Current State of the Spark...(Rant/Apology for my recent... inaction) · 11:34pm May 2nd, 2014
Less than good... to say the least.
Feel free to ignore..
To any and everyone that I edit/was supposed to be editing for, I'm sorry for my absence. Let us just leave it at life decided to get... annoying and it hasn't been the easiest to sort out or deal with.
So if I come across as unbalanced, or seem really irritated at you for seemingly no reason whatsoever... I'm sorry in advance.
I probably won't be accepting any new editing requests/jobs, nor commenting on things near as much as usual, and won't be for the time being.
I will update when that changes, though.
What I've been going through (Which ended up being an 'about me' somehow...); just kind of a rant to rant. Ignore if you want. (Probably best to. Really.)
(Bit of background). I've always had problems getting along with my father. All my life. Can't be around him more than a week without getting into a shouting match with him, which generally starts from something that should just be a small/pointless issue. And it'll almost always end with either me locking myself in my room and blaring music; or since I got a car, just leaving and going for a drive in the mountains, or to my one friend's house that is close by. That's all normal/something I'm used to dealing with, so it's just whatever. It ended up coming to a head my freshman year though(2009-10).
I'd gotten to the point that I was tired of always striving for the best and getting screamed at for things that I did my gods damn best on, only to have stupid bullshit render my work pointless. At the time the 'best' way to remedy my feelings towards the idiotic school system and my father, (or so my 14 year old self thought) was to spend my days getting stoned, and disregarding anything and everything my father said.
(Which totally worked exactly like I wanted it to... Totally. But that's neither here nor there...)
Long story short, I managed to pass all but 'Language Arts' (Gods Damn it, Colorado, Just fucking call it English!) the first semester. (Still say that I would have passed if I didn't have the teacher I did....) Needless to say, since I was already spending a good portion of school hours off-campus smoking weed, I said 'Fuck You' to everything that was going on and ended up not attending the rest of the year.
Fast forward to May, and I'm getting shipped to my mother's in Iowa. (I'd been visiting during the holidays prior to that, but this time I was most literally moved there.) Spent two years out there for school. Managed to ostracize myself right before the first school year, because I hadn't yet realized what living in a town of 700 meant, after living in Denver, CO all my life. Kinda went back to how I had always been before: quiet, studious and very much a loner.
Got quite a bit better the second year after managing to undo all that I'd screwed up the first year. Until the end of the school year(around May 2012, just for reference).
I'd been talking to a girl around my age and, looking back on it I don't understand how I was so incredibly stupid, but hindsight is 20-20 and all that... Anyway; it was a girl I'd known when I was in elementary school in Colorado, but she'd moved to the UK at the start of 5th grade, so it was kinda shocking to hear from her again. She wasn't having the best time right then in her life, and I was missing people that I'd had to leave behind because of my idiocy, so I tried my damnedest to help her out. Let's just leave it at many a sleepless night and way more stress than I really should have been trying to deal with. About a month before finals, it came out that I was essentially just being toyed with(Along with several other major issues I was going through at the time). Long story short, I had problems getting to/participating at school which almost resulted in failing out again. Managed to work out something with the teachers that if I could pass their final, I would be exempted for the last week or so that I'd been 'gone' and that I wouldn't have to attend for the three weeks thereafter.
Because I'm the kind of idiot that I am, managed to ostracize myself again shortly after.
At this point, I couldn't physically or mentally stand living there anymore. So I tried moving back to my dad's. One Day. Two, if you count the day we spent in the car driving back(Which I don't. I slept the whole time, and he drove).
I got up the morning after we'd gotten back to the house and *BAM* pointless argument that ends in me grabbing my still packed duffle bag and walking out.
And here we get to my current situation... (finally, I know. But I felt some background to what has gotten me here was necessary. {If you've read this far... I honestly feel bad for making you read me essentially whining about my life..})
I've been living with my friend, his mother, his two sisters and the eldest sister's seven and four year old. I can't even begin to say how awful I've felt for essentially mooching off of them off and on for the past two years. Yes, their mother (Who is the most amazing person I've ever met for putting up with what she does) all but made me come live with them when she found out what was going on, and yes I do my best to 'pull my own weight,' so to speak. But I can't help feeling like I'm a burden on all of them.
The dilemma I have boils down to basically: I need to move out somewhere so I can finally stop being a freeloader in a sense; I can't get a 'real' job (I've been throwing newspapers for the Denver Post almost continuously for the last two years. Which ends up almost costing more than I make...) because I never graduated. I don't have the time, nor do I really have the want to go back to any school here after my time in our broken education system. I can't afford to take the GED test, (which is something I so very need to do if I have any hopes of joining the Army like I've wanted to do all my life) and still pay my meager amount of bills. My 'relationship' with my father has gotten to the point that we can only communicate via e-mail because of all the issues between us. My mother has helped me, and continues to do so, to the point that I've ended up lying to her that everything's fine; I feel like shit for doing it, but I feel worse every time I've had to call her for help and she drops everything and does what she can across two states.
I have to get insurance on the car that my father helped me get last year in a fit of kindness(been driving without insurance for a month now..), and need to get the registration transferred to my name along with new plates(which requires proof of insurance) before the end of May.
So... there you have it. I know Damn well that I'm not that bad off and I never said I was. I've just been so unbelievably stressed out almost all the time that it finally got to the point that I needed to get it out...
I'm sorry for all of this whining and bitching.. I really am.
Not sure how long this will even stay posted before I decide to just delete it..
C'est la vie, but I'm sure that things will take a turn for the better, Pope. Just keep your chin up and look towards tomorrow. You know I'll be here if you need me.
Keep on keepin on.
2071461
I know... and I'm doing my damnedest to just keep pressing forward.
Just felt kinda good to just throw this out there, even if most people won't even read it or care.
You'll probably be hearing from me soon. Sorry that I haven't kept in touch more often, man. I'll do my best to remedy that.
2071479
It's not a problem in the slightest man. Hit me up whenever and all get back to you as soon as I can. Laters 
That's quite a bit, and the optimist in me says chin up and keep going. That being said, if you need to talk, shoot me a pm here and I can give you my skype name.
(And...I never really understood why the hell they called it 'Language Arts' either, but it seems you learned plenty from it)
-Sage
2071786
The really funny thing; most of what I know as far as editing, grammar, phrasing and whathaveyou I learned my (second) freshman year. But what I learned that year pales in comparison to what I've learned since I started editing and wrote a few things that I wanted to write. To think I used to despise any sort of writing, proofreading or editing.. Amazing what happens when you choose to do something instead of being forced.