Friendship is Card Games: What if X Were a Princess? Pt. 1 · 10:52am May 21st, 2023
I’m playing a little fast and loose with the schedule this week, but as of writing this, I have a contest deadline to race, RL friends to meet, and a performance of Khan! the Musical to see with my mom as a belated Mother’s Day gift, so reviewing a pony novel isn’t feasible. The benefit of making your own schedule is that you can adjust it as needed.
In any case, we’ll be taking a look at a fan animation (well, animatic) series that wrapped up recently, Magpiepony’s “What If X Were a Princess?” shorts, where X is each other member of the Mane Six. Let’s see what chaos ensues.
What if… Pinkie was a Princess??
Look, just because Magpiepony didn’t use the subjunctive case doesn’t mean I can’t. 
Also, that “Day 1” already fills me with a sense of foreboding.
I do like the design for Pinkie’s regalia. The sprinkles on the cupcake peytral are an especially nice touch.
A bit of timeline confusion with Tempest being there, but I could absolutely see Pinkie’s enhanced senses detecting a sad pony in need of friends on the other side of the planet. Which also explains Starlight’s presence. Cheese Sandwich is clearly here because of his own party senses firing like a howitzer. (Alternatively, Pinkie got her anatomical accessories later than Twilight, but that still calls for justifying Tempest.)
There’s something delightfully surreal in hearing Celestia say “Damn right.”
Oh no. It’s clear to see where this is going. Pinkie already had the desire to find a reason to party every day. Now she can enforce it.
Discord would already be free. He’s probably having a wonderful time.
Took me a second to realize Gummy was getting carried by the motion of Celestia’s mane. That’s honestly quite amusing. Also, feel free to take the new princess aside and tell her to tone it down a bit, Tia.
Ooh, lovely touch with the deflating balloons on the timecards.
Yup, as expected. The parties. Will last. Forever!
Oh, and the budget can’t necessarily handle it. Seriously, you two, cut her off.
Well, at least they got Pinkie Pie to wash her mane after the nationwide unbirthday party.
In space, ponies can hear you party if you do it hard enough.
I get the feeling Celestia not being able to put her hoof down will be a theme with these. (After all, the joke wouldn’t work otherwise.) Let’s proceed.
What if… Applejack was a Princess??
I do wonder just what Applejack might do to earn her wings (and horn.) She absolutely could, I’m just curious to see what it might entail. (The MLP Time Loops had her terraform Tatooine, but the Loops are a silly beast all their own. And no, I have no intention of doing blogs for them. That way lies madness.)
Pfft. Even AJ isn’t sure how this happened. And again, great regalia design, from the hat-tiara hybrid to the neckerchief peytral. All it’s missing are hipposandals fit for mucking out the pigpen.
“Uh… what am I the princess of?”
“Anything but parties.”
Oh dear, there’s continuity between these? I get the feeling that the moon’s going to get crowded by the end of this.
Outstanding. Applejack doesn’t have any interest in ruling anything more than Sweet Apple Acres. I have to love characters refusing to entertain a hypothetical scenario that runs counter to their… well, character.
Ah. And there’s the problem. Enhanced magic comes with a learning curve, after all.
“God damn it.”
I know it’s just meant as an expletive, but this does raise interesting questions about pony theology.
Feel free to step in at any time, Twilight. Preferably before the next earthquake.
Oh, and there’s Pinkie! I can only assume the princesses are rewinding time and trying again before each new princess ruins the country.
Seriously, Bookhorse, your friend needs you. As does her brother.
Heh. Granny Smith knows what she’s about.
Aaand Apple Bloom indirectly caused a zombie apocalypse. I’m honestly not that surprised.
Yeah, not your wisest move there, Sunbutt. At least this one didn’t end in lunar banishment.
What if… Fluttershy was a Princess?
Ohhh dear. Fluttershy’s already feeling anxious on the day of her premiere.
Again, lovely regalia design with the twining ivy filigree and the crystal butterflies on the crown.
“Long may she reign… over the Everfree Forest. Bearing in mind the new ban on necromancy and the use of the royal treasury.”
Say what you will, Celestia’s definitely learning from her mistakes.
Ah, the diarchs are explicitly using time travel to fix their messes. Just three more misses to go before the hit!
I have several questions and concerns over “Sonic Rainboom jetpacks.”
Good to see Owloysius. He really fell of the map after a while.
Angel in Princess Platinum’s regalia is a thing of wonder and delight.
