Red sprinkles, blue sprinkles, sugar coating... the gnoll happily stuffed his face with any donuts the shopkeeper provided, and he was already starting to run out of stocks. Currently though, he was busy applying a band-aid to Purple Haze's face, "There you go, Marshall. I strongly recommend you have a doctor check on that leg later though."
"Thanks, I'll get it checked when we head back." she said with small smile as she flexed the bandaged leg, "Scar, slow down a bit. You don't want to get a sugar shock again, do you?"
"Mmpffapmf... mpfammgf..." the gnoll nodded while chewing heavily.
"Should I check on his wounds too?" the shopkeeper asked with worry.
The gnoll finally swallowed, "Is no need..." he held up his arm for them, "See? Stopped to bleed."
"That's a pretty neat trick." commented Purple Haze as she eyed him, "But we're still getting you checked when we head back." she took a bite out of her own donut, "These are pretty good." she chewed happily.
"Thank you, Marshall." the shopkeeper responded with a proud smile.
Scar mumbled something beneath his breath before taking out his book and starting to read. Every now and then he would grab himself another donut as he read the pages absent-mindedly. Next to him, Purple Haze was chewing on her own donut with the same absent-mindedness as she stared into the distance. Both of them were enjoying this little moment of peace and silence, both of them content with each others company as they sat at the counter.
The only thing that could be heard from time to time was the rustling of paper when Scar turned to another page. Outside, the streets were slowly starting to come to life as the city awakened, unaware of what had transpired during the night.
Until an explosion shattered the silence and the ground trembled slightly.
"Was that an earthquake?" the shopkeeper asked in shock.
Purple Haze gave a sigh, "We just never get a break, do we? Scar, come on, let's go check it out."
The gnoll closed his book with a sigh and got out a small bag, "How much does it owe pony?"
The shopkeeper did a quick count, "Twenty-two bits in total."
"Give it two more for way." the gnoll added another bit to the payment.
---
The dust was slowly starting to settle near the entrance to the tunnels, guards carefully peeking from behind their cover to see what had happened. What they saw would be the topic of many stories and legends for the future.
There, standing inside a small crater and covered in soot and dust stood princess Celestia, deity of the sun and ruler of Equestria with an absolutely puzzled expression. Her feathers were ruffled and her flowing mane slightly singed on the ends. In front of her stood the gnoll's maul, not a single scratch on its surface.
Ten minutes, that had been all it had taken. Ten minutes in the presence of the hammer and she had tried to blow it up in a frenzied attempt to get it to shut up. There had been no end to the profanities that came from it, one moment it would talk with the romance of chivalry and the next it would sputter forth unthinkable obscenities like a waterfall.
Pushed to the limits of her sanity and patience she had lost her temper for the first time in nearly two-thousand years and had blasted it with a shot of pure, concentrated magic. Much to her surprise though the hammer had not only proven absolutely immune to her attack but had also reflected it back at herself, with immediate results.
What was even worse was that the hammer was still talking, "You know my dear, if I didn't know it better I would get the feeling that you're trying to get rid of me. That reminds me of a lovely story..."
"Will you please be quiet if only for one second? I feel like I am losing my sanity!" Celestia shouted at the hammer in anger, using her magic to clear her coat of the dirt and renewing her singed hairs. She was only a step away from using the royal voice, but she didn't dare cause more of a scene in front of her subjects.
"Ah, but what is love without words?" Celestia felt her blood pressure rise even more.
"Tag." Scar's voice came from behind her.
"Yes, master?" the hammer replied with a voice of innocence.
"Shut up."
"Of course, master."
Celestia stared at the hammer in disbelief as Scar passed her and picked it up with a shrug. Purple Haze watched the crater in silent awe, "Princess, what happened here? Was there an attack?"
Princess Celestia rubbed her temples for the fifth time that day, "Never mind... You two, report to the medics, now." something in her voice told Purple Haze that they should probably keep clear of the princess for the rest of the day. "And Scar?" the gnoll stopped following Purple Haze for a moment to look at her, "Please be so kind and teach 'Sir' Tag some manners before I feel tempted to put him on the moon."
Scar looked at her with a surprised face, he could throw the hammer a good distance but he doubted anyone could actually throw it onto the moon. Nevertheless... "Will do Celestia, will do." he thought for a moment before handing her a small bag, "Is good for ponies. Celestia should have one." he said with a small smile.
As Purple Haze and Scar left Celestia levitated the bag before herself and looked at the contents. Inside the bag were two donuts. She eyed them for a moment, "Might as well..." she muttered to herself with a sigh and took to the air again. She needed to have a word with her sister.
Doughnut Bribery, The best way to solve problems.
I fucking love this story!!!!
great chapter as usual you know... if these didn't have this kind of quality i would think you just pulled these out of you ass at the rate that you update this story or maybe you have slaves that write these
2279906 Slaves? -starts to sweat- I don't know anything about slaves
Seriously though, it helps that I limit my writing to one hour per chapter. Helps the flow if you force yourself to take a break every now and then ^^
First Twilight, now Celestia. Who is going to try and blow up Tag next?
2280306 yes... yes it is
2280317
well, then i think my english skills doesnt suck as much as i thought :D because i picked a random word or two sometimes.
2279743
I actually meant the gnoll, but the Warhammer referance is appreciated.
2280418avoidingthedrop.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/thumbs-up-borat.jpg
good for you
I did it. In a total of four hours in one after noon, I read this story. And I fucking love it. No other words, nay, words fail to describe how much I loved it. I laughed, I cried... It moved me, Bob.
(I did cry, only a little, though!)
Two days. Two days of reading this masterpiece can't wait for the next chapter!
P.S. I like the idea of a talking hammer so much, I'm gonna use it in one of my fics. Not Sir Tag, though, that would be stealing. I think Scar wouldn't like stealing.
2282684 It is a two-handed hammer, imagine it like a small, old tree with the roots grown around a large piece of rock
2290656
Not if you are a raging drunk. If you are, you will never go to that place again.
2280106 Anypony with a horn, more than likely!
2279689 either that or Toilet Paper Bribery
I have now given Sir Tag the voice of the butler, Walter C. Dornez, from Healing Ultimate Abridged.
5700210 really. I gave him codsworths voice from fallout 4
7167795 John Cleese, all the way.
7230295
Michael Palin for me.