EQG review AKA the last entry of EQG sucks blog · 12:52am Jan 18th, 2014
You know, i never was a great fan of the My Little Pony franchise, maybe because in my country was never really that popular and was more a girls show. And i never really followed any of the reebots/generations. The only thing that i've watched was a movie and, even then, i thought that it was only a movie, not a series.
So, almost accidentally, i've skipped most of the MLP generation. But everything changed 3 years ago, when i watched an abridged parody of this show called My little Pony Friendship is magic, wich it also pushed me to watch the original one. And i gotta say, that was one of the best day of my life. MLP FIM has all the cute-adorable thing for a girly show but at the same time is not a girly show, being full with characters with great personalities and awesome moments. But the best thing is that it has some great morals and lessons about life and friendship that really can help the young ones of the audience to grow up.
So, its a perfect show? No, but is one of the best, especcially compared to others cartoons which tries to be original but fail miserably.
Sure, it has its bad episode, just like any show. It's virtually impossible that a show had only good one.
So, after having following this series for 3 years, when i heard that Hasbro was making a movie about MLP FIM, i was over-hyped. I was expecting that they would take everything that made the show good and turning up to eleven in an epic battle of Harmony vs evil.
And what did we get?
Equestria Girls.
My reaction?
I didn't take it well.
Since then i lived like Tony Stark would with a metal shard wich is slowly moving to the heart. Seeing something that i learned to like so much, being turned into a moronic highschool clichè movie.
Many months are passed now and i think it is time to end this hatred (Or at least, keeping it more undercontrol) by writing down a review about it. So let's not waste time and let's dig in this disgrace for the franchise.
The Story (If we can call it that way): Ok, i will try to write it simple. Twilight and co goes to the Crystal Empire for a meeting with the princesses, but the same night a mysterious unicorn steal the crown and goes into a portal mirror thing. Twilight must go in it and bring back her crown/element or else Equestria is screwed. Once there she will have to win the crown winning the prom thing ... ok, just writing down the story is painful to me. There are so many questions that are never (and i mean, NEVER) answered. there are so many conveniences that is absurd. It dosen't matter if they will answer such questions in one of those crappy comics for EQG. A comic based on a movie add something, it dosen't have to explain the most important points of the friggin movie, that's just another way to squeeze the money out of a fanbase full of drones. The sad thing is that some of this plot-holes would not need that much time to be explained. Example: Why Shining Armor, husband of the princess of the Crystal Empire and brother of Twilight Sparkle is not here? He was or busy fighting some menace or away ambassador in another nation. This to me is one of the proof that the writer, Meghan Mccarthy, didn't really felt to put effort in this job, cause she didn't wanted to have anything to do in the first place. Why else would she be only the "writer" for EQG and not the actual director? But i digress. The story sounds like is something of a bad fanfic that i would call "Ehy, what if Twilight and co were in a highschool movie?". You know, i was hoping that maybe, if they manage to make ponies awesome and original, maybe they could have succeded here too, adding something new to a clichèd story. But nope, they just followed the boring teenage drama. There is no tension in this movie, all the problems that are supposed to make the viewer interested are solved in seconds and where this can be forgiven for a show wich episodes are only 20 minutes long i can't do the same for a movie that is one hour long! And the climax ... one of the worst ones EVER. It makes no sense, there is no real fight. You will exepect that for a movie, there would be some actual fight. I mean, in the season 2 ending there was actually a fight, an actual brawl with punch and kicks. But no, it just goes "Taste the rainbow mutherfucker" ... again. The story, in short, is crap. No effort, no emotion, no everything!
The animation: I guess the animation is... Ok. Sure, i can say that sometimes the characters move weird but for the rest is always colourful and cute, i guess. My main problems are the look of the Humans. I don't know for whatever reason they decide to make them look like they belong in the Doug universe. Dumb choice, i guess they done so that they looked more like the dolls. The second and most important issue i have is this: Was really necessary to make all of this story take place in an alternative verse? And if the animators wanted to write and animate the hands, couldn't they make up some other species in the actual universe? Or heck, bring humans in Equestria? Those questions make so that i can't really enjoy the animation, especcially if the story as readed above is so crappy and the characters ... oh, crap...
The Characters: How can you do something bad with character as charismatic like the ones of the series?
