• Member Since 24th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen May 24th

Lunasservant1985


i live to serve the princess of the night, aka the goddess of the moon aka princess luna...^^

Comments ( 11 )

I think you may want to elaborate who you're referring to for the original story.

Other than that, I'll follow this story and see where it goes.

9795936
Dirty little secret didn't give them names in the original story and yes I did ask permission to write this but I'm still waiting for his opinion on it

Edit I think I see what you mean it was 563 that left with the gaurd not 297

9795987
Actually, you were right with that first assumption, I didn't even notice the second thing when I read the chapter until you pointed it out.

...Well, even though this is just the start, the plot flows well enough from the end of the previous story...
But you SERIOUSLY need to have somebody edit this. I swear it's like you were just slamming your head into the keyboard. :facehoof:

9796249
Eh, we've read much worse. At least almost all of the words are spelt right!

It's a pretty bad idea to advertise her as his maidservant and sister. Hopefully something better comes along...

10000496
I understand, I'll post a listing in a group that could help with getting me one, in the meantime Ill do what I can to proofread it.

Portable projectile weapons! Yikes indeed.
Taking the good with the bad, we've got a fire ling, how about that.
Keep going! ;)

10004810
Yeah theyre loosely based on how guns work in fallout equestria

The spelling issues I can deal with, but for the love of Cadence you needed to learn how to use punctuation. For example, here's a passage in which I've only changed the punctuation, and I feel like it reads much better than the original.

"Lance! I, I, ohhh Chrysalis you're better than before!" She cried out, leaning forward, her face practically in the floor as that tounge slicked around her wet lips before his own lips wrapped around the green pearl of her clitoris.

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