Chapter 12: Failed confrontations in the dragons land (Part B)

Our Nominal Heroes walk into the "dragons land."

While walking, Charlie and Luster Dawn strolled through some rocky paths with no anxiety of the environment.

That's good, my little Ponies. Because the Dragons' Land isn't a "hostile environment." At most it's a slightly miffed environment. Feel no anxiety of it.

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Chapter 12: Failed confrontations in the dragons land

Charlie and Luster Dawn both have been following the long blue stream leading to the Dragons Land for six minutes now.

Six WHOLE minutes! Wow, if they've been galloping along a good road, they've gotten, what, 2-3 whole miles by now!

While they were walking, Charlie had a very disconsolated expression because he remembered what the Chinese soldier said about him and his family,

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Chapter 11: Rough negotiations in the Changeling Kingdom (Part C)

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Chapter 11: Rough negotiations in the Changeling Kingdom (Part B)

After walking for about an hour through the Everfree Forest, Our Nominal Heroes Charlie Lam and Luster Dawn reach the Changeling Kingdom.

I call foul on this.

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Chapter 11: Rough negotiations in the Changeling Kingdom (Part A)

Charlie and Luster Dawn are trying to contact the Changelings.

Charlie and Luster Dawn both have been following the green stream and walking in the everfree forest for fifty minutes, and Luster Dawn had a fatigue expression on her, except for Charlie, he is still in good health and is very vibrant because he needs to keep pushing himself forward in order to rescue the land from the Chinese.

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Chapter 10, "Rough talk with the griffons," Part C

Now we go to the POV of the Bad Guys.

Back in the military headquarters in Canterlot.

Where?

Seriously, Story can't seem to make up its mind over whether the Chinese have set up their main HQ in Canterlot or in Ponyville. The key seems to be that the invaders occupied "Twilight's castle," and Author seems to be unsure about just which castle this happens to be.

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Chapter 10: Rough talk with the griffons (Part B)

I broke off my previous review of this chapter when Charlie Lam and Luster Dawn headed up to the Griffons' cloud city, inexplicably named "the griffonstone cloudsdale" [sic].

Let's examine that name now. I have no idea why Author is calling the city this, as canonically Griffinstone and Cloudsdale are two separate cities; the first inhabited by Griffons and the latter by Pegasi.

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I'm also going to reference AC97's rage review of this chapter, which is available here, because he covered the points so well I wasn't sure if I should bother -- but I decided, why not?

Chapter 10: Rough talk with the griffons

GILDA: If yer inta that kinda thing, that is!

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Chapter 9: Special gadgets and plans

Captain Wei reaches the Kirin village, and once again the omniscient scanners fail to detect the Kirins, which makes me wonder if this is a Kirin power.

Why not? The Kirin canonically hid from the Equestrian Ponies for a very long time.

"Lieutenant general Jin, This is Captain Wan Long Wei me and my squad have arrived in the Kirin village. But there are no signs of any civilization here. Just some empty houses and trees."

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Chapter 8: Arrival in the Kirin village

Captain Lau unsurprisingly reports to General Jin what happened. Jin is, also unsurprisingly, unhappy at Lau's failure.

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