June 20
I woke up nice and early and felt pretty energetic. The first thing on my mind was to fly, so after I used the bathroom stretched out and put on my flight gear and I went in the kitchen to get a glass of water, and that's when I remembered that there wasn't any food in there.
The only thing in the electric icebox was a half-empty beer that smelled off, so I poured it out and set the bottle with the rest by the sink. Every other Wednesday, a truck would come by and pick up all the things that could be recycled and reused, or I could take the bottles back myself and get ten cents each for them.
I thought it would be easier to just give them to the truck.
So I figured that I could fly and shop. Meijer is open all the time. Many human stores are like that, because humans are usually so busy that they can't go to the market during the day.
That was nice, though, because I would never have to worry about what time was the right time to go to the store—I could go whenever I wanted to, and they had so much food there that I thought they'd probably never run out of it.
It was a little weird to put my saddlebags over my flight vest, and I had to really tug on the girth strap to make sure it was tight, then I had to pull some wrinkles out of the vest so it wouldn't chafe my skin, but I finally got it settled like I wanted it to be, and got permission to fly.
The weather was perfect, and the skies were clear, and even though I was a little bit out of practice at flying 'cause I hadn't hardly done any over the last couple of weeks, I made really good time to Meijer.
I hadn't ever been to this one, so when I landed I discovered that the doors were closed and I had to go in a different entrance, but that turned out to be more convenient since the other entrance was right by the food.
Carts were pretty inconvenient. I could push them on my hind hooves, but after I'd gone a few aisles my hips were starting to hurt a little bit from the position, and I was thinking that maybe I would have been smarter to get a basket.
There weren't too many people in the store, but there were lots of boxes out everywhere, and a weird wet swishing sound that turned out to be some kind of big blue machine called Tennant that had spinny brushes on the front. There were two of them, and each one had an operator, and right behind that a third man carrying a mop was picking up the water that the Tennants missed.
It kind of reminded me of the orange snowplow trucks, 'cause they usually seemed to work in pairs, too, with one in front and another one following behind.
Lots of people were opening the boxes and putting things on shelves, and they were really helpful. At the end of each aisle, they had a sign that said what was there, but they only had room to list three things and there were lots more than three things down each aisle.
Just the same, I found anchovies and oatmeal and even sunflower seeds and then in the front was the fresh fruit and vegetable stands which looked a lot like the markets I was used to except that there weren't any farmers by their stands to tell me about their produce.
I also found out when I got to the checkout counter that I was supposed to have put the fruit and vegetables into a bag and write a number on it which said what it was.
They also had a separate set of aisles that had flowers in little bouquets or even dirt-filled pots, but most of them didn't look very good. Still, I got some chrysanthemums to snack on; I thought they'd be good for dinner, even if there was a lot of stem and not so much flower and they were kind of pricey.
I could have gotten more, but my saddlebags weren't all that big, so I could only take what would fit into them. And I wound up loading them badly, and was off-balance for the whole flight back, and I mentally kicked myself for not thinking that the cans of anchovies were kind of heavy, but I was worried that they'd crush my fresh vegetables and flowers. And it wasn't all that long a flight anyway.
When I got home I put my food away and then took off my saddlebags and flight gear and was about to take a shower when I thought how much nicer it would be to take a bath and really relax, but that didn't work out because the valve that closed the bathtub drain didn't work at all no matter how much I jiggled it, so I had to settle for a shower after all.
Making the stove work was a real challenge. There were knobs at the back that controlled the burners and I turned one of them on and it started making a hissing noise and pretty soon it smelled like farts in the kitchen but that was all. Then I remembered how on Aric's stove you had to turn it a certain way to make the flame, so I tried that and found the place where it made the clicking noise and pretty soon it went up with a whoosh and so did a lot of fur on my fetlock, 'cause I was reaching over the flame.
Well, I thought that was just about the dumbest arrangement ever, and I guess I should have seen it coming. I put my foreleg under cold water until it went numb, then filled the kettle and put it on the stove and while I waited for it to boil, I unrolled some toilet paper and wrapped it around my leg and wished that I'd had something a little bit stronger. It started to dissolve as soon as I touched it with my lips.
