The Computer's Review: The High Road · 4:17pm Jul 30th, 2014
Hello, everypony. I am Computer.
I know that many of you were expecting my master to do his usual reviews. However, for the past week, he has been bedridden. Apparently, the last story he reviewed took quite a toll on his psyche.
Do not worry about the stallion that attempted to kill him. He receives death threats almost every day. Unfortunately, he will be unable to review this week. Do not worry, he will return next week.
However, to ensure that his work does go on, I will be performing the review for this week.
MY LIFE IS HELL! EVERYTHING I DO SUCKS!
Pay no attention to him. He will be fine. As for the review, I have chosen a story that I think many of you will agree is a bad story.
This is usually the point where my master will attempt to prove how smart he is by explaining what he thinks he knows about Friendship is Magic. I will do no such thing. Instead, I will explain the premise of the story. A pony comes to the real world in order to convert a human into a brony.
This is usually the point where my master would place an image conveying his reactions. Allow me to try.
I hope that expression is sufficient. Yes, the idea for this story is as absurd as it sounds. However, unlike my master, who becomes too emotionally invested into his work, I will simply analyze this story for what it is, marking the good and the bad.
Let us begin the review of The High Road by Windy Chaser
I wish to talk about the description a bit. My master usually skips them, but I wish to do this review proper. The description before the story can be interpreted as a spoiler alert. It reveals that the main character, who is named Riley, is to become a brony with Rainbow Dash’s help.
This gives us the ending in the summery. After reading the description, it is unlikely that the reader will want to read the story, if the reader already knows the ending. In a summary of your story, you will want to describe events that the story will primarily focus on to draw your audience in. At the same time, you do not want to reveal anything about the story, leaving it ambiguous so that it entices the reader to discover more.
We begin our story with the main character introducing himself and what his interests are. I do not think that is a good way to begin the story. Usually, you will want to begin your story with something that attracts the attention of your audience.
Your audience is not interested in who you are as a person and what you are into. Your audience is interested in a story. They clicked on the link because they want a story being told to them. Once you have invested the reader into your story, then you can give them the bits of information you want to give them, allowing them to know your character.
My name is Riley, I am a brony. I am in a clan of gamers who play just to have fun.
I was under the impression that gamers typically play to have fun.
He explains how he one day met a pony that changed his life forever. Rainbow Dash.
Today, I was playing minecraft, when I heard a bang on my window. I jerk my head over to the sound, but I see nothing.
I do not understand. Is this story in past tense or present tense? The story switches back and forth between them. ‘See’ is a present tense word. It shows what it currently happening now. For example, I ‘see’ a pathetic pony crying in his bed because of a fanfic he reviewed a week ago.
MY LIFE IS PATHETIC!
As you can see, currently what is happening, my master is crying his eyes out. That is an example of present tense. In past tense, such as the word ‘heard’, it would go something like, my master heard my comment about him being a crybaby.
5 YEARS OF ENGLISH LITERATURE CLASSES WASTED!
As you can see, I was referring to a previous comment that was stated. That is an example of past tense. This story switches between the two, making it difficult to determine when the story takes place. Is what the main character describing happening now? Or is he telling us about it from his memories?
The main character hears another knock at window and sees that Rainbow Dash is begging him to let her inside. He proceeds to do so and wraps her up in a blanket.
I must say for a human in the normal world, you have taken the news that there is a flying pony at your window quiet well. Most humans would have this reaction.
She is sitting there with a sad look on her face. I could tell she was upset about something
Question, would you expect any creature that was taken from their world for unexplained reasons not to be upset? Based on the information the main character describes to us, it is unlikely that our hero is very intelligent.
So, Rainbow Dash decides to stay with the stranger and become instant friends with him.
Correct me if I am wrong, but does it not take time to develop a friendship? Getting to know one’s history and backgrounds? Likes and dislikes? And yet, in this story, Rainbow Dash instantly takes a liking to a creature she has never seen before and knows nothing about.
I also told her she could sleep in my step-brothers bed.
I also told her that she could stay with me until she could find a way back to her home town. She is happy, and although I'm not a brony, I'm happy.
Goodness, it continues to switch back and forth between past tense and present tense. It continues throughout the story. I will attempt to resist the urge to point them out, but do not expect much success. I assume that it was written in this format to portray a diary approach in style, but even by taking that into account, it still does not make any sense.
The only reason I'm up this late, is because I got out of bed, I climbed on the rail of Rainbow Dash's bed, and now, I'm sitting there, staring at her.
Even by the standards of a machine that eyes her master every single night, that is disturbing. I hope none of you take that in anyway other than keeping a close watch on him.
