I Finally Admit It · 4:54am Sep 20th, 2023
My fellow friends and followers...
While apologetic about being inactive again because of some recent crises that have happened since last month.
But while two of them will, hopefully be resolved this week or the next, what I'm about to say could be very disheartening and very saddening, and perhaps very disappointing, too.
Having spoken with a, uh... close acquaintance of mine about it on Google Chat, and from what she said to me in response after I had asked for her help... I have been so distraught and very hurt and sad with what I have been told... inside and out.
And so, as much as I hate to admit it, but I'm faced with a saddening and upsetting reality:
I'm a friendship killer, meaning I destroy friendships with my aggression, my words, my rage and my temper.
Now I really do feel like I've committed a murder, and to three or four people who were my friends on DeviantArt... one of which I still feel so guilty and feel so much remorse, regret and with a heavy heart.
Now I'll never get any of my friends back, no matter how apologetic I am, or how much regret I'm filled with.
I had originally planned on posting a story based on how this all happened, and how hurt I feel, next to seeing how much I hurt them.
But even as I was going to dedicate it to them, too, I deleted it all, and canceled it at the last minute because if I did then I would have lost one of my remaining acquaintances from DeviantArt.
I tried listening to some sad music, and even listening to some ASMRs, but that didn't help me in the least.
So... because I'm responsible for the murder of four friendships, and I'm a friendship killer, this may as well be my funeral... or perhaps confessing enough to be put into a jail cell.
At the same time... if any of you are my current friends at all... I suggest that you remove me as a friend, as well as from your followers, and stop following me.
Nothing personal, but seeing how my anger, my words and my treatment affected the four people I lost, and how they all destroyed my friendships beyond repair and beyond forgivng... I don't want to cause any further heartbreaks anymore.
Even if you do or don't follow, or want to be my friend anymore, I'll try not to feel bad or sad about it.
😢💔
I never saw you as a friendship ruiner. Even if Friendships ended, I never saw you as the cause of it. Things sometimes go wrong.
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Well, Jim...
I never told you this at all, but I became a friendship ruiner a couple years back, and it destroyed the friendships I had with four of my closest ones, from DeviantArt, all of which are unforgivable, and ruined beyond repair.
More than that, I was the cause of it, too, but up until this year after coming to a realization about it, I now know what caused me to become one, and why I did it, but because of my attitude, my words and my rage, nobody will ever listen at all... and they want nothing to do with me anymore, too.
So, as it is right now, you're one of the only three friends from DeviantArt, that I have left.
There's even some other people from DeviantArt who I don't know are still my friends or not, but even if they are or not, I wish things were different, and that I never destroyed those friendships beyond forgiving.
It's all my fault, too, and like the Once-ler from Dr. Seuss' The Lorax, I've regretting everything I've done and said since then.
But no matter how apologetic I am, and how much regret I've been filled with, nothing will ever bring back or repair the damage of the friendships I killed.