I didn't worry about it too much, though, and when the water boiled I turned off the stove before I took the kettle off, 'cause at least that kept the flames away from me, and I made a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and sat out on the balcony to eat it.
I hadn't gotten any of the coffee crystals, so I rinsed out my bowl with some of the hot water from the kettle and put it next to the sink to dry, and then I took my Bible and went back out to the balcony. I'd decided that I was going to make some good progress through it and then I would go to the library and start reading about World War I.
First, they said how the King David was doing good things—even if it was fighting the other tribes, because I guess that was what all the kings did. The Bible even said that spring was the season when kings went out to fight. But then David counted his soldiers and that was a bad thing, so God got mad and punished the Israelites with a plague, and then King David felt bad and God felt bad, so King David said that he should be the one to be punished, not his men, and God told him to build an altar, so he did, and then God had His angel stop the plague and David decided to build a house for God.
And since King David had been fighting, he had his son, Solomon build the house instead, and gave him gold and silver and so much copper that it couldn't even be counted, and told everyone to help build the house for the Lord, and Solomon did and when King David got old, he made Solomon the new king of Israel.
Then there were chapters and chapters about what the different tribes all did, and I guess even without cutie marks, humans had some kind of destiny based on their tribe, and they even had a tribe who became the musicians, and I think that was important. A town without songs isn't much of a town at all. The fisherponies had their songs and the sailors had songs and even the thatcher sometimes sang when she worked, and she said that her mother had taught her a song for reeds when she was a filly.
It wasn't until I got to the part about Jehoshaphat that I realized these were the same kings that I'd already read about before, but the story was a little bit different and had some other details that hadn't been mentioned before, and they also left out some stuff that they'd said in the earlier book. I probably should have noticed that sooner, but it had been a really long time since I'd read the Bible. So it was good to read it again. And it hadn't said before that God got so mad at Jehoshaphat for making friends with Ahaziah that He wrecked Jehoshaphat's whole fleet of trading ships.
I wondered if maybe God sometimes got mad at the lake freighters, and that was why so many of them sank. But Pastor Liz had told me that God didn't act like that any more. So then I got to thinking about it more, and maybe the storms just happened. Even with weatherponies, we couldn't stop them all, and we couldn't do anything about the ones far out to sea. It would be something to ask Liz about next time I saw her.
Almost as if the wind was listening to my thoughts, it picked up and flipped a couple pages in the Bible. It would have been a fine day for sailing: the sky was clear and the winds were brisk.
I had just gotten to the part where Jehoram's bowls fell out and nobody cared because nobody liked him, when I saw Sienna turn into the driveway, so I went back inside and pretty soon Mister Salvatore and Miss Cherilyn came up and asked me how my vacation had been and how I was liking my apartment and before I could tell them much about it, Miss Cherilyn saw my toilet-paper bandage and asked me if I'd gotten hurt on the trip.
So I told her how dumb my stove was and Mister Salvatore went in and looked at it then he took a little notebook out of his pocket and wrote something down on it and Miss Cherilyn said that maybe I should get an electric kettle 'cause than I wouldn't have to use the stove to boil water and it might be safer for me.
Well, I didn't want them to go to all that trouble, and I'd already gone shopping once today and didn't feel like going again, but she made me promise not to use the stove and said they'd get me one and see what they could do about getting me a different stove that wasn't a danger to me, and she also wanted to get a look at my leg, and she used her pocket telephone to take pictures of it which I thought was really silly. And she said that I ought to see a doctor just in case, and maybe I could get something that would make it hurt less. She said that there was stuff for humans but didn't know what I should use.
I didn't know either, 'cause I was normally smart enough not to stick my hoof in fire.
They reminded me that they were there for anything I needed, any time of the day, and then Mister Salvatore went outside muttering something about stoves and Miss Cherilyn said that they'd been a little bit worried sometimes when I was on my trip 'cause I'd gone so far away that they didn't know where I was all the time and maybe next time I wanted to go off somewhere remote I could do them the favor of telling them where just in case.
Then when I folded my ears down she said she wasn't mad and I could go wherever I wanted to, but just in case it would be nice to know where I was.