Easy answer: Take all the memes that they have and spam the crap out of it at any possible moments. The worst are Rainbow Dash, who seems incapable to stop repeating "So awesome" at every fucking possible moments, Rarity acts like a drama queen in a way that is actually annoying, Pinkie Pie just shouts and makes me want to tell her to shut the fuck up (and don't we forget the hunch thing. What a load of bullshit), Fluttershy is so shy that she's dumb, Applejack seems fine, but i guess that's because she dosen't have really a meme but talking with a texan accent. Despite the good voices of the main characters, this characters comes out as badly fanmade copies of the ones we know and love. Also, all the other character have one thing in commun: THEY ARE ALL FUCKING IDIOTS. The only one i can feel it that Meghan took effort is Spike. He is the only good thing of the movie, but sadly they had to turn him into a dog and i can't get over of how much is degrating turning him into a dog just for the lulz. Oh, and for those who hated Twilight being a princess, this movie is not for you, cause it makes of Twilight the most useless Mary Sue ever. You can tell what you want's about MMC episode, but you can't say that Twilight didn't deserve it the title of princess after all she has done to fix Celestia problems. Here, she is glorified, despite the fact that she dosent do nothing really important. Also, it makes appears that she is the only one who is getting something at the end, making look the HuMane 5 like they are there just to help her and nothing else, no real objective, no real victories.
And the villain? Sunset Shimmer (Or like others like to call her, Sunshit Shitter) had a great potential, but the setting just waste it. She is supposed to be a evil counterpart of Twilight with all her abilities. But we get her to know just as a bully. And the thing is, that if she was just a bully, there would be no problem, but she is a unicorn, a powerful one, you would except a fight between the two, but there is nothing like that. And in the end once defeated she goes to evil to sad villain that just wanted to be loved to much fast. There is no evolution and development of Sunset, she is a generic villain who can be forgotten as soon as the movie is over, 'cept for her drones who thinks that she is cool and even more powerful than Discord (Ah-em BULLSHIT).
Oh, what's this? A love interest? Yeah, and the worst one ever done. Flash Sentry. I could forgive the name of Sunset to be a parrarel to Twilight, but Flash Sentry? What does that reminds you? Shining Armor, Twilight brother. Ugh.
Flash Sentry is a boring, flat, goody goody love interest with no personality at all except being perfect and good. They could take him away from the movie and nobody could felt his absence. Twilight just bumps with him 3 or 4 times and in those moments i've felt like someone was shouting "THEY ARE A COUPLE, THEY ARE CUTE, THEY ARE TOTALLY IN LOVE, YOU MUST LOVE THEM TOO". No thanks. And then Twilight falls in love with the pony version. Ehy, by following how stupid EQG is i can totally imagine Human Flash being fine if Twilight goes out with the pony version of him, cause after all is always him. What a nice lesson of love, amairite?
You know, Sunset may sucks as a villain, but at least she had potential, Flash Sentry has nothing, nothing at all.
The songs: Ingram just didn't cared. He just wrote the songs so they had some catchy tune and that's it.
The worst ones are the Big night. Or, how i like to call it, the "advertising for the dolls". All that it miss is the alligator pet of Pinkie hipnotyzing the viewers screaming "BUY IT, BUY IT, BUY IT". Then there is the Cafeteria songs or how the fuck does anyone call it. Catchy dosen't mean good indeed. I don't know how to take it the fact that there is not the song Equestria Girls. Nevermind. Also, remember the part about the animation? Well, it seems like the designer didn't wanted to animate much real singing moments, cause the only REAL song is the Cafeteria one, all the other are background music. Lazy and bad. Bazy (Pun intended).
Conclusion: More i think about EQG, more i realize how bad it is. Is one of those movie that more you think about it and more you realize all the problems of it. Is so bad that those little 2 things that made right are actually worst because they are in EQG. Calling EQG a movie is a bad thing on itself and the fact that it was the first one about a great show is a sin against Lauren Faust original work.
I just hope that sooner or later people will realize it, snapping out of the brainwashing experience.
EQG is the WORST ANIMATED MOVIE OF THE YEAR, and one of the WORST MOVIE EVER.
I think that anyone who is involved with this crap should be ashamed of themselves to allowing this cashgrabbing abomination to exist in the first place. And to those damn drones who thinks that EQG is a good movie should stop watching season 4 a FIM in general and go back watching something worthy for their intellect, like everything else that came after generation 1 and before Friendship is Magic/Generation 4.
Results:
Story: 2/10;
Animation: 5-5/6/10
Characters: 2/10
Songs: 3/10
Conclusion: 2/10
Is it so bad it make Final Fantasy 13 look good?
1730870 Yes. Is so bad that makes Shrek the Third looks good. Is so bad that makes the worst episodes of FIM looks like pure gold. Is so bad that makes me want to bitchslap Rarity, Applejack and Cadence.
What was the parody that got you into the series?
1742676 The made by the guy that makes Sonic F. Or something like that.
Not the greatest, but still funny.
1742852
Thats How I got into "Friendship is Magic" too. Lets just hope Rainbow doesn't get her own spin-off about saving the world with music.
1742911 She has some potential.
1742945 Moviemaster's Review
Stare into the face of our god.
1747406 Buck yeah
. Moviemaster is the boss 