The future depends on me, and my horde of Evil Overlords.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You did a good job building Fluttershy's pain. The conversation with Luna feels a little rushed, but not unbelievably so. Overall, I'd rate this fic as above average.
Beautiful. Well woven story. I can see Luna and Fluttershy getting along, and the way that you wrote this is perfectly logical and fits both their personalities.
Er, the story seems to cut out for a bit:
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Thank you. The google-docs import feature is apparently buggy.
Well now, this is different. I've never seen this particular divergence from canon before, and it left me curious as to what other effects Twilight's decision to go back to Canterlot had. It also makes me wonder what happened to Fluttershy's relationship with Rainbow Dash. They were friends way back in flight camp, before they came to Ponyville, remember? Unless something terrible happened, and this fic gives no indication of such an event, she shouldn't be absolutely alone the way she is here.
This was a nice story. I don't really feel compelled to give it a like, but I can see how this got a Seattle's Angels feature. However, I didn't really like the bit at the end with Celestia. It seemed incredibly detached, both in her demeanor and in its presence in the narrative... if the latter makes any sense.
2317415 You know, I agree with you there, and I have noticed quite a few stories on this site that bring it up (NintendoGal55's Heated and Souldin's Magnetism! immediately come to mind). However, I also believe that their past friendship is the result of the writers writing themselves into a corner in The Cutie Mark Chronicles. When G4 was first pitched to Hasbro, Fluttershy was originally meant to be an earth pony, and up until that episode, Season 1 made no mention of Fluttershy being from Cloudsdale (I may have to look at The Sonic Rainboom again to make sure).
Similarly, she never seemed that close to Rainbow Dash, who was usually either indifferent or insensitive to her. But after The Cutie Mark Chronicles, the two of them are all of a sudden long-time friends and two of the closest members of the group. Granted, Season 3 seems to have struck a better balance with their relationship, but that's still an issue I have with that episode.
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Ohhh, I get it. Yeah, that is a good point, but it's nice to know that the ever-so-sacred Season 1 had its own improvised retcons.
Yeah, I'm still bitter about certain fan complaints, what of it?
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It's my opinion that TS was the pony who truly brought them all together. If the ponies had been close at all before her arrival, it's my belief they would have already known about the Cutie Mark similarities. The conversation would have come up, somehow.
As for Celestia's appearance? It serves two purposes. One, it allows the reader to imagine the rest of the evening, and the friendship, in their own way. Two, it satisfies my headcanon that Celestia cares about the well-being of all her ponies, and that includes her little sister.
Thanks for the commentary!
2406700 I think it's more than just your opinion. Considering that one line in the opening theme, the fact that Twilight eventually managed to rally the group against Discord in Return of Harmony (albeit with a push from Celestia), and that Twilight eventually pushed to fix of the cutie mark mix-up in Magical Mystery Cure (even though she did screw up at first), I'm pretty sure that Twilight, and by extension the Element of Magic, is meant to be the uniting force.
Similarly, I've also heard people suggest that Rainbow Dash should be a more important part of the group, considering that her first Sonic Rainboom unlocked the destinies of all six of them (Eventual alicorn Rainbow Dash in canon? ... ), but the show seems much more content to play up magic over the others.
As for Celestia's appearance... maybe, but it still feels a bit tacked-on to me.
Nice little story. It's... raw. Greenthumbed.
Interesting story, and managed a lot for such a low word count. Glad SA made me aware of it.
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I'm gonna agree with Phazon about Celestia. I think you could ax all four of Celestia's paragraphs with absolutely no loss, and possibly even some improvement. Just end the story at "tell me everything".
(And of course this comes with the usual caveat that this is just my opinion. )
My life in a nutshell.
5359822 *hug* Then you'll note it got much better at the end. =)
5359837 Thanks for the hug
Awwww
Cuuutee but sad