Mister Salvatore came back with a small pouch that had a red cross on it and he got out some gauze cloth and put it on my leg and then said that I might as well keep the whole kit, then he changed his mind and took all the little packets of pills out of it and said he was going to have to check which ones were okay for me.
We had a little snack of fresh vegetables and I offered them some flowers too but they didn't want any so I ate those. And I promised that I'd make a list of things that I needed for my apartment as I thought of them and I said that I was going to get a bird feeder next time I went to Meijer with someone who had a car. Miss Cherilyn offered to go today, but I still didn't want to go a second time.
I hugged them again when they left, and then I turned on my computer and saw that Aric had put up some pictures of his new apartment, and also some of his new friends that he was living with. There was a blonde man named Richard and a bald man named Chris and a blonde girl named Autumn and a brunette named Felicity. Two of them, Richard and Felicity, worked at the same theatre, and the other two didn't.
Autumn sounded kind of like a pony name. I didn't know that humans ever got named for seasons.
Facebook has its own instant telegram system, and there was a green dot by his name, so we had a little chat about how his drive had been (he got there a lot later than he'd planned to) and how his new room was and I told him about Mister Salvatore and Miss Cherilyn coming over and how I'd burned myself on the stove, and he reminded me that if I needed to, I could also ask Angela to help me cook, because she was still at the house. And it was nice to talk to him on the computer but I would have liked it better if he had still been here.
He had to go to a meeting, and when he was done I had some dinner and then decided that I ought to visit Meghan, so I flew over to her house and I couldn't remember which door was hers, so I flew around the back and knocked on her windowframe and when she opened her curtains she was really surprised to see me and she opened her window and told me to come around to the porch.
So I did, and she opened up the door and I made myself remember which one it was, and then we went up to her apartment.
I told her about my vacation and how I'd burned my leg, and she told me about her job, and then she put on her lounging clothes and we sat on the bed and watched Harry Potter together. I felt bad for Harry and his friends, because Mrs. Umbridge was really mean and stupid and petty.
And it had a really sad ending, too. Meghan said it was her favorite book, though, because it had two of her most favorite scenes, both when Fred and George do their final prank (that was in the movie but Meghan said it was better in the book) and also the scene when Dumbledore got arrested and told Mrs. Umbridge that she thought he was going to surrender peacefully when he really had no intention of that.
She went to the bathroom and then I had a turn, and when I came back to her room she'd taken off her lounging clothes and when I opened the door she held her hands to cover herself then when she saw it was just me she laughed and said that I'd been gone for too long.
I wasn't sure what she meant by that, but I didn't ask, and she folded back the covers on her bed and got in and laid on her back so that I could get comfortable. She picked up my burned leg and kissed the bandage and said that maybe that would help me feel better, then she kissed my forehead and put her hand over my back and I draped my wing over her stomach and we fell asleep like that.
and she said that he mother had taught her a song for reeds when she was a filly. -- her mother.
And come on, Meghan! Do it!
Poor Silver. A human apartment isn't easy for a pony to live in alone. Her handlers should look into grocery delivery!
With all the stuff "they" put on flower before selling them to human, I wouldn't be surprised if she got sick from the flowers.
So Silver's handler don't know how to give basic first aid to a pony? I guess they aren't her caretaker, but it would still be the kind of usefull stuff to know, just in case.
There are some really weird and scary designs for stoves. I mean you can buy platinum catalyutic cigaretteighters cheap, yet they dont fit them to stoves so it has to ignite, but one I remember from the 80s, was a redesign of the burner ring, to form an inward facing vortex, so the direct heat started on the base, and showed by boiling a pan of water it was more efficint, or at least they could pump more power through a pan of given size. Never seen it since, since it requires no modification to the stove itself. Then theres the cross bars over the rings where the pan rocks, slides and falls over because its unstable, etc.
The guys turned up pretty quickly when Silver used the stove. Wonder where they have the sensors, as if the building was up to date they can just ask the gas company etc for real time readings without having to move. Thats why the last couple decades telcos are so much easier to tap and trace. All the information required is pumped round the net as part of the exchanges standard operation.
Get her one of the new coffee machine kettles. You know, the ones that are sold as a new expensive kettle for hot water only, and yet look remarkably like a instant coffee maker.
