February 12, 33 ANM
So, I'm writing this in my lab, while I'm brewing a kickin' new potion. No, seriously, it temporarily strengthens your back legs to kick better! And I decide to test it. Perks of being able to recover from anything means I don't need to worry about hiring testers. So I chug the potion, and decide to look for the biggest, heaviest thing I can find to dropkick as hard as possible. And then I realized what I can use! Imma go do it!
February 15, 33 ANM
I am no longer allowed to kick the giant door to the throne room.
Actually, Celestia locked my lab for three whole days as punishment for causing a scene, so I couldn't get to my journal until now. Normally I would have been put in prison for a few days for pulling a stunt like that, but it turns out I helped her this time so I just got a flick on the ear and an order to not try again.
From what I've been able to gather, it seems like an evil pony who practiced dark magic broke into the throne room and threatened to cast several different curses if his demands weren't met. Now, Celestia is pretty skilled at dark magic thanks to her and I studying it to try and free Nightmare Moon Luna. If we consider King Sombra to be the de facto master of dark magic, a Phd at the top of his field, then Celestia at least has a bachelor's degree from all the research she did to save Luna. I roughly have a middle school education of dark magic from helping, mainly because I focused on abyssal magic instead. Shoggoths are pretty friendly once you get over the whole 'should not be physically possible' thing they have going. Lotsa weird stuff out there, especially that triangle dude.
Anyway, so you have two of the best dark magic users in the world (not like we want to acknowledge that fact) and this dark magus is threatening Celestia with a curse. Remember how I said she had the equivalent of a college degree in dark magic? Yeah, this guy essentially just left kindergarten. His curses still woulda been dangerous, but fixing them wouldn't have been more than a moderate inconvenience. He was gonna cause this low-level plague or something. So Celestia was trying to talk the guy down, when WHAM!
That's when I kicked the door. Off its hinges. I think I put too much oomph shrooms in that batch. The whole door fell forward! Tore up the floor and everything. The poor stallion got buried in rubble and is recovering from his injuries after we pulled him out! He's been placed under heavy security.
Or at least he would be recovering if he didn't keep trying to use more dark magic to escape. That stuff draws from the caster or a vessel as fuel, unlike mana, so he's hurting himself in the long run. I really, really hope he hasn't figured out the legendary 'Dying Curse', which adds the power of an emotional magic surge and the power released by killing the caster to create a near-unbreakable curse! The only folks who can pull that off and live are the alicorns, and they'd be in critical condition afterwards. But I digress. I noticed the culprit knew way less dark magic than me, and got in WAY more trouble.
So I pulled Celestia aside yesterday, and asked her, "Hey. Clearly I know WAY about dark magic than that guy. Why is he getting 15 years in jail and I'm just locked out of my lab?"
Celestia just kinda smiled and explained that I was capable of handling that much energy now without ripping off parts of somepony's soul. Yeah, apparently that happens. I never noticed since I have much more magic. Neat, right? Well, I guess not really. Celestia said it best. "Corrupting dark magic is best left to those who have the will to never surrender to it, and the maddening knowledge of abyssal magic is best left to those who are already crazy."
...did she call me insane? In a roundabout way? Huh. I may need to collect an apology for that one. After I figure out where she went. She hid herself away for heat week, but I can always try my new super hearing potion! I'll be able to hear everything that's happening in the whole city with perfect clarity! I can't wait to try it!
February 16, 33 ANM
Celestia has booked me my first therapy appointment.
Thes bill is just going to get bigger over the centuries.
Well done Arca, once again you've redefined the meaning of a bad idea.
9609719
Bills nothing I bet there is a section in the equestrian budget devoted solely to Arca based shenanigans, Its likely right before the Twilight Sparkle/Ponyville relief fund.
9609737
there is now but it can still be considered "The Bill"
so....................... there's a heat week??? ....................... I can only guess on why poor arca needs therapy.........
Super hearing spell. During heat week. During which Celestia hides herself.
Yeah, I'd need therapy too.
9609719
A thousand years later, Dr. Wolf is crying in his paws
Oh my gosh. Arcane, you really need to think more carefully.
Ah, Archa you little rascal, never change, and you never did, sense he has the mental maturity of a preteen and the attention span of one too in his millennial existence. I wonder what fiendish acts Cadence would to to try to ship him with someone, I am sure she could outfox him in someway. I wonder what he and Celestia have cooked up together over they years with their insane ideas?
9610410
In my mind, if you need a research grant from the crown, there's dozens of forms, background checks, cross referencing to see if it's been done/worth doing... except for Arca. His form has 2 questions:
-Is it unethical?
-Does it relate to The Duck/Mane Growth?
If both answers are no, approved.
That ending! Great chapter.
Hey, by triangle dude refer to pyramid head?
9613769
"Nope! Here's some more hints, in order, so you can solve it yourself!" -Arca
"Remember, these are eldrich horrors I'm dealing with. He's not from the same reality as you or I, and can alter reality if certain conditions are met."
"When I said he's a 'triangle dude', I meant that literally!"
"He always insisted that I invest in gold when he left, after telling me reality is an illusion."
"I think you humans would refer to him as either a flying dorito, or the illuminati sybol!"
"He said he was looking for a town called Gravity Falls for some scheme, and was upset to learn he was in Rainbow Falls instead! Then he left, and I haven't seen him since."
9613945
I wanna see bills reaction to arca
Who needs therapy more? Arca or the Therapist after Arca's therapy session?
I can't for the life of me figure out why it took me this long to start reading this. Fun story, as always.
9802841
Panacea.
9613769
I imagine Bill Cypher from Gravity Falls is the most likely culprit since he has the powers of a god.
.... Now I’m back to wondering when the next Dresden Files book will come out! I’d managed to forget about them after copious effort. I hope you’re happy for making me suffer like this.
Lol the cover makes me think:
“Stand back everyone! I’m doing a Science!”
10909701
Not coincidentally, Arca is the sort of person who usually forgets to warn people he's about to Do A Science.
i'm starting to wonder when the nutty alchemist will meet this nutty professor.
There are things even Arca can not handle hearing