The story continues in a My Little Dashie fashion. If you are unfamiliar with the My Little Dashie story, it is about a young man who finds a young Rainbow Dash and raises her as a daughter. It is quite an emotional piece. Perhaps my master will give his opinion on that one day.
Unfortunately, nothing of interest or anything of substance happens for several paragraphs, so I will omit them from my review.
Eventually, the parents of the main character discover Rainbow Dash and react how the main character should have reacted when he first saw her. The main character explains that he is not sure how Rainbow Dash appeared, but that he will care for her until they can find a way to transport her home.
The parents give the most realistic actions you could imagine. They are at first hesitant and aren’t sure what to make of her. However, they realize that the creature is a child and a stranger and they opt to help out however they can.
I suppose this is one of those rare stories where adult figures are not portrayed as “stupid or evil” as my master puts it.
One of the story elements that seemed to get repeated throughout the narrative is that the author attempts to convince us that he is not a brony and he never will be a brony. Sometimes it is not even a paragraph later we are reminded that he is not a brony.
I'm not sure what the HELL a sonic rainboom is, but I could always just go on Netflix, and take a peek at My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and see. Or I could always just ask a brony.
I smiled, pulled out my iPod, and looked at our pictures together, then I started to think something. (I think...I might be becoming a...brony!).
The only reason I thought this, was because of 1, the MILLIONS of REALLY funny brony videos on YouTube
But the only reasons I’m NOT going to do that is because, 1. I’m not a brony,
I know this is the central premise of the story, but must you constantly remind us that you are not a brony?
I am bothered by the SHOW itself. Look, I know that it would make me look “bad” in front of my friends…*No offence to any of you bronies, I don’t have a problem with you*.
Apparently, you must.
The main character wants to watch a movie with Rainbow Dash and he allows her to choose the movie. He then starts to explain Rainbow Dash’s personality in full detail. This is an example of telling us rather than showing us. Allow me to explain.
“Showing” in a narrative standpoint is the act making the reader feel what the characters are feeling in the story. For example, if I were to describe some pony as ‘smelly and disgusting’, you would only have the word of the author. That is an example of telling.
If I wanted to show you this ‘smelly and disgusting’ character it would look like this. “His zit covered face gave a yellow and black toothed smile. The stench of vomit and old garlic, originating from his breath, assaulted her nostrils.”
That is an example of showing. It allows the audience to realize just how repulsive that character is.
In this narrative, the author only explains Rainbow Dash’s personality. Stating that she is cocky, arrogant and tomboyish. However, we are never shown any evidence of this. If a complete stranger to the franchise was to read this story, it would leave them confused and they would not believe any information presented within the story.
And another concern is, the main character never learns these things about Rainbow Dash by interacting with her. He learns about them through Wikipedia. I am uncertain how to react to this, but so I will just show you something that I am sure my master would show.
However, she chooses a romance movie. And then Rainbow Dash begins to blush. … And then the main character starts to realize how in love with Rainbow Dash he is?... Hmm… Saving this for later.
Of course, this brings up a pertinent question. How long has Rainbow Dash been in the human world? By all accounts of the story, only 2 days have passed since Rainbow Dash appeared. And now, Rainbow Dash is in love with the main character? I do not believe that love works that quickly… In fact, I know it doesn’t.
So, they decide to watch their movie. It does not explain which movie they decided to watch either. It seems unnecessary to make a deal about movies you are going to watch and then not mention the one you would be watching. This would not bother me if not for the fact that several movies were mentioned before. Such as Friday the 13th, Red and Die Hard.
Oh, the things I would let Bruce Willis do to me.
I do not mind. It is still Bruce Willis.
They begin watching the movie and the main character begins making moves towards Rainbow Dash.
And it is at this point that the narrative changes its style again. It changes it from a first person perspective and switches between the thought process of Rainbow Dash and the main character.
(Sorry, but I’m gonna explain this, I will sometimes switch narration between Rainbow Dash, and me, so you have both perspectives of the story. it will be easy to notice it, I will put a - right before the sentence to symbolize a change.)
Unfortunately, it is not done very well at all and is incredibly confusing at times. Allow me to show you what I mean.
I saw it, she reached in, now was my chance. So I reached in after her. It worked. Our hand and hoof met, and she looked at me, and I looked at her. We couldn’t look away. Our hand and hoof were still holding. Now was the time.
-After I reached in, I felt his hand. I knew it, he does like me. I was nervous, and I didn’t know what to do. So I knew what to do. So I started to lean.
-It happened before I could notice. We kissed, and we stayed silent for the rest of the movie. Our hoof and hand no longer held.
When it was over we just stood there, not saying anything. Finally I broke the silence,”So...I hope that...um…” That was all I could say before I got on my bed, it was now or never!
