Some story revisions · 3:58am Mar 30th, 2012
I'm working on getting For the Good of all of Us into presentable shape to submit to EQD for the first time. This includes the new story image (I'll post the old one on my deviant art... eventually) that I drew. The old one was inaccurate in terms of my description of the central AI chamber's state in the story (lacking the severe damage and the array of mechanical arms mounted to the walls). In addition I felt it lacked detail in some key places (like the mud) and was just too bright for my liking. So I decided to make the new one a bit more stylized and add in the back ground Pneumatic tubes.
(1000 internets to first person to locate Apple Bloom in the new picture by the way).
But pictures a story does not make.
I'm particularly interested in getting the diction to flow better and have/will be/ been editing that a lot. Of particular focus are the chapters 4 and 6 which went a way to fast a rate to be enjoyable, So I'll be plumping them up and adding in more scenes to make them less random. Of course I will also add to chapters which I like / think went well. Will likely update to chapter nine before submission.
Still looking for pre readers by the way (it's hard to have to manny). So if anyone wants to volunteer for that just PM me.
Just a suggestion: some of your story is REALLY purple and telly. You gotta show what's happening, not just blurt it out for the reader. Cuz a story that makes you think to try and figure things out that is not too difficult to do so is one that will catch the EQD readers' eyes. They are REALLY picky about show vs tell and awkward phrasing. Just a heads up and it's looking good so far!
Yah for most parts it's a little to "eye in the sky" for my tastes. It needs to hone in more on specific characters, and stuff like that.
I'm here for you bro, just give me a shout out when you need it
i take it you failed...