MISSION LOG – SOL 39
My back aches and my head hurts. This is worse than the Big Tow.
Remember my bright idea? It turns out the ponies were right there with me. And it works, too, but it took a lot of work to do it. It literally took minutes to find two pieces of the pony ship’s dismembered outer hull large enough to be repurposed as sleds, and minutes more to shape them using careful application of highly advanced Earth technology (beat it with a hammer). The parachute rope used for the tow was repurposed to make towing harnesses for Cherry Berry and Spitfire to haul the sleds with, and that took about five minutes tops.
And then we all spent seven hours out at Site Epsilon. Starlight and Dragonfly used magic to shift perchlorates onto the sled. Fireball and I shoveled using smaller pieces of hull plating with the edges rounded off to prevent our gloves getting sliced up. Cherry and Spitfire hauled sleds out, dumped them downslope away from the rover, and came back in, not quite in perfect sync but close enough.
The pony ship outer hull is chemically indistinguishable from steel- there must be some kind of magic process they use to make it more durable. It’s had some form of rust-proofing or something, so it’s safe to dump a bunch of oxidizer onto. Which, oh my God, we did. Back and forth, shovel it on, dump it off, as fast as possible. We took turns in the rover eating cold food packs- full rations today with this level of work. Even Dragonfly had little nibbles from everyone else. I still need to get the story from Starlight about the bug’s dietary habits.
The hard work paid off, though. I figure we got just past halfway done today, even with all the non-perchlorate soil we had to scoop up along with the perchlorates. I think we made close to ninety trips in and out, and even though Spitfire could only haul half the load Cherry did, it was enough to drop the mound about level with the top of Fireball’s helmet.
By tomorrow we should be done. Of course, after this there will be a large no-go area at the bottom of the hill, until the Martian wind blows it away. Unfortunately, the Hab is downwind of the site, but one crisis at a time.
I am a bit concerned about the rest of our pile of boom. Originally the stuff was absolutely dry, but this morning it was a bit clumpy, and by the time our EVA time ran out there was some sort of slime forming on the surface. My best guess is, what very little water vapor is in the air in the cave is getting sucked up by the perchlorate. That’s what it does, of course, besides make thing burn really hot and fast- it dries the environment.
But for all my worries, the gunk has been very well behaved. We haven’t seen so much as a spark out of it. I guess- I hope- the Martian environment is keeping it too cold to react to anything. By the end of the day I was more worried about the patch on my suit than the perchlorate. You see, I’m using my flight suit- the one that got harpooned on Sol 6 and which I patched after I pulled the antenna out of my pelvis. I figure this is like my second-best clothes, the kind I’d use working on a car. If something happens to damage the suit, assuming I survive somehow, it won’t be my good space suit that got fucked up.
Time to sign off for now. It’s been a long day, and we’ve all earned an evening of relaxation with the Future Washed-Up Child Actors Club followed by a few episodes of Car Chases Without Context. At least tonight I can be guaranteed that Starlight won’t ask me to explain why the police officers are allowed to keep their jobs if they’re (a) crooked and (b) too dumb to realize it’s possible to arrest people when they’re not in a car.
MISSION LOG SOL 39 (2)
TRANSCRIPT: CONVERSATION BETWEEN DRAGONFLY AND MARK WATNEY (note: translation spell not used)
(note: towards the end of an episode of Dukes of Hazzard, some late 1970s/early 1980s country singer is performing, because apparently celebrities drive on two-lane roads in rural Georgia between gigs in the middle of nowhere just so they can be written citations by corrupt deputies)
DRAGONFLY: Good music! Why they make?
WATNEY (torn between Watsonian and Doyleist interpretations and limited by a vocabulary which probably doesn’t go beyond a hundred words): Er… bad cops stop. Say you break law, play or else.
DRAGONFLY: Oooh. What if Partridges stop? They play too?
WATNEY: Um… Partridges in California. Dukes in Georgia. Different places, far apart.
DRAGONFLY: Look same.
WATNEY (head beginning to really hurt, figuring out how to explain): You know it’s not real, right? Make up. Make in same place.
DRAGONFLY: Ooooh. So can do! Rosco make Partridges play!
WATNEY (surrendering): Fine. Whatever. Write your fanfic. I’m sure it’ll get a million hits.
And the hell of it is, I’m writing this at three in the morning because my subconscious decided to write the fic for the bug and show it in my dreams. Apparently some part of me ships Shirley Jones and Denver Pyle. Why? If it was David Cassidy and Catharine Bach it’d make some sense.
God, I’m cracking up. If this keeps up I’ll be writing my own fics in which the eldest Partridge son drives the bus off a cliff and dies as karmic retribution for stealing my Daisy Duke waifu.
That settles it. Tomorrow after we’re done with the perchlorate removal, I break open a new series. Something that doesn’t tie my brain in knots. Six Million Dollar Man, maybe?
Can't wait for the Dragonfly fanfic bonus chapter at the end of the series!
I really think it would be better to just place the perchlorates somewhere and explode them. Just destroy them and forget about it.
8692886 They're working on it.
Embrace the fanfic fever.
8692882 Yeah, I'm gonna let someone else do that. To do it myself I would have to subject myself to the Partridges for more than three minutes at a time, and that's about my limit.
8692882
Fanfiction? How wabout fanart?
Haha, poor Mark. His brain has begun shipping fictional characters and writing fanfics against his will. I'm sure bronies everywhere can sympathize.
8692920 More important things plus small time windows for non-cave-speak conversations.
8692819
couldn't that be worked around though? hide the magic in some base enchantment in the water and then starlight could remove it?
8692819
couldn't that be worked around though? hide the magic in some base enchantment in the water and then starlight could remove it?
Oh dear. Best to set the stuff on fire now rather than later.