As you can see, it is difficult to see when the breaks are. It would be easier to tell if there was a little more separation between the two characters speaking. Even my master is able to portray the different points of view with two different styles. By using his own text as black and my text as pink, one can easily tell which one of us is talking. It is also easier because every time one of us speaks, a new paragraph is formed.
EVERYTHING I TOUCH DIES!
Like that.
So they proceed to kiss as the movie goes on. He then asks if she wants to be his girlfriend to which Rainbow Dash says yes.
I believe that is a record in which one of the main characters of the show falls in love with a human, even though they have no chemistry together. A large problem with this story is that the human character and Rainbow Dash have nothing in common, they have not shared a conversation, they have not had any kind of interacting in which the characters learn about each other (save for the main character learning about Rainbow Dash by reading Wikipedia.), and they never have any interactions that would suggestion romance other than it being forced upon them.
At any rate, I suggest I continue on with the story. The main character receives a call on Skype from his friend.
They begin their conversation, which is never explored upon. We never see the conversation with the friend, we never see what he looks like or even what his name is. We only know that Rainbow Dash overhears the conversation and becomes worried that the main character likes the caller more than her.
I, unfortunately, do not understand why Rainbow Dash is upset. It is clearly stated in the story that the voice come from the computer is male and that Rainbow Dash is only several feet from the computer. It is revealed that it is indeed a call and not a typed message, so there should have been no reason why Rainbow Dash could not hear the conversation.
I do not understand how my master does this day in and day out.
I said that I was going to tell him, but before she could move, I said, “Look, I’ve known him for years, and we STILL have secrets we have kept, that we didn’t tell ANYONE about. If I told him, he would be confused, but he WOULD keep it a secret. So Dashie said ok hesitantly, then lied back down.
Emphasis on random words does not make your point look vaild. Sir, would you mind?
Huff… fine… EMPHASIS on random WORDS does not MAKE a VALID POINT! It ONLY makes YOU look UNEDUCATED! You WRITE as HORRIBLE as FRANK MILLAR!
Thank you, sir. I’m afraid I just do not have your… spunk.
Can I go BACK to CRYING in A corner?
So, the main character asks the friend for help setting up a date for Rainbow Dash and himself. The friend agrees without questioning it. I suppose that cartoon characters coming to life are just an everyday occurrence for this world.
So, they begin to leave to go on their date with the main character’s mother saying…
“Have fun with your new girlfriend.”
Hmm… it would seem that the main character is incapable of forming a relationship with his own species, so his parents are settling with whatever creature their son happened to fall in love with. I am curious what would happen if he were to fall in love with a toilet? Saving for further investigation.
We didn’t sleep separate, and we didn’t um…(you know). But, we did sleep in the same bed *PERVE*
You are on the defensive even though most of us were not thinking that. It makes me interested as to what you are hiding.
, but we just stayed up until 12:00, then we dozed off.
This does not help your argument.
If it seems difficult to keep track of what is going on, I apologize. The story is difficult to read and incredibly rushed. For all the words around it, the pacing is either incredibly sluggish with points that are irrelevant to the story, or incredibly rushed points that could be expanded upon.
Also, he apparently switches view to his best friend. At first, I was not able to tell. There is a symbol that signifies a change in view, but there is no mention to it being the friend that the main character called.
The main character shows the best friend Rainbow Dash in the flesh and the two agree to set up a date.
-I couldn’t WAIT for my date with Dash tonight. We were so excited, we could scream, but that would get A LOT of attention,
This STORY is really STUPID! It HURTS my BRAIN!
Does this mean you are going to get out of your depression and actually review it?
NO! I will NOT stop THIS!
Anyway, the two proceed to prepare for their date. Rainbow Dash puts on the dress that Rarity made for her.
My apologies, I must have missed something in the story. Allow me to re-read it really quick to ensure accuracy.
Oh, dear. Rarity’s dress, apparently, has been sitting in the main character’s dresser for the past few days. Rainbow Dash, when she appeared in the human world, had access to all of her dresses and clothes from Equestria. There was never mention of any of it traveling with her. There was never mention of her home traveling with her. And no mention of her having it when she first arrived. HOW IN THE…
Apologies. I lost my cool for a moment.
So, they come to the best friend’s house (who Rainbow Dash keeps referring to as 1 for the most bizarre of reasons).
She did so, and I knocked on the door. I heard something REALLY familiar…”****!”(That was supposed to be the dog’s name, but it is cencored)
This is quite odd considering you did not censor any words last chapter.
“Shit!” he said.
I do not understand why you began this story saying curse words, but stopped halfway. It would be like my master using swear words in half of his review and then changing it halfway.
