. I did the same thing after seeing them.
However, Twilight spoke. "Princess Celestia!" She ran over to the princess as the princess replied.
"Twilight Sparkle! My faithful student." Princess Celestia said in a very heartwarming voice. "I knew you could do it!"
"But…" Twilight responded. "You told me it was all a pony tale."
"I told you that you needed to make some friends, nothing more. I saw the signs of Nightmare Moon's return, and I knew you had the magic inside to defeat her. But you could not unleash it until you let true friendship into your heart."
"But… what about the elements? I read that there were only six."
"Oh, Twilight. There was another hidden element, but not even the book knew about it."
They both smiled and looked at me. I kind of blushed.
"Now if only another will is well…" They looked over to the defeated pony. "Princess Luna…"
The defeated pony was startled when Princess Celestia began walking towards her.
"It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this… time to put our differences behind us… we're meant to rule together, little sister."
"Sister?" The other ponies questioned.
"Will you accept my friendship?" Princess Celestia asked Princess Luna.
Every pony but me leaned forward, even having Pinkie Pie fall towards the floor.
"I'm so sorry!" Princess Luna exclaimed. "I missed you so much, big sister!"
"I've missed you too!" Princess Celestia replied. Both the princesses were in tears.
However, Pinkie Pie began crying and blowing into a tissue, loudly. Suddenly, her tone shifted and she exclaimed, "Hey! You know what this calls for? A PARTY!"
"Yes…" Princess Celestia told Princess Luna. "The ponies of Ponyville should meet you."
"Really…? You think they wouldn't hate me?" Princess Luna responded, frightened.
"Oh dear, of course not. Trust me." Princess Celestia smiled, which was all Princess Luna needed to accept the offer.
Princess Celestia called her royal guards and they began escorting her and Princess Luna to ponyville. Princess Celestia motioned us to follow.
All the ponies began heading out, but I stayed inside. Before Twilight left, she looked back to see a gloomy face.
"Alex, aren't you coming?" She asked.
"I don't know…" was the only thing I could answer.
She walked over to me. "C'mon, you're our friend!"
"Really?" My eyes opened wide.
"Of course!" Twilight answered with a smile. "You said it yourself, remember?"
"Yeah… I guess I did…"
She motioned me to follow her and I did. All of us headed back to ponyville, where we began the party. When we arrived, the whole town stood there to welcome us back. The baby dragon I had seen earlier with Twilight rushed out to hug her. Two little ponies flew to Princess Luna and placed flowers on her neck, catching her surprised.
Twilight turned sad, to which Princess Celestia attended to her problem.
"Why so glum, my faithful student? Are you not happy that your quest is complete and that you can return to your studies in Canterlot?"
"That's just it…" Twilight responded. "Just when I learned how wonderful it is to have friends…I have to leave them…"
As she continued speaking, the only thing I could do was watch.
"Spike, take a note, please." Princess Celestia ordered politely.
The baby dragon, who must have been Spike, took out his tools for writing as Princess Celestia began speaking.
"I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new journey for Equestria. She must continue to study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville!"
Each of her pony friends gathered around her and cheered.
"Oh thank you, Princess Celestia! I'll study harder than ever before!" Twilight exclaimed.
Every other pony cheered and the party resumed.
But I wasn't affect by this happiness. I sat out of the party, looking at the ground, thinking about all the things that happened today, even before. Thinking about what is now supposed to happen.
However, I was caught off guard by Twilight who approached me from behind.
"Alex…?"
I jumped and looked over my shoulder.
"Oh… Hey Twilight…" I replied.
"What's wrong? Don't you like the party Pinkie Pie threw?"
I sat silent for a moment. "It's not that… It's just…" I sighed.
Twilight paused for a moment as well then spoke, "What is it?"
"It's nothing, Twilight."
"…well why don't you come join the party? I bet that will cheer you up! You could talk to the other ponies and-"
I had stood up and started walking home.
Twilight ran over to me and stopped me. "Why are you leaving…?"
"I'm sorry…" I began. "… but I don't think I want to do that… I can see you ponies are having a good time… I don't want to ruin it…" I walked around her and started home again.
"But…" That was the only thing I could hear from her voice.