Idea for Mark with the tv shows: Tell Shimmer or Dragonfly the names of a couple of the shows they haven't seen yet (one you know, one you don't) and play the one they choose.
I'm very much thinking that, on hearing the name 'The Electric Company', the Equestrians will be interested in why there is a show about such a thing. And then when they and Mark see what it actually is, Mark will be kicking himself for not showing it to them sooner AND wondering why Sesame Street wasn't in the files if she put THAT in.
Of course, the even funnier bit would be for Lewis to later ask Mark why he didn't show them 'Electric Company' to help teach them English.
8692886
For many and good reasons do we leave nuclear and other toxic waste in isolated dumps rather than attempt to blow them up.
Attempting such is as hazardous as or more hazardous than the initial catalyst behind the waste.
You need protective gear, training, specialized handling and transportation equipment, and you must ensure that the material stays out of inhabited or traveled areas. This is almost a non-issue on Mars, at least in this circumstance, but even ignoring the risks of doing more than they have already to mitigate the problem, and even considering the possibility of using magic to mitigate further, the time and effort and lives involved are still not worth the risk.
Edit: Of all the times I have received a dislike on a comment, this time bemuses me the most.
8692966
I'm sure the Equestria side will look into that.
But author fiat says no. "Magic won't solve everything," so they won't get enough magic to solve everything. Not in this story. (And before you say, "well, then Kris could invent new problems arising from too much magic!", this isn't that kind of story. Try "Oversaturation.")
(And, like, where would you "hide" the magic? The hydrogen atom, the oxygen atom, or the other hydrogen atom?)
Just as long as Dragonfly doesn't hear this theme until AFTER all digging is complete...
Managed about 1000 words tonight. Time for bed, up in seven hours for things.
But still managing to write something every day.
It took two days to complete a chapter, though, so the buffer's down to about five now.
8693094 Hm, yes... but now, apropos of nothing, there's a hissy voice in my head singing, "I am a changeling digging a hole, diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole..."
8693135 Dragonfly's theme song?
"At least tonight I can be guaranteed that Starlight won’t ask me tonight to explain"
"At least tonight I can be guaranteed that Starlight won’t ask me to explain"?
"I am all but certain that perchlorates do not go slimy when they absorb water. Normally.
But they're doing it in the cave on Sol 39."
This is certainly not in the least worrying. :)
So, hypothetically speaking, what would cause perchlorates to go slimy, and how will this screw the party?
If damp perchlorates are hyper oxidising, wouldnt they be trying to turn Martian atmospheric CO2 into an even more reactoive form, and a version of CO2 that reacts withitself gives Graphene Oxide or other carbon peroxide polymer?
Sort of like Nitroglycerine but not at all as stable?
Somebody help me out. I can't figure out what "Rosco" is supposed to mean.
Edit: nevermind, I think I got it.
Well the opening of the Six Million Dollar Man will be totally not cringy for the space faring folk.
I imagine them doing the Coneheads Aubergine scene in front of the screen.
8692894
Watch 'em as a kid, but yeah, as an adult it's too much.
8692899
Don't know what sort of crayons they have on the Mars' habitat.
Starlight could make the reality to perceive the pile of perchlorates as a bird or some other animal and then make the animal go very very far. Or she can always teleport it. She is very good in teleportation.
8693369 In just a couple of days Roscoe P. Coltrane has become the space-pony Platonic example for "stupid."
8693443
The problem with that idea is that it takes a lot of energy to teleport things, and they already used up most of their mana batteries on the perchlorate removal spell. Starlight severely struggled with teleporting one spoon, but the pile of perchlorates is A. A lot heavier than a spoon, and B. Really really explosive and touchy when it comes to being suddenly shifted massive distances.
8693308 What else produces slime besides water? And what might be able to make use of a potent oxidizer for an energy source?
8693572
On teleportation is nice one thing. You change places without moving.
8693572
The teleportee doesn't move. Space bows, takes your luggage, and opens the door for you.
8693047
Two words, Morgan Freeman.
"besides make thing burn" should be "besides making things burn". Unless this was a deliberate quirk for Mark you put in?
8879558 In this usage either would be correct.
70s sitcom bug fics!
Congrats. You made the first toxic waste dump on Mars
Yay, entertainment
That's not too bad :3
9192076
Majors was better in Fall Guy.
I...
Now I want to see ponies react to M.A.S.H.
I think they should do a controlled burn of that perchlorate later just to be sure
9256277
“Controlled”
I am slightly sad that the original Star Trek wasn't on the TV shows list. What a gold mine of commentary that could have been for everyone.
That would be interesting to read.
Somehow i wonder if our Bugwaifu here on Mars might get to cuddle the human ...
Nice chapter
Was a huge SMDM fan as a kid. I can only imagine that Watney had never seen the opening - or, God forbid, the original pilot TV movie!
10632643 According to the Martian movie background material, Watney was born in 1994. So that'd be an enormous NO, he didn't.
(And I was just slightly too young for either Six Million Dollar Man or Bionic Woman to impact me much; born 1974, so I only saw a few reruns when visiting relatives with cable.)
Only have a cellphone, can't post. Waylon Jennings sings the theme song. On his album he included a verse
"I'm a good ole boy
You know my momma loves me.
But she can't understand
they keep a showing my hands
and not my face on TV"
I've seen it suggested that the reason was $. It's cheaper to show only parts of actors
oh, i just remembered:
in The Martian, Mark just happened to watch that Six Million Dollar Man episode about a space probe gone haywire just before retrieving Pathfinder, so he had dreams about it attacking him!
We need more Cuddlebug action
Ling got to Ling around more
So mutch good chaos, i doubt it will hold...
Not because i read the story 10+ times or anything