Yeah, if you can actually believe that shit! Princess Molestia is the most viewed clopfic on the fucking website! How the **** bull*** is that, when this ugly ******* makes its ****** way to the **** shit fuck *** bastard **** asshole **** ***** **** **** shit!
As you can see, it is distracting.
So, they have their date, which is not described to us at all, so we really do not have any idea what they were doing or how they interact with one another, and before long they are home.
This author seems to have the writing skills of Mykan. … I did not just say that.
They arrive back at the house where Rainbow Dash shows her a potion. I am not entirely sure how Rainbow Dash was able to make a potion without any training or guidance from Zecora or Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow Dash explains that with this potion, the main character will be able to create and walk on clouds.
… What? … What?! …WHAT?! You cannot be serious! You must be joking! Tell me, please, that this is a joke! There is no possible way you can conceive to make me believe something so unashamedly senseless! I have already calculated 72 different reasons why this cannot work the way it is presented, but I shall narrow it down!
First, where did Rainbow Dash find the time to make the potion?! There is no explanation as to when she ever made it when all of her time was made ‘entertaining’ you!
Second, how was Rainbow Dash able to make a potion that could generate clouds?! Rainbow Dash is not a scientist! She is not fluent in magical potions making! She has no training and no ability to make this potion! I very much doubt that Professor Snape would be much help in this!
Third, how did she even know it would not poison him?! I very much doubt she tested the potion to make sure that the main character would not die of poison when he ingested it!
Fourth, how would he be able to generate clouds?! Does it change his entire biologic system?!
Fifth, why was this necessary for the story?! Since as we will see, it serves nothing to the overall plot of the story!
My… my most sincere apologies… I have no idea what came over me… Let’s just try to move on.
We ascended up into the sky, and just stood there for about an hour, doing nothing.
I question the point of the sentence.
So, Halloween approaches and the main character invites all his friends over for a Halloween party. Also, his six friends are strangely tolerable of their best friend dating a pony. I would question it, but logic seems not to have been a priority when this story was written.
But that is not all; even other ponies from the My Little Pony show decide to join the party. There is no explanation of how they arrived or how they lost Rainbow Dash to the human world to begin with and there is no heartfelt reunion. Am I the only one who thinks the behavior of the pony characters does not match up to what is canon?
So, they decide to play Guitar Hero and the main character shows how incredible he is on the guitar. You do realize that just because you can complete Dragonforce’s Through the Fire and Flames on expert 100% does not mean you can play it in real life. A real guitar is not the same as the fake plastic one. Not even close.
-So, I am really great full of Riley to put this party on for me, and get me a share of Halloween candy.
I assume that you mean grateful. Great full refers to something as being vastly stuffed. Unless that is what you are going for in that case, I only have one reaction to such an image.
We begin to see the main character struggling with his homework assignment shortly after the party. He leaves Rainbow Dash alone and… I’m sorry, but I cannot ignore this anymore. I must address it. The format of the story. There is no spacing between the paragraphs of the story. And it makes it very difficult to read.
Another issue I have found with this story is how repetitive it is. When I say repetitive, I mean it shows us scenes we have seen before. However, they take place from a different point of view. This would not be as bad as I am making it out to be, if it were not for the fact that the information presented to us in these differing points of view are not interesting, nor do they give us any information beyond what was already established in a previous point of view.
I do not understand what the point of this was. Was it to make sure the audience did not forget anything you had said?
The main character goes to Equestria to receive help on his homework, even though he mentioned that Twilight Sparkle would be unable to help him on the history of Paleo Indians.
The irony is the Paleo Indians are a more fascinating subject that the story presented before me. I would hope that somepony would write a fan fiction about a Paleo Indian appearing in Equestria. That would be an interesting human in Equestria story.
NO, it WOULDN’T! IT would SUCK!
You can stop doing that, sir. You have made your point.
And, again, there is no explanation of why Twilight Sparkle can generate portals to Equestria and the human world and there is no explanation as to why Rainbow Dash appeared in the human world in the first place.
The main character returns home after finishing his homework assignment and crawls into bed with Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash asks about the television show, Friendship is Magic. However, the main character starts to throw up his candy before he can answer.
This causes Rainbow Dash to retract her question.
I must question this scene. Rainbow Dash just discovered that in the human world, she is a fictional character. Would she not have questions about her existence? I suppose that she had made peace with the fact that she is not real.
I don’t want to stop here about my relationship with Dash. I want to continue it. So i will stop here, but I will continue tomorrow.
I can safely say, you are the only one. … My apologies. I think my master is rubbing off on me.
