It was not a pleasant task, washing himself after his expedition. The bath was cold, the cultists didn't have much in the way of hygiene tools, and soap was apparently a luxury here. They had some soap, yes, but with how many times he had to cycle out the bath water to get the blood out of his fur, it wasn't worth using until he was certain he'd gotten all of the blood out. Walking down the empty hallways from the infirmary, he shuddered at the memory. That poor bath tub, it would probably be stained red. Those poor brushes, they'd be trash if they weren't the only set he had. That poor unicorn he'd tasked with helping him remove the gore, traumatized if the look in it's eyes was anything to go by. Those poor pegasi he'd had making multiple trips for more clouds for bath-water. The only positive of the situation was that there was a drainage duct connected to the bathing area, so the filthy water didn't have to be dumped out the window.
Ted scrubbed and washed, used magic to remove the bits that still stuck to him, and eventually even had one of the cultists that had helped set up his bath checking his wings for more bits of gore, but he couldn't get it out fast enough. The adrenaline that had kept him going, and the mission that had distracted him was over, and he'd snacked on a few fruits to sate his hunger while traveling, but now there were no more distractions, just the horrid feeling that he'd never be clean again.
'Oh my god, I think I still have some in my mouth.' Grabbing the toothbrush off of the wash-basin for the fifth time in an hour, the alicorn once again set to brushing the ichor out of his teeth, the poor unicorn he'd grabbed looking even greener around the gills as it pulled yet another bloodied scale out of the alicorn's feathers.
Visiting the infirmary had been even less pleasant, but the process of getting his wing reset only took about three minutes. The doctor, Head Trauma, was unsurprisingly as crazy as Ted had assumed, though the earth pony stallion had the wing sitting in it's proper place with minimal effort. It was the conversation afterwards where the doctor had freaked Ted out.
The wing didn't take Head Trauma long to reset, and while the doctor set Ted up with a sling, the earth pony was only too happy to discuss his favorite medical practices.
"Ah'm telling ya, there's nothing better than leeches fer sickness. Those little fellas are the closest thing to a cure-all ya'll ever find, yer' darkest-ness! Small, easy to care for, and they don't ask ya for nuthin' but love, see?" The stallion stuck his hoof into a jar full of murky water and removed it only to reveal his pets, about twenty leeches writhing around while latched onto the hoof. "Ah use them every day, last time Ah was sick was five years ago!"
Watching the disgusting display, Ted managed to suppress his gag reflex. It was a good thing he'd held off heading to the dining hall until later, as his stomach had nothing to lose. A thought occurred to him watching the things inflate. "How are you not passing out from blood loss?"
"Passing out from blood loss? That's silly, what idiot told ya that would happen if ya used leeches? No, Ah've been keeping my cuties fed this way for about six years, never had any issues, though there are more of them now than there used to be. It's strange, so many ponies come by saying things like that, you really should look into getting that rumor dispelled."
Ted was speechless. 'This is our doctor? This is the guy we trust our lives to if something goes wrong? Oh sweet singing stars, just how badly staffed are we?' "While I understand you love your little, er, pets-"
"Damn right Ah do, why does everpony hate 'em? They're adorable!"
"-I ask that you keep that as a last resort, Trauma. Uh, no need to use that kind of treatment on everyone."
The stallion watched him for a moment, before breaking out into a grin "Oh... Oh I see, save the best for last! Gotcha, your darkness-est-nish. Won't be letting just anypony get this kinda treatment unless they're on deaths door. Though it will mean Ah'll have to feed 'em mahself a bit more often." Nuzzling the mass, one of the leeches latched onto his nose. Undeterred, he cooed at the blood-suckers. "No I don't mind that at all, no I don't. Who's mah favorite squishy? You are! Yes you are... yes you are.'
Ted slowly walked out of the infirmary, doing his best not to draw the attention of the doctor from his pets. The next chance he got, he was going to find out if any of the other cultists had knowledge of medical practices, and if none did, well, there was always kidnapping, right? Better a doctor that was actually sane that may resent them than that thing in there.
All the trauma aside, mental or physical, his ponies were fed, and he'd learned several valuable lessons. Patched spells are bad, snakes are squishy on the inside, fur is much harder to clean than skin, and ponies are crazy. Actually, that last one wasn't something he could judge, seeing as the only thing stopping him from devolving into a brain stew was bubblegum, duct tape, and happy thoughts.
