Present Perfect vs. Dance Magic · 3:07pm May 16th, 2017
When they said they were going to be making Equestria Girls shorts, I thought they were gonna be, y'know, short. Five minutes tops, like those things that aired before Rainbow Rocks, or My Past Is Not Today. Dance Magic is a full 22-minute episode!
And yeah, currently, it's in Polish (aside from the song), with English fansubs on the video what I linked up there. But, that's good enough for me, so Imma watch it, and Imma review it. >:B Spoilers below.
I can't really come out of seeing this with more than an, "Eh, that was a thing."
It felt considerably shallower than even the less-interesting EQG movies. I mean, it's all about the humane seven trying to fundraise to renovate Camp Everfree, and getting involved in a dance contest kind of; more making a music video for a cash prize. That's really all there is to it; I shall keep my expectations suitably low for any further releases. (If this reminded me of anything, it'd be My Little Pony Tales, and that's not a good thing.)
One thing that doesn't help is this just being a mishmash of show episodes. The main conflict is Rarity Takes Manehattan, and there are shades of Suited for Success and others. To wit, Rarity sees the advertisement for the music video and gets all excited, then runs into the Shadowbolts (minus, oddly, Indigo Zap). She immediately divulges the entirety of her plan to them, and they basically go, "What a great idea! Ha ha, there's no way we would steal that and use it ourselves!" And then they do exactly that.
I'll say I was impressed that they solved things with friendship; I was expecting just some drama and the Shadowbolts losing out on what they wanted, but instead, everyone gets to win by the end. That said, the resolution is basically that of The Hooffields and McColts: they combine Rainboom peanut butter with Shadowbolt chocolate, and yum. Cue the music. I've seen it all before, is what I'm saying.
Any further commentary I'll preface by saying, this was the Polish dub, for whatever reason, so the impact of literally anything was somewhat lessened by not having the familiar VAs. (Also, I was kind of hoping to discover a new Anneli Heed, but none of the Polish VAs left an impression on me. :B) So the main cast are about as blanderized as they usually are; Sci-Twi is kind of adorable in her new not-school-uniform outfit, but this is a Rarity episode, so she gets all the good lines.
The Shadowbolts on the other hand... Well, they were there. I mean, Sugarcoat is still the best, that's just science (she gets a phenomenal zinger against Rarity!) Lemon Zest is apparently the 'nice one' now, a la Sonata Dusk. Sunny Flare failed her "have a personality" roll, and Sour Sweet somehow has less personality than she used to. I mean, when she's not doing her "might be bipolar?" shtick, what does she have to offer?
The only reason really to watch this is the sequence where three -- not all -- of Rarity's friends provide their highly-in-character suggestions for what they could do for the music video instead of Rarity's original idea. Specifically, Pinkie's, which is perfectly outlandish but, more importantly, rendered in basically animated crayon drawings. I was delighted. :D The song itself falls neatly into the litany of Daniel Ingram's EQG output: a vapid and paradoxical mixture of catchy and forgettable. It's still better than anything that's come out for season 7 so far, if you ask me, and I'm sure the remixers will put it through the wringer over the next few months to wrangle some good dance tunes out of it.
But in all, this was a forgettable experiment, as far as I'm concerned. The episode taught me that Rarity is literally the dumbest horse girl, and her ideas are terrible. But man, can she make some cool fucking costumes at a moment's notice. 2.5 outta five?
I actually kind of liked Rarity's Polish VA, but I do agree that it'll probably have more of an impact in our native language.
DO NOT TALK SHIT ABOUT OUR LORDS AND SAVIOURS, THE ANTI-RAINBOOMS.
THERE WILL COME A DAY IN WHICH THE PONY SHADOW SIX WILL FIGHT THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY. IT WILL BE A GLORIOUS BATTLE IN WHICH PONYVILLE WILL BE DESTROYED AND EVERYONE WILL BE WELCOMED INTO VALHALLA.
AND I PRAY TO OUR LORDS AND SAVIOURS, THE SHADOW SIX, THAT THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY FALL AND THAT WE SEE A GROUP OF GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY-STYLE HORSES TAKE OVER THE ROLES OF OUR FAVOURITE LITTLE EQUINES.
ESPECIALLY SUGARCOAT. SHE COULD DO APPLEJACK A GREAT FAVOUR BY REPLACING HER.
AMEN.
The trouble is, the pony train has run for so long, they're actually running out of original things to say. Can you really blame it for being a victim of its own success?
I actually liked the musical number, if only because it's refreshing to hear modern pop-rock that's actually well-written and performed. I have to put up with modern pop music at my job, and most of it is garbage.
Sounds like a live-action afternoon special on a C-tier cable channel.
Welcome to the
magicalland ofEquestria!generic suburbia.4534808
They really are. D: And they seem to think that teenaged girls are brain-damaged, to boot!
4534786
Fixed your typo.
Holding off until the English release. Less for any sense of purity or whatever and more a shortage of fucks. Even moreso than MLP, which yet retains a spark of Faust's genius, EQG is and was a soulless bid to sell toys. It had good character arcs (Sunset Shimmer) and good stories (Legend of Everfree), but generally sits fat and happy in a pile of money and mediocrity.
Get ready for more coats of human paint on pony episodes.
Thus said, I only found EQG 1 and most of RR to be terrible, per se. Pony mediocrity is enjoyable, so consider this more observation than complaint.
A NU CHIKI-PONI I V DANCE-KA
4535346
Yeah, I don't think you'll miss anything by holding off.
4535342 Uh, no. I meant Applejack.
Everyony loves that apple farming piece of trash, while I absolutely despise her and think that she contributes nothing to the plot.
4535847
Applejack, more often than not, doesn't so much as not contribute to the plot so much as she suffers it.
4535904
There's a reason this:
is a smiley. 
She often serves as the voice of common sense. And works for a living, cares for younger and older family members, frets money, and finds joy in simple pleasures, making her the closest thing the group has to an adult. Especially in eps like Flutterbat, I've always enjoyed the headcanon that she's a little too sensible and practical for the childish, insensible world around her.
4535933
AJ is cut from a different cloth. One threaded with titanium. Or lead.
She is our straight mare to a five-part comedy duo. Unlike ol' Sugarcoat up there, AJ has the ability to at least consider using tact or...you know...sugarcoat things to keep from coming off as the unfun stick in the mud of reality.
4535937
Eh, Sugarcoat's a one-joke comedy. I love the joke, but the Shadowbolts ain't exactly ready for star billing.
4535939
yeah...
Am I the only one who likes EQG? It ain´t perfect, but I like it, the 1st one was weak though. Rainbow Rocks was awesome, and Camp Everfree was pretty good. The songs are pretty good too
4543921
I'm honestly really into EQG, I just wish it was better. Rainbow Rocks was awesome, but none of the other movies has really caught my attention as well, to say nothing of the shorts outside "My Past Is Not Today".
4543937 Eh, true, though the bloopers are pretty funny
4543939
I adore animated bloopers. :D
4535147
My problem with MLP in a nutshell. So much wasted potential.