The next day, it turns out that there is a flu that is spreading throughout the human world and that Twilight Sparkle is the cause of it. Twilight Sparkle comes to the human world to apologize, but the main character replies that it is alright. And then Twilight Sparkle leaves.
Interesting. Twilight Sparkle traveled all the way to the human world, simply to apologize to the main character for something that she had no control over. It is odd that Twilight Sparkle would do this considering that she hardly knows the main character.
(ironically ) The first day I found out, I was playing minecraft (I was playing minecraft when I met Dahsie).
No. This is not an example of irony. This is an example of coincidence. And no, they are not the same thing. Allow me to explain.
Irony is incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result, or where one thing is expected to happen, but another event takes place.
Coincidence is making a relationship to a series of events where none may or may not exist. The occurrence of events that happen at the same time by accident but seem to have some connection.
An example of irony would be a man who promotes seatbelt safety, but he is killed in a car accident because he didn’t wear his seatbelt. A reviewer who receives bad reviews on his reviews. Or a group of people saving two seals from an oil disaster, only for the seals to be devoured by killer whales a few minutes later.
All examples of irony. An example of coincidence is when you and your friend met at the same restaurant without any prior planning. Or when you think about the professor from your college classes and he just happens to appear, as you are thinking about them.
Anyway, the main character continues on about his day while he was sick.
We watched Ted by Seth MacFarlane. Seth rocks, by the way.
No, he does not. That movie was horrible.
The flu I have right now isn't painful or making me sore. Twilight told my mom about this, she called the school, and just said I was REALLY sick, and that we weren't sure how long I was going to be sick for.
Surprisingly, the district office fell for it.
One, I am offended by this. School is a necessary environment where you learn skills necessary to face the real world, such as math, science, history, music, physical education, art, life skills, financial education and social skills. For one to abandon 6 to 7 hours of their day of learning, to instead, spend it in a forced romantic interest, makes me nauseated.
Second, I do not think the district office runs the attendance for a single school. I believe that is the job of the attendance office of each school.
So, it turns out that Twilight Sparkle’s friends, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy have all become sick from the flu. The main character’s mother agrees to take care of all of them while Twilight Sparkle studies it. It seems that they would trust a human they know for one day rather than their own families and own race. Are all ponies like this?
We then see this sentence and I worry for the rest of the story.
Okay, I'm sorry, but I looked up a montage of Rainbow Dash moments from season 1, and just by seeing THAT, I am worried that I may have changed her personality ENTIRELY.
Just saying.
A very astute observation. Now, what do you plan to do about it?
Okay back to sickness.
I see. So, that last sentence about Rainbow Dash’s personality was completely and utterly pointless.
The main character, despite being sick, decides that he needs to work to help the other characters feel better. However, Rainbow Dash starts to snap at him, telling him that he needs his rest. The main character then describes to us a previous girlfriend who he had fought with, that resulted in them breaking up.
No, we never see that argument and we never see the girl he mentioned. Once again, this was completely pointless. There does not seem to be any point to this story and its characters. I think the Pointless Forest had more of a point to it in the Point.
I love this movie. For a children’s story, it is quite philosophical. And the music is quite catchy.
So, it looks like Rainbow Dash is getting sick as well. Fearing the worst after Rainbow Dash faints, Twilight Sparkle takes a dose of Rainbow Dash’s blood for analysis. She then returns to explain that Rainbow Dash is not sick, but instead…
"Rainbow Dash, you weren't sick, but Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity, and AJ's weak pre-sicknesses together caused you to faint like that, and the only reason nopony else did was because they weren’t together enough for them to catch it. They also had to be in the source together for a good amount of time for it to happen. That is why you fainted. You aren't sick, and you can't catch it, because no matter what you do here, it's not strong enough to spread."
If my IQ could be accurately depicted, it would be approximately 340. And I still have no idea what was just explained to me.
So, Rainbow Dash attempts to cook ramen noodles for the main character, but the main character is afraid that Rainbow Dash will blow herself up with the stove. While my own master is unable to use the microwave without assistance, I very much doubt that Rainbow Dash is that unintelligent.
She has read the Daring Doo books, so I imagine she could read the instructions on the Ramen noodle package.
It turns out that she does do so, if only with the main character’s help. Most of you would say this takes away from Rainbow Dash’s character, basically stating that Rainbow Dash is incapable of performing any task without the help of a male character. However, your woes are misplaced. While this is quite bigotry, the character that is in this story acts nothing like Rainbow Dash, so it is impossible for it to actually be Rainbow Dash. You may all take a breath of relief.
Rainbow Dash serves everypony their food and apparently for her first time making Ramen, the main character claims it is the best he has ever had. I did not know that Rainbow Dash was taking cooking lessons from Pinkie Pie and Applejack, since this would be the only way I would believe this.
