"Bet you thought you'd never see me again, did you?" Sarge said, head tilted to the side as he took small steps towards Simmons.
"Uh, I was actually just about to go get you." Simmons said truthfully.
"Heh, likely story." Sarge chuckled. "I bet you were in there calling for your Blue team support, weren't you?"
"What? No, I went inside to find proof that there are no Blues here. Not only that, but remember that the teams aren't really, well, real?"
"Oh, I remember just fine what you said." Sarge said with a shiver. "But then again, I can't really be expected to trust your kind's words, can I? Heh, wait until you see what I have planned for you."
"Uh... how about you tell me, then I can tell you if it's a good plan or not."
"Alright. First, I'm going to tackle you to the ground and knock you unconscious. Then I am going to grab something sharp to cut off your skin and wear, that way when your reinforcements come they will think I'm you! As in a Blue! And after that, I'll point them towards your skinned body and tell the you're a Red! Being the mindless and violent drones they are, they will kill you in a horrific and torturous way, then take the flag. And when they take the flag, I will come in and finish them off once and for all because nobody takes the Red flag and gets away with it!"
"I don't like that plan!" Simmons yelped as he turned around and began to run inside. "I don't like that plan at all!"
"Get back here, you no good plotter!" Sarge growled, then glanced behind him, left eye opening and closing. "Shut up, Donut!"
"Help! Sarge has gone crazy! Er! Crazier!" Simmons cried out loud as he ran into the Blue base.
"Aha! You're going to get some weapons, aren't you? Well two can play at that game!" Sarge yelled, instantly turning around to run to the Red base.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no." Simmons repeated over the course of a minute as he looked around the Blue base for something to defend himself with. "Come on, there has to be something in here to defend myself with."
"If I may make a suggestion..." Discord laughed, screen crackling back to life.
"What?" Simmons asked, happy to do almost anything to get out of his predicament.
A portion of the wall slowly rolled out, mist coming out from the cracks. The bit of wall then fell to the ground, revealing it to be a locker. The locker snapped open, revealing a battle rifle sitting firmly inside.
"You could, hypothetically, take him out with this by using your magic to operate it." Discord smiled darkly. "Think of it as a last defense so you don't actually die. A lot more accurate than your little rock poppers too."
"I don't want to have to kill him." Simmons said quietly.
"Then wound him." Discord shrugged. "You know, if he was out of the way, you could become the head of the Red team. Of course, you no longer want that sort of life do you? Er, forget I said anything then. I am certainly not saying you're still the green with jealousy type."
The screen with Discord on it then shut off, leaving Simmons alone to stare at the weapon.
"You come out here, because I have a pretty big rock and I don't want to have to carry it all the way in there to beat you with it!" Sarge yelled as he approached the Blue base, boulder on his back. "Unless I have to. In which case, I will come in."
"Dammit." Simmons grunted, the rifle instantly floating to his side, surrounded by his glow.
"Come on, I know you're in there!" Sarge growled, then waited a few seconds to see Simmons skulk out, both their eyes glued together. "Heh, facing your death like a Red! Almost admirable."
"Yeah, it is." Simmons said quietly, gun slowly floating out from the base until it was next to Simmons.
"Where'd you get that gun?"
"Where'd you find that fucking rock? I thought you broke them all..."
"Don't change the subject!" Sarge snapped, letting the boulder roll off his back so he could walk towards Simmons.
"Stand back, sir. I don't want to have to do this!" Simmons warned him, pointing the gun straight at his legs.
"I know you, Simmons, you wouldn't hurt an unarmed soldier! You don't have the rocks for it!" Sarge chuckled ironically.
"Oh yeah? Suck it, Red!" Simmons yelled, using his magical abilities to clench the trigger down. And again. He then looked at the gun and noticed green jello sliding out of the muzzle. Feigning innocence, he looked at Sarge and smiled at him. "See, I just wanted to, uh, give you something to eat because I felt you must be hungry!"
"I'm insane, not stupid, you idiot!" Sarge muttered, jumping at Simmons once again. Sarge saw Simmons ready himself with his magic, so he bucked him in the nose, disorienting him. "Not this time, Blue."
"Fuck." Simmons muttered, rubbing his nose as he tried to get off the ground, only to be kicked back down. "Definitely not want of my best plans..."
"That's because-"
"Yeah, I'm Blue, like you keep saying..."
"Stop stalling! I know your reinforcements are on the way, you no good-"
Sarge was quickly interrupted when a black blur rammed into him, sending him tumbling on the ground. Quickly gaining his senses, Simmons looked back up to see an angry mare standing on Sarge.
"Get off me!" Sarge commanded.
"Tex! Oh, thank god!" Simmons stuttered as he jumped off the ground in excitement. "I never thought I'd be this happy to see you!"
"I knew you were teaming up with them all along!" Sarge grunted as Tex held him down. "I should have done you in when I had the-"
"Yeah, I'm not really too sorry about this." Tex sighed before hitting Sarge in the face, causing him to slump over. She then put her head under Sarge's back and lifted him onto her back. "Any place to put him around here?"