Ohhh boy. As with Apple Bloom, can’t say I’m too surprised by the prospect of Angel suggesting something that will lead to Equestria’s downfall.
Gorgeous effect on the spell.
Opal sounding like she has a pack-a-day habit was an excellent choice.
Okay, Dash’s problem is on her. Just ask Tank what he does want. The lag still applies, but at least you only have to ask the one question.
… Ah. Of course, that doesn’t make Tank any less well-suited for a 900 number.
Winona’s a good girl. No thoughts. Head empty. Country dog.
Gummy is perfectly show-accurate. No notes.
Owloysius as a shameless pedant makes perfect sense. Pets do come to resemble their owners. 
Ah. I’d question how Angel conquered Equestria, but honestly, it’s not that surprising. Credit to Apple Bloom for joining the winning team.
Not only are these videos a delight, they’re so content dense that I can get two blogs out of them. I’ll wrap up the series next time fan animation actually comes around in the rotation. For now, let’s take a look at what I can do with these first three:
Solar Damnation 1WW
Sorcery
Kicker 4 (You may pay an additional 4 as you cast this spell.)
Choose a color. If this spell was kicked, destroy each creature that isn’t that color. Otherwise, destroy each creature that is that color.
Celestia’s wrath is rare but memorable.
Joyous Fanfare 2WW
Instant
Creatures you control get +2/+1 until end of turn. Creature tokens you control gain lifelink until end of turn.
Pinkie Pie’s coronation seemed to usher in an era of joy and propserity. And it did… for about a week.
Trotter Slayer 3W
Creature — Pegasus Warrior
Flying, vigilance, first strike
If a creature dealt damage by Trotter Slayer this turn would die, exile it instead.
Hard times make hard ponies.
2/3
Fluttershy, the Unready 3WW
Legendary Creature — Noble Druid
Alicorn (This card is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying, lifelink
Whenever one or more commanders you control deal combat damage to a player, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control.
Oligarch (You may have any number of commanders if they all have oligarch. This spell’s commander tax is 2 for each spell you’ve cast from the command zone this game.)
4/4
Court Infiltrator 1U
Creature — Pony Rouge
Hexproof from the monarch (This creature can’t be the target of spells and abilities the monarch controls if the monarch is one of your opponents.)
Court Infiltrator can’t be blocked by creatures the monarch controls.
“No sir, Your Nefariousness, haven’t seen any ponies around here.”
2/1
Deep Contemplative 2UU
Creature — Turtle Monk
T: Draw a card at the beginning of the next upkeep.
Philosogators savage wisdom, attacking it from all angles until they can break it into digestible chunks. A contemplative will spend a year on a single question, and know it far more thoroughly as a result.
1/3
Momentous Refusal 3U
Instant
This spell costs 2 less to cast if it targets a historic spell. (Artifacts, legendaries, and Sagas are historic.)
Counter target spell. If that spell is countered this way, exile it instead of putting it into its owner’s graveyard.
Those who would best rule never want to.
Temporal Wanderer 4U
Creature — Unicorn Scout
Temporal Wanderer can’t be blocked.
If Temporal Wanderer would die, exile it with three time counters on it instead.
Suspend 3—U (Rather than cast this card from your hand, you may pay U and exile it with three time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost. It has haste.)
3/2
Incessant Critic 1B
Creature — Cat Advisor
Whenever you cast a spell, you lose 1 life.
Any cat can be an aggravating contrarian if the mood takes them. The ones who can talk are just more obnoxious about it.
3/3
Open the Tombs 3B
Enchantment
When Open the Tombs enters the battlefield, return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield with a corpse counter on it.
Each creature with a corpse counter on it has “Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, that player may return a creature card from their graveyard to the battlefield with a corpse counter on it.”
Pinkie, the Mad 3BB
Legendary Creature — Noble Rogue
Alicorn
Flying, menace
Whenever one or more commanders you control deal combat damage to a player, exile that player’s graveyard. You gain life equal to the number of card types among cards exiled this way and each opponent loses that much life.
Oligarch
4/4
Bankrupting Excess 1R
Sorcery
Create three Treasure tokens. At the beginning of the next end step, destroy all artifact tokens. (A Treasure token is an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
A thousand years of prosperity lost to a month of Pinkie parties.
Glittering Moon 1R
Enchantment
All lands are Treasure artifacts in addition to their other types and have “T, Sacrifice this land: Add one mana of any color.”
“We are going back now, before she defaces it any further.”