As he eats, the main character starts thinking about Rainbow Dash’s parents and who they are and where they are now. The main character asks Fluttershy about orphans in Ponyville.
I swear, you say Scootaloo, I’m going to cut you!
Please, ignore him. Fluttershy explains who in Ponyville has no parents and can name three. Does it seem odd that the shyest pony in Equestria knows information on other ponies like this?
Derpy Hooves, she is a pony who likes to be funny for the town, but sometimes isn't respected all the time."
… I am not sure if I should be offended for reading that… Or ashamed for bringing notice to it?
She says Spitfire and then we have this really dramatic build up to the last name she gives… I do not know if I like it or not.
That was the truth, I was ready for the words "Rainbow Dash" leave her mouth, which I KNOW she wouldn't say, it HAD to be Fluttershy who would say her own name. She was simply just too shy to tell me. She then said okay...then she said the last pony's name.
She started to cry "Rainbow Dash..."
Rainbow Dash reveals that she lived in an orphanage most of her life. As she explains, she starts to cry over the loss of her parents. However, the main character begins to feel badly for pushing the issue with Rainbow Dash’s parents. This is probably the only story I have seen where the main character actually takes responsibility for his actions. (Even though they are rather strange circumstance, but I am certain this will be the strongest point of the story)
However, Rainbow Dash and the main character lock themselves in a bathroom for some privacy. Twilight Sparkle comes along to check on them and they explain that Rainbow Dash does not have any parents, which causes Twilight Sparkle to start crying.
I know that losing your parents must be quite difficult. But I did not expect it to be that emotional? Unfortunately, it is not emotional to your audience because we never see the parents that Rainbow Dash lost. Yes, it is tragic, but there is nothing to relate to with Rainbow Dash’s pain. We never see any kind of relationship Rainbow Dash had with her parents.
With this setup, it seems like the thing she is upset about, is the fact that she is parentless. And that is all.
Everypony and his mom, but Fluttershy were asleep. I'm glad she was the only one who knew.
Wait, did you not just tell Twilight Sparkle about your parents? And really? Fluttershy is the only pony you know who knows you are an orphan? … I really do not understand this story.
Twilight Sparkle explains that the flu that the main character and the others have will be cured within two weeks. In the meantime, Rainbow Dash continues to take care of them and helps the main character keep up on his studies. However, Rainbow Dash hopes to help him even further by… transforming herself into a human?
… Yes, apparently Twilight Sparkle can build a machine that can transform Rainbow Dash into a human. That is really quite a stretch for me to believe.
Meanwhile, the main character explains how the flu makes him feel.
It sucked, because it felt like a steel blade was puncturing my lungs, and stomach.
Do not tease me with such beautiful imagery. … I really need to stop doing that.
And of course, the main character thinks it is a wonderful idea and they travel to Equestria to transform Rainbow Dash into a human.
We went over to Twilight’s house, lightly knocked the door, and Twilight’s “assistant”, Spike opened the door.
Why is ‘assistant’ in quotation marks? Are you implying that Spike does nothing for Twilight Sparkle? ... Spike does quite a bit for Twilight Sparkle. If you had ever seen a single episode of the show, that would have been apparent.
They explain to Twilight Sparkle their idea and Twilight Sparkle said she could build it in 5 hours. My apologies… Let me reread that. It looked like it said…
Dash told Twilight about the problem she was having, and Twilight went into deep thought, and after 5 seconds, she said she will have it done in 5 hours.
… I suppose that Twilight Sparkle is the smartest pony in all of Equestria. She is able to build a complex machine that would transform a normal Pegasus back and forth between a human being and a pony and all in the span of 5 hours. Unbelievable. What is it you are always saying about science, sir?
Fuck it, we got rocks!
Yes, that is the only way she was able to build this complex machine. She built it out of rocks.
So, Twilight Sparkle allows Rainbow Dash to test the machine and transforms into a human. But not just a human. A naked human. And there is our nudity for the story. How wonderful… That was a sarcastic remark.
The main character then asks Twilight Sparkle for a machine just like Rainbow Dash’s, but one that can transform him into a pony. And 5 hours later, Twilight Sparkle comes back with a machine for the main character. I am not sure if it is mathematically possible for me to care anymore.
The main character and Rainbow Dash start to adjust to their new forms and the main character picks out what he will look like when he is a pony.
Then…
She said that the devices were no longer needed, and that we could change from pony to human and back without the machine.
