I'm Sheena. I write mostly angsty teen lesbian romantic dramedy, a few AUs, and sometimes porn.
What's in a day? For most, it's twenty four hours. But sometimes it could be an eternity.
For some that's a nightmare. But for others it's not that bad. It just takes some getting used to...
/x/x/x/
A potential prequel to an extended story if this gets enough attention. Tagged for one loop that involves a suicide.
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Anypony know the Doctor’s number?
I got a bit worried, groundhog day is a done deal in fics. That said, I am loving the outsider perspective instead of us seeing it from the looper's point of view. Looking forward to more!
8706393
there are no phones in equestria, silly
8706452
yeah, I did draw inspiration from the best night ever and hard reset and that one equestria girls time loop fic that I can't find, and I wanted to avoid the tropes that would be boring to deal with, so thanks ^.^
8706604
My point is, anyone know where the Doctor is
thesethis day?I love the topic (Time loop from a non-looper's perspective), and think you could really go places with it.
The writing itself, however, has a lot of room for improvement For one, I think you could have extended what happened in this chapter into multiple, deeper chapters if you'd done some more showing rather than telling, especially because in this kind of story showing is important for hinting at what's going on from Fluttershy's perspective. Second, the dialogue is sometimes hard to follow. For example, I have no idea if Applejack told Fluttershy to fuck off or vise versa. Third, the characterization seemed a bit off, particularly in the "fuck off" scene. Now, there's a pretty clear reason why Fluttershy is acting "off"-- though I wish there had been more build up to it-- but I'm unclear as to why Applejack reacted so badly to Fluttershy acting crazy. If anything, I would have assumed she'd be concerned about Fluttershy's health. Giving deeper descriptions and explanations would have potentially remedied this by giving us more reason to believe Applejack would react the way she did.
... I should also say that I don't think this story is bad by any means. In fact, you've got my thumbs up on it. It's just that I think there's a lot of potential that hasn't been reached yet that could really make this story great rather than just good.
On a separate note, if you want your stories to be recognized and appreciated, add them to some groups! I have a strange love for time loop stories, yet I only discovered this story on accident. If it had been in some relevant groups (Time Travel, Time Loop, etc.), I and others who would be interested in reading it would have found it a lot sooner.
8778152
oh hell yes CC is what I live for
this was honestly just an experimental palate cleanse for my other works, and that's why I didn't expand on it. I wanted to do other stories in on this time looping event from the perspective of multiple characters but applejack was the central focus for this one in particular. dialogue, yes, I'll take that; I don't want to be like "x said this and y said that and x said this and y said that" because I've got a huge irrational nervous tic about reusing the same word multiple times on the same page, but I'll put more work into explicity. explicitness? being more explicit. but yeah, it was fluttershy who said that. I as the actor must have assumed there was enough context, so I'll try to be more objective in the future. to be honest I did rush this, it only took me a few hours spread out over a few days.
I do have a problem with unsatisfactory work sometimes, where I look at it and I'm just like, how do I make this BETTER??? I mean I can read other people's fics and be like "this can be improved, that can be tweaked, this needs less, this needs more, this is clunky" etc etc, it's just hard to do to my own.
and to be honest I've tried the groups thing but it won't do it for me. I try to click it and it just freezes and says it did it but it never does do it. maybe I'm doing it wrong. oh well.
anyway, thanks for taking the time to be critical. i always appreciate comments but I get a few that I'm like. I'm glad but you liked it and want more but uh, was there anything specific or...? but things like this that tell me how to do things better, I'll always appreciate, even on the things I put less effort into.
8779209
I actually had problems with the group thing myself. I can't seem to add stories from the group pages themselves, but if I join a group I can select to add a story to that group from the story's page, and for some reason that works for me. (It's a plus button under the chapter list, next to the download button. I never noticed until a few weeks ago.)
I also hate having too much repetition. That's actually one of the virtues of showing and not telling. With telling it's a lot of "X said 'blank', Y said 'blank'", while showing is somewhat more flexible with how you can indicate who's speaking (if you surround a quote with an action, the person taking the action is usually assumed to be speaking the quote) and also allows you to put more words between each time you have to use "said". Though it also does take quite a bit of effort to make sure you're not just wasting words, which is probably why I take so long whenever I try to write anything.
Will there be more? :)
This was quite lovely! Wish there was more!
Sugar belle is a unicorn.
10053476
wait are you serious
*googles*
please shoot me in the face
So did the suicide not stick because of the time loop, and waking up in her bed after dying clued her in that it wasn't something as simple as a prank? Or did the suicide stick in spirit but not in body, so now Fluttershy is some facsimile of the everlasting kindness she likes to be without the negative emotions? In short, in those loops after the suicide is that Fluttershy? Or is that Kindness? Twilight did say at the climax of the show pilot that Fluttershy embodies the Spirit of the Element of Kindness, so...hmm....
I've never seen groundhog day, so I don't know how death would affect a looper in this form of the time loop trope.
8706393
No call a therapist
Well...uh...that happened.
10084508
Interesting perspective but no.
In Groundhog Day, eventually Bill Murray attempted suicide to get out of the time loop multiple times but each time he died he just woke up again the next morning. Sorta like the Tuesday episode of Supernatural, the Happy Death Day film franchise, and Hard Reset (a fanfic on this site). Dying just resets the time loop. When she died and came back it's implied that she realized oh shit it's a time loop and my friends don't actually hate me after all, but the way this story is planned to be structured I only tell the story from everyone else's perspective. I might do the chapter from her perspective at the very end though just for clarification's sake.
Damn, just say Sugar Belle, it’s not that hard; I thought that was Pinkie Pie at first and cue the confusion (Sugar Belle is a unicorn).
Just a nitpick, but barking doesn’t need to be dialogue.
Tuesdays, it’s always Tuesdays
Probably nitpicking again, but feathers are good at keeping animals warm because they trap air close to the body, creating an insulating layer.
I feel you, Apple Bloom, I feel you.
"Darling" is not a very Applejack thing to say.
Single quote thoughts, not normally a good idea but you seem to have separated them enough from the actual dialogue to not get jarring.
Time loop from an outsider perspective, nice. I feel like Applejack under reacted to Fluttershy’s behaviour in the later loops, and the ending is very vague, like did Fluttershy just give up and choose to live in the loop?
This gets a GOOD.