It's another slow day at Sugarcube Corner for Pinkie Pie, until a friend pays a visit that results in a very special favor. But why is the mere sight of her friend enough to drive Pinkie crazy?
Chapters (1)
ThatHandsomeDevil
Joined 6th Apr, 2012 ·
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GONNA START READING NOAWWWW
Not a fan of shipping, but i still enjoyed it. It was cute.
lounge.moviecodec.com/images/attachment/do-wnat-kind-of-want-and-do-not-want-1083.png
904734
David Tennant?
ALL OF MY WANT.
d'awwwwwww
My comment would be deleted if i gave you the correct amount of Fluttersy's
Its with great sadness i can only give you one
911367
The first thing my mind said was "WOULD IT BE OVER 9,000!?"
I ASTOUND myself with my level of maturity sometimes
Thank you!
911376
The amount would be so great that nasa would have to hire Goku to buy Intel, merge with Nividia, then ask them to develop a super computer that was cooled by outer space to give an answer that would take 99 years to calculate
911389
"... years to calculate..."
Done!
Ermahgerd dis gon b dabes fanfiction evar.
911392
I think ima find another fanfic
>.>
911395
One could hardly blame you
That right there was a cute story. Good AJ/Pinkie interactions made for a good shipping.
911406
Thank'ya kindly
2012Sorching summer comes, in order to thank everyone, characteristic, novel style, varieties, low price and good quality, and the low sale price. Thank everyone
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$9 New Era caps.
give you the unexpected harvest
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A very well written story! Me likey!
911471
Thanks!
911468
DAYYYYUUUUUMMMMM SON
GOTTA STOCK UP ON MY FLY-ASS GUCCI, F'REALZ
I could see a sequel to this where Apple and Pinkie reveal thier feelings to the rest of the group but this is a very good story, well done
-Mr. Carnage
911539
Thank you, Mr. Carnage. I'm a big fan of your work in Spider-Man
911556 HAHA
Your comment made me laugh, the name was inspired by that character but it's actually the name of an original character in my story 'my little Pony: Friendship is Murder' look it up if you have the time or Applebloom might cry
I kid but again good story, I hardly ever see Applejack and Pinkie Pie pairing
-Mr. Carnage
911567
I shall now!
Edit: A DR. WHO FIMFIC?
You sir, are a winner, and you should feel awesome.
Don't think I've read any Apple Pie before; it was a nice change
Very cute story, and well written. It would help with the flow a bit to have small numbers ("10 minutes", "4 other friends", etc) spelled out ("ten minutes", "four other friends"), but that's the only thing that even vaguely distracted me from the d'awws.
911582
You can thank the artist of the picture I used for why I love Apple Pie so much. She made a believer outta me! I might go back and revise the numbers. Thanks for the tip!
Heh, thanks
*Looks at cover* D'awwwwww. Pinkie is adorable when she wears AJ's hat.
I'm gonna read now.
*Reads story* That was adorable and has so much win
911666
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it
Wonderful and adorable, ThatHandsomeDevil. Gold star for you. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png
911754
For me!?
Now I've got one more than Tyrone!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhmt5WibI1qd1bzb.png
He really needs to get it together...
911763
Tyrone. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png
As sweet as ApplePie. That sums up this story.
914383
ascendancy.net/arashi/Ponies/Oh_you.png
LOVED IT
Actually now my favorite Mane 6 ship, A MILLION THUMBS FOR YOU
~*~*NOW AND FOREVER*~*~
91597
Oh wow, really? Well, it's my favorite, too, so welcome to the club!
Beginning was kinda meh, moving pretty fast. Middle was good especially the letter/drawing from Applebloom. That was just d'awwwws all over. The drama bit was so-so, nothing unexpected and the ending was bad. I'll elaborate a little as to be fair and not leave you in the dark.
Anyone can comment like the above, but only reasoned criticism has any real value.
I'll skip to the parts I didn't like as much though. What's good doesn't need much or any improvement amirite?
So, the drama bit where Pinkie Pie simply ran off and Applejack went after her, it's exactly what we'd expect. I'm not reading anything new and this may put people off because they'll feel like they're reading something for the billionth time. I know it's fun to write it and that's also why it's been written so often. It has its appeals. But the "clichéness" if you will, is also a turn off for some people (like me). That was the so-so bit.
The ending I found to be bad. The foremost reason being that we don't get enough info on Applejacks side. That is, unless we take the earlier body language and hints to extends that are not really called for from the context of the story. At least, to me it didn't. Applejack had no reason whatsoever to kiss Pinkie Pie for what I got from the story up to that point. And that's really the biggest issue right there (for me).
To leave on a positive note, I like your style somewhat. Your grammar is sound and you use some words I don't see to often. This is appealing to me. The pacing is consistent though a little rushed overall. All 'n all a good concept and judging by the likes/dislikes, it must be me, not the story.
Also, the 4th wall breaches were a nice touch. Really.
I clicked this story because I like ApplePie shipping and because the story has high ratings. So I hope my critique can inspire you to write more and better stories
Regards,
FHB
918176
Thank you very much for the constructive criticism. I know I cannot please every fanfiction reader when I write a story, and I thank you for pointing out what you had problems with. I can see how Applejack's sudden decision to kiss Pinkie would seem rash, but the reason I had her do it was because, as she had said, the things Pinkie had been making her feel didn't make sense to her, either, and made her act just as random as Pinkie can.