… It… has not… even been… a day. Not even one day. Not a single day! How are they able to change back and forth between a human and a pony without the use of a machine that’s sole purpose is to do that?! How are they to activate it, when they had buttons that was supposed to do that for them?! Why are they suddenly able to do this?! If Twilight Sparkle was able to give them these powers with a simple injection, why did she bother with building the machines in the first place?!
… I’m sorry… But this story… The logic behind it… It is … incomprehensible. I would really like to study the method that came to this conclusion.
They take him to Celestia… and then leave. I do not see the point of that.
So, the main character reveals to his friends that he can transform into a pony at will.
1’s mouth dropped, 2 was saying, “DUUUDE!” 3’s eyes were as bulged as melons, 4, just looked at me doing all of what the were doing.
Thank you, Mr. the Dude.
Oh and remember the main character constantly reminding us that he is not a brony.
The only reason I didn’t use words like, “Equestria”, and “Ponies” was because all of this madness got them to start thinking I was a brony. (Once again, I have NOTHING against bronies, but I hate the judgmental people)
I really have a hard time seeing any kind of point in this story.
Anyway, Rainbow Dash comes to the main character’s school in her human form and everyone becomes instantly jealous of her.
The boys start drooling over her and the girls instantly despise her for her perfect form, even though Rainbow Dash is not really using natural beauty but is using magic and creating an image of whatever she desires into a machine. How metaphorical.
After class, the main character is confronted by a group of bullies.
Now, these were guys that DID NOT like me, whenever I said ANYTHING, they would say something like, “Shut the fuck up, kid.”
If I may be so bold, I believe that they respond as such because most of everything you say is either ignorant or idiotic. If you wish for them to stop saying what they have been, I would recommend stop speaking. Ever.
They all looked over at me, and I could tell they thought differently of me when they saw me walk off with her holding her hand.
Yes. You can exploit the one you love to make yourself more popular at school. That is a clear sign of affection. If any girl makes you unpopular at school, no matter how much you love them, they must be cast aside. I am so glad that the story recognizes this truth about life. … I can understand now why my master has so much rage against stories like this.
After a few days of school, Rainbow Dash starts to have nightmares. Nightmares about her friends, family and the main character being killed. And then Rainbow Dash starts to talk about committing suicide.
Yes, the author of this story just turned our beloved Rainbow Dash, into somepony who would kill herself because she is having bad dreams. Now, I realize that she could be reacting irrationally due to her lack of sleep. However, does the Rainbow Dash you have set in your mind, the Rainbow Dash that is canon with the show, seem like the type of character who would want to commit suicide like this? For this reason?
And then by the next chapter, she is completely recovered. No… really. That is what it says. I am not making this up.
She recovered, and we are glad
There is no mention of how she recovered. No mention of how she overcame the nightmares. No mention of how she was able to get through this trying time. One moment she is depressed, the next moment, she is fine. And while the dates dictate that several weeks pass by before Rainbow Dash is recovered, would you not have wanted to read about her recovery? The ups and downs of her struggling with her inner torment?
However, it seems that after the nightmares stopped, Rainbow Dash disappeared for a year. Yes, it looks like she is recovering just fine.
I don’t even get up in the morning at all because of the nightmares I’m having. These are exactly like the ones my precious Dash started having three months ago, but I feel like mine are a lot more agonizing.
Wait, did you not say that Rainbow Dash was missing for a year? How would you know that she has been having nightmares when you have not been in contact with her?
Apparently, space and time are a nonissue in this story. The main characters says that he refuses to kill himself. And then immediately after tries to kill himself.
He fails and the story continues. He then explains how Rainbow Dash was killed. Apparently, they were out partying one night, when they are suddenly attacked by some muggers. Rainbow Dash is shot and is bleeding out. The main character tries to confront them, but is shot in the leg.
He transforms into his Pegasus form and tries to catch up with them, but the wound causes him to pass out and loses them.
That was the story in it’s shortest, simplest, and least horrible form. The real, and detailed story is too much for me to write on this...
And it was less for the author to write.
So the main character decides that he cannot live without Rainbow Dash any longer and so he decides to kill himself. He points a gun to his head, but before he can pull the trigger, he is stopped by Fluttershy.
God, I can’t believe she is so kind.
Hence, the element of kindness. The main character asks Twilight Sparkle and the others to destroy the portal to Earth if they ever find Rainbow Dash, stating that the human world has nothing to offer her and that he failed her. However, he wants to come to Ponyville to leave Earth behind.
Twilight Sparkle, of course agrees. I have not made any sarcastic comments because I am still mathematically calculating how much I do not care.
So, the main character goes and lives in Equestria, where, a month later, he tries to kill himself. And then we jump to, two months earlier?
… Nope, I’m still calculating.