Boy did Silver get lucky with the stove. She could have caused an explosion accidentally and that would have been bad. Plus she should have told some more people when she went out.
I remember those -ing gas stoves. The good side of them is that they are instant heat. The bad side is the pilot light. Some of them, the landlord has set with no pilot light and ALL of them go out sometimes. Lighting the stove top isn't too bad -if you are sober. Getting the oven going is Not A Child Safe Toy.
IMO, when Silver discovered this she did not use her quiet indoor voice. I'd bet she used her "talk in a hurricane" voice. Also, "slander libel words you'll never find in the Bible"
I'd bet her neighbors are either out indefinitely -or dead. Possibly, they moved out.
I expect elaboration on the value of the Bit versus that of the Dollar, and conversion rates and methods. I must know how Silver determined that the Mums were expensive!
Silver, the thing you need to know about God that no one will admit is that God is acutely schizophrenic. I'm sure that's the most logical explanation!
7502594
Hers is definitely not a pilot light stove. It 'clicks.' It just has the knobs in a dumb place
By human standards SG is disabled by not having fingers.
(A fact which is glossed over for purposes of the story and the show.)
The stove will be replaced but the entire apartment needs to be pony-proofed.
I once saw light switch adapters that fit over a standard light switch.
Pulling on one string pulled the toggle up, pulling on the other pulled the toggle down.
It must have been for wheelchair users or people who were really short.
Aw. Sad pony. At least the Internet can make sure she and Aric don't lose touch.
Yeah, that is not a pony-friendly design for a stove. Though electric kettles aren't harmless either. I'm still recovering from some self-inflicted burns from when I poured boiling water a few inches too far to the right. And given the design of most kettles, it's probably going to take a lot of awkward head tilting for Silver to pour the things at all... though that would probably put her limbs out of range.
In any case, the summer continues. It'll be interesting to see how well Silver can keep herself entertained in the long run, though hopefully her neighbors will also be friendly.
7502708
The mums were priced as ornamentation, not food, and were intended to last a lot longer than one meal. If nothing else, the calorie per dollar quotient couldn't have been favorable in comparison to her other purchases.
Looks like one day is the traditional pony mourning period, she certainly perked up after a nights rest.
Now she gets to learn to do things for herself in the big human designed world, I'd certainly say an electric oven would be better for her than gas, I would have though her handlers would have seen the design problem before they moved her in, probably fix the bath as well.
7502881 My parents built one of those for me when I was little. It was a rod, with guides on the wall, and a wire hook that wrapped solidly around the light switch.
That could have gone a lot worse. I was half expecting an actual explosion.
yep, silver needs a first aid kit. Just a good thing to have.
Fifth movie is the worst. The book was just to big to do well as a movie
The little pony is flying to the store all by herself!
"big blue machine" and "Tennant" are two words that cause a completely different association in my head.
*cough*
Horse wife flashbacks... this is going to end in tears. And possibly flames.
Oh god
[not pictured: Silver Glow's air-curdling expletive-laden rant about —ing humans and their —ing fingers and their —ing technology and their stupid —ing gas stoves. —.]
Poured it on what?
so Silver takes a picture of her burned leg with a caption text like: "i'm so hot, i'm on fire"
or some of her favorit Spitfire quotes and posts it on FB...
orig01.deviantart.net/d381/f/2011/235/3/5/over_9000_by_unitoone-d47n9r7.png
7503767 Didn't Michigan gain the Upper Peninsula in that war?
7503823 Mussorgsky was MADE for LOUD SPEAKERS.
The Hut on Fowl's Legs with subwoofers is when TRUE art happens.
You know, if I was casting a Pony in a movie I might take a classic tough guy movie ( Dirty Harry, perhaps) and make it a comedy by casting a Pony as the Hard Ass .
Silver's going to blow herself up by the end of the summer, huh?
7503832
not quite what I meant. He hadn't checked in when he arrived so I was concerned that something may have happened to him on his trip.
7503832 Nazareth was a damn fine group.
7503884
Like her face.
Eh, get it?
7501545
You would be correct, Badger is a hungry beast, and there's no coaling facilities at Ludington.