I entered my home and shut the door. I walked to my bed and lay down, staring at the ceiling.
I felt really bad for ditching the party…but it's true…I would just ruin everything…I would be better off not attending. I moved to my side. Besides, I still have to get used to these… Elements of Harmony…I still don't really fully understand but…
I sighed.
I guess I could just think about all this tomorrow…
And I lay there… with my eyes closed… hoping I could finally get some sleep.
-Everfree Forest should be capitalised, since it's the name of a place. So should Ponyville.
-Now that it's been mentioned a few times, your character's name seems a bit out of place. Nopony in the show has had a generic name like Alex. Good name for a human? Yes. Good name for a pony? No.
-I realise this is pretty much the entire point of your story, but the whole seventh element thing doesn't seem to make much sense, and it's a little cliched. Why wouldn't the seventh element be in the book? I assume the author got information from Princess Celestia when writing it, so why wouldn't she mention the seventh element? And why didn't the seventh element take the form of a piece of jewelery or an accessory, like the other elements? Also, the last element is Pure Heart? Can you get any more Disney? It just seems cliched and doesn't help me think your character is any less of a Mary Sue.
-Something I do find interesting is how your character is important to the story, and the mane cast's success, but he doesn't really take a central role in the story, and seems to shy away from the spotlight. You have no idea how many fics I've read where the OC overshadows the mane cast, and it's refreshing to see something different.
. Phoned in explanation in phoned in.
. I would have guessed his element would be courage you know because of the wolf cutie Mark.
. I also agree with @EricaC78 why would the princess not put the 7th element in the book ?
. Plus alex is not a pony name.
The story's got potential in the right hands it could be great.put more effort in it and give it your all. It can't be great unless you make it great.
Have a moustache
843912 So what? does every pony HAVE to have a "pony" name? What about Octavia? THAT'S not a pony name.
>>EricaC78
You can only assume that, nopony said how old it is, or who helped write it. The author could have just written it based off of his own knowledge.
Element "A pure heart" doesnt roll around the tongue smoothly. I think Element of "Love" is a lot more comfortable. It's just my opinion though, don't take my word for it.
For what it's worth I like your story and will keep on reading
And here we have a different problem.
The fear of others is shown, but Alex is not showing a pure heart here. He'd not think ill of anyone If that was his element.
Plus he missed out on bonding with them over the journey So basically had god TELLS him these were his friends instead of actually going to help a friend which would have been stronger.
Also if his mark is what you state later even if he didn't go with them it could have shown his talents by getting to the castle on his own.
So this falls short everywhere but being a reference to that playwright that had great comedies that always ended with the king fixing everything
2394764
The Element of Purity.
Element of a pure heart does not sound right. What about the elemont of purity like voltrasin
"A pure heart"?
Ha! Gayeee!
I... I'm sorry, I just, I can't even. No, just... No.
generosity.
The element should have been trust. He walks up to these random ponies and trusts them to be his friend and he will continue to and he has trusted people like this before.
No
... Pure heart.
He got this from... refusing to give up and charging in where Nightmare was, I think?
Not bravery or perseverance or something. Just pure heart. Anyone care to explain this to me? Or, if not, explain why the Elements count 'stalking without ever talking to them' as friendship? Note that I only read the first two chapters so far, so if they had some history not mentioned, I don't know about it, whoops. So far, Alex didn't even know their names until the end of this chapter (recap: none of the Six's names were even mentioned in Ch. 1), and Applejack seemed surprised at his phrasing of a request of apples, suggesting she doesn't talk to him much.
(I know Twilight made friends with the other five pretty quickly too, but she at least spent a day knowing them. Alex literally declared the ponies whom he never even interacted with on a personal level his friends.)
I'm sorry, I tried giving this story a chance but it's starting to hit way too many irksome points for me to like it. I know these first two chapters are old though, so I know you very likely improved since writing this, but right now it just bothers me too much to continue.
1.) Depressed pony without a pony name tags along with the canon story, becoming an integral part, where he's destined to be important because destiny. It smacks of self-insert, though I feel it's likely not, it bears a resemblance to it.
2.) Books don't know things. Ponies who researched things, learned them, and wrote them down know things. Heck, considering Celestia and Luna were confirmed users of the elements of harmony, the only valid explanation is the seventh element was purposely excluded from general knowledge.