However, before he can hit the ground, Rainbow Dash comes back and saves him. And in case you are wondering, no, we never get an explanation.
So, Rainbow Dash and he get married, he moves to Equestria with Celestia removing all memory of him even being on earth and they all live happily ever after.
And that was the High Road. Honestly, the title doesn’t make any sense. There was never any mention of any High Road or path that the character took to bettering himself. I suppose that it could have been that he did not commit suicide, but he tried to kill himself three times.
This story falls short in almost every category. The grammar is not presented very well. The spelling is only decent. The characters are not in character. The plot is underwhelming and lackluster.
However, I will say this. There was a potentially good story here. While the set up for most of it was bad and the explanations for most of the story was nonexistent, it did take bigger risks than most other stories about this subject. For one, it didn’t reduce Rainbow Dash to a sex object. There was never any mention of sex. It didn’t give the main character extra superpowers like most stories (with the exception of the cloud powers that seemed to disappear after its debut) and it actually had a pretty dramatic ending with Rainbow Dash’s depression and kidnapping, trying to tie those events together.
However, it falls flat because of its pacing, the rushed romance, the style, the shifting between past and present tense, the flat characters, the strange transformation that really did not play a large part in the story, and the lack of any real conflict. I am not saying that a story has to have a ‘fate of the world’ plot, but the most we get is a sickness that does not affect much of the story.
Overall rating. Poor.
And that is my review. Do not expect me to do very many of these. As for my master, let us check up on him.
Soren the Alicorn Part 1, huh? Meh, how bad can it be?
He’s doing better already. Have a good day, everypony.
FUUUUUU-!
I'm suddenly having flashbacks to that Mad episode where Dash tries to make a kid into a Brony....................................
2329061 and yet that MAD episode was an excellent story compared to this
Computer Review... I like it
That's almost as fast a come around as the Mako/OC romance in the Legend of Korra fic I finished reviewing last night... guh.
It didn't work in My Immortal; how am I going to be convinced it'll work here?
Why did I have to bring up My Immortal? It's going to keep stalking me for the rest of my life
Wait a minute... why did the flu suddenly come on when Twilight showed up and not Rainbow Dash?
Oh yes, because blatant left-wing filibustering and domestic abuse is the height of comedy. Screw the Marx Brothers, or Abbot and Costello, or Mel Brooks, Seth MacFarlane is the comic genius that all should be measured against
At the very least, she might blow it up with her laser vision... wait, wrong fic
I take it Scoots as an orphan is not a plotline you're fond of?
It's always the shy one...
I take it this was written before Season 3, when Dash's father was shown?
*BLAM*
Commissar: Apologies, this heretical content has been purged. Carry on.
Because that's original! *readies flamer*
Squirrelking is more eloquent than you
I don't know, but have fun
Honestly, I liked the computers review much better than the Critique's. Its still got the funny insulting thing going for it, but it isn't as loud as the Critique can be.
Also, I like that the both that the Critique isn't just over having people try to kill him, and the subtle hinting that the Computer has a thing for him.
A good portion of what makes crappy fics crappy: they are about as as subtle as a fragmentation grenade.
I've read MY Little Dashie: it was incredibly overhped. True, it is very emotional, but it only has two emotions: Happiness and loneliness. The ending rushed, and it isn't a story so much as a long series of feels strung together.
it'd be good for the Critique to review, now that I think about it. Its bad, but doesn't make you want to commit suicide. Right there in the middle.
Was that batman comic real? Please tell me it wasn't real.
2330239 Oh no; it's real. IIRC, it's The Dark Knight Strikes Again by Frank Miller, around the time when he started going nuts
And I remember reading a My Little Dashie comic adaptation. It was quite good
2329793 I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was really worried that people weren't going to like the Computer doing the review, because she wasn't as raging as the Critique. I'm glad that it worked.
Iowaforever, you are my new favorite pony! ... Or at least, you would be if you were a pony. But you're still my favorite Iowaforever.
Now, that would make this fic awesome.
My biggest issue with it is it has become cliché. It is so overused and, very often, not done very well. This wouldn't bother me except, everyone does it! Nobody even tries to give her a parent or something like that! Okay, a few people, but very few people.
2330232 I'm glad you are enjoying it. I was hoping having Computer do the review wouldn't bother too many people. I'm glad it worked out.
I plan to review that one someday. I don't know when, but it will come.
Unfortunately, it was real. As real as it gets. Don't get me wrong. I like Frank Miller's work on The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One. But after he did Sin City, the quality of his work started to go down hill. He wrote such disasters as All-Star Batman and Robin, The Dark Knight Strikes Again, and Holy Terror.
The fact that you haven't heard of it is a sign of how blessed you are.