Eventually the alicorn managed to wander into the dining hall as the nightly meal was being served. The room was fairly spartan, a buffet of greens set out on the right side of the room, tables that reminded him of picnic benches set up throughout the rest of the long room. Ponies sat in groups all over the hall. All except one.
At the far end of the dining hall, on a raised throne, sat Shadow Weaver. Truthfully it didn't surprise Ted that the guy would set himself up as higher than everyone else, what surprised him was the sheer audacity the guy had. Seeing him on that throne, laying on his back... no, this wouldn't do at all. As he made his way to the throne, the background chatter started to die down, bringing the attention of others, leaving a cascading silence to fill the room. From what he could see, there was only one throne, and Shadow had made it clear that the cultists saw Ted as some type of dark god. Hell, his current form was probably due to the alicorn magic used to create the armor, as he was fairly certain humans had no magic of their own. That combined with the worlds celestial mechanics, that it was alicorns that guarded the solar cycles, and his presence was basically viewed with the same awe as Thor appearing in a burst of lightning in downtown Chicago.
So why the hell did Shadow have a throne, and where the hell was his? If you're going go so far to play the cultist, at least go the extra mile and set up a throne higher up than yours. Even if it's only symbolic, you showing that you're just ruling until your god is returned. Maybe set it at the right side of the higher throne, putting yourself as your rulers right-hand man? Instead, the guy had set himself up as the ruler, and was sitting his lazy butt on a throne while gorging himself while Ted was out there getting intimately familiar with what snakes smell like. Here's a hint, they smell worse on the inside!
Finally reaching the throne, he stood just in front of it, waiting for some type of reaction from the cultist. Shadow didn't disappoint him.
"Why are you in my light? I'm trying to enjoy my meal, peon. Unless you have something to report it can"
"Peon, you say?" Ted asked with a toothy grin. Oh he was going to enjoy this.
Shadow Weaver nearly jumped out of the seat, scrambling into a seated position. "Y-your Malevolence! What a surprise to find you here!" Before the Unicorn could say anything more or leave the throne it became enshrouded in a dark aura, and raised up off of the ground.
"May I ask, Shadow, why your throne is so high? And tell me, little pony, if you are truly just a follower; where is the throne higher than yours?" Dumping the unicorn out of the throne, Ted set it back on the dais, before walking over the sputtering cultist. It was a bit higher than he would have liked, but he wasn't in the mood to try fixing that at the moment. Sitting his exalted behind down on the lordly cushions, he turned back to the dining hall, and while he enjoyed the now familiar warring emotions playing across Shadow Weaver's face, it was the other inhabitants that made his day. Every eye in the room was on him, at least until he looked back to the hall. After doing so, most of the cultists immediately dropped into bows, some merely lowering their heads, others outright leaving their seats and prostrating themselves on the floor. 'Okay, that's cool, but enough of that' "Aren't you here to eat? Isn't that what we went out today for, to make sure we had food? Eat. Shadow, did the chef know how to prepare the steak?"
"Yes, your darkness," the slightly flustered Weaver responded, before turning to a serving pony. "The master wishes to enjoy his meal. Tell Slop to make sure it's ready." Deciding it was better to cut his losses, the head cultist made his way for the exit, only to be stopped by his name being called.
"And Shadow Weaver? Don't let me catch you doing this again. If you claim to lead those gathered here in my service, you will not place yourself above me. Are we clear?"
The unicorn shifted uncomfortably, every eye in the hall still watching the exchange. "Yes your highness." He said, before turning and leaving the dining hall.
Looking around at the still silent dining hall, Ted asked "Is there a rule against enjoying yourselves?" He waved a hoof at them dismissively. "Go back to your meals."
By the time his steak arrived, the dining hall had surpassed its previous volumes, with several more ponies filtered in, all hoping to catch a view of their leader. Some of them even broke out drinks which Ted was fairly sure were alcoholic. As the server brought the dish to him and uncovered it, Ted's mouth was watering. Finally, some decent meat. Sure some of the ponies looked downright horrified when Ted tucked in to his meal, but it didn't bother him. No, whoever said revenge was a dish best served cold had no clue what they were talking about. It was best served piping hot with a light basil garnish.
'Oh, wait. Maybe not all of them heard about yesterday. If so there's a good chance that some of them think it's a kid on my plate. Eh, I'll take care of it later.'