The ending/middle is very cliched, which is why I'm kind of disappointed in it, looking back. However, for the life of me, I couldn't think of anything better. Even though it's cliched, it seemed nice to me, and very cute, so I couldn't help but write it. As much as I'd like to think of something better, I haven't yet evolved that much as a writer.
Nevertheless, I will definitely take what you've said into account when I continue to write, and, again, thanks for elaborating on what you didn't like
Cheers!
918213
Don't mention it
Like I said, you did it because it works and yes it is cute 'n all. I totally understand. And looking at the likes, I don't think a lot of people will mind
I did notice indeed your bit on explaining Applejacks part, but it was kinda telling vs showing.
See this piece of 6 second irony: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFBhR4QcBtE
I think that if you were to elaborate more on Applejack, this story would improve a lot. You keep telling us how Pinkie gets bodily reactions (heart pounding, mind racing) to thoughts and senses of Applejack, yet we don't get to see the reverse. Applejack totally seems a friend, completely neutral on the loving relationship part. That was what I think I missed the most. It would make the story more complete.
Anyway, if you ever need a proofread of an ApplePie again you can ask me.
I'll read ApplePie stories just from that premise 
918275
Thank you, I very much appreciate the offer
One more question: Why'd you watch me?
Not that I'm complaining at all! It just seems sorta strange since you found flaws in my story.
918294
I'm kinda new to this site so I thought that would be the way for me to remind me to read this story later without faving it.
I just don't know what went wrong.
Basically,
Also, stories with flaws are the ones we all can learn from.
918341
Ahhh, alrighty xD Welp, in case no one has done it yet...
WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME, A FINE WELCOME TO YOU!
Applejack's hat must have magic aphrodisiac powers
Eh... This was an okay shipfic. I think FreeHomeBrew's first comment accurately summarizes my thoughts, and saves me a lot of time on this damn iPod keyboard.
Yeessss!!!! A decent Applepie. *thumb up*
We need more of these!!
Great fic. Made me feel all happy. You have done a great service to mankind my friend.
When applejack comes in the first time pinkie say I'm not out for this you missed the word (cut)
Otherwise I dawwwed so much loved it
This is as sweet as... as sweet as...
...some kind of pastry, with a fruit filling.
I'm gonna say a cherry strudel. This is as sweet as a cherry strudel.
Okay, okay, serious face now. I realize I won't be saying much by saying this is the best ApplePie fic I've read on the site, but hey, it's true. Your mechanics are pretty solid (I half-noticed a couple little errors, but they weren't glaring enough to stop and take note of what they were). And Applebloom's drawing is a very heartwarming moment. This was a very sweet little shipping fic.
That said, it's fairly forgettable. Without anything providing any real tension in the plot, the payoff at the end just doesn't feel like it has been earned. There is only one point in the story where there is even any pretense of doubt that the couple in question will end up together--I speak of Pinkie running away from the party here--and it is unfortunately the most poorly handled part of the story.
Now, this is my one point of contention with Free Home Brew's critique, as I don't think the problem is that it is a cliche. Lots of things are cliches, but can work if they are done well enough. No, the problem is that we aren't given sufficient reason for Pinkie Pie to run away. Give us a look of confusion on Applejack's face, or some other cue that will put us readers in the mindset that Pinkie is in at that point, thinking that she has gone and messed up somehow. Have something go wrong with the party somehow, making Pinkie nervous that AJ would be disappointed in her over it. The more doubt you cast over whether this could possibly end happy, the greater the release will be when, in the end, the happy ending finally does come. This is true for all stories, not just shipping, but romance fics tend to get tripped up on this more often than others.
On the subject of the ending, it would be nice to get just a little bit longer of a resolution. After the dust has settled, it's okay to have a bit of ponies cuddling, walking around town, or eating delicious pastries together. That is what we sat down to read a ship fic in order to see, after all. "Okay we're dating now, bye!" is not very satisfying.
I hope to see more from you. (I especially hope to see more ApplePie from you!) Keep writing, and good luck!
1178421
Even though you are correct in saying it doesn't mean much. ApplePie doesn't get shipped nearly as much as I'd like.
Wow, thank you VERY much for the review! I can't really think of anything to say that I haven't already said before to someone that has given their opinion on my story, but thank you for pointing out what you liked and didn't like. I'm always happy to learn what I can do to improve my writing. I feel that my writing has been suffering lately, and I've been meaning for so long to update stories, so perhaps it's about time I got back in the swing of things. Getting praise like having what someone considers the best ApplePie shipfic sure does help
1.bp.blogspot.com/-IjUojU3hGtM/T2PSpLUqvNI/AAAAAAAACpM/By9xx1JGSn0/s320/happy-crying-face-tumblr-meme.png
Great! Just great!
newnation.sg/wp-content/uploads/07-so-much-win.jpg nuff said.
Dat fic.
904753 Here you go then
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And my reaction to the fic?
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Everyone likes some apple pie
The ending was really nice.
d'aww
Such a short, sweet ApplePie.
