Magic, Heart, and Soul

Aristotle once said, "What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

Chapters (3)

The Magic of Loyalty · 26th Jan 2018 · 1,373 words
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The Heart of Loyalty · 29th Jan 2018 · 1,569 words
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The Soul of Loyalty · 29th Jan 2018 · 1,696 words
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Comments ( 11 )

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badninja

badninja #1 · Jan 27th, 2018 · 1 · · The Magic of Loyalty ·

Well it looks like no sonic rainboom in this universe. I wonder just how powerful Twilight is going to be here?

Comickook

Comickook #2 · Jan 27th, 2018 · · · The Magic of Loyalty ·

All I can say is - wow. Excellent lead-off to this short story. The exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places.

To think this ended up all happening because of an over-stubborn filly with too much untapped ability. And, yeah, ignoring bullies IS indeed the wisest way of dealing with them (unless the bullies end up escalating it to PHYSICAL violence, in which case you should definitely get a trustworthy authority figure to help out). Zephyr was actually right about that. Unfortunately, some bullies are just more stubborn than others.

But anyway, I feel bad for Fluttershy's parents as well as Cloudsdale in general. Hopefully, Twilight will learn to use this incident as motivation to use her power more responsibly in the future .

Anyway, I'll certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to respect that, well, you DO have a life outside the computer room.

Comickook

Comickook #3 · Jan 27th, 2018 · · · The Magic of Loyalty ·

Hey there. Just sharing a couple of possible future exchange ideas for appropriate points (assuming you don't already have something similar if not even better in mind, which IS entirely possible.

1. Celestia: Now, I know you didn't mean to make any trouble, Miss Sparkle.

Twilight: I am so sorry, your highness! I just got so frustrated. I lost control and I wouldn't blame you for getting angry with me.

Celestia: Actually, I was going to say that, while I seriously doubt that you meant any malice, the fact remains that you have too much power to be allowed to go unsupervised and there is only one pony powerful enough to safely train you.

Twilight: You mean - you?

Celestia: You catch on fast.

Twilight: So, you're saying that you WILL help me learn to control my power so I don't end up hurting anypony else.

Celestia: Indeed.

2. Somebody of your choice: I can't believe it. She basically did untold damage to AN ENTIRE CITY and you're making her your personal student?

Celestia: Well, considering the power she has, it was either that or ship her off to Tartarus - which would have been extremely excessive over an accident (albeit an extremely devastating one) - ESPECIALLY for a CHILD. Besides, she needs the help and we need a way to keep tabs on her.

Somebody of your choice: But what if she takes your training and does something that bad - or even worse - on purpose?

Celestia: If she does, THEN we'll ship her off to Tartarus, but I would rather save that as an absolute last resort. Right now, I would prefer to take lemons and try to make lemonade.

Somebody of your choice: Yeah, but this is a VERY combustible lemon that can burn down dozens of houses if we aren't careful.

and 3. Celestia: Oh, and for the record, Twilight, even if you didn't hatch the egg, you would have still gotten into the school.

Twilight: Huh?

Celestia: Dragons have such a naturally high resistance to magic that it would take three fully trained adult mages working together to hatch a dragon egg. The egg was meant to test the applicant's CHARACTER, not the applicant's ABILITY. You already passed the written exam. In fact, you actually got a perfect score on THAT. Plus, you did great on every portion of the practical application portion of the exam up until the dragon egg.

Twilight: So, the dragon egg thing was meant to test not only the applicant's determination, but also their ability to handle failure.

Celestia: Exactly. Of course, this is kind of a double-edged sword.

Twilight: You mean, on one hoof, I actually managed to do what most ponies would consider impossible. On another hoof, I did so much damage in the process that - well, I believe my big brother's comics say it best - with great power, there must also come great responsibility.

Celestia: Very correct.

Of course, if you don't like these possible future exchange ideas, I WILL completely understand.

SvenFoxx

SvenFoxx #4 · Jan 27th, 2018 · · · The Magic of Loyalty ·

8695720
It's not that I don't want to, because I assure you, I do, but rather I'm constraining myself to three chapters, and each one has a focus. The next chapter will take place in the present timeline, and will also make the big reveal.

I suppose I could incorporate it as a small memory. I'm still putting the chapter together and figuring out the best way to go about revealing everything, so it's distinctly possible.

Also, and I think this goes without saying, but thank you for the idea!

Comickook

Comickook #5 · Jan 27th, 2018 · · · The Magic of Loyalty ·

8695777
You're extremely welcome. And thanks for the response. :-D

badninja

badninja #6 · Jan 29th, 2018 · · · The Heart of Loyalty ·

Ok that was one heck of a time jump. I wonder just what happened here.

SvenFoxx

SvenFoxx #7 · Jan 29th, 2018 · · · The Heart of Loyalty ·

8699216
All the pieces are there. It's just a matter of fitting them together. I'm willing to bet you'll at least have an idea before I post the final chapter.

Comickook

Comickook #8 · Jan 29th, 2018 · · · The Heart of Loyalty ·

WOW. Truly powerful stuff in this chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, action and finale set-up are all well done in all the right places. Definitely bittersweet (appropriately so) considering it involves Rainbow pulling a Heroic Sacrifice , but I DID love everyone's reactions.

Anyway, on to the final chapter.

Comickook

Comickook #9 · Jan 29th, 2018 · · · The Soul of Loyalty ·

(sniff) Excellent ending. Downright beautiful stuff. Rainbow turning out to be an imaginary friend for Fluttershy given life by wild magic is a rather unexpected detail and the others' reactions to that info in Rainbow's final moments were, well, appropriately bittersweet, but still truly moving.

On another note, I guess this would technically be the first multi-part story that you actually finished (you finished a one-shot before, but that WAS a one-shot).

badninja