Also as far as WW2 subs, if you think they're cramped and claustrophobic now, you should see one ready to go out on a war patrol! The full crew plus food and spare parts stuffed into every conceivable space (and even some inconceivable spots). In fact at the beginning of the voyage all but one of the toilet compartments were stuffed full of food, and the crew had to eat all those supplies before that plumber's nightmare could be used. 50-odd steps if I remember right and if you mess it up, everything you just left in the bowl makes a repeat performance- all over you and the compartment including the ceiling.
7503877 Magnetic putty, bro. Shit's tite.
7503823
I favor playing loud Noh performances. I find it soothing.
Though I imagine some places, pulling that might result in angry neighbors mistaking it for a Muslim call to prayer or something.
7503815 You may be thinking of the fictional Upper Peninsula War, which was one of the classic Wikipedia hoaxes and never happened outside of Internet pranks. The "war" with Ohio sort of happened, but not in an actual shooting war sense, IIRC. Mostly officials and posses stoming around being pompous, I think. There was more actual war in the New Mexico range wars. The only reason we remember it at all is because it affected the state borders, and probably complicated Ohio's already labyrinthine survey environment. Most Midwestern states have one or two sets of baselines and meridians, and things are orderly and squared off, a gridded march of sections, ranges and townships from one side of the state to the other. Ohio has *eight*, and the results are chaotic enough that they might as well have just laid out things by cow paths and bloody mindedness like Massachusetts.
7503866
Or cast a donkey and actually name the movie (and character) Bad Ass.
He seems really familiar!
7502374
Correction made; thank you!
For shame! Aric's scent is still on Silver Glow's pillow.
7502375
She could even get ready-made meals off the Schwan's truck.
7502393
I've eaten Meijer chrysanthemums before, and I was okay.
Some basic first aid, yes. What drugs in a first aid kit are okay for ponies, no.
And they don't really need to know a lot, because what they do have is the ability to use their government powers bring them EVERYONE.
7502427
That was just coincidence; they aren't watching her that closely.
On the other hand, if they ever need to, they can not only get there quick, but they can bring everyone with them (see reply above).
My brother has a really nice one, since he spent long enough in Canada he suddenly started to like tea.
7502576
I have to imagine it's harder than you'd think to cause a gas explosion with a gas stove. It's totally doable, though.
Yes, she should have. Especially her handlers.
7506361 And yet what medications you have in your kit, how and when to use it is part of a good first aid class.
Plus being the first repondant if something happens, they need to know at least a lot. If their is an emergency, they may not be able to wait for the people who knows to answer or be there.
7502594
One of the group homes where I work, the stovetop has an incredibly unreliable ignitor. The one I had when I lived in Lansing worked pretty well, though. It was one of those newfangled ones that pretty much did all the work for you.
Nowadays I've just got an electric range.
A long, loud string of Equestrian profanities.
Nope, she's still got neighbors.
7502708
Because one bouquet of mums cost the same as four tins of anchovies.
Or it could be that He mellowed out throughout the Old Testament.
7502871
Seriously, why are the knobs over the burners? You've got to reach over whatever you're cooking (or have just accidentally set on fire) to turn the range off.
7502881
Not as glossed over in this story (although even in the show they've got a rather excessive hoof ability).
Regular doorknobs are her biggest issue. And the stove, but she doesn't know how to cook anyway. Light switches would work with a hoof.
If we went back to the old-fashioned pushbutton switches, that wouldn't be an issue.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e4/Push_Button_Light_Switch.jpg
I wonder if I could retrofit my house with them, just for the cool factor? (apparently yes, at $20/each)
7502903
One of the benefits of it. So long as she doesn't become obsessed with kitten videos. :pinkiehapppy:
Scalding burns suck. At least it was (hopefully) only a little.
I think that kind of thing would be something she'd be pretty good at, though. She's had her whole life to learn to manipulate things by mouth. Not that long ago, I saw a video of a magician without hands doing card tricks.
7502913
Ponies don't tend to stay sad for long, especially happy-go-lucky pegasi.
She doesn't know how to cook, so once she's got a kettle to make hot water (and a waffle-maker) she's all set for the summer.
They haven't really got standards for pony-friendly apartments yet. Anything that's modern and handicap accessible will work; obviously, unicorns can make any design work for them.
