The space-shuttle US Pegasus had encountered an unidentified Vehicle, just after establishing a stable Orbit. At first it was observed, only by the lack of light blocking the silhouette of the Moon, on the far side of its Orbit.
Once the ship had been recognized, the Shuttle reported back to Houston in order to explain what they saw. Of course, they were eager to hear what the Ground Control had to say about what they were encountering as well.
What soon came as a shock to the People working at the Communications in Houston is the Shape and capabilities of the newly discovered ship, so clearly of unknown origin. This just couldn’t be made by Human hands in either China or Russia. The signs on the Hull was merely the first Confirmation.
Were they to dare attempting communication, or would they try to ignore them and abort the operation, hoping the Ship would just leave them alone?
Yet, why did the Ship have to look like a Manta of all things? Manta Ray
Seems like a good start, keep it up.
Did you mean "route", as is a path; or "rout", as is a disorderly retreat?
5962357
Thanks, I did enjoy drawing on a few details from episodes of the latest season.
Now I just need to keep the story going, but some things will change along the way.
Thanks for pointing out this, I hope I managed to adjust and correct the spelling to indicate where they were heading off to.
5971581 No problem, man.
I have several problems.
First off, the story doesn't seem to flow very naturally at all. I can't really tell when the story begins, and it's not really clear what's going on at any given time. I attribute most of this to the writing, which strikes me as heavily flawed. Here, for example:
I'm no grammar expert, but I don't think that's actually a complete sentence. Where's the verb? In fact, the phrasing here feels like you're trying to be very complex and high-brow without the skills to actually pull it off, which results in some very awkward writing.
This also has the effect of messing up some of the characters voices. I mean, look what's happened to Applejack:
Does that really strike you as something she'd say? You're using some very annoying phrasing all over the place, too. I think you're doing that thing where you're desperately avoiding the word 'said' and it's making stuff like this (see below) happen all the time.
In short, I think that your best bet is to reduce the writing to something much, much simpler instead of forcing yourself to write something complicated. It's too stylized, and I don't think you have the skills to pull that off right now. It becomes very uncomfortable to read, and whatever story might be there, It's being ruined by how it's presented, in my opinion.
5976864 I could use some help with these issues, I just eed some help pointing out what the problem are and how to corrext them in order to amke the story flow as intended.
I think Forgotten is the verb here.
Correct or not, but I think this is referring back to the scene in the Premier episode where they traveled to the Village.
Maybe I am working a bit too hard in my effort to avoid a few words in order to add more details in nounces? I guess I could use some hlp with these things, if you or anyone else could suggest a better way to get at what I had in mind.
I had been waiting for inspiration and ideas for a good while, before I actually wrote the chapter in the hope that I could make it pass moderation. If this is why it got the way it is, I hope the next chapter is better. On the other hoof, I am going to adjust and correct what I find, when I do find anything I can make better than it is at this time.
You need an editor. Where do I sign up to help you? This story has some potential.
5980224 The best place to go over the details would be the PM.
Aside from that, thanks for mentioning.
I hope I can manage to keep the story going with at least the same quality as it has now.
5980046 I think 'forgotten' there is an adjective. To be correct, the sentence would have to be 'the shock over the table was long since past and forgotten'.
I could see the reference to the show, and where everyone was afraid of the Everfree, but that voice did not sound like Applejack. That's the matter that I think is problematic. It's quite important to be able to recognize characters due to more than just their names.
Also, 'Orbital Insident' is spelled 'Orbital Incident'. You might want to consider spellchecking your title.
If English is your first language, I'd recommend you try reading this aloud before publishing. It's a strong method of self-editing, since you hear everything that's wrong as well as just seeing it. Of course, this only really works if you're very comfortable with the language.
5983854 I saw it as verb, from the act of Forgetting, but from the example, it seems you are quite correct there.
Grammar has a way of confusing me to a point.
I guess I do have some problem with her, particularly when it comes to her speaking part. Her southern dialect and such troubles me in writing, even if I enjoy hearing her speaking in the show. I could take some suggestions as to how to make the message sound more as if she actually said it.
I write in G-Docs, so I need an external Spell Check, but Grammarly seems to have a problem with Capuitalizations. I went over the word without capitalization and got it right, I hope.
Thanks, I guess I need to read the text at least once over again; should tell me a few problems the spell check doesn't give me. Pronouncing it would give a better understanding of the punctuation as well, from what I have gathered.
5983752 If you send me the chapters to edit before you post them, you should get more likes.