The adoration of the ponies amused Ted, in a strange way. Part of him had no idea what he should be doing here, kept telling him 'You're a frackin' normal guy stuck on an alien world. You are losing your mind!' But there was another part, the part he'd been relying on more often than he'd like to admit. Luna was a ruler of ponies for centuries, and even if she wasn't as popular as her sister, she still knew how to get the job done. She knew how to carry herself in front of her subjects. He'd have to thank her one day, if he ever found a way to break the news to her. Actually, now that he thought about it, what was his relationship with her? Technically his current form was the result of the Nightmare stealing her alicorn magic. Wonder how that conversation would go. 'Hey your highness, I know this is weird, but magically and genetically speaking, I'm the son of the thing that possessed you and lead to you fighting your sister and almost destroying the planet. Technically it means I'm your son as well. Hi, kinda-my-mom!' Yea, that should be fun. In the meantime, he'd definitely have some questions for the lunar alicorn when he next saw her.
Oh, that will be amazing to watch.
5923603 Oh I Totally Agree It would be Hilarious... Would that make Celestia kinda-his-aunt? and Cadence kinda-his-cousin?
Oh i'm so glad i found this story, it's rather enjoyable.
5923603 5923662 It would probably make Most versions of Blueblood kinda-dead...
Pretty good so far. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
5923603
Oh my yes! I bet he'll wish he had a camera when Luna asks who he is.
Interesting fact about leeches: they are still used today by real doctors. Leeches are excellent for reducing swelling (from a severe bruise, ect.) or encouraging blood flow (especially in cases where a limb or digit needs to be re-attracted after being severed.Ex: Say you cut off a finger. You were able to put the severed finger on ice and preserve it, but it's been a while since it was removed and your finger stump has started to heal over. A doctor may place a leech on the end of the finger to encourage blood flow and circulation before reattaching the finger. This ensures the reattached finger has adequate blood flow so that it can heal properly.)
Medical leeches are bred and raised specifically for medical purposes. Please don't go and grab a wild leech and place it on your black eye or something.
5923799 You shouldn't put a severed limb on ice. That causes the cells to freeze making reattaching it unlikely. You should however keep any severed limbs cool, and call the hospital immediately. Refrigerator, but not the freezer.
5923726 The best kind
5923799
Hirudin (the substance within leech saliva) is also an excellent anticoagulant, which makes it very effective at treating thrombosis and other clotting-related disorders. Leeches can keep you from losing your legs! Best Annelid.
5923603
...man, I'll never get the people here. That's a ridiculous amount of upvotes for what's basically a zero-content comment that adds nothing of value. I bet this one won't get half that, even though it's actually informative.
*its
I just discovered this story and I hope to see it fruitfully continue!
5923603
The next chapter is going to be amusing and painful in all kinda of interesting ways.
Really enjoying this :)
He needs a game plan though. He needs to draw up a map. Not to a physical location but to a place in Time. Something like: 1) Gather wood, stone, metal, 2) build & expand a fort. 3) Gather skilled labor. 4) Construct things from Earth. 5) Manufacture, patent, and sell The Engine, The Gun, Antibiotics, Spaceflight. 6) Achieve Economic victory.
I mean, that's what I'd do but then I play too much Minecraft/Civilization.
Maybe the Luna he meets in dreamland was actually the Nightmare tricking herseft into thinking that's she is Luna?
5923662 It would make him the only one officially able to call her Auntie Tia, and I will abuse the shit out of that in the future.
5923603 I'm already planning something for that. It's gonna be fun to write, I can only imagine how fun it will be to read.
5923799 They also are used specifically when bleeding and blood flow is an issue. I'm just making a character that's combining leech therapy with blood letting, which doesn't do much besides leave the patient weaker. Head Trauma however has gotten used to the drain, leaving him able to deal with it better.
5924103 Ted was left with Luna's memories, so it's easy to assume, for me at least, that the nightmare has his. But there's something Ted has access to that the Nightmare doesn't.
So I turned on my computer this morning after posting the latest chapter and saw almost 100 notifications... and you guys wonder why I'm posting so much stuff? Not only am I having fun with this, but the feedback is great.
Fun to write perk: -25% effort to put out another chapter.
Your Public Awaits perk: +40% to motivation.
5924474
Several things actually.