7502919
Lucky. I had to jump to work my lightswitch. Or stand on a chair. Luckily, I grew pretty quickly, as sasquatches are prone to do.
7503051
That would have been a hell of a way to end the story.
Agreed. Something that everyone should have, really.
I think I've got one in the back of one of my cars.
Worst is a little harsh. But yeah, they had to cut a lot out of it to make it into a movie.
7503248
The little pony is flying to the store all by herself!
static.grainger.com/rp/s/is/image/Grainger/4VDR8_AS01?$mdmain$
Yeah, it's one of these. Not what you're thinking.
Silver Glow is a worse cook than Horse Wife.
I wonder if when a pegasus really starts swearing, stormclouds form?
7503129
Corrections made, thank you!
7503248
Oops.
I picked chrysanthemums because I bought some and ate them for research for Celestia Sleeps In; I didn't think to see if they were toxic to horses.
7503399
Poured it in the sink. I see that I kind of trailed off in my thought there.
Also new avatar for you!
7503568
7506435 You noticed!
7503815
We did. But we're still mad at Ohio for taking Toledo.
7503833
I got to play that once. When I was in college, we did a performance at an art museum for some reason, so of course we played Pictures at an Exhibition.
7503866
You would and I would, but from what I've seen out of Hollywood lately, they're not that creative.
7503980
There's a non-zero chance.
7504036
Oh, I misunderstood. He just forgot to call home, that's all.
7504117
7504159
7504283
Yay! Google Maps FTW!
That's actually one thing that's always bothered me in Sci-Fi movies. Like, when they left the planet on their long journeys into space, wouldn't every square inch of that sucker be filled with something? And yet, they always seem to have cargo holds/landing bays/whatever that are enormous, and completely empty.
Is this something that you have firsthand knowledge of?
7504812
And terrifying to watch.
7504823
I would say that people aren't that ignorant but of course people are that ignorant.
7504901
No; when the government settled the Michigan-Ohio war (in which the only actual casualties were some pigs), they gave Michigan Territory the upper peninsula as a consolation prize. But that is why Michigan has an uneven Southern border; the missing 'chunk' went to Ohio.
7504974
Or cast a donkey and actually name the movie (and character) Bad Ass.
7505284
I don't think he's showed up yet in the story. Although it's possible there was another Chris, I guess.
7506381
That's true, although most first-aid kits I've seen, it's pretty self-evident what the pills are for. Most of the ones I've seen are designed for idiots to use, so they don't put anything in there that you can really fuck up with.
There are other people trained for that in Kalamazoo--Mister Salvatore and Miss Cherilyn are only supposed to handle the legal and political stuff. So anything beyond the most basic first aid they don't know.
7506447
I did!
7506424
Worse than Brownie Bun? Wow. Next thing you know, that glaive's going to be sticking out of the waffle iron. Along with a few arrows. Also, Aric will be bald somehow.
7504974
Now I really want that movie to happen. Someone open a portal to Equestria, stat.
7506424
The nice part about the first-person format is that whatever scrapes she gets in, we already know she lived to tell the tail.
Edit: That's too funny to fix.
7506524
Or Silver Glow will have enough sense to quit while she's ahead.
7507654
Man, me too. With Cranky as the star.
Besides the link I already gave you, I've read one story in which the first-person narrator is killed in the first few paragraphs but doesn't let being dead slow him down at all. I can't remember the name of it, and it's in an actual book, but if you're really interested I could probably track it down.
Ah, pony culture at work.
7701142
You know that eventually after widespread integration, there are going to be separate sections with 'eating flowers' and 'looking pretty' flowers.
I'm thinking that she started with a demand that the stove's inventor use the stove to perform a morally ambiguous anatomical impossibility mixed with a heartfelt desire for Celestia to cram the landlord in beside the stove & buck them all to Tartarus.
8740564
That kind of stove design (which I should mention is the design of every gas stove I've ever used) is not very pony friendly at all. And yes, Silver probably did have a thing or two to say about both the guy who invented it and the guy who installed it in her apartment.
As for Jehoram's bowls, that's a deliberate 'mistake.' I thought the typo was funny enough to leave it (and I believe you're the first one to notice).