On writing #6: Coming across like an amateur. · 11:04pm Apr 10th, 2014
Now before I say anything else, I want to make clear that I myself am an amateur writer. This is a hobby, not a job. I write for fun. But I do try to write quality stuff, and I feel that many of my stories at least approach professional levels of writing, even if they haven't actually arrived.
Anyhow, I was reading a story here on FimFic today that I mostly enjoyed, but which was far from perfect. In trying to describe what I didn't like about it, the word I hit on was "amateurish." That's what it felt like. When I sat down to try and define exactly what that meant in this context, I came up with two things that made it feel like it was written by "some kid" and not "an author". One was strictly technical: it had correct grammar, but it also had a lot of weird, awkward phrases that didn't flow, that I had to stop and puzzle out what they meant.
The other, though, was that it seemed to be written without really thinking about the audience.
It was obvious that the author had a vision for his OC, and every bit of the story was geared towards getting that OC to that visionary goal. Said goal was fun, and interesting, and cool, but sometimes common sense, reality, believability, and everything else got left on the side lines in the pursuit of that cool end. It didn't matter if the audience might not find some of what was going on believable, it didn't matter if the audience wouldn't relate to the character, all that mattered was the character being as cool as the author wanted him to be.
It's the thinking about the audience that really makes the difference between an absurd Mary Sue and a character that works.
For example, take the typical Mary Sue OC who turns up in Ponyville and immediately becomes friends with the Mane 6. You see them all the time, and they're always terrible. Why? Because the author has it happen because the author wants it to happen. The audience though dislikes it, because they've been given no reason to want it to happen. The character hasn't been shown earning it, so it feels stupid and wrong and pointless.
On the other hand, you have somebody like Sweetcake. Now I don't at all pretend that he is a perfect character or that I write him perfectly. He is not, and I don't. But he did make the audience want him to go to Ponyville and get to know the Mane 6. One of the more common comments I got on that very first chapter was people asking what would happen when Pinkie Pie's friends got to know him. I made the audience care about the character and then set him up in the Mary Sue position, but at that point he wasn't a Mary Sue because he'd earned what he got.
He's got some more really Mary Sue plots ahead of him, but I wager that most of my readers will still enjoy reading about them, because what makes a character a Mary Sue isn't whether they're an awesomely powerful red and black alicorn or not, it's whether the author gives the audience reasons to care about the character, or whether the author just writes what's cool with no thought for why the readers should give a damn about it.
P.S. Speaking of Sweetcake, Honey Pie II will be posted today!
All true, though be careful about the term "Mary Sue". Mary Sues are characters who are above conflict. A character who is not above conflict but is annoying is just what I call "wasted potential."
My first attempt at writing was definitely such a case, and I do hope you're not referring to that! I'm ashamed of it myself. I didn't delete it because it would have been a cowardly move. But it's on hiatus, and various plot points to it have been assimilated into other fictions of mine.
But even at my worst, I never wrote a Mary Sue. Even my noobish mind understood the importance of conflict. It's the most important ingredient to making a good character. There's a lot of people who have almost perfect personalities I know of, and others who have bland personalities, so there's nothing unrealistic about either one. However, there's everything unrealistic about not challenging a character in some way
Honey Pie 2 will be posted today.
1998248 Mary Sue is a term started by a female character from a fanfic parodying terrible Star Trek fics, who was actually named "Mary Sue", and exactly what it means can vary a bit. Being above conflict isn't the only way for a character to be a Mary Sue. In fact the definition of a Mary Sue on wikipedia is that they are "idealized".
Lack of conflict is certainly a trait many Mary Sues suffer from, but it's not the only way to be a Mary Sue.
What story did you read that seemed "amateurish." It must have been much worse than what you were describing in your blog, since the story made you complain about it with such vivid detail.
Loving your blog posts M.L.King
1998306 No, it was actually a pretty good story, I'm still reading it. It just made me think about how it could have been better, is all.
1998334 So what is the name of the story?
1998339 The Ambassador's Son.
Yay for my first video link!
It's an amusing pic, but he never really acts that way in the story.
But really I understand what you mean, I've read stories seeing writer's repeatedly use a word over and over again instead of trying for a different one. I really have an issue with stories around OC's because I'm always worried it's just some teens desire to make himself into a pony and show how awesome he is.
Still, some like Honey Pie are very well done. Despite the various questions I have about that story, one really sticks in my head everytime I see it. Why the hell in the picture is he trying to get away from Pinkie?
1998385 Because the pic was drawn by a friend, before the story was written. I mentioned I couldn't find a picture of "Pinkie Pie hugging a changeling" and she drew that for me, just from that description. I wasn't going to tell her to draw it over differently, just because it wasn't perfectly in character.
1998391
Makes sense, it is a great picture that made me think the story was going to be amusing. Which it is, just not in the 'Changeling trying to flee from a over touchy-feely Pinkie' sort of way.
It's kinda hard to introduce a new character to the main six's circle believably. They aren't often shown socializing outside their group unless they're networking.
I think people give Sweetcake a pass because friends trying to accept someone's significant other is one of the only ways into the group that doesn't seem contrived.
Yep. You pretty much hit the correct spots on what defines an OC to be a Mary Sue or not. There's more to it of course, but this is a basic fundamental.
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I think you just explained, completely perfectly, why I received generally positive feedback about The Other Jake and generally negative feedback about Rockets & Rainbooms, despite starring the same characters.