3.) That whole trekking through the forest thing served the major purpose not just of revealing what elements the girls represented, but it built up their relationship as friends. Alex... skipped all that. He wasn't really a friend at the time, so I didn't feel it natural for him to suddenly jump in proclaim them all friends after avoiding them.
4.) To me personally, depression and self-hate smack of an antithesis to friendship, and less of a pure heart. It seems like the victimized logic of 'hating myself is the same as humility,' which isn't true. Heck, even the lone wolf mindset--purposely avoiding making friends is weirdly placed as an integral part of friendship.
I skipped ahead, and your writing does get better, but at this point I can't really get invested in this particular story to explore the later parts. So, I wish you the best with writing more in the future.
Self insert fic is self insert fic. When did Alex become friends with the main six?
I'm not sure what exactly it is you're trying to do with this story, but I've been reading it as a satire and it's been absolutely hilarious.
Reading the OC as a self insert parody fits perfectly, and the element of a pure heart is also a perfect 7th element parody due to how little sense it and its discovery makes, so I'm excited to see what comes next.
if this was in the real show I would give it five stars and even though its not I would still give it five stars
A pure heart? The element of "a pure heart"? Say that five-times fast. Ugh
TheelementofapureheartTheelementofapureheartTheelementofapureheartTheelementofapureheartTheelementofapureheart
Damnit pinkie! I didn't mean it literally!
hehe. Silly filly, then why did you say "say that five times fast" if you didn't want somepony to do it?
*facehoof* first of all, I am a stallion, and it was a rhetorical statement! GAH! I am talking to myself, giving MYSELF a headache and I am losing an argument with MYSELF
Element of "Pure Heart"?
My ass
4150565 Reminds me about Bhargav Dronamraju from TGWTG show, played as Captain Planet's Ma-Ti.
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/thatguywiththeglasses/images/9/93/Bhargav.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090524170300
"HEART MOTHER F*CKER"
Random sixth element for no apparent reason. The element doesn't make any sense either. Oh, and he says he's friends with the mane 6. Why? BECAUSE! You know what? How about you shoot me a message when you're ready to actually put some effort into a story.
5630032 I found it kinda cringey XD
I agree with the comment below...
And does Alex just have the lowest self-esteem in the world?
Why hadn't Celestia informed of a seventh element if she knew about it?
SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!
7043372 You're a dick.
7043372 Meh, i mean, don't criticize it, unless its positive, i dont recommend spouting random crap about thier story
The element could have been shorter like purity or courage but that's fine
Also the name Alex doesn't fit this world
7923202 I agree with this.
I tried to give this story a shot, but after only two chapters, I am completely bored of it. You don't give readers any reason to like your character, and your writing lacks description and effort, causing me to have skimmed through so much of the past few chapters because it's just boring. Maybe it would be more enjoyable if you took your time. I've been trying to think of a way that you can improve your story besides putting in more detail, but there isn't much of one. You have your OC become a new element of harmony in the second chapter. Maybe this would be a better moment if we were actually given the time to like your character. So far, he is completely bland, and to see him get an element right at the beginning really makes this story feel like every single other self insert story out there. I think the only way to improve the beginning of your story would be to add more chapters before the first episode starts to show us your character and how he acts around others, so maybe, just maybe, we could appreciate his accomplishments. That's just my opinion, and I will be reading no more of this story.
nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/planet-header-970x545.jpg
I mean, come on.
8666899
Seriously, a Super Paper Mario reference?
Seriously?
Now that is just awful.
Edit: The date is now 30/1/2020
I have discovered school lunch food, and the like button on comments. The second one is probably more relevant to you, though.
Ah yes, Mcpinkerton, always way more excited than the situation should allow.
Wow. I seriously don't remember the earlier chapters being this... Umm... I don't really know. I'mma just put in terms of a bunch of quotes from MLP.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFjJQt1lekI&list=PL01C2CCA2BE437129&index=26
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge4aPZrjLc0&list=PL01C2CCA2BE437129&index=28
And, of course, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysR-Npggh68&list=PL01C2CCA2BE437129&index=164
The Element of Unity would've been better