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Twilight was desperate, she wanted nothing more than a chance. She searched high and low for one and finally she found one, but at what cost will this chance come? Is her dream really worth it and can she trust what she found to follow through with its promise.
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Decent start, only real problem is that I personally feel like twilight would have asked what the consequences were before hand. Otherwise, nothing to note
Seems rushed and could use a little more individual detail rather then overall detail
Otherwise, good so far like the previous
Again, rushed
Had minor spelling errors, but every fiction does
Jump from one thing to the next to quickly. Take a breath and slow down a little, speed isn't necessary. [just my personal opinion]
Can't wait to see more though! Keep going
Anything more to the description? I still don't quite follow...
6750232 I am hoping it will be clearer as the story continues and I am polishing it up a little since I have some extra time before the competition ends, that might also help
6752746 That would be helpful yes.
Much obliged.
This one seemed to be a bit more.... Relaxed, in a good way. Felt like you took your time and made sure it was what you wanted. I haven't re-read the first three, so this might not matter, but;
If I remember correctly, the Luna in it was the true Luna. If that's so, wouldn't the evil entity have noticed? Seeing as it has some little control over the entirety of the "dream" meaning each physical entity inside (celestia, pinky, etc.) was under direct influence from it. And since that Luna had nothing to do with the actual dream, making her foreign, and it being the evil powerful being (the entity), it would have noticed Luna and an event would have ensued. Now I could just be reading too much into it, or the real Luna came in at the end and the other Luna was a true fake, or you could mark it up and just say Luna has more dream power then the other to hide herself. Just want to put it in here.
For this one, besides what I said at the beginning, this one only had minor spelling errors. It flowed well and didnt have a rushed feeling to it. Great work!
Welcome to Creepy Town, Population: Celestia
She is insane.
6763469 Luna is probably more powerful than the entity.
Please continue with the story. I want to know how Luna and Twilight are going to talk. I also want to see what else Celestia is going to do to help Twilight get her memories back.
6749283
Glad I'm not the only one, it doesn't seem like to her not to read a contract.
Why couldn't Twilight keep the wings?
Ok well that raises red flags.
I have so many questions.
.... I'm sorry, what the frick? SHE FORGOT CELESTIA!? HOW THE F-
NO! YOU CANT DO THAT! HOW DARE YOU!?
..... What... The.... Fuck.... She remembers Luna, she doesn't remember Celestia, she doesn't remember Celestia at all. Not even a single second or resemblance of Celestia is in her memory.
I think I'm gonna cry.
But this confuses things, if Twilight doesn't remember Celestia and didn't even know she existed, then wouldn't that mean there would be thousands or even millions of gaps in her memory? Was every memory she had that involved Celestia replaced by someone else? She was raised and taught by Celestia.
I don't think this is how memory erasing works.
I was actually gonna suggest that.
Although Twilight doesn't have any memory of Celestia, there's still physical evidence that Twilight knows and met Celestia.
Ok I think I have a theory, every memory that involved Celestia was replaced by Luna, and the memory that she has turning Nightmare Moon back into Luna was replaced by a version of Celestia.
Wait noz that wouldn't make sense, because she said she didn't know Luna had a sister. THIS JUST CONFUSES THINGS EVEN MORE!
.... Are you fucking kidding me?
Friendship problem, or romance problem? Hehehehe.
Nevermind, I was correct, Luna replaced Celestia in ever memory Twilight has.
... If I was Twilight with no memory of Celestia at all, my first thought would be; "do I have a stalker?"
This is the "important 'friendship" work".
What confuses me more is that Luna seems just as confused as Twilight is. What if everyone's memory has been tempered with? Everyone forgot who Celestia is?
I really hope this story gets continued, I have I many questions that needs answering.