When the overworked unicorn Fabric Detail stops hanging out with his good friends, they take notice.
Could a simple conversation be all that's needed to break the funk?
Coauthored with Art Inspired.
Edited by TheAspiringWriter93.
All my favorite colors, my sisters and my brothers... Hate the sig? Report me. Bullies get ignored, no exceptions. You know who you are.
When the overworked unicorn Fabric Detail stops hanging out with his good friends, they take notice.
Could a simple conversation be all that's needed to break the funk?
Coauthored with Art Inspired.
Edited by TheAspiringWriter93.
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2988337
And it should be read.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Hmm, you could have made the summary more interesting. I might give this a read, when I have time. Damn school is stopping my fan fiction addiction.
2988341
Suggestions? I've always sucked at descriptions.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2988344
I would have to read it first XD Anything that makes the reader say, "Oh damn this looks really interesting." So, take the idea of "Pony stops talking to friends," and just make it sound mysterious, which it most likely is. I will add this to my read later list, my friend. I will get to it as soon as I can.
Oh.
My.
I love the song reference the story revolves around. As for your writing, I can say you put a lot into detail which is a good thing! I enjoyed this little one shot .
However, the story seems to drag a little. Beating around the bush is OK, but I feel writers should make their point know within the first minute of the story (IF it's a one shot) but not revealing the end ideals: I.e: We knew the guy was a bit depressed, however, you didn't reveal what-for till way later in the story. Writing a story that doesn't drag, and keeps moving you along, tends have the reader asking for more.
Overall 4/5
What song does this story revolve around?
2meta4me.
2988786
Good point.
I'll keep that in mind next time.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2989345
This song.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2989554
Did you even read it?
~Skeeter The Lurker
2989725
*Cue I'm so stupid face*
Of all of the things for skeets to not be first commenter on, it was his own story. How does that even?
2990135
First on my own story? That's what the Author's Note section is for.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2990137 I honestly half expected to scroll down and see a comment by you saying "I am first on everything."
2990144
Nah, more like I comment on all I read.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2990147 Fair enough, have a heart.
2990151
Oh I do, and I respect you.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2989726
Of course I read it! I wasn't insulting it, I was just being facetious, promise!
2990382
Sorry. Just my slight insecure nature.
Thanks for the read!
~Skeeter The Lurker
I read the title and I though, Radioactive by Imagine Dragons, the song I hear all the time... (I broke my iPod, D: twice :D) then I was like, THEORY PROVED CORRECT!
So, feels/lives/just cuz?
2991477
Kinda all three.
~Skeeter The Lurker
You know, for a story where nothing much happens, that was pretty deep. Glad to say I'm Cloud and not Fab these days.
2992366
Nice to see it hit with a few people.
Always nice to be Cloud, yeah?
~Skeeter The Lurker
Well done. There isn't much more I can say that will do this story justice.
Well that was quite enjoyable. Welcome to the new age, Fab.
I think the most constructive criticism I can give is to change up the summary a little bit. The story is slice of life and follows exactly what the description says, but perhaps giving the first thing readers see a little more mystery would get many more folks to continue on past that little taste of your literary genius. Also, it might be a good idea to make the description focus more of the broader point of the story—never let it get to you—rather than the individual troubles of the characters. Finally, tying a line of the song straight into the summary would certainly affirm that the title is a reference to it, rather than a random choice of metaphor on your part, and thus draw in those who clicked on it because of that much more firmly. Of course, if you want to keep that theme on the down-low until Fab and Cloud sing it together, that's fine too. It's your story, good sir, and you can do whatever you dang well please, these are just some random observations on behalf of a stranger from the internet.
Also, one typo I spotted:
is*
Overall, good read! Until next time, should it exist,
~Fluttersyke
3014886
Noted! Thanks for that!
~Skeeter The Lurker
I thoroughly enjoyed that.
I reread this, and I actually liked this more than the first time...
3243337>>3308379
Thank you both for that.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Loved it
Why is there an incomplete on this fic? This thing is awesome as is.
"Radioactive, Radioactive..."
3355898
Incomplete?
Dunno what you're talking about...
~Skeeter The Lurker
3355905
Well... Derp.
How I thought that said incomplete, I don't even know.
To quote ASDF, *ahem*: "Hahaha... I can't read..."
Writing is catharsis. Otherwise, why do it? I never treated my writing as anything but a hobby (for I can't make a living off of the meager scraps my brain doles out every once in a while), but it's the best hobby in the world. Better than video games, at least to me. (I had to sell my x-box to make rent a month ago. Then I did Equus Mortis. I don't miss my game system anymore. Catharsis, baby.)
I like this story a lot. I can see why it landed on Canterlot's Finest.
(Hmm. Maybe I should give that site a try someday.)
Anyhoo, I'll be reading more of your stuff later.
Stay cool.
I feel as if I know these two... They feel like someone I know quite well.
I think everyone goes through feelings like, and the story really played out well bringing up the emotions. I think the story was helped by using ponies that were more mature and experienced then the mane six. Great writing!
Sorry but fuck you.
You can has review!