—Princess Luna
Shattering Might 3R
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +3/+2 and has trample and “Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, destroy up to one target artifact that player controls.”
Alicorn strength takes some getting used to.
Hueburst Expressionist 4R
Creature — Unicorn Shaman
Haste
When Hueburst Expressionist dies, pay any amount of U. When you do, up to that many target creatures become the color of your choice until end of turn. Then Hueburst Expressionist deals 2 damage to each creature of the color of your choice. (You may choose different colors each time.)
4/2
Angel’s Enforcers 1G
Creature — Rabbit Soldier
Replicate 2 (When you cast this spell, copy it for each time you paid its replicate cost. Copies become tokens.)
When Angel’s Enforcers enters the battlefield, if you control three or more Rabbits, each Rabbit you control deals damage equal to its power to target creature an opponent controls.
2/2
Country Dog 1G
Creature — Dog
Whenever you cast a herd spell, return Country Dog from your graveyard to your hand. (A herd spell is a Bat, Pony, Pegasus, or Unicorn.)
Wherever there are ponies, there will be dogs.
3/1
Applejack, the Reluctant 3GG
Legendary Creature — Noble Warrior
Alicorn
Flying, trample
Whenever one or more commanders you control deal combat damage to a player, return target card with mana value less than or equal to that damage from your graveyard to your hand.
Oligarch
4/4
Regalia of Honesty 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from green.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, if there is no monarch, you become the monarch. Otherwise, put three +1/+1 counters on equipped creature.
Equip 2
Regalia of Kindness 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from white.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, if there is no monarch, you become the monarch. Otherwise, create two 1/1 white Insect creature tokens with flying.
Equip 2
Regalia of Laughter 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from black.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, if there is no monarch, you become the monarch. Otherwise, any number of target players each mill five cards.
Equip 2
Platinum Hare 5
Artifact Creature — Rabbit
Vigilance
When Platinum Hare enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
The monarch can’t lose the game and the monarch’s opponents can’t win the game.
Its true loyalty lies with the crown itself.
3/3
Commune with All 2GW
Sorcery
Each player draws a card for each creature they control.
Fluttershy hoped that by allowing everypony to understand animals as she did, the world would become a better place. And it did… for the animals.
Karametra’s Outrage 3GWW
Sorcery
Destroy all artifacts, enchantments, and nonbasic lands.
Do not mistake a gentle goddess for a merciful one.
Harvestquake XXRG
Sorcery
Harvestquake deals X damage to each creature. Whenever a creature dies this turn, untap a land you control.
Applejack just wanted to use her new appendages to get more farm work done. And she did… with some casualties.
Typo: Should be "Do not mistake a gentle goddess"
Also I'll take eight Platinum Hares please
Magpiepony’s works to hit a balance of making the usual meta jokes ubiquitous in such fandom works not feel tired and rote. The splendid voice acting helps, as does leaning a little bit into the differences for the characters, like her Pinkie being somewhat squeakier and more narcissistic. Is this not, after all, why her Trixie in Princess Trixie Sparkle works, encouraging the VA Rachel to not try to do a pitch-perfect imitation of Kathleen Barr’s take on the character?
And despite the cost involved, the animation style she’s conjured for works like these really works too. Point is, it’s one of the few fandom animation still going these days and among the rare amount that actually delivers beyond faint amusement in the moment, and I’m all for that. This side-series gets that as well as anything else she does, it’s no wonder it’s been popular.
I’d say of these three the Fluttershy one was my favourite, just for needing to use more unexpected fallouts. The unexpected always excels the comedy, after all.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Damn it, Pinkie.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Angel's Enforcers replicating are exponential. Replicating twice with no other Rabbits in order to actually use the ability will dish out a total of 18 damage... and the fact that you have to pay 6 mana for only hitting creatures with this means it's probably fine and not a Play Design Alert.
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No, actually. If the Enforcers used squad, that would be true, since making the copies is an ETB trigger there. As it is, replicate puts that many copies of the Enforcers on the stack, so each enters and resolves its trigger individually. You do still need to replicate it twice on a bunny-less board in order for the trigger to do anything, at which point the original coming in will deal 6 to something. (Of course, doing more will have 8 dealt to a target, then 10, then 12... It does still add up, just not quite that drastically.)
As you're fond of saying, Stupid Complicated Game.
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The "Country Dog!" Line sticks with me to this day
5729711 My son is currently playing Inscription. It has only reinforced my determination never to start on a collectable card game such as Magic the Gathering.
Never heard of these before. They were fun.