"I guess you could try the cave." Simmons nodded quickly. "But there are a few exits that you might need to cover."
"Damn, looks like we came a bit too early." Grif muttered sarcastically.
"I swear, it's never happened to me before." Tucker said quickly.
"Yeah." Simmons said quietly before turning to watch Tex as she neared the cave. "Thank god for that out-of-fucking-nowhere deus Tex machina..."
"We've been in this place for what? Half an hour? What made Sarge go off like that?" Grif asked.
"He thought I was on the Blue team again, so he tried to, well, kill me."
"At least it wasn't me." Grif shrugged.
"Hey, there's another exit in this cave that somebody needs to cover!" Tex yelled.
"Alright." Simmons sighed. "Just let me-"
"Don't worry, I got this." Grif said quietly, slowly flapping his wings to take off, then quickly flew over to the ex-Freelancer.
"Grif... is volunteering for work? With Tex?" Simmons asked, mouth hanging slightly ajar. "And I though Sarge going mental like that was strange. What gives?"
"Oh, they made out or something like that." Tucker shrugged.
"Wait, what?" Simmons said, face filling with disgusted curiosity.
"Yeah, they wouldn't tell me everything, but you learn these things if you pay attention." Tucker smiled, then motioned his head towards the caverns and began walking towards them.
"Rigggght." Simmons said as he shook off a strange feeling going through his spine while he accompanied Tucker. "So were all of you near each other to begin with?"
"Nah, they sort of did, but I sort of appeared in a hallway close to a room where there was an orgy. And it was all mares."
"That must have been fun for you."
"Eh, not really..."
"You two coming over here?" Tex asked.
"Yeah." Simmons called out as he began walking with Tucker. "So what do you mean it wasn't fun?"
"They kept forcing themselves on me. I had to tell them I was practically covered in STDs to get them away from me. Who knew it would be so difficult to weasel your way out of an orgy?"
"Wait..." Simmons repeated, watching as Tucker trotted away. "What?"
It won't be long until Simmon's mind will get switched up soon
Not so sure if I should still be suprized that tucker didn't do it with he other RBD's or scared because of his STDs and ability to tell that they were fake.
Great chapter I award a brofist
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I know, Simmons. I'm scared too.
My reaction to all the stuff that has been going on the last chapters. ._.
Words cannot decide Simmons's reaction to Tucker's failing to join an orgy.
Dafuq? Has everyone gone completely insane?
Grif - working
Tex - saving lives
Tucker - avoiding sex
Sarge - plainly insane
"Who knew it would be so difficult to weasel your way out of an orgy?"
Who knew, indeed.
Love the ending
They kept forcing themselves on me. I had to tell them I was practically covered in STDs to get them away from me. Who knew it would be so difficult to weasel your way out of an orgy?"
"Wait..." Simmons repeated, watching as Tucker trotted away. "What?"
Pricesless
-Shadow
1519153 And don't forget, Simmons not following orders and not kissing Sarges ass
what madness is this!!!!!!!
1519153 isn't sarge usually paranoid? And yes this paranoid
1519185 Yes yes he is
I think I'm reading the wrong fic at the moment
Because there is no way in hell they are acting differently!
They are changing.... Character development!
1519185Sarge isn't that parinoid... well exept the fact he is parinoid that he won't be the one to kill Grif.
1519260 He blames the blues for everything no what
Hmm so in his more intense bouts of insanity Sarge hears Donut ....How interesting. Wait......Now I really want to see how Donut would react to being in Equestria. Welp there goes my train of though, straight off the rail and into an orphanage......
1519153 The last one's not all that different, though.
Yes, Simmons, the world as you know it is over.
Grif will get in shape and get a job as a personal trainer.
Tex will open a homeless shelter and an orphanage.
Tucker will get hitched to RD and have 3 children as a stay at home dad.
Sarge will be spending the rest of his days in a nice, comfy cell filled made of white walls and floors and ceilings.
1519340 pinkie pie is donut... i think
i want ponyvill episodes and mention north dakota, colt i love those two (theta & north)
1519132 brohoof
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Also just saw this gem
Bow chicka bow-wow
....commence insanity comtingency plans....
well they're all changing
thats good
i think...
heh, deus tex machina
I think you mean Simmons.
poor simmons, trying to wrap his head arround all this.....
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-its-very-amusing.jpg
1519987
Indeed.
1519153 Well, on second thought, the whole Sarge thing isn't too different.
Simmons the clueless
When Sarge wakes up, do you think his head will be straight back together?
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1519338 if that isn't crazy then it would have too be cupcakes
1502602
About right
1525393 so very true
1525393 so very true or cheerilee's garden crazy
want of my best plans..."
1519436
Caboose will become a professor of theoretical physics.
Donut will announce that he was straight all along.
Doc will become a serial killer.
The world has gone absolutely bananas.
1519987Is what a Sister reference?
1526354Oh noes!
1527645Oh, you mean at when Simms said that.
Simmons' reactions!