I don't know how to title this · 4:13pm Jul 26th, 2023
My dad is an alcoholic. He drinks like a fish and I live with him to ensure he doesn't overwork or overdrink and give him company.
Last week he became so drunk he fell. hard. This is a man who drinks an entire mason jar glass full [like 16 oz] of whiskey, and a few cans of beer a day. Then he got into the 90 proof rum and became a blubbering, shouting, depressing mess. I thought for sure he'd broken his back due to all the surgeries he's back there. I tried to get him up but the man was dead weight, had to call my brother in law in to get him on the couch. Next was 2 hours of him blubbering to my sister's husband about how he worries about them and cares about them and how much he wants to do for them. ignoring me. then when he remembered I was there it was like he could only see a 6 year old.
we got him the couch, he stumbled to the bathroom and fell again. I was able to get him up this time and got him to bed.
Since then he promised to go light on the alcohol, and has already broken that promise. He doesn't want to change, and I really don't want to go through that again. This came completely out of nowhere and really rattled me.
Your heart is in the right place with wanting to be there to care for him, he is family afterall, but he is not looking after his health and it is obviously having a detrimental effect on you and others close to him.
Do you know what caused him to become this way? maybe there is someone like a close friend or someone he respects outside of the family that can tell him to sober up?
5739458
Its nonsensical, but he is very very poor company yet expects others to show up at his door to visit, but never visits others. He wants my sister to bring her kids over to visit, and tries to influence them, but never calls her, never sets anything up, and doesn't interact with them when they do come over. The kids are also becoming teenagers and getting moody and seclusive and he thinks they're going down a dark path. He's also got nearly no friends because he's gotten so political and cut a lot of people off, and rarely leaves the house.
Summery: "I want to see the kids, but I don't wanna call my daughter and bother her. also the teenagers are acting like teenagers, that scares me."
As for how he's gotten this way: this is kind of how he's always been. When his mother was alive the place we lived always had visitors... coming to see her. She was a well loved and generous person in the area. He was sorta just a remora on her kindness. I've tried to mend fences between him and his friends but he keeps backsliding and keeping his grudges going when no one else cares about it.
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I fear he may need a shock to the system, one that is not alcohol fuelled or quickly forgotten.
If he wants the kids to stay away from the dark path then he should become a good example for them to look up to lest he become a hypocrite and they lose any trust they have in him.
I fear that, from what you have told me, he is not going to change unless he chooses to do so.
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My uncle went through something similar with his SO. He told me that if he ever does it again to record it and call an ambulance for a wellness check. not so much for his health, but to embarrass the tar out of him. Embarrass him so hard that he might admit he has a problem. That worked for my uncle's SO, who went into AA and stuck with it.
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Good idea, if he is not willing to change for the sake of what is right, then maybe he will change to save face/avoid further humiliation of the few peers he has left.
Its an awful thing to do not to mention quite a gamble, waiting for such a time/situation to occur for you to record as it runs a high risk of someone getting hurt again.
I hope that when the time comes and you record the event, you will never have to resort to such a thing ever again, will your uncle help you?
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He will, in his limited way. He's dealing with his own problems, but he can at least offer advice and be there to listen. More than my sister who despite having some medical training did nothing but scream at me or be a snarky c--t the entire time.
Sheezus mercy, man. I don't even know what to say that might begin to help. "Take care of yourself" just doesn't cut it. Slow motion suicide by drink is an awful way to go, and forcing others to be spectators is just...
Just... Take care of yourself?
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Trying to. It doesn't help that he's picking fights with my sister, then wants to spend time with her kids. Then she comes and chews me out because I'm a softer target.
This is why I went to florida for a vacation. It makes me feel like I should have tried to stay there.
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I apologize if im sticking my nose too much with asking questions, if i am just tell to stop at any time.
As your sister is a nurse i would have thought she would be more helpful, seems as though she may be treating you more as a wrangler/leash holder for your father than an affected family member.
If she is not going to act in a beneficial manner, then i say go ahead with the plan, i wish you the best luck and if you ever need to talk more, even if its to vent, then we will be here.
5739839
Not a nurse, its... less than that. She worked in hospice for a short time, but she's a hothead who ironically acts almost exactly like my dad. They are stubborn and arrogant in the exact same way, and would rather talk behind people's backs than just communicate with the other party. Trust me, they don't act like normal people around each other. Its like we have special social rules around him. I try to just keep my mouth shut and just let him talk, don't upset him, and don't bring up topics that don't have to do with the matter at hand. No point in having a conversation since he'll make everything about him, or topics he likes.
And no, having a place to talk about this stuff is helping. I have friends who listen IRL, and on discord. I have my uncle and other family members.
My father went through this, ended up paying for a rehab session behind his back and then tricking him into going, he was mad, but he got better