1) Alicorn magic
2) The real princess Luna (considering that they are actually on speaking terms at least on the dreamplane)
3)The cultists themselves
4)Basic human knowledge (makes him doubt head trama's abilities enough to considering hiring another doctor.)
5)The human world via the dreamplane. (No seriously if Luna's dreamwalking abilities extend beyond natural borders then all ted needs is to get the timing right and he can visit the minds of people on earth, although that ability may or may not be feasible.)
5924474 I believe Blueblood is also entitled to call her Auntie Tia.
They can fight over who's the favorite nephew.
Actually, now that I think about it, Ted and Celestia have massive potential for awkwardness.
He might look at her with his thoughts filtered through Luna's memories, and instantly view her as family. At the same time, Celestia might look at him, and only see the monster that took her sister from her, and tried to kill her.
5924474 the fun thing about the Nightmare being on Earth, more than likely has no access to magic so is now stuck there. Also, even if it wanted to try and cause strife and chaos on earth like it did in Equestria it won't be anything new to us.
This is entertaining! Please, continue.
5925980 Don't remember that part, but I know it's been used before. That being said, I am honored that I was able to work in a quote from John Wayne into an MLP fanfic.
"Next time you shoot somebody, don't go near them until you're, sure they're dead!"
5926130 You're turning into a decent audience.
5925403 The only thing I'm certain of in that sentence is "Blueblood is also entitled." Anything more than that, and I'm not certain what the canon is. Did Tia binge a couple hundred years after she lost her sister? Was she the mother or the father? This is magic we're dealing with, so either is a possibility.
5924474
Common sense?
I found this, and I read the description and thought "Why the hell not?" Now I'm eagerly awaiting a new chapter. Good job!
Dat Space Engineers screenshot
5926341
Someone needs to write a fic where The Duke goes to equestria, kisses a pony Maureen O'Hara and whips pony Danahers ass... oh my, I just described The Quiet Stallion. Still needs to be done.
5926977 I have literally nothing better at the moment, I just felt naked sitting in the featured box with no cover image, while everyone else had something. Think of it like throwing a towel over yourself as you run back to the house for clothes.
5927195 Fair enough. Didn't even know it was temporary. Might work a little better if you photoshopped the crosshairs out. That was what clued me off as to where it came from (and the fact that I had just stopped playing it helped too )
5927241 Dammit, I didn't even see them
You sir. Are my favorite human gone mlp reformed villian (not sure if that's the genre here) and I want you to have a free cookie...
This is still great fun. And man you update quick, I just can't keep up.
5923986 I like to see it as the way most viewers show appriciation/support for good ideas; ideas that they'd probably like to see implemented int the story.
PS: Time Of Writing - 01:03 GMT
Commenter Status - Tired
Use Of Grammar/Spelling- Most Likely Abyssmal
Self-Assessment - Likely wasn'y in the best state of mind for commenting.
I actually want to read the scene where he goes up to her and says those exact words
As of this moment for me, Dr. Head Trauma shall hold the voice Don Knotts, the old one as heard from Family Guy, another reference point is Krillin of TFS's Dragon Ball Abridged.
aww squishy the leech.
There I sat upon my throne eating giant snake steak when I looked up, feeling many eyes upon me. Many of the ponies looking on we're turning green and those with more delicate constitutions were running from the room. Shaking my head at them I say with a disturbing grin, "What? That giant snake tried to eat me. It seemed only fair that I had my turn."
Just my little idea of how that scene went in my head.
I actually like snakes, but thank god it wasn't a spider huh
6695169 Yea
6695169
what if its both??
It's a bit confusing for me to follow this story thoroughly, it's likely because it's casted in an unfamiliar setting is why I couldn't form it :/
Well I'll keep reading
if revenge is best served cold but revenge is also sweet its obviously ice cream
Slay em and display em...on your plate.
Preferably with butter and Alfredo sauce.
Mmm...tastes like...turduken
That has to be the single most serious thing I have heard come out of his mouth yet.
I like it.
5923603
I can only relish the expressions on their faces when that happens.
I forget did trauma ever die from bloodlost?
Mmm. Very alarming 'doctor' I must say.
Oh god i forgot about head trauma again
I mean...if it works
9520429
Why do you have a downvote for this???
10091052
I wanna say the down vote was an antivaxxer but... That wouldn't make sense.
I can see why the story is so liked and was recommend to me. It's amazing