What if.
What if she had been born as nobility? As an equal? As somepony with a place in life?
Then maybe - just maybe - the rain would cease.
(An experimental piece set in Aegis Shield's "The Return of Princess Nightmare Moon". You don't have to read that to understand, but it'll make a great deal more sense.)
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An interesting concept, and a pairing I have rarely seen before. It seems to work though, you've made a nice story here and written it well, I've given it a like.
I'm rooting for feather duster. Personally, I think Twilight's a bit smart for Blueblood XD Or rather...too smart to get anywhere NEAR him.
"A single, insignificant drop of rain slipped by her head. It passed right between the chinks in that suit of armor that every pony always wore over every inch of their being. "
^that paragraph is just beautiful. That alone is worth a fav and thumbs up. Well done.
-Radbunny.
Wow.
Very, very good. Love the description, the imagery.
There are some mechanical problems:
should be ." barked Tombs
This happens a few times in the last quarter.
1839843
Yeah, in the world of literature, grammar is certainly my weakest point (I'd say) :|
Ah well, that's what I'm in highschool for, after all - to learn to get it right :D
1839879
You've certainly got potential, and you're style is almost poetic.
It's just the little things, you know?
Good luck.
I'm sorry, but I don't like the whole "If you don't notice that a girl has feelings for you, than you are bad and you should feel bad" thing. I mean, that's totally not fair in my opinion. If a guy has feeling for a girl, than he's supposed to tell her, right? So I say if a girl has feelings for a guy, than she should just tell him! Screw the whole "feeling guilt just because you didn't know" thing. That's not something a person is able to control very well, now is it.
1840878
*Whips out laptop to reply because you can't do that on iPhones anymore* *shakes fist at FIMfiction overlords*
About the whole unknown-guilt thing, I kinda dislike to too. I find it leads to heavy and somewhat unrealistic relationships - which is exactly why I tried to avoid it in here :O!
-I made it a point to never really paint - or have Feather paint - anyone in a 'bad' way, as realistically as I could. For Feather, she pointed out some of his flaws, but I pictured her as seeing them more as parts of the whole (nobody is perfect, and love can make the good things shine). And for Blueblood, I made him completely oblivious, implied to be too focused on himself or the pursuit of Twilight (not the best choice in lover, but hey, [previous parenthesis]).
-Additionally, I tried to show how she never really realized how hard she had fallen for him until her subconscious-and-denial-fueled-runaway. She couldn't admit it to him if she couldn't admit it to herself :|
-I tried to make the ending more 'fresh-start-y' than 'guilt-trip-y', too, because nobody really needed to have guilt, and it gives a brighter, happier ending feel :D
REALLY though, thanks for being honest :) - Its a great help to know what points I can clarify on to make the story more enjoyable for all
... Also sorry for the ramble, that just kinda happens sometimes
Quite beautiful.
I can hardly imagine how Feather Duster must've felt, being treated as the Ersatz-Twilight like she was... probably like having a stake driven between your ribs and slowly twisted, over and over. Of course, we mustn't forget that while there is hope for her now, it's only that - they cannot force the prince to sacrifice his happiness for her, either. Despite the fact that Tombs appears to consider it secondary at best, something I'm not certain Feather would agree with.
The writing is a bit off, and i don't get the story, can you explain it to me.
I'm very confused on what is going on.
1931159
Yeah, even for me, this one was absurdly abstract
-WARNING SPOILARS-
Basically, Tombs goes searching for maid 3: Feather Duster, it cuts to Feather, who ran a huge circle around Canterlot and is crying and shaking and being pretty much heartbroken, but she blames it on 'rain', even though there isn't any. She realizes that she's in love with Blueblood, and then she realizes its not actually raining, and its just her, crying. Tombs is reminded of the early relationship between him and his dead wife, and takes action to fix the issue, ala kick Blueblood into dancing with her everyday. :D
1931359
OK NOW i understand it, thank you for clearing this up for me.
I love this, I can imagine up the scenery so well. Good job